I like doing energetic things. Votes: 3
I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists. Votes: 0
Happy birthday to Arnold Palmer, who turned 82. That's 41 years iced tea and 41 years lemonade. Votes: 0
I feel like I'm being too Zen. I'm inhaling too much patchouli and incense. It's embarrassing. Votes: 0
I became a Yankees fan for a few years. But now, I gotta say, I'm really rooting for the Red Sox. Votes: 0
'Have fun' is my message. Be silly. You're allowed to be silly. There's nothing wrong with it. Votes: 0
I like being absurd. Being silly. Votes: 0
I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. Votes: 0
Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food. Votes: 0
Look, I know these Rick Perry jokes are a little mean, but tomorrow, he won't even remember them. Votes: 0
Thank you 'adults who wear back packs' for letting me know that I don't have to take you seriously Votes: 0
Honestly, I just want to keep people awake. Or at least give you one joke to go to bed with. Votes: 0