If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. Votes: 38
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. Votes: 18
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows. Votes: 13
Marriage is the death of hope. Votes: 12
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. Votes: 4
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have. Votes: 0
Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college, Votes: 0
The chief problem about death ... is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought. Votes: 0
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. Votes: 0
Me sitting down for dinner with Ingmar Bergman felt like a house painter sitting down with Picasso. Votes: 0
I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts. Votes: 0
I have one last request. Don't use embalming fluid on me; I want to be stuffed with crab meat. Votes: 0
I foresee death by culture shock. Votes: 0
A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life. Votes: 0
Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. Votes: 0
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. Votes: 0
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. Votes: 0
I hope you're getting this down. Votes: 0
I feel about New York as a child whose father is a bank robber. Not perfect, but I still love him. Votes: 0
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. Votes: 0
Basically I am a low-culture person. I prefer watching baseball with a beer and some meatballs. Votes: 0
Paranoia is knowing all the facts. Votes: 0
I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland. Votes: 0
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. Votes: 0
Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. Votes: 0
I read in self-defense. Votes: 0
Showing up is 80 percent of life. Votes: 0
Subjectivity is objective. Votes: 0
All my life is passing in front of my eyes. The worst part of it is I'm driving a used car. Votes: 0
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words. Votes: 0
90% of success in life is showing up Votes: 0
Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed. Votes: 0
At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings. Votes: 0
But it was I, yes I, who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics! Votes: 0
Can you believe that? She says I'm not leader enough for her. Who was she looking for... Hitler? Votes: 0
Death is an acquired trait. Votes: 0
Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano. Votes: 0
God is either cruel or incompetent. Votes: 0
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. Votes: 0
How am I immature? Intellectually, emotionally, and sexually. Yeah, but in what other ways? Votes: 0
I am plagued by doubts. Votes: 0
I am two with nature. Votes: 0
I can levitate birds. No one cares. Votes: 0
I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings. Votes: 0
I don't think my film style has changed. I'm doing the same kind of jokes I did when I was younger. Votes: 0
I keep wondering if there is an afterlife, and if there is will they be able to break a twenty? Votes: 0
I love baseball. You know, it doesn't have to mean anything. It's just very beautiful to watch. Votes: 0
I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it. Votes: 0
I was in analysis for years because of a traumatic childhood; I was breast-fed through falsies. Votes: 0
I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points? Votes: 0
I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants. Votes: 0
If 90% of success in life is showing up, the other 10% depends on what you're showing up for. Votes: 0
If you are not failing now and again, its a sign you are not doing anything very innovative Votes: 0
If you don't have fun doing the film, then the results of the film will never give you any fun. Votes: 0
I'm awash in self-contempt! Votes: 0
In the event of war, I'm a hostage. Votes: 0
I've gained no wisdom, no insight, no mellowing. I would make all the same mistakes again, today. Votes: 0
I've had bad luck in my two previous marriages. The first wife left me, and the second did not. Votes: 0
I've often felt that life is a hard deal and it's unrelentingly tragic and an uphill fight. Votes: 0
Life is for the living. Votes: 0
Life is short. Short, and not about anything except what you can touch and what touches you. Votes: 0
Life's hard, then you die. Votes: 0
Manute Bol is so skinny they save money on road trips. They just fax him from city to city. Votes: 0
Me and nature are two. Votes: 0
My films are a form of psychoanalysis, except that it is I who am paid, which changes everything. Votes: 0
Someday the lion is going to lie down with the lamb, but the lamb isn't going to get much sleep. Votes: 0
Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian. Votes: 0
Take the money and run. Votes: 0
That's one of the nice things about writing, or any art; if the thing's real, it just lives. Votes: 0
The audience goes to sleep really quickly! If you have a slight pause at the wrong time, that's it! Votes: 0
The heart wants what it wants. Votes: 0
The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right. Votes: 0
There are two important things in the world, the first is sex. The other isn't all that important. Votes: 0
There's no correlation between what the public likes and what I'm after. I'm in a different world. Votes: 0
Those who can't do, teach! Votes: 0
When I am in New York, I want to be in Europe, and when I am in Europe, I want to be in New York. Votes: 0
When you start putting a higher value on works of art than people, you're forfeiting your humanity. Votes: 0