That's what show business is, sincere insincerity. Votes: 15
The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut the odds and take a bomb. Votes: 14
Roses are reddish Violets are bluish If it weren't for Christmas We'd all be Jewish. Votes: 14
Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand. Votes: 11
I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: 'Oh well,' and I went back to smoking again, and that was better. Votes: 9
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect. Votes: 9
Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born? Votes: 5
Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe. Votes: 4
Do unto others, then run Votes: 4
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn. Votes: 4
Did you ever notice that everyone in favour of birth control has already been born ? Votes: 3
Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many women very happy? Votes: 3
Live everyday as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right. Votes: 2
Do unto others, then run. Votes: 2
I'm not against half naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be. Votes: 0
Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason... now I have a reason. Votes: 0
I never yell, I never tell, but I'm grateful as hell. Votes: 0