Quotes about Joke

Every Joke is a Tiny Revolution Votes: 5

Jokes? There are no jokes. The truth is the funniest joke of all. Votes: 5

I Take Life Very Seriously: One Joke At A Time. Votes: 4

Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck. -NATALIE Votes: 3

Joke in book:"You know the difference between a brownnoser and a shithead, right? Depth perception. Votes: 3

Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it 'all the money,' but they changed it to 'alimony.' It's ripping your heart out through your wallet. Votes: 3

I used to have this joke: 'Every hallway is a runway.' Votes: 2

I am a pacifist, but be aware that I also carry a gun. Votes: 2

A caricature is putting the face of a joke on the body of a truth. Votes: 2

Cut out all these exclamation points. An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke. Votes: 2

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us. Votes: 2

Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they're down, and when they're having a good time, I can carry on the joke. Votes: 2

Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere. Votes: 2

My comedy notebooks are filled with random journal entries. It's all the same. I can look back on old joke notebooks, and know exactly what was going on in my life. Votes: 2

When you slip on a banana peel, people laugh at you; but when you tell people you slipped on a banana peel, it's your laugh. So you become the hero rather than the victim of the joke. Votes: 2

In Japan, you have no idea what they are saying, and they can't help you either. Nothing makes any sense. They're very polite, but you feel like a joke is being played on you the entire time you're there. Votes: 2

If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you. Votes: 2

Sometimes I can't think of a better way to end my day than coming home and just strumming my ukulele for a few minutes. I mean, I joke around and tell people that it's an entire yoga session in one strum, you know? Votes: 2

I'm a diplomat by nature. I help find the middle ground. I crack a joke and use humour to help resolve potentially vicious situations quickly. It gets things in perspective and helps everyone to see that things aren't as bad as they seem. Votes: 2

A rumor that followed me forever was that my family was in the mafia. For years I had to live with it. They'd call me the mafia princess, so I rolled with it for the rest of high school. People even joke about it today. Votes: 2

When you're in the editing room, the dangerous thing is that it becomes like telling a joke again and again and again. Eventually, the joke starts to not be funny. So you have to be careful that you're not throwing the baby out with the bath water. Votes: 2

People always joke that 'dog' spells 'god' backwards. They should consider that it might be the higher power coming down to see just how well they do, what kind of people they are. The animals are right here, right in front of us. And how we treat these companions is a test. Votes: 2

I worked at a hot dog place, a bagel place, the Jersey Store and the hottest fashion joint around. I was getting too famous to work there anymore. I was almost showing up as a joke. I made $2,000 on my show the previous night and I'm going to go shopping during my five-hour shift. Votes: 2

I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone. Votes: 2

If I just do everything the opposite of what my dad did, I think that will make things pretty easy. I can joke about it now because I'm past that stage where it used to hurt. By having a kid, it's gone. I could take all that negative energy that I had and put it in a positive way. Votes: 2

I want someone that I can have fun with and laugh with. I love to laugh, and I'm really sarcastic, so it's important that she can take a joke. I think if you are going to be with someone for a while, you really need someone you can let loose with and let go of all the stress of the day. Votes: 2

The fine line between roaring with laughter and crying because it's a disaster is a very, very fine line. You see a chap slip on a banana skin in the street and you roar with laughter when he falls slap on his backside. If in doing so you suddenly see he's broken a leg, you very quickly stop laughing and it's not a joke anymore. Votes: 2

I'm looking for laughs, you know? If it take me to flip over a table, if I have to go physical comedy, I will do it. But whatever the joke needs at that particular time, is where I'm dedicated to. I'm not into beating somebody down and beating myself up. I don't do insults and things like that. I don't do it - I'm a storyteller. Votes: 2

For me, it's a purity thing about the joke itself. It's a test of a joke whether or not you do it completely clean and it works. If it does, then that's a legitimate item you have there. For me, it's nothing to do with finding those words offensive. It's just not what I'm in search of. Do it clean, and you are really earning that laugh. Votes: 2

Nature never jests. Votes: 1

Happy endings. *Groan* Votes: 1

I'm financially ugly. Votes: 1

Story telling is joke telling. Votes: 1

Chuck Norris CAN understand women. Votes: 1

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg. Votes: 1

Will slams poems; I slam doors. Votes: 1

Llevamos el circo en la sangre. Votes: 1

Chuck Norris can divide by zero. Votes: 1

When a joker dies, the joke remains. Votes: 1

Yo Mama's like mustard, she spreads easy. Votes: 1

Told you to get him a bell. Votes: 1

Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck. Votes: 1

-I am alergic to these flowers.-I know. Votes: 1

An assumption is the joke; truth the punchline. Votes: 1

Time is ticking, and your online twinkling is limited. Votes: 1

I was not born with English in my pocket. Votes: 1

Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public. Votes: 1

If life is a joke, let us play it. Votes: 1

The joke loses everything when the joker laughs himself. Votes: 1

Yo Mama's so fat, her ass has its own congressman! Votes: 1

Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes. Votes: 1

Yo Mama sucks so much d***, her lips went double platinum. Votes: 1

UFO is a joke when there ain't mystery in the sky. Votes: 1

What do you call a rifle with three barrels?A trifle. Votes: 1

What did the zombie say to the whore? Keep the tip! Votes: 1

Happiness is a big joke; let us laugh at it loud. Votes: 1

When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok. Votes: 1

My girlfriend and I just had make-up sex. We both wore make-up. Votes: 1

One should avoid carrying out an experiment requiring more than 10 per cent accuracy. Votes: 1

This is a wonderful joke to play upon a prisoner, to promise forgiveness. Votes: 1

Sometimes you feel as though you've slandered yourself, but the joke's on them. Votes: 1

I never stopped joking around long enough to realize you weren't laughing anymore. Votes: 1

There is no better taste than this: someone else's laughter in your mouth. Votes: 1

It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one. Votes: 1

You are where your brain is but not where a front-page headline is. Votes: 1

For with dandies, a joke is the only way of making yourself respected. Votes: 1

John Locke invented common sense, and only Englishmen have had it ever since! Votes: 1

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense. Votes: 1

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense. Votes: 1

life isnt measure by how many breathes u take.... its measured in yrs XD Votes: 1

In eternity there is no time, only an instant long enough for a joke. Votes: 1

C: What do you get when a giant sneezes?Out of the way. - Marigold Votes: 1

What is the meaning of having more than one wife when threesome is not allowed? Votes: 1

No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. Votes: 1

Anyone else find it funny that Bernie Madoff's last name is a homophone of 'made-off'? Votes: 1

Life's too short to take yourself seriously, and too long to take a wife jokingly. Votes: 1

Be careful not to appear obsessively intellectual. When intelligence fills up, it overflows a parody. Votes: 1

For the advice in a joke is sometimes more useful than the most serious teaching. Votes: 1

I ought to be jealous of the tower. She is more famous than I am. Votes: 1

Honey, no offense, but sometimes I think I could shoot you and watch you kick. Votes: 1

If u want to work in Corporate, then u should know how to play Chess. Votes: 1

I'm a Neuroscientist.- What's that? What do you study?- I study your brain! Votes: 1

Just don't ask me to deliver any more satyr babies and we'll get along great. Votes: 1

If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they'd still be brother and sister. Votes: 1

The joke is generally in the oddest way the truth and yet not the fact. Votes: 1

If you have a problem with me, it is OK, because Mullah Omar does too. Votes: 1

A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar. Votes: 1

If a black black cat crosses your path, it suggests that the animal is going somewhere. Votes: 1

Perhaps you are Coyote in disguise and have chosen a spectacularly inappropriate time for a joke. Votes: 1

It's just that I was thinking you don't ride in that truck of yours, you wear it. Votes: 1

My old man taught me to never trust anything that bleeds for three days and doesn't die. Votes: 1

WHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?Ah. I see we are now into the second movement of the Nakamura Suite in G-Minor! Votes: 1

Asia is an entertainment, Europe is a dream, America is an imprisonment and Rest is a nightmare. Votes: 1

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him. Votes: 1

It's unpleasantly like being drunk." "What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "You ask a glass of water. Votes: 1

Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside. Votes: 1

But that's why you pay for insurance, right? If you never file a claim, then they've beaten you. Votes: 1

I made a joke today, and I made it out of pennies. It was a very poor joke. Votes: 1

Don't let your teeth make you lose respect by permanently keeping them opened for the sake of being friendly. Votes: 1

You can't draw lines in the sand like that. Humour's a tsunami that doesn't care about your little lines. Votes: 1

Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's. Votes: 1

Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke. Votes: 1

-a Jew had to have two synagogues. One that he went to, one that he rejected.The Butcher's Theater Votes: 1

Puns are just another form of sarcasm, which may or may not make you - smile, giggle, or laugh. Votes: 1

We end up kissing her for an hour, and her lips are so soft they are almost like a joke. Votes: 1

Trying to be offensive for the sole purpose of being offensive should always deem one the least offensive of offenders. Votes: 1

People tell me I look like my father. I've never seen my dad, so does that mean I look invisible? Votes: 1

It is better to doubt that a concept is stupidly flying under your head than profoundly flying over your head. Votes: 1

Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?""Why?" she asked, wrinkling her nose."For being outstanding in his field. Votes: 1

We often hear that mathematics consists mainly of 'proving theorems.' Is a writer's job mainly that of 'writing sentences? Votes: 1

Why do we have to humiliate someone to crack a joke??? Do what u would like people to do with u.. Votes: 1

Sometimes When You Are Serious, People Thought You Were Joking, But Sometimes When You Are Joking, People Thought You Were Serious Votes: 1

Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", it's just "fuck it, man. Votes: 1

That awkward moment when you realize someone was actually home the whole time you were singing on the tops of your lungs. Votes: 1

. . . I still wouldn't be able to control myself around him, and I'm math geek enough to know that equation doesn't work out. Votes: 1

Or maybe it was just that my life was a big, cruel joke, and there was no escape from the punch line. Votes: 1

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one. Votes: 1

What happened when the Verb asked the noun to conjugate? She said "no-no!", forgot the "o" and decided to become a nun! Votes: 1

If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music. Votes: 1

I was smiling yesterday,I am smiling today and I will smile tomorrow.Simply because life is too short to cry for anything. Votes: 1

When we perceive aliens as a joke to be laughed at,they feel so pity for us on the success of their plans. Votes: 1

Everyone says "i will never" and "one should never" but, actually, "No one can Resist Miss-using Power (at-least ones) when they have it". Votes: 1

Ever been expecting guests for a dinner party & had to clear up a massive LEGO space-station before they arrived? (Who needs kids to play?!) Votes: 1

What's the difference between Darling Cruel, the wind, and a vacuum? A vacuum only sucks. The wind only blows. But Darling sucks, blows, and swallows. Votes: 1

But he says things so subtly, so smoothly, that it's hard to tell if it's purposeful or if he's just playing along with my jokes. Votes: 1

Never make a person feel, that he/she is very (extra) special.. Cause, then that person starts feeling that 'You' are not worth him/her. Votes: 1

Reader: Dear Mr. Snicket, What is the best way to keep a secret? Lemony Snicket : Tell it to everyone you know, but pretend you are kidding. Votes: 1

It's hard to live with people willing to send you to exile or death. It's hard to become intimate with them. It's hard to love them. Votes: 1

A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it. Votes: 1

The only time when i realize that i use a car, which is a "Luxury", is when i go to the fuel station to refuel it. Votes: 1

My initials are J.O.K., and then there is a silent "E" on the end. And not only is it silent, but it's also invisible. Votes: 1

I never was so immensely tickled by anything I had ever said before. I actually woke up twice during the night, and laughed till the bed shook. Votes: 1

Thanks. Seriously, you must have better things to do with your life than waste it on the hopeless?''I've already learned Parseltongue. What else is there?''Elvish. Votes: 1

Where have you been?" he asked slowly."Um, in the bathroom, mostly," Larry said. Let's just say my plumbing is not working any better than Mexico City's. Votes: 1

There are three things which are real: God, human folly, and laughter. Since the first two pass our comprehension, we must do what we can with the third. Votes: 1

One can never have enough socks," said Dumbledore. "Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn't get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books. Votes: 1

Laugh until you cry;never let your eyes look dryThis is not a matter of joke;this is all to provokeour sense of humourLife is its own consumer! Votes: 1

Atoms are round balls of wood invented by Dr. Dalton.(Answer given by a pupil to a question on atomic theory, as reported by Sir Henry Enfield Roscoe.) Votes: 1

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?One has claws at the end of its paws, and one is a pause at the end of a clause. Votes: 1

You, Stan, are covered with dirt and leaves.''''I just applied for a job as a tree,'' I said. It made so little sense, he didn't even bother responding. Votes: 1

Being a Muslim is not a joke but a challenge. If you think it is, come and live in Pakistan where you will know about Muslims' enemies around the globe Votes: 1

Once I knew what I was doingI was there and with it;I had the total knowing.I Googled God and orgasmedAt the amount of Gods andMonsters out there posted about. Votes: 1

I'm a bit of a worrier, to an extreme. I'll crack a joke, then worry if I've offended someone - even when they're laughing. I have a guilt complex, always worrying. Votes: 1

The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling yourself, "I want to love, I want to live... Votes: 1

I've just finished reading some of my early papers, and you know, when I'd finished I said to myself, 'Rutherford, my boy, you used to be a damned clever fellow.' (1911) Votes: 1

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face. Votes: 1

Small people will find your flaw and make it huge; big people will find your flaw and block it out completely, by sitting next to you. Therefore, hang out with big people.:) Votes: 1

Some people use laughter as a weapon. It's all very funny until someone loses an eye. But then I guess it just makes the joke even funnier, because you never see it coming. Votes: 1

Pretension is a poor joke that you play on yourself. Snap out of it. Recognise your strengths, work on your weaknesses. Real achievement is liking what you see in the mirror every morning. Votes: 1

Each one you take is a commitment. If you break that commitment, the gods of alcohol will punish you with a hangover so bad you'll think Satan himself took a dump on you. -Milo Votes: 1

...of all the seeds that fly about the world, the one with the most solid wings, enabling it to be scattered at the greatest distance from its point of origin, is still a joke. Votes: 1

I said I kicked a French chicken in the stomach once." "Huh?" "It said, 'Oeuf.'" "What is that?" "It's a joke. Do you want to hear another, or have you already had un oeuf? Votes: 1

Two-thirds of all preachers, doctors and lawyers are hanging on to the coat tails of progress, shouting, whoa! while a good many of the rest are busy strewing banana peels along the line of march. Votes: 1

People will say,"there's heaven and hell", and they take it so serious that they look so sorrowful with penitence. I would rather ask them to show me the route that leads to heaven or hell. Votes: 1

I like to prowl ordinary places.I feel sorry for us all or glad for us allcaught alive togetherand awkward in that way.there's nothing better than the jokeof usthe seriousness of usthe dullness of us Votes: 1

Its crazy when people of high moral standards, feel its okay for an intimate friend to insult them in a jovial way, forgeting that even casual friends can do just the same in a jovial way. Votes: 1

The apex of mathematical achievement occurs when two or more fields which were thought to be entirely unrelated turn out to be closely intertwined. Mathematicians have never decided whether they should feel excited or upset by such events. Votes: 1

Nakamura considered this. "I hesitate to agree, but that was probably a good idea.""A compliment! My goodness, let me mark the day on my calendar!""That's why I hesitated to agree," Nakamura said with a note of weariness. Votes: 1

Oh, no-" They weren't even on the runway, and Jonah's father was already immersed in his BlackBerry. "Remember those 'Live Large with the Wiz Generation' posters? Well, guess how that translates into Chinese- 'Jonah Wizard Makes Your Ancestors Fat'. Votes: 1

You'll have to excuse Zo's manners. She was raised by a group of indigenous swamp wallabies and is at times uncomfortable conversing with civilized humans.""Look, it's like this-" Zo started to say, but then she interrupted herself. "Swamp wallabies? Votes: 1

In the end, perhaps we should simply imagine a joke; a long joke that's continually retold in an accent too thick and strange to ever be completely understood. Life is that joke my friends. The soul is the punch line. Votes: 1

When in doubt, poke the beehive with a stick to see if anything interesting flies out.I clapped my hands. 'I had no idea Pit teams had such pretty cheerleaders. Can you do it again, but with more spirit this time? Votes: 1

No time for jokes," Nakamura said. "Is Neil there?""Let's just say I'm Sleeping Beauty's personal assistant right now.""I guess that makes you Waking Ugly?""I thought you said this was no time for jokes. That was a joke, right? Votes: 1

The humanists' replacement for religion: work really hard and somehow you'll either save yourself or you'll be immortal. Of course, that's a total joke, and our progress is nothing. There may be progress in technology but there's no ethical progress whatsoever. Votes: 1

This wise old whiskery fish swims up to three young fish and goes, 'Morning, boys, how's the water?' and swims away; and the three young fish watch him swim away and look at each other and go, 'What the fuck is water?' and swim away. Votes: 1

Someone once told me a joke," he said. "I'd like to be a pacifist, but people keep getting in the way.' I made a decision to fight for my friend in prison. It was a deliberate decision. It isn't the only way-it's just something I decided. Votes: 1

Don't stop there. I suppose there are also, what, vampires and werewolves and zombies?""Of course there are. Although you mostly find zombies farther south, where the voudun priests are.""What about mummies? Do they only hang around Egypt?""Don't be ridiculous. No one believes in mummies. Votes: 1

There is a somewhat time-worn joke about people taking up library work because they like to read : the joke consisting of the fact that librarians have so little time to read. But, I tell you, those who do not, and there are some, are in the wrong profession. Votes: 1

Your... Your aura. It's... amazing. It's shining. I mean, it always shines, but today... Well I've never seen anything like it. I didn't expect that after everything that happened.'I shifted around uncomfortably. If I lit up around Dimitri normally, what on earth happened to my aura post-sex? Votes: 1

He smiled proudly at the machine Ephraim was staring at. "That's our Coheron Drive. Isn't she beautiful? I helped build her."Ephraim glanced at the coin in his hand. Zoe patted his shoulder comfortingly. "Don't worry. Size doesn't matter in quantum mechanics," she said. "It's how you use it. Votes: 1

Never ever make a joke to the police, they have no sense of humour. Never make a political joke, it will always be considered an insult. Always remember that umbrage can be taken by the lift of an eyebrow. Remember that if offence can possibly be taken, it will be. Votes: 1

I didn't pretend to know Eli at all, but even so, I'd noticed that his manner was slightly hard to read. It was something in the way he talked that made it difficult to tell whether he was kidding or serious or what. This bothered me. Or intrigued me. Or both. Votes: 1

When I go to the bathrooms, I cannot take off my pants as before; because there is a light continuously blinking like a camera, everyone says it is just an environmental friendly lighting. Well, I cannot really trust it and I am not taking the risk of circulating my naked photos around. Votes: 1

I myself am convinced that the theory of evolution, especially to the extent to which it has been applied, will be one of the greatest jokes in the history books of the future. Posterity will marvel that so very flimsy and dubious an hypothesis could be accepted with the incredible credulity it has. Votes: 1

Desegregation is a joke. Votes: 0

Housekeeping ain't no joke. Votes: 0

A symphony is no joke. Votes: 0

Clumsy jesting is no joke. Votes: 0

A beautiful problem is no joke! Votes: 0

Multiculturalism is a white people joke. Votes: 0

I literally cannot remember one joke. Votes: 0

Gentle dullness ever loves a joke. Votes: 0

...the Gods too love a joke. Votes: 0

A joke's a very serious thing. Votes: 0

I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes. Votes: 0

Sex is God's joke on human beings. Votes: 0

Whatever happened to a good pie-in-the-face joke? Votes: 0

I'm not much of a joke writer. Votes: 0

A German joke is no laughing matter. Votes: 0

I thought conceptual art was a joke. Votes: 0

A rich man's joke is always funny. Votes: 0

Everybody I know is a joke writer. Votes: 0

I don't like to joke about dating. Votes: 0

I believe you can joke about anything. Votes: 0

A joke is a very serious thing. Votes: 0

A rich man's joke is always funny. Votes: 0

Life is a joke that's just begun. Votes: 0

A college joke to cure the dumps. Votes: 0

A joke is necessary at this time. Votes: 0

Patriotism is a joke in the UK. Votes: 0

A joke a day keeps the gloom away! Votes: 0

Never joke at funerals, or during business transactions. Votes: 0

A joke isn't a joke until someone laughs. Votes: 0

Some people, they just don't get a joke. Votes: 0

I never told a joke in my life. Votes: 0

I always thought of Levittown as a joke. Votes: 0

Sometimes my colleagues joke and call me Hannah. Votes: 0

Life is funny, baby, and that's no joke Votes: 0

He who laughs last didn't get the joke. Votes: 0

The gods too are fond of a joke. Votes: 0

We joke around a lot with our ballclub. Votes: 0

If sex isn't a joke, what is it? Votes: 0

When in doubt, go for the dick joke. Votes: 0

The practical joke is the psychiatry of baseball. Votes: 0

Knock Knock. Who's there? The Truth. No joke. Votes: 0

Elsa's joke Where do baby apes sleep? In apricots! Votes: 0

Strict seriousness was far more dangerous than any joke. Votes: 0

Dressing is a pleasure; clothes are not a joke. Votes: 0

My friends always joke that I run on batteries. Votes: 0

ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke. Votes: 0

I start with the joke line and write backward. Votes: 0

Directing a movie is serious, it's not a joke. Votes: 0

Remember, the Legislature is the joke, not our campaign. Votes: 0

Here’s my most funniest joke, I’m broke. Votes: 0

Guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke. Votes: 0

It ain't no joke when you lose your vinyl. Votes: 0

I am a rune a carrot a little joke Votes: 0

The last man that makes a joke owns it. Votes: 0

It all started with a badly timed bald joke! Votes: 0

America has got to learn to take a joke. Votes: 0

I sometimes joke, Paula, even paranoid people have enemies. Votes: 0

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion. Votes: 0

The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow. Votes: 0

The joke is, we all have the same punchline. Votes: 0

A joke that works is complete knowledge in a nanosecond.... Votes: 0

The old joke was Mitch Leigh, land baron, barren land. Votes: 0

Everything about life is a joke. Don't you know that? Votes: 0

I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke. Votes: 0

Stereotypically speaking feminists can't take a joke. ::audience boo:: See? Votes: 0

It's not appropriate to joke about the Ku Klux Klan. Votes: 0

If life's a joke, then suicide's a bad punch line. Votes: 0

Death's an old joke, but each individual encounters it anew. Votes: 0

Telling the truth is the funniest joke in the world. Votes: 0

It is a good deed to forget a poor joke. Votes: 0

If I'll be funnier than this, I'll become a joke. Votes: 0

The joke of our time is the suicide of intention. Votes: 0

One can make a joke, but one can't be one. Votes: 0

One of my secrets is to joke all the time. Votes: 0

I enjoy the way I look, but it's a joke. Votes: 0

I'm not a joke guy; I'm not a stand-up comic. Votes: 0

It is a good deed to forget a poor joke Votes: 0

The moment you think of a joke is the best moment. Votes: 0

A joke is a joke or the image of a truth ... Votes: 0

Existentialists are monumentally and monotonously serious; they don't like to joke. Votes: 0

If you keep up with pop culture, everybody knows the joke. Votes: 0

I joke that my niche in Hollywood has been naked foreigners. Votes: 0

The stuff about film being a collaborative medium is no joke. Votes: 0

I love a stupid joke, something that doesn't make any sense. Votes: 0

Medicine is a very old joke, but it still goes on. Votes: 0

I still love a well-crafted joke. Twitter's been great for that. Votes: 0

The insular arrogance of the English character is a commonplace joke. Votes: 0

There's nothing the people love more than a Federal Reserve joke. Votes: 0

There's things that I couldn't joke about but other people could. Votes: 0

My favorite Aggie joke? I'm sorry I don't understand the question Votes: 0

Never joke with the press. Irony does not translate into newsprint. Votes: 0

I laugh and joke, but I don't get distracted very easily. Votes: 0

... she, that will with kittens jest, Should bear a kitten's joke. Votes: 0

Everything I say is a joke. I am a joke myself. Votes: 0

The world is indeed comic, but the joke is on mankind. Votes: 0

I'd like to think I'd never do a gratuitous fart joke. Votes: 0

Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke Votes: 0

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling. Votes: 0

The joke or the pratfall is easy for me to do. Votes: 0

Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke. Votes: 0

To me, music is no joke and it's not for sale. Votes: 0

It's not a joke: I really do like being at home. Votes: 0

It is almost a joke, but a joke that nobody tells. Votes: 0

The joke that you laid in the bed that was me. Votes: 0

A point, like a joke, is a terrible thing to miss. Votes: 0

He who does not understand a joke, he does not understand Danish. Votes: 0

Never put a razor inside your nose - even as a joke. Votes: 0

At the shock of a joke, everything disappears but the present moment. Votes: 0

Donald Trump will be a tragedy, a sad joke in American history. Votes: 0

Advice is sometimes transmitted more successfully through a joke than grave teaching. Votes: 0

A good joke is the closest thing we have to divine revelation. Votes: 0

I say things I get away with, and it becomes a joke. Votes: 0

You make a joke out of everything. Life's too painful not to. Votes: 0

The novel is a game or joke shared between author and reader. Votes: 0

I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about. Votes: 0

Some subjects are so serious that one can only joke about them. Votes: 0

Hey, that's life, flick it off if you can't take a joke. Votes: 0

And what exactly is a dream and what exactly is a joke. Votes: 0

If fate doesn't make you laugh, you just don't get the joke. Votes: 0

Some one is generally sure to be the sufferer by a joke. Votes: 0

Taking a call girl to an STD fair... there's a joke here. Votes: 0

A poem is a serious joke, a truth that has learned jujitsu. Votes: 0

Running for me is a sport. It's not a joke. It's serious. Votes: 0

Hell, do I remember the first joke? I was never a jokester. Votes: 0

Living is a pretty grim joke, but a joke just the same. Votes: 0

Nothing's a joke with me. It just all comes out like one. Votes: 0

Life plays the same lovely and agonizing joke on all of us. Votes: 0

Life is a cruel, horrible joke and I am the punch line. Votes: 0

Trust Emmett to find the joke in the destruction of my life. Votes: 0

Gracious dying is a huge, macabre and expensive joke on the American public. Votes: 0

What if life is just a cosmic joke, like spiders in your underwear. Votes: 0

Visual supervision is a joke for development workers. Visual supervision is for prisoners. Votes: 0

An Englishman does not joke about such an important matter as a bet. Votes: 0

It's easy for someone to joke about scars if they've never been cut. Votes: 0

Almost every venerable tradition at a men's club starts out as a joke. Votes: 0

My friends joke that I raised the Titanic and never left the Rockies. Votes: 0

I also try to think of ways to articulate the joke more economically. Votes: 0

So if you're negative, you live longer? That sounds like a cruel joke. Votes: 0

Priests were metal-reinforced overshoes. They saved your soles. This is an Assassin joke. Votes: 0

Cartooning is about deconstruction: you gotta tear something down to make a joke. Votes: 0

Never laughing too loudly in a restaurant no matter how good the joke. Votes: 0

British politics, as the world knows, is a joke. Yet it's rarely funny. Votes: 0

Ah, the first rule of public speaking -- always start with a joke. Votes: 0

I always thought my genitals were the result of some crude practical joke. Votes: 0

Just because something makes you smile or laugh ... doesn't mean it's a joke. Votes: 0

His whole personality was like an elaborate joke that he never stopped telling. Votes: 0

Fame is a big joke. Stars need to stop taking themselves so seriously. Votes: 0

You never know when you'll have a bad idea for a worse joke. Votes: 0

A joke isn't yours. It's used and you don't know where it's been. Votes: 0

I thought everybody was in on the joke. But I was the joke. Votes: 0

If there's an intelligence behind the joke - - it's a good joke. Votes: 0

There was always another side to a joke, the side of the victim. Votes: 0

If there's one thing I know it's God does love a good joke. Votes: 0

I always joke deep down I'm really a teenage girl on the inside. Votes: 0

So get up, get, get get down 911 is a joke in yo town Votes: 0

A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents. Votes: 0

A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents. Votes: 0

Maybe the universe is a giant practical joke and we don't know the punchline. Votes: 0

If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good. Votes: 0

If I can't joke about imminent death, then I might as well just resign. Votes: 0

See, justice is a joke in this country, and it stinks of its hypocricy. Votes: 0

There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them. Votes: 0

Even evangelicals realize that Pinocchio's father was a carpenter too. That's the old joke. Votes: 0

Call me Meier," Goring said, but he did not pause to explain the joke . Votes: 0

Art should be serious, not a joke. I dont like to laugh about art. Votes: 0

Failure and unhappiness is easier because you can make a joke out of it. Votes: 0

You know when Jerry Ford gets the best joke, you know you're in trouble. Votes: 0

You name any horrific thing, and I can make a joke out of it. Votes: 0

In fact, it used to be a joke if you studied at a University Votes: 0

I've been burn when it comes to my hair that it ain't no joke. Votes: 0

In my deepest parts of sadness, I'm always making a joke or being sarcastic. Votes: 0

The next best thing to a very good joke is a very bad one. Votes: 0

Using blasphemy as entertainment is as cheap as a comedian telling a fart joke. Votes: 0

It doesn't feel like you're preaching, if you can say something in a joke. Votes: 0

When you asked me how I was doing, was that some kind of joke Votes: 0

You've really got to start hitting the books because it's no joke out here. Votes: 0

I always joke that I'm a British actress trying to break into Scandinavian TV. Votes: 0

Everybody doesn't have to get every joke. People really appreciate not being condescended to. Votes: 0

The idea that any performer type is owed anything is a joke to me. Votes: 0

What other culture could have produced someone like Hemmingway and not seen the joke? Votes: 0

It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it. Votes: 0

I joke around all the time, 'I'm Asian; I'm really good at math.' Votes: 0

I feel like a lot of comedies out are just the same consistent joke. Votes: 0

The joke in our family is that we can cry reading the phone book. Votes: 0

There is no such thing as an appropriate joke. That's why it's a joke. Votes: 0

It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it. Votes: 0

Art should be serious, not a joke. I don't like to laugh about art. Votes: 0

The joke in our family is that we can cry reading the phone book. Votes: 0

Anything where we're the butt of the joke, no one tells us about it. Votes: 0

It is not a sin to be seventy but it is also no joke. Votes: 0

A good mathematical joke is better, and better mathematics, than a dozen mediocre papers. Votes: 0

If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first. Votes: 0

I try to write as serious as possible, and then a joke slips in. Votes: 0

I think if the joke is in good taste - it's a good joke. Votes: 0

What other culture could have produced someone like Hemingway and not seen the joke? Votes: 0

I'm scared of slipping up, of just doing a joke that makes me laugh. Votes: 0

Televison allows thousands of people to laugh at the same joke and still remain alone. Votes: 0

In life there are always these things happening if you can just get the joke. Votes: 0

My family joke that I'm really a very senior person who accidentally happens to be 11. Votes: 0

I always joke and say I want to invent a comfortable stiletto and then retire. Votes: 0

[Bobby Tom] finally understood Gracie's function in his life. She was God's joke on him. Votes: 0

I've heard every pie joke in the book. I'm still waiting for an original one. Votes: 0

The joke is the purest, most essential form of storytelling. Every word has to count. Votes: 0

That's the joke about confinement pigs: they taste like whatever sauce you cook them with. Votes: 0

I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling. Votes: 0

Geraldo has returned to the states. See? I told you airline security was a joke. Votes: 0

The joke I always make about myself is that I'm self-involved, but I'm not vain. Votes: 0

Every joke can't be dazzling. And if you think you spotted an inconsistency, you did! Votes: 0

Is anything wrong, dear? the old joke went. No, why? You moved. Just don't move. Votes: 0

I always joke with people that having nephews is the best birth control there is. Votes: 0

My chicken ain't no joke. I ain't scared to go up against the Colonel, tastewise. Votes: 0

That sun is lookin' good... and hot! Get it? Hilarious! My joke writers are awesome. Votes: 0

I used to joke that if acting didn't work out, poetry was my commonsense fallback. Votes: 0

We didn't choose the joke because it's filthy! We chose it because of the structure! Votes: 0

30 Rock' is probably one of my favorite shows. It's just joke after joke after joke. Votes: 0

Three women walk into a pub and say, `Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format' Votes: 0

There is nothing in the world so incomprehensible as the joke we do not see. Votes: 0

If you work at comedy too laboriously, you can kill what's funny in the joke. Votes: 0

If I can't face my accusers, that's a joke. We did that in medieval times. Votes: 0

I want my tombstone to read: If this is a joke, I don't get it. Votes: 0

I can never tell a joke, I've always found it easier to just fall over. Votes: 0

when he smiles it's as if you'd just told him the first joke on earth. Votes: 0

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. Votes: 0

She loved three things — a joke, a glass of wine, and a handsome man. Votes: 0

When you're an older woman [in a movie], you are the brunt of the joke. Votes: 0

I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost. Votes: 0

It is not fair to treat as serious that which is only said in joke. Votes: 0

There was a time when "sound as a dollar" was a description, not a joke. Votes: 0

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke? Votes: 0

I won't mind dying if I can tell St. Peter a joke he hasn't heard. Votes: 0

I can't stand not being able to joke around on set, so I have to. Votes: 0

If you can't laugh at yourself, you may be missing the colossal joke of the century. Votes: 0

After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding. Votes: 0

Even when I lecture per se, I am a joke comedian, I can do the voices. Votes: 0

Any private security is a joke in a country where you're up against your own government. Votes: 0

A poet in history is divine, but a poet in the next room is a joke Votes: 0

One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke. Votes: 0

I'm more interested to show the darkest places of myself, and I don't joke about it. Votes: 0

WHEN YOU CANNOT JOKE ABOUT THE DARKNESS OF LIFE, THAT’S WHEN THE DARKNESS TAKES OVER. Votes: 0

Nothing reveals a man's character better than the kind of joke at which he takes offense. Votes: 0

Laughter is the only tenable attitude in a universe which is a joke played on itself. Votes: 0

When I make a joke, nobody gets injured... when Congress makes a joke, it's the law. Votes: 0

I like to joke that Inhofe is as far left as I'll go for an employer. Votes: 0

My favorite people are the ones that can make any unfunny joke hilarious by just laughing. Votes: 0

I'll joke all day, but once I get in the gym, I'm going to work hard. Votes: 0

I don't mind being the brunt of a joke, so long as it's a good one. Votes: 0

In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth. Votes: 0

No comedy should be longer than 90 minutes. There's no such thing as a good long joke. Votes: 0

I used to joke that I was trying to sell out, and nobody would buy me. Votes: 0

Any private security is a joke in a country where youre up against your own government. Votes: 0

You only get one chance at life, not two! Don't joke around with your own life. Votes: 0

The power of women! I've never felt so full of mysterious power. Men are a joke. Votes: 0

We feel that what's too far is when you make a joke and somebody gets hurt. Votes: 0

Life must go on, even if it's no joke...just pretend to believe in the future. Votes: 0

As you can tell from watching the show, I'm not a strong joke writer per se. Votes: 0

You have to make a joke every 10"“15 minutes. It's a way of keeping up morale. Votes: 0

There was the joke about Switzerland being an island surrounded by land. This was never true. Votes: 0

He was saying that the end of the world wasn't an accident; it was a joke. Votes: 0

I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones. Votes: 0

My friends joke because I will take my clothes off, at the drop of a hat. Votes: 0

For Joey Bishop, always was kind of the lost soul, so I did a traffic joke. Votes: 0

I have been sober for the longest time. Oh, it's over a decade now. No joke. Votes: 0

I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too. Votes: 0

I like to joke with my wife that she's the CEO of... certainly of our household. Votes: 0

Death meant little to me. It was the last joke in a series of bad jokes. Votes: 0

I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke. Votes: 0

A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke-and that the joke is oneself. Votes: 0

My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world. Votes: 0

If you live right, death is a joke to you as far as fear is concerned. Votes: 0

I come from a town of great musicians: Washington, D.C. It's no joke, that history. Votes: 0

Humor is when the joke's on you but hits the other fellow first -- before it boomerangs. Votes: 0

Americans do believe in progress and there is almost certainly a kernel of truth in the joke. Votes: 0

If you can make it sound exciting with a joke drum machine, you know you've got something. Votes: 0

As reporters in State College, there was a joke. We used to call Penn State, the Kremlin. Votes: 0

A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh. Votes: 0

The future of this nation, with the present generation, You must admit is nothing but a joke Votes: 0

I always make a joke that they transplanted Martina McBride's eyes and put them in my head. Votes: 0

It would be a bitter cosmic joke if we destroy ourselves due to atrophy of the imagination. Votes: 0

It would be really hard to get serious about anything political today unless it was a joke. Votes: 0

Too many lives go up in smoke - It's nice to laugh but don't be the joke. Votes: 0

I had mostly been writing humor books, and my instinct is generally to go for the joke. Votes: 0

I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy. Votes: 0

I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not. Votes: 0

If I made a joke about just dropping by, would you write me off as cliché? Votes: 0

It is much easier to write a good Times leading article than a good joke in Punch. Votes: 0

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime. Votes: 0

I've made a lot of grown men cry with laughter, because I really am quite the joke. Votes: 0

I can't imagine saying the same joke for three hours. I don't know how that would work. Votes: 0

I'm not even really a joke-teller. I can do ad-lib and banter, but I don't do jokes. Votes: 0

Thou can'st not joke an enemy into a friend, but thou may'st a friend into an enemy. Votes: 0

A true Englishman doesn't joke when he is talking about so serious a thing as a wager. Votes: 0

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me. Votes: 0

Life is too important to be taken as a joke, but too ridiculous to be taken seriously. Votes: 0

The essence of humour is surprise; that is why you laugh when you see a joke in Punch. Votes: 0

It was a joke, okay? If we thought it would actually be used, we wouldn't have written it! Votes: 0

You can dissect a joke just as you can a frog. But it tends to die on you. Votes: 0

The English had hit upon a splendid joke. They intended to catch me or to bring me down. Votes: 0

I don't really tell a joke per se, I build up an attitude and it becomes a joke. Votes: 0

Have you considered the option of getting the joke? If not, try it now and redeem your soul. Votes: 0

One nice thing about telling a clean joke is there's a good chance no one's heard it before. Votes: 0

Percy wouldn't notice a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing one of Dobby's hats. Votes: 0

Tell people the truth, they laugh. The truth is so tragic they have to pretend it's a joke. Votes: 0

I mean, this is a joke, to try to implicate me as like a friend of the Russians . Votes: 0

Sometimes it's hard to tell if a joke is working or not for the first couple of minutes. Votes: 0

I make a joke that I'm the Internet curmudgeon, but 'wary' is a good way to put it. Votes: 0

Tell me that I misunderstood a joke, but don't tell me that my choice of cravat is wrong. Votes: 0

Such men as fortune raises from a mean estate to the highest elevation by way of a joke. Votes: 0

It's an ongoing joke that a black man is always the first one to get killed in movies. Votes: 0

Beijing residents joke that to get a free smoke all they have to do is open their windows! Votes: 0

It would be a joke if the conduct of the victor had to be justified to the vanquished. Votes: 0

The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing. Votes: 0

I have a lot of funny friends, and we joke a lot, but I've never really played comedic parts. Votes: 0

if you like the lovable sound of an asthma attack in your ear every time you tell a joke. Votes: 0

It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor. Votes: 0

You do not respond to an attempt on your life with a slap on the hand. Or a joke. Votes: 0

Half the battle is that people have to like you before you say one joke, one bit of humor. Votes: 0

If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it? Votes: 0

Once you do a joke and it works it's only good for so long, like shooting fish in a barrel. Votes: 0

Years ago I was a runway model, and I used to get laughs. I thought it was a joke anyway Votes: 0

The joke in aviation is, 'If you want to make a million, you'd better start with £10m.' Votes: 0

I lived that life for real, so to talk about it was like a joke, you know what I mean? Votes: 0

Honestly, I just want to keep people awake. Or at least give you one joke to go to bed with. Votes: 0

I lived that life for real, so to talk about it was like a joke, you know what I mean? Votes: 0

I love doing six versions of any joke, so if they'll give me six takes, I'd love to do it. Votes: 0

It's a lot easier, I think, to be an actor in a movie than to spin a joke on a sitcom. Votes: 0

If we live inside a bad joke, it is up to us to learn, at best and worst, to tell it well. Votes: 0