The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose. Votes: 24
A man can't eat anger for breakfast and sleep with it at night and not suffer damage to his soul. Votes: 3
The majority of people who keel over dead at concerts are killed by a long trumpet passage. Votes: 0
You don't have to justify a beautiful stroke of good luck. Accept it. Smile and say thank you. Votes: 0
Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham. Votes: 0
I'm a lucky guy. I get to sit around every day and indulge in make believe and get paid for it. Votes: 0
Intelligence is like four-wheel drive. It only allows you to get stuck in more remote places. Votes: 0
Most men are prisoners at best, Who some strong habit every drag about Like chain and ball. Votes: 0
Roy Blount's stuff makes me laugh so hard, sometimes I have to go sit in a room and shut the door Votes: 0
Second violins can play a concerto perfectly if they're in their own home and nobody's there. Votes: 0
Some people have a love of their fellow man in their hearts, and others require a light anesthetic. Votes: 0
There is almost no marital problem that can't be helped enormously by taking off your clothes. Votes: 0
When in doubt, look intelligent. Votes: 0
When it comes to finding available men in Minnesota, the odds are good, but the goods are odd. Votes: 0