I love Las Vegas because it's the one city less classy than Los Angeles. Votes: 16
No man wants his daughter to be the kind of girl whom he liked in high school. Votes: 8
You have to think if we've been visited by extraterrestrial life, it was like a zookeeper walking into the chimp enclosure: He looks around, takes some pictures, then leaves without interacting significantly with the environment. Meanwhile the chimps have no idea what the fuck just happened. Votes: 7
You can't make a woman love you. Not even with duct tape. Votes: 4
The truth is like sunlight: It causes cancer. Votes: 3
That's crazier than a boatload of prostitutes! Votes: 1
Life.... It's better than the alternative. Votes: 1
I love animals, especially with barbeque sauce. Votes: 0