I intend to live forever, or die trying. Votes: 19
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook. Votes: 15
I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract. Votes: 12
Why would I want to join an organization that would encourage people like myself to become members. Votes: 0
Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket Votes: 0
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. Votes: 0
Time wounds all heels. Votes: 0
Hello, I must be going. Votes: 0
Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood Votes: 0
Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself Votes: 0
A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it Votes: 0
Room service? Send up a larger room. Votes: 0
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot. Votes: 0
All geniuses die young. Votes: 0
Go, and never darken my towels again Votes: 0
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.) Votes: 0
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. Votes: 0
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. Votes: 0
Always examine the dice. Votes: 0
Any place I hang my head is home. Votes: 0
As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife. Votes: 0
Blood's not thicker than money. Votes: 0
But what makes wage slaves? Wages! Votes: 0
Do you mind if I don't smoke? Votes: 0
He thinks I look alike! Votes: 0
Home is where you hang your head. Votes: 0
Humor is reason gone mad. Votes: 0
I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing Votes: 0
I hate London when it's not raining. Votes: 0
I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. Votes: 0
I was born at a very early age. Before I had time to regret it, I was four and a half years old. Votes: 0
I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure. Votes: 0
It isn't so much that hard times are coming; the change observed is mostly soft times going. Votes: 0
Oh, are you from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah-He used to live in whales for a while Votes: 0
Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did. Votes: 0
Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house. Votes: 0
TV is the rat race of the century. Votes: 0
Was that you or the duck? Votes: 0
When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth" Votes: 0
When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay. Votes: 0
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do! Votes: 0
Women should be obscene, not heard. Votes: 0
Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses-On second thought, just let me cover your face Votes: 0
Whatever it is, I'm against it. Votes: 0