Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable. Votes: 15
Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age. Votes: 7
Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic. Votes: 6
Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward. Votes: 0
Dawn: When men of reason go to bed. Votes: 0
Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. Votes: 0
Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from a man who did not particularly care to trace his own. Votes: 0
Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills. Votes: 0
Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are not as they ought to be." Votes: 0
Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking. Votes: 0
REAR, n. In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress. Votes: 0
Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish. Votes: 0
APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom. Votes: 0
ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn. Votes: 0
OBSERVATORY, n. A place where astronomers conjecture away the guesses of their predecessors. Votes: 0
A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can't let go. Votes: 0
APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider Votes: 0
DIAPHRAGM, n. A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels. Votes: 0
Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond. Votes: 0
When among the graves of thy fellows, walk with circumspection; thine own is open at thy feet. Votes: 0
When in Rome, do as Rome does. Votes: 0
Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. Votes: 0
Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Votes: 0
Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. Votes: 0
Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. Votes: 0
Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope. Votes: 0
Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination. Votes: 0
Slang is a foul pool at which every dunce fills his bucket, and then sets up as a fountain. Votes: 0
Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else Votes: 0
ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . . Votes: 0
FROG, n. A reptile with edible legs Votes: 0
Historian - a broad-gauge gossip. Votes: 0
Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo. Votes: 0
Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel. Votes: 0
Epitaph: An inscription on a tomb showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect. Votes: 0
Battle, n., A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue. Votes: 0
LINEN, n. "A kind of cloth the making of which, when made of hemp, entails a great waste of hemp." Votes: 0
Magpie, n.: A bird whose theivish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk. Votes: 0
RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with. Votes: 0
Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness. Votes: 0
Example is better than following it Votes: 0
Dawn: When men of reason go to bed Votes: 0
Ah, children of the sunlight and the gaslight, how little you know of the world in which you live! Votes: 0
Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are not as they ought to be. Votes: 0
Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something he can see and feel. Votes: 0
Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable. Votes: 0
NOVEL, n. A short story padded... Votes: 0
It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better. Votes: 0
TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally. Votes: 0
They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid. Votes: 0
When you doubt, abstain. Votes: 0
Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. Votes: 0
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. Votes: 0
Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain. Votes: 0
Doubt is the father of invention. Votes: 0
Noise: a stench in the ear. Votes: 0
Least said is soon disavowed. Votes: 0
PLAGIARIZE, v. To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, never read. Votes: 0
RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection. Votes: 0
Loquacity, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk. Votes: 0
COMMENDATION n. The tribute that we pay to achievements that resembles but do not equal our own. Votes: 0
Habit: A shackle for the free. Votes: 0
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. Votes: 0
PROVIDENTIAL, adj. Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it. Votes: 0
REPORTER, n. A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words. Votes: 0
Example is better than following it. Votes: 0
When lost in a forest go always down hill. When lost in a philosophy or doctrine go upward. Votes: 0
The wife, or bitter half. Votes: 0
He laughs best who laughs least. Votes: 0
A lottery is a tax on stupidity. Votes: 0
Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep. Votes: 0
The liberality of one who has much, in permitting one who has nothing to get all that he can. Votes: 0
Die: To stop sinning suddenly. Votes: 0
A popular writer writes about what people think. A wise writer offers them something to think about. Votes: 0
There would be far fewer accidents if we could only teach telephone poles to be more careful. Votes: 0
In forgiving an injury be somewhat ceremonious, lest your magnanimity be construed as indifference. Votes: 0
art, n. This word has no definition. Votes: 0
hybrid, n. A pooled issue. Votes: 0
A nation that will not enforce its laws has no claim to the respect and allegiance of its people. Votes: 0
Fear has no brains; it is an idiot. Votes: 0
actually, adv. Perhaps; possibly. Votes: 0
alone, adj. In bad company. Votes: 0
ZIGZAG, v.t. To move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man's burden. Votes: 0
Twice – Once too often. Votes: 0
TRUTHFUL, adj. Dumb and illiterate. Votes: 0
Contempt; the feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed. Votes: 0
An auctioneer is a man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue. Votes: 0
TRUCE, n. Friendship. Votes: 0
INTIMACY, n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction. Votes: 0
NON-COMBATANT, n. A dead Quaker. Votes: 0
VIRTUES, n.pl. Certain abstentions. Votes: 0
Woman absent is woman dead. Votes: 0
ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice. Votes: 0
TABLE D'HOTE, n. A caterer's thrifty concession to the universal passion for irresponsibility. Votes: 0
Rhubarb: essence of stomach ache. Votes: 0
I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats. Votes: 0
CLOSE-FISTED, adj. Unduly desirous of keeping that which many meritorious persons wish to obtain. Votes: 0
adore, v.t. To venerate expectantly. Votes: 0
Advice, the smallest current coin. Votes: 0
MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important. Votes: 0
Hurry n: The dispatch of bunglers. Votes: 0
SYLLOGISM, n. A logical formula consisting of a major and a minor assumption and an inconsequent. Votes: 0
INDISCRETION, n. The guilt of woman. Votes: 0
PRICE, n. Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it. Votes: 0
RITUALISM, n. A Dutch Garden of God where He may walk in rectilinear freedom, keeping off the grass. Votes: 0
THEOSOPHY, n. An ancient faith having all the certitude of religion and all the mystery of science. Votes: 0
Appetite, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question. Votes: 0