If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works. Votes: 2
I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well. Votes: 0
America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself. Votes: 0
Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes. Votes: 0
Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great. Votes: 0
I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots. Votes: 0
The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache. Votes: 0
A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment. Votes: 0
Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it. Votes: 0
All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully. Votes: 0
Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary. Votes: 0
It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often. Votes: 0
Patriotism for the sake of is like choosing sides in a war based on the color of their uniforms. Votes: 0
I hate to see a woman cry, unless of course I'm crying first in which case I feel it's appropriate. Votes: 0
Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer. Votes: 0
Break ups are painful, but if initiated at the right time can fuel one's sense of optimism. Votes: 0
Comedy is rarely funny. Votes: 0
Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream. Votes: 0
When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously. Votes: 0
People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn. Votes: 0
The best thing about bugs is their lack of self consciousness, also the ability to fly doesn't hurt. Votes: 0
Sex sells, unless you're dehydrated in which case you'd be much more likely to purchase water. Votes: 0
Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush. Votes: 0
Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you. Votes: 0
Assassinating someone is another way of saying I care, just not in the way they'd want you to. Votes: 0