We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. Votes: 23
Laughter is an instant vacation. Votes: 22
The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired. Votes: 5
I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat. Votes: 4
A thing of beauty is a job forever. Votes: 0
An adult western is where the hero still kisses his horse at the end, only now he worries about it. Votes: 0
At Christmas you can get real bargains. I saw one item marked down ten dollars. It was a yacht. Votes: 0
At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around. Votes: 0
Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign. Votes: 0
For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included. Votes: 0
I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in. Votes: 0
I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car. Votes: 0
I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size. Votes: 0
My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here? Votes: 0
My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. Votes: 0
Some kids want to know why the teachers get paid when it's the kids who have to do all the work. Votes: 0
The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy. Votes: 0
You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that. Votes: 0
It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping. Votes: 0