Quotes about My Wife

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. Votes: 3

My wife is possessive and I like that Votes: 2

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. Votes: 2

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. Votes: 2

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. Votes: 2

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Votes: 2

My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday. Votes: 2

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. Votes: 2

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. Votes: 2

What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist. Votes: 2

Heaven will be no heaven to me if I do not meet my wife there. Votes: 2

I chose my wife, as she did her wedding gown, for qualities that would wear well. Votes: 2

My wife Ricky is my muse. Her personal style and natural beauty have always been my inspiration. Votes: 2

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. Votes: 2

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me. Votes: 2

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't. Votes: 2

The game is my wife. It demands loyalty and responsibility, and it gives me back fulfillment and peace. Votes: 2

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. Votes: 2

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass. Votes: 2

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife. Votes: 2

As for his secret to staying married: "My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she is coming with me." Votes: 2

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife. Votes: 2

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. Votes: 2

The pig is the most shameless animal on the face of the earth. It is the only animal that invites its friends to have sex with its mate. In America, most people consume pork. Many times after dance parties, they have swapping of wives; many say 'you sleep with my wife and I will sleep with your wife.' If you eat pigs then you behave like pigs. Votes: 2

My wife has dated broke black dudes. Votes: 1

My wife collects knickknacks. Votes: 0

Take my wife... Please! Votes: 0

I love my wife. Votes: 0

My wife's married. I'm not. Votes: 0

My wife gives good headache. Votes: 0

My wife loves Roger Moore. Votes: 0

My wife attends a Presbyterian church. Votes: 0

My wife went off with Elvis. Votes: 0

Be my wife, all my life. Votes: 0

I am mad about my wife. Votes: 0

He was screaming like my wife. Votes: 0

I love being my husband's wife. Votes: 0

Nobody makes me laugh like my wife. Votes: 0

My wife drives a couple of Cadillacs. Votes: 0

Last year my wife got a Rolls-Royce. Votes: 0

My wife and I are very affectionate. Votes: 0

My wife does wish I dressed better. Votes: 0

I've got more clothes than my wife. Votes: 0

[My wife] has some investments and stuff. Votes: 0

Golf is tougher than my first wife. Votes: 0

I have to look to my wife. Votes: 0

My first wife was a theater person. Votes: 0

My wife watches me like a hawk. Votes: 0

My wife is a very strong woman. Votes: 0

I tell my wife all my secrets. Votes: 0

I met my wife in South Dakota. Votes: 0

My wife, the star I steer by. Votes: 0

I misled people, including even my wife Votes: 0

My wife has a whim of iron Votes: 0

MySpace is my wife... Facebook is my mistress. Votes: 0

My first wife didn't like to fly, either. Votes: 0

My former wife is a truly wonderful person. Votes: 0

My toughest fight was with my first wife. Votes: 0

My wife is a brilliant, hugely understanding person. Votes: 0

My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea. Votes: 0

Cause my wife gets up and goes shopping. Votes: 0

I love my wife, I love my kids. Votes: 0

I lost 150 lbs. if you include my wife. Votes: 0

I'm on a search for my future ex-wife. Votes: 0

We have two kids, my wife and myself. Votes: 0

You can ask my wife about my stamina, Votes: 0

My wife has a black belt in shopping. Votes: 0

I am still in love with my wife. Votes: 0

My wife needs her freedom just like me. Votes: 0

I don't get any money from my wife. Votes: 0

I'll do anything for my wife, it's turning out. Votes: 0

Music is my wife and acting is my girlfriend. Votes: 0

My wife would say I'm more Hyde than Jekyll! Votes: 0

Music is my wife, and acting is my girlfriend. Votes: 0

My wife and I come from a Christian worldview. Votes: 0

My wife is beautiful but she can't run anything. Votes: 0

My wife taught me the importance of living well. Votes: 0

I just keep pinching myself that that's my wife. Votes: 0

My wife's hip, beautiful and independent and never jealous. Votes: 0

I irritate the wife because of my private dancing. Votes: 0

I'm constantly falling deeper in love with my wife. Votes: 0

I love my wife, she deserves anything and everything. Votes: 0

I gained twenty pounds [during pregnancy of my wife]. Votes: 0

My kids and my wife make me feel vulnerable. Votes: 0

Forty percent of my ideas came from my wife. Votes: 0

I only fear God, and my wife - sometimes. Votes: 0

I want my ex-wife and children to be happy. Votes: 0

My wife says OBE stands for Old Big 'Ead. Votes: 0

I love going to Rodeo Drive with my wife. Votes: 0

I trust my wife more than I trust myself. Votes: 0

I'm only waiting for my wife to grow up. Votes: 0

I never get bored of my wife. It's lovely. Votes: 0

My wife and I love each other very much. Votes: 0

I want my next girlfriend to be my wife. Votes: 0

To my wife 'I told you I was sick'. Votes: 0

I made a horrendous mistake not apologizing to my wife Votes: 0

A van backed through my windscreen into my wife's face. Votes: 0

Whoever stole it is spending less money than my wife. Votes: 0

My wife." "By what name is she called, Kincaid?" "Mine. Votes: 0

My wife was a beautiful woman before we had children. Votes: 0

I'm very romantic, I'm extremely romantic. I date my wife. Votes: 0

I am a hopeless romantic, and so is my wife. Votes: 0

My wife doesn't even want to spend 2 hours with me. Votes: 0

My wife and I are art collectors and architectural crazies. Votes: 0

The only thing I feel passionate about is my wife. Votes: 0

My wife doesn't like me eating doughnuts. I love doughnuts. Votes: 0

Of all my wife's relations I like myself the best. Votes: 0

It was my wife that insisted I do 'The Hangover. Votes: 0

My wife (Maria) is the best reason to come home. Votes: 0

I love my wife. She had money when I didn't. Votes: 0

My wife bought an extra life insurance policy on me. Votes: 0

When I was 17, I broke up with my future wife. Votes: 0

Definitely my wife and my kid [are my biggest inspiration]. Votes: 0

I watch a romcom only when my wife drags me Votes: 0

I love my wife to death. I mean my ex-wife. Votes: 0

My wife and I always enjoy going for a jog Votes: 0

Heaven will be heaven only if my wife is there. Votes: 0

Will you do me the honor of being my wife? Votes: 0

My wife and I, Delice and I, are empty nesters. Votes: 0

Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died. Votes: 0

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. Votes: 0

Even with my wife, I find sharing soup is hard. Votes: 0

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom? Votes: 0

Home for me is wherever my wife and kid are. Votes: 0

I miss my wife's cooking, as often as I can Votes: 0

Each time I told them I didn't kill my wife. Votes: 0

My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years. Votes: 0

My life revolves around my writing, my wife and my son. Votes: 0

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments. Votes: 0

I regard England as my wife and America as my mistress. Votes: 0

My wife - she could help me get the negs out! Votes: 0

My wife is the fact-checker, I'm in the story telling business. Votes: 0

My wife never throws anything at me that I can't handle. Votes: 0

I'm married, I have three children, I never hit my wife. Votes: 0

My wife, who, poor wretch, is troubled with her lonely life. Votes: 0

My ultimate joy and happiness is being a wife and mother. Votes: 0

My wife and I got remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. Votes: 0

All my life there's always been an ex-wife or a girlfriend. Votes: 0

I'm a 4-wheel-drive pickup type of guy. So is my wife. Votes: 0

Men with shaved heads are always better. Just ask my wife. Votes: 0

My wife is my in-home editor and reads everything I write. Votes: 0

My daughter lived with my wife being ill since she was 2. Votes: 0

I am glad to go with my wife and baby boy. Votes: 0

My wife is Mexican and my constituency is very, very multicultural. Votes: 0

Sally is my wife, but not my chattel or my property. Votes: 0

My wife has learnt to carry me as her fifth baby Votes: 0

I wished my wife to be not so much as suspected. Votes: 0

My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!! Votes: 0

It was my wife that insisted I do 'The Hangover.' Votes: 0

My wife is my best friend, by far my best friend. Votes: 0

My wife is short, and my two kids are also small. Votes: 0

I know for sure that my daughter and wife love me. Votes: 0

I could have stayed home and been kept by my wife. Votes: 0

I am steady with my wife. I'm faithful to my wife. Votes: 0

On my wedding day, I gifted my wife a platinum ring. Votes: 0

For me and my wife, it was love at first sight. Votes: 0

I'm not easy to live with. My wife is a saint. Votes: 0

My wife loves me for me, and hates me for her. Votes: 0

You know my wife, she's 6 ft 1 she can beat anyone up. Votes: 0

Thank god my wife is neither a Serb nor a Jew. Votes: 0

I like very much Louis Vuitton. My wife loves it too. Votes: 0

My wife is a classically trained piano player, and she also orchestrates. Votes: 0

My wife is pretty geeky and will occasionally quote 'Anchorman' at me. Votes: 0

My wife wants something foreign for Christmas - like a Mexican divorce. Votes: 0

My wife is 37 years younger than me. I don't feel the difference. Votes: 0

My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night. Votes: 0

Some people call themselves fiscal conservatives; my wife says I'm just cheap. Votes: 0

My wife and I have enjoyed over forty years of wedded blitz. Votes: 0

My wife Danielle and I love travelling, different cultures and good weather. Votes: 0

There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face - it shows. Votes: 0

My wife doesn't like Football but she watches it just for Messi. Votes: 0

I'm pretty handy in the kitchen. But my wife's the real genius. Votes: 0

My wife and I practice "Doggy Style:" I beg, she rolls over. Votes: 0

Meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife Votes: 0

My wife is used to Formula One, and she understands the life. Votes: 0

My wife's gotten really lazy, or as she calls it, 'pregnant.' Votes: 0

Something bad was about to happen. My wife was being clever again. Votes: 0

I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman. Votes: 0

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me. Votes: 0

My wife Margaret is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Votes: 0

I'd thought I'd live with my wife, but I couldn't find one. Votes: 0

My wife's not only my best friend but she's damn hot, too. Votes: 0

My wife and I were happy for twenty year. Then we met. Votes: 0

I still love my former wife, I won't call her my ex-wife. Votes: 0

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Votes: 0

I feel the need to work with my wife, Lena Olin, again. Votes: 0

I can't help but look for my future wife in the crowd. Votes: 0

My wife is my soul mate. I can't imagine being without her. Votes: 0

My wife is the dancer, but I certainly know how to sing. Votes: 0

Every day is a dream, every day I spend with my wife. Votes: 0

I can't watch completed films - my wife makes fun of me. Votes: 0

I met my wife, Doreen, who was a dancer in the show. Votes: 0

Yes, we three were so happy, my wife, my guitar and me! Votes: 0

I want my wife to wake me up with a sweet kiss Votes: 0

I give unto my wife my second best bed with the furniture. Votes: 0

My wife is a real camper; it's a nice way to bond. Votes: 0

If I kissed my wife in public, I'd lose the next election. Votes: 0

I'm no syllogism incarnate, but my wife makes me look like Immanuel Kant. Votes: 0

I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy. Votes: 0

With my wife it was sex, sex, sex...Yes, three times in 35 years. Votes: 0

I wake my wife up at 3 a.m. and say, "Listen to this!" Votes: 0

My wife and I make love every night, sometimes even to each other. Votes: 0

My wife likes the hockey smell because its the smell of a warrior. Votes: 0

I have been looking after the children. My wife has taken time off. Votes: 0

My wife ain't gonna make love to me if I got no money! Votes: 0

I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife. Votes: 0

My e-mail address is actually my wife's e-mail address. I actually hate computers. Votes: 0

My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator. Votes: 0

My wife always has a splitting archetype whenever I want to have sex. Votes: 0

I gave (pitcher) Mike Cuellar more chances than I gave my first wife. Votes: 0

It's deep passion for my wife that really makes me vulnerable to her. Votes: 0

My wife is Jewish, and therefore, it's my children's birthright to be Jewish. Votes: 0

My wife cooks. I can't cook. I can remix leftovers pretty good, though. Votes: 0

I can replace things, but I could never replace my wife and kids. Votes: 0

My wife is Greek. I was a non-denomination Christian before we got married. Votes: 0

I met David Smith through my former wife, Cornelia, who'd studied with him. Votes: 0

My wife and two children traveled with me on locations all last season. Votes: 0

My wife has good taste. She has seen very few of my movies. Votes: 0

My wife is immature. Whenever I take a bath, she sinks my boats. Votes: 0

If we lose this war, I'll just start another in my wife's name. Votes: 0

My wife is really unhappy with my agent. But I'm the big winner. Votes: 0

Three things I never lends - my 'oss, my wife, and my name. Votes: 0

I love grabbing my wife and going to a distant location to film. Votes: 0

I have a strong marriage, and my wife and I love each other. Votes: 0

My wife and I, we like to ride where there's not much traffic. Votes: 0

My wife has them all in a vault... a copy of every album. Votes: 0

My guitar is half my life and my wife is the other half. Votes: 0

Everything I have is for sale, except for my kids and possibly my wife. Votes: 0

I wrote my earliest piece for The Sunday Times about being a young wife. Votes: 0

I shun father and mother and wife and brother, when my genius calls me. Votes: 0

My wife was a licensed psychologist by profession and a college professor of psychology. Votes: 0

I never owned a pair of blue jeans until I met my second wife. Votes: 0

I will admit the best sex I've ever had has been with my wife. Votes: 0

I'm leaving because I want to spend more time with my wife in Chicago. Votes: 0

I hardly said a word to my wife until I said 'yes' to divorce. Votes: 0

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. Votes: 0

My wife thinks I'm very hot. She tells me that every couple of weeks. Votes: 0

I began seeing my wife, Kathleen, while I was undergoing treatment for prostate cancer. Votes: 0

My wife is not my best sexual partner, but she's good with the housework. Votes: 0

My wife and I try not to get into each other's work too much. Votes: 0

I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap. Votes: 0

I have four children and nine grandchildren. I'm presently wearing out my second wife. Votes: 0

My former wife made me a millionaire. I used to have three million dollars. Votes: 0

I'm a man of faith. I only fear God, and my wife - sometimes. Votes: 0

My wife and children are the greatest force that keeps me sober and strong. Votes: 0

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. Votes: 0

My wife, if she wants it, she will just go out and buy it. Votes: 0

Marriage requires searing honesty at all costs. I learned that from my third wife. Votes: 0

My wife accuses me - and she's probably right - that I'm sometimes oversensitive. Votes: 0

I think my wife would take objection to any characterization of me as perfect. Votes: 0

Well, you know, my wife and I have eight children. We have now 19 grandchildren. Votes: 0

My wife would probably say I'm the messiest person in the history of husbands. Votes: 0

I just want to thank [my wife] for loving me where I was weak. Votes: 0

Since I left basketball, and my wife, it's been a glorious feast of lovemaking. Votes: 0

A favorite cast? Lisa Kudrow, Anthony Hopkins, Gene Hackman, Morgan Freeman, and my wife. Votes: 0

My wife is very happy about me keeping all my music in my pocket. Votes: 0

I met my wife because we were both going out with the same guy. Votes: 0

I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. Votes: 0

I am so glad my wife tolerates me. And we have three wonderful sons. Votes: 0

My wife and I, we don't leave the house; we have dinner at home. Votes: 0

Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home. Votes: 0

Why did I get married in a ballpark? My wife wanted a big diamond Votes: 0

I'd like to thank my wife, Anna. I love you more than rainbows, baby Votes: 0

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Votes: 0

I say sorry to my wife about five times a day for various reasons. Votes: 0

Work takes me away from my wife, Sue, and my life in Santa Barbara. Votes: 0

I told my wife when I was rolling up, I felt like the president. Votes: 0

Both my wife and I have a lot of compassion for animals in general. Votes: 0

My dad's a biophysicist. My brother is a computer guy. His wife works at Microsoft. Votes: 0

My wife says I'm much happier when I'm not a regular on a TV show. Votes: 0

My wife, Edith, and I both have good health - and she's been very tolerant. Votes: 0

My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round. Votes: 0

Joseph has lately endeavored to seduce my wife, and has found her a virtuous woman. Votes: 0

My wife loves Europe, but to me it's a bad day at a theme park. Votes: 0

I'm at a stage in my life when I want a wife and a family. Votes: 0

I don't think so. Anyways, I don't spend money. My wife spends money...sorry wife. Votes: 0

I can't imagine anybody in my life I've been more vulnerable with than my wife. Votes: 0

My wife is a saint. She's Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won't eat. Votes: 0

My wife disagrees with 100 percent of what I say. That's the same marriage I have. Votes: 0

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody. Votes: 0

My wife is Danish and we go to Denmark a couple of times a year. Votes: 0

My wife converted me to religion. I never believed in hell until I married her. Votes: 0

Everyone knows me and my wife's story. We didn't have sex until we got married. Votes: 0

For years I used to bore my wife over lunch with stories about funny incidents. Votes: 0

My wife is Dutch and very independent. She never wanted or needed to be married. Votes: 0

In 1956 I was granted the biggest reward of my career: my wife, Josée Jongen. Votes: 0

My wife calls me grumpy cat. I'm normally a very pleasant person to be around. Votes: 0

My wife thought I deserved it, but I always thought the Nobel a Western prize. Votes: 0

Until I carried my wife off to New Hampshire, she defined wilderness as the Bronx. Votes: 0

My wife forever has made fun of my Yanni CD that I had in college. Votes: 0

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects. Votes: 0

My wife tells me I need to learn to be more patient with my son. Votes: 0

My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week. Votes: 0

I would have sold my wife and children into slavery for a ride into space. Votes: 0

So I decided to form a production company with my wife and our partner Diane. Votes: 0

A man who marries at my age isn't taking a wife, he's indenturing a nurse. Votes: 0

My wife's hands are very beautiful. I'm going to have a bust made of them. Votes: 0

I'd rather be at home making love to my wife while my children are asleep. Votes: 0

I have an amazing relationship with my wife, but sometimes there are arguments. It happens. Votes: 0

My wife and I will probably have lots of kids. Just not with each other. Votes: 0

My former wife is a very eccentric woman, which is why I still love her. Votes: 0

She's my wife. (Stryker) Was. You seem to have forgotten an important verb tense. (Zephyra) Votes: 0

My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud. Votes: 0

My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better. Votes: 0

But I dig myself, and especially if my wife digs me, I dig myself more. Votes: 0

The biggest inspiration for everything I do is, of course, my wife, playwright Ruth McKee. Votes: 0

And I'm as attached to my wife as anybody can be to another human being. Votes: 0

Gorillaz virtually changed my wife...sorry, I mean, life...no, actually, it was my wife. Votes: 0

My wife came into my life, and my mother still wanted to be the boss. Votes: 0

With my wife Camille's help, I took to social networking. I'm working with the computers. Votes: 0

I'm endlessly fascinated by parenting, marriage, my wife and the ins and outs of marriage. Votes: 0

I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.' Votes: 0

If I were as much of a man as my woman, I'd be my wife. Votes: 0

I am happy! I'm leaving on a trip and my wife is staying in Bulgaria. Votes: 0

I am always a competitor and my wife and son have never seen me wrestle. Votes: 0

My wife and I really, really like each other as well as love each other. Votes: 0

I'm marrying my common-law wife, Beth, the Christian way, with a preacher and all that. Votes: 0

I don't want to argue with my wife about her car - or my driving. Votes: 0

My wife is so funny and talented and never lets anybody fail next to her. Votes: 0

My wife told me I'm not as disgusting to her as I used to be. Votes: 0

My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?" Votes: 0

Well, my wife, Cathy Gillespie, worked for Joe Barton, who was running for Congress in 1984. Votes: 0

My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat. Votes: 0

Would you like to become my wife?Imbecile! What a question. It's my greatest dream!!! Votes: 0

Yes, I travel in unusual circles. George Osborne and his wife Frances are my cousins. Votes: 0

My wife... its difficult to say what she does... she sells seashells on the seashore. Votes: 0

I awaken. I consume oxygen, then bacon, eggs and black coffee, then my wife, then bacon. Votes: 0

I love firm hugs. Statues are so affectionate. Well, at least compared to my ex wife. Votes: 0

He fucked my wife!" George wailed"He ruined my life!""Your wife was a goddamn whore! Votes: 0

My wife's beautiful. That's why I married her. Because I want to see her every day. Votes: 0

I caught my second wife screwing my stepdad. OK? It's a cruel world, Walt. Grow up. Votes: 0

My wife is unusually kind and generous, but she's no fool. You don't mess with her. Votes: 0

When my wife died, I booked myself into the studio just to work, to occupy myself. Votes: 0

Oh, I suppose my wife and I will open a bottle of champagne with another couple. Votes: 0

My wife and I have built trust with our children and have always had open communication. Votes: 0

I like to joke with my wife that she's the CEO of... certainly of our household. Votes: 0

My wife, Tania, is very big on dogs, so I'm always paying out to animal charities. Votes: 0

Lynn, my wife, would very much appreciate if I had a talent for anything besides music. Votes: 0

My wife and I volunteer for the Guide Dog Foundation, and we have two giant labs. Votes: 0

There's always one teacher you had a crush on; for me, it's my wife's aerobics instructor. Votes: 0

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend. Votes: 0

I'm not capable of having an affair. You can ask my wife. I'm not physically capable. Votes: 0

I know at the beginning of our careers, my wife and I were gut wrenchingly competitive. Votes: 0

My wife assures me she didn't sleep with Tiger Woods, but how can I believe her? Votes: 0

My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign Votes: 0

Yes, I shot my wife because I thought she was Bigfoot, but I'm from New Jersey. Votes: 0

My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him. Votes: 0

Los Angeles is my home - I have my wife and two daughters growing up there. Votes: 0

There's just me and my wife and a dog and we feed him Healthy Choice also. Votes: 0

I can't throw books away. My wife is always telling me to get rid of some. Votes: 0

I know for my wife and I, we always loved the idea of being young parents. Votes: 0

Yes, I wear a number of hats. But my most important title is mom and wife. Votes: 0

When my wife got sick, I didn't understand why God was doing what he was doing. Votes: 0

My wife Susi and my kids quite simply are the most fun of all my friends. Votes: 0

Whenever I read the newspaper, I say to myself, 'At least my wife loves me.' Votes: 0

The secrets of success are a good wife and a steady job. My wife told me. Votes: 0

I'm about to turn 60, and most of my memories reside in the brain of my wife. Votes: 0

I always see my wife as the clever one, as the wise one in the family. Votes: 0

When I play stuff for my wife she'll be like, "No, not that song. No way." Votes: 0

My wife has her stuff and her taste, and I have my stuff and my taste. Votes: 0

If I could pick my wife by name, It'd be Whitney. That name just sounds right Votes: 0

I saw my wife at a pool, flipped over her, and 14 days later we were married. Votes: 0

One thing my wife says is bad about me, is that I still care too much. Votes: 0

My wife and I have always trusted each other, and I have to thank her strength. Votes: 0

Here lies my wife: here let her lie! Now she's at rest, and so am I. Votes: 0

My wife said I look like a Latin American dictator. I said, 'That's what I am' Votes: 0

My first priority is to my wife, as hers is to me, and to our child. Votes: 0

My main reader was my wife Sheila, and I haven't written a lot since she died. Votes: 0

My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat. Votes: 0

But, Jane, I summon you as my wife: it is you only I intend to marry. Votes: 0

One thing my wife says is bad about me is that I still care too much. Votes: 0

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive. Votes: 0

I first met my wife in the tunnel of love. She was digging it at the time. Votes: 0

I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it. Votes: 0

Did you see Walker's father? 'My son loves America.' Yeah, like O.J. loved his wife. Votes: 0

I write funny. If I can make my wife laugh, I know I'm on the right track. Votes: 0

I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's. Votes: 0

In private I'm not. You will have to ask my wife. She maintains I'm a fluffy husband. Votes: 0

The amount of times my wife has rolled her eyes at board games is impossible to count. Votes: 0

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. Votes: 0

The best thrill is standing on stage and playing - other than being married to my wife. Votes: 0

Against the advice of my wife, I endorsed Arlen Specter. I should have listened to my wife. Votes: 0

I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat. Votes: 0

I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip Votes: 0

I'm proud of my family, very proud - I have ten grandchildren, four children, and one wife. Votes: 0

My wife is troubled by the things I forget. I am troubled by the things she recollects. Votes: 0

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me Votes: 0

I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife).. but still my own. Votes: 0

The only thing I've ever wanted in my life is to be a mom and a wife. Votes: 0

The only tough thing is admitting to my wife how much a certain article of clothing costs. Votes: 0

I think I hit the bottom when my wife left me while I was on the road. Votes: 0

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her. Votes: 0

My wife, Gayle, is a wonderful musician and singer. We share music, so it's a deep bond. Votes: 0

My wife holds the kite strings that let me go 'weeeeeee', then she reels me back in. Votes: 0

My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat. Votes: 0

I am not in the habit of supporting people who attack my wife and attack my father. Votes: 0

My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much. Votes: 0

My priority, the most important thing in my life is my family, my wife and my son. Votes: 0

My wife made me get a cellphone, which I keep in my briefcase. I've never used it. Votes: 0

I'm a fun father, but not a good father. The hard decisions always went to my wife Votes: 0

My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark Votes: 0

My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing. Votes: 0

I bought my wife a little Italian car. A Mafia. It has a hood under the hood. Votes: 0

They say that I'm stubborn, and my wife says that, too, but it's paid off so far. Votes: 0

I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much. Votes: 0

I'm quite hyper, and my wife would prefer it if I sat down and read a book. Votes: 0

In my life as a wife and mother, I'm always conscious of my desire to be present. Votes: 0

I just can't see myself as a trophy wife. I can't imagine not having my own life. Votes: 0

I'm not much for setup... punch line. I talk about my kids. I talk about my wife. Votes: 0

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. Votes: 0

I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin. Votes: 0

I met [my wife Margot] on Fire Island when I had a house there many years ago. Votes: 0

Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience! Votes: 0

My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer. Votes: 0

I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave. Votes: 0

Oh, my God! My wife and I, boy, we got down that night. On a personal note! Votes: 0

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer. Votes: 0

I used to say to my late wife, 'I have great faith in the American people.' Votes: 0

I'm a fun father, but not a good father. The hard decisions always went to my wife. Votes: 0

My wife thinks she's better than me at puzzles. I haven't given in on that one yet. Votes: 0

My wife was delighted with the home I had given her amid the prairies of the far west. Votes: 0

Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife. Votes: 0

If I had no family, my wife and I would lead a much more romantic and nomadic existence. Votes: 0

The happiest I have ever been is in the life that I led with my wife and kids. Votes: 0

I went to see the 'Spider-Man' movies because my wife is a fan, and so are my kids. Votes: 0

If somebody tells me and my wife to get a room, I always ask, How about the kitchen? Votes: 0

My wife can see always how a part affects me personally because she has to live with it. Votes: 0

It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years. Votes: 0

The outbreak of the war found my wife and me in Switzerland, where we were taking a cure. Votes: 0

My wife and I were together for two years. Those were the best two days of my life. Votes: 0

I teach musical theater three days a week at the school that my wife and I graduated from. Votes: 0

If I was your wife Sir, I'd poison you! Madam, if you were my wife, I'd let you! Votes: 0

I was in love with my wife and she was in love with me. We got along wonderfully. Votes: 0

I often think about my future wife and how lax she's been about getting in touch with me. Votes: 0

I've got two contracts in my life: One with my wife and the other to protect Andy Dalton. Votes: 0

If only I had the influence with my wife and children that I have in some other quarters! Votes: 0

The roaring of the wind is my wife and the stars through the window pane are my children. Votes: 0

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg. Votes: 0

I don't believe I could work as effectively at what I do without the support of my wife. Votes: 0

I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone. Votes: 0

My best idea was to not accept my wife's negative reaction when I asked her to marry me. Votes: 0

My wife gets mad at me, because I'll worry more about my friends than I worry about myself. Votes: 0

It's a marriage. If I had to choose between my wife and my putter, well, I'd miss her. Votes: 0

Eccentricity may be diverting, Mama, but it is out of place in a wife: certainly in my wife! Votes: 0

Always accepting the greatest joy of all is the time that I get to spend with my wife. Votes: 0

Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please. Votes: 0

I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them. Votes: 0

I went from my mother to my wife. And to this day, I can't bear to be alone. Votes: 0

My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning. Votes: 0

Your wife is always right. Very simple. I think I'm going to get it tattooed on my forehead. Votes: 0

When I met my wife, my whole life changed on a dime, really quickly and for the better. Votes: 0

I do stupid stuff like that: I'll call my wife from the road, send her pictures of glaciers. Votes: 0

My wife is a size zero and eats more than I do, and I'm a 6'4", 225 lb. man! Votes: 0

I support myself. My wife and I together - it's all our household. I'm really proud of that. Votes: 0

Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury. Votes: 0

Every night before bed, I rub my wife's feet. She says they're the best foot rubs on Earth. Votes: 0

Well, I've lost my wife. I've lost my job. I've lost 20 MINUTES OF MY LIFE! Damn the decaf. Votes: 0

I can't get my wife to agree with me on everything or my kids to agree with everything. Votes: 0

Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. Votes: 0

My wife is so stupendously ugly it is easier to take her with me than to kiss her goodbye. Votes: 0

All these years, I found that being a good wife for Jeb is my most important role, no doubt. Votes: 0

When I'm in Los Angeles, my wife and I go to the farmers' market with the kids every Sunday. Votes: 0

It drives me nuts how I rely on my wife for everything. I can't imagine a day without her! Votes: 0

I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough". Votes: 0

Yeah, Dundee was great. It was a great film. I fell in love with my Mexican wife on Dundee. Votes: 0

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light. Votes: 0

My wife's family lives up in South Carolina, so we go back and forth quite a bit up there. Votes: 0

Ideally if I settled down with a wife I would love to form my own troupe of mini dancers! Votes: 0

My wife Staci made me go to a wedding last weekend...If it weren't for her, I'd be happy. Votes: 0

My wife heard me say I love you a thousand times, but she never once heard me say sorry. Votes: 0

My wife doesn't care what I do when I'm away, as long as I don't have a good time. Votes: 0

I am a illiterate that has to rely on my wife for all of the assistance I can get. Votes: 0

I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour. Votes: 0

My wife is amazing. She had to know she was getting into a heap of trouble when we met. Votes: 0

Whom she will be my next wife, will marry my attorney on paper and marry me on the bed. Votes: 0

Whom she will be my next wife, will marry my attorney on paper and marry me on the bed. Votes: 0

With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it. Votes: 0

Last year my wife ran off with the fellow next door and I must admit, I still miss him. Votes: 0

The purpose of my life is being a father to my kids and being a husband to my wife. Votes: 0

All my wife does is shop - once she was sick for a week, and three stores went under. Votes: 0

I married my husband who is thirteen years older, so I will always be a trophy wife for him. Votes: 0

There's nothing like a good cheating song to make me want to run home to be with my wife. Votes: 0

First of all, my wife writes half my act. I don't know how I could "steal" from my wife. Votes: 0

I called my son Jett and I wanted to call my daughter Qantas but my wife wouldn't let me. Votes: 0

I'm from Canada and my wife is from St. Albans, so I feel a great kinship with the Brits. Votes: 0

My wife and I went on vacation to get away. I went to Colorado, and she went to Ireland. Votes: 0

When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right. Votes: 0

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. Votes: 0

I married my wife because I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Votes: 0

When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion. Votes: 0

Actors come up and just blatantly hit on my wife in front of me and don't even look at me. Votes: 0

My wife is younger. At one point, I was twice her age. Of course, I was six at the time. Votes: 0

I would love to be a mum if I'm blessed to have children. My wife and I have those plans. Votes: 0

I work hard to let my wife know how much I love her. I try to do that every day. Votes: 0

I don't want my wife to sleep with anyone but me, and I want to give her the same respect. Votes: 0

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife! Votes: 0

I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar. Votes: 0

I already have a wife who is too much for me.. she is my art, and my works are my children. Votes: 0

I wont let a wife lead me to the altar. [I will not have a wife that shall be my master.] Votes: 0

My wife is the CEO of the family. I'm the fun guy, just trying to make it up as I go along. Votes: 0