Top quotes by Bill Cosby

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made. Votes: 30

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it. Votes: 29

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God. Votes: 29

As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by 'survival of the fittest.' Votes: 29

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on. Votes: 26

Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific. Votes: 24

I'm not going out and hitting a 95-mph fastball where I can't see the stitches. I'm not on a professional football team looking to tackle a fullback who is built like solid wood. I'm a thinking person, and I've been blessed with the ability to see some things and talk about them in a way that registers in a humorous and funny way. Votes: 23

I cannot understand how the education of this United States of America has been fooled time and time again. Either make it separate but equal or integrate, therefore it will be equal. And it has been separate and unequal. Votes: 20

Now, Richard Pryor was unique. Many misunderstood his humor. He lit up the hallway, but they didn't understand his use of profanity. He didn't use it just to be using it; he used it in the context of his satire. Votes: 18

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods. Votes: 18

When I was a child, I was living in the housing projects of Philadelphia. I didn't even have a Christmas tree. Votes: 15

Tons of comedians have said, 'I grew up learning from Bill Cosby. He's great.' But that respect doesn't mean much to the young people. They like their ginger ale with hot sauce. Votes: 14

The problems with kids having short attention spans is driven by entertainment, reset buttons on games, games having to do with getting somewhere and heads blowing up. Everything is 'cut to the chase, cut to the chase.' Votes: 14

Brown versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person's problem. Votes: 14

All around the United States of America - in the cities and the counties - our public education is suffering and has been suffering. Cuts, cuts, cuts. Votes: 14

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. Votes: 12

It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful. Votes: 12

My observations are not bread crumbs. They do not dissolve. They are on record, on film printed in books, and found on the Internet. I am happy to share them. For this I was born. Votes: 12

The Cosby Show' made an impact on comedy, television and culture. We rejected lowering the bar. Votes: 12

I love Twitter, but some people use profanity so much that at some point it's like saying, 'Pass the salt.' Votes: 11

When I decided that I wanted to go to college, I wanted to be a school teacher for 7th and 8th grade boys because I felt that was an important time for them. I had gone astray at that point in my life and really wanted to help keep them from making the same mistake I had made. Votes: 9

I'm one of those who cut off seeing people after a certain time, when the weight is gone and they sound like the dementia is very advanced - I don't want to see that. I don't even go in to look at the body. That's not my last memory. Votes: 9

Racial humor was about 35% of my act when I first started. But I realized that it was a crutch. What brought it home was when another comedian said to me, 'If you changed color tomorrow, you wouldn't have any material.' He meant it as a put-down, but I took it as a challenge. Votes: 8

I was 23 years old, a freshman at university, and there I was, on the first day, sitting in a remedial English class. I was so ashamed I almost got up and left, but somehow I knew inside that if I ran away from this, I would hate myself forever. Votes: 7

In September of 1960, I was blessed - and I'm not saying blessed in the everyday religious way - when Temple University accepted me after scoring 500 on the SAT. I was 23 years old, and they put me in remedial. I was the happiest remedial person on earth. Votes: 7

If you have one of the worst schools in the city, then chances are the teachers are not going to care for you. Chances are the parents don't feel seriously about coming to meet with teachers. Votes: 6

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children. Votes: 5

We are all anxious to be accepted. But if you have a strong mother and father who tell you that you don't have to dress a crazy way, or hang out with people who are looking for trouble in order to be loved and accepted, then half the battle is over. Votes: 5

God has not made anything that I know of that pays so much attention to who their father and mother is as us. Votes: 5

Education happens to be something that all people, all cultures, need to embrace. Math, science, the words of the world. To be able to speak and be able to have clarity and to be able to think. Those are the greatest of gifts. Votes: 4

It was hard for me, being in school. And nobody was there to tell me how important it was. Votes: 0

I managed my life to the point that at age 19 I was still in high school. I decided I was too old to be walking down those hallways. Votes: 0

For college seniors there should be a week of being allowed to cry. Just break down and cry because you are scared and don't know what's next. Votes: 0

I use the exercise room early, because I don't want to get on the treadmill and everyone's going 'Oh, Bill Cosby,' and then they come around to see how fast I'm walking, and it becomes very competitive. Votes: 0

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal. Votes: 0

I think the part of media that romanticizes criminal behavior, things that a person will say against women, profanity, being gangster, having multiple children with multiple men and women and not wanting to is prevalent. When you look at the majority of shows on television they placate that kind of behavior. Votes: 0

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure. Votes: 0

The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now. Votes: 0

Learning to read clusters is not something your eyes do naturally. It takes constant practice. Votes: 0

The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet. Votes: 0

Family is conflict and it's something that we all relate to. Votes: 0

George Booth and I are both funny, and from afar, without meeting, admired each other's work. Votes: 0

The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it. Votes: 0

Every success story has a parent who says, 'over my dead body.' Every success story has an old person who walks up to you and says, when you're acting the fool, 'you know I worry about you sometimes.' Votes: 0

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice. Votes: 0

We've got too many young girls, who don't know how to parent, turning themselves into parents. Votes: 0

I'm not the healthiest, but I am healthy. I'm healthy to the point where there are things that I have to eat that I don't want to eat, but I eat it because I'm enjoying staying alive. Votes: 0

There should be marches in every neighborhood every day telling the people about the negativity of drugs and how the drugs help us to behave negatively. Votes: 0

Too many people are waiting for Jesus to come along and cut your grass. And Jesus isn't going to come along and cut your grass. Votes: 0

Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children. Votes: 0

I don't spend my hours worrying how to slip a social message into my act. Votes: 0

I Spy' represents the absence of the tension of the black man or black woman or anyone of that color walking in, so that the white racist person can become entertaining to a viewer. Votes: 0

The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic. Votes: 0

Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing. Votes: 0

I think I am a good running back, but I'm really not that fast. There is only one thing I can do, that is throw a cross-body block. Picture perfect. I love it. Not that good at pass blocking. Votes: 0

There are some people who have trouble recognizing a mess. Votes: 0

I don't see much comedy in the Bible, where people are writing about funny people. It's not there. Votes: 0

I want to get violence - I want schools to start from K through 12 to just every day have teachers understand that they don't want to talk about anything that is violent, and they want to explain to the children how bad violence is and how behavior - violent behavior, is something that they really should not practice and think about. Votes: 0

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit. Votes: 0

George Carlin is brilliant with words, and Johnny Winters is very creative. It's taking something common and drawing out the humor, being clever with words. Votes: 0

With my wife Camille's help, I took to social networking. I'm working with the computers. Votes: 0

There is no job a man can do that is undignified - if he does it well. Votes: 0

According to the State of Florida, the person with the gun has the right to defend him or herself. Votes: 0

There's a gap between people knowing what I do and really believing that I still do that - and wondering what it is I really do. Votes: 0

Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first. Votes: 0

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right. Votes: 0

A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station. Votes: 0

My feeling is, personally, I want to die first... because I believe that when you die, your soul goes immediately up for judgment - and I don't want my wife up there first. No, the judgment will be horrendous. Votes: 0

Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes. Votes: 0

All parents experience the same problems. Votes: 0

When you introduce competition into the public school system, most studies show that schools start to do better when they are competing for students. Votes: 0

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time. Votes: 0

I don't care what right-wing white people are thinking. Votes: 0

I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread. Votes: 0

There are two sides to every story, and sometimes three, four, and five. Votes: 0

Parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet. Votes: 0

In your 50s, time becomes precious and must not be wasted. Every minute is an excellent opportunity for a good nap. Happy 50th birthday! Votes: 0

Gray hair is God's graffiti. Votes: 0

On many young actors that don't give their parents proper credit: I'm still waiting for some actor to win, say, an Oscar... and deliver the following acceptance speech: I would like to thank my parents, first of all, for letting me live. Votes: 0

The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague. Votes: 0

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. Votes: 0

The heart of marriage is memories. Votes: 0

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. Votes: 0

One of the great mistakes that can be made by a man of my age is to get involved in athletic competition with children-unless, of course, they are under six. And even then, stay away from hide-and-seek. Votes: 0

I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't. Votes: 0

Sometimes you try to help people, and it backfires on you, and then they try to take advantage of you. Votes: 0

Nobody ever says, "Can I have your beets? Votes: 0

Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die. Votes: 0

Kids need to remember that when you put something on Twitter, it's not like whispering to your friend, you've put it on a billboard that the whole world, including your own kids someday, can see. Votes: 0

In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything. You just need a lot of love and luck - and, of course, courage. Votes: 0

Zip zop wop boopity bop. Votes: 0

Meadowlark and I share a common vision of bringing joy and laughter to others. Votes: 0

Fatherhood is telling your daughter that Michael Jackson loves all his fans, but has special feelings for the ones who eat broccoli. Votes: 0

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it. Votes: 0

Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger. Votes: 0

I was a physical education major with a child psychology minor at Temple, which means if you ask me a question about a child's behavior, I will advise you to tell the child to take a lap. Votes: 0

My children love my mother, and I tell my children, that is not the same woman I grew up with...That is an old woman trying to get into heaven now. Votes: 0

When a person has a gun, sometimes their mind clicks that this thing will win arguments and straighten people out. Votes: 0

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework. Votes: 0

I can't even talk the way these people talk. 'Why you ain't?' 'Where you is?' Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth. Votes: 0

I feel that in-person contact with people is the most important thing in comedy. While I'm up on stage, I can actually put myself into the audience and adjust my pace and tuning to them. I can get into their heads through their ears and through their eyes. Only through this total communication can I really achieve what I'm trying to do. Votes: 0

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much. Votes: 0

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked. Votes: 0

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. Votes: 0

Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy. Votes: 0

A father has to do everything in his power to keep a tight ship, even though he knows the crew would like to send him away in a dinghy. Votes: 0

While fathers are pleasant figureheads, there is a special bond between children and their mothers. 'Do you help your mother clean up the house?' I asked one girl of seven. 'No,' she sweetly replied, 'I help make the mess.' It's a dirty job but somebody's got to do it. Votes: 0

I love it when mothers get so mad they can't remember your name. "Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga... what is your name, boy? And don't lie to me, because you live here, and I'll find out who you are." Votes: 0

We parents ask dumb questions, therefore we get dumb answers. Votes: 0

You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any. Votes: 0

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. Votes: 0

There are no absolutes in raising children. In any stressful situation, fathering is always a roll of the dice. The game may be messy, but I have never found one with more joys and rewards. Votes: 0

Old is always fifteen years from now. Votes: 0

That's why ears have cartilage, to keep them from flapping. Votes: 0

I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger. Votes: 0

Never say [to younger people] "that was before your time," because the last full moon was before their time! Votes: 0

Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet. Votes: 0

Pay off your student loan. Even if you don't have a job...Because when you finally get a job you're going to be one of us. Votes: 0

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. Votes: 0

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries. Votes: 0

Is the glass half full, or half empty? It depends on whether you're pouring, or drinking. Votes: 0

Suddenly, this romantic agony was enriched by a less romantic one: I had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, I couldn't let her know about this urge, for great lovers never did such things. The answer to "Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" was not "In the men's room, Julie. Votes: 0

I once asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic. He told me how he once killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook. Votes: 0

You are not going to 'go forth.' You are going to take that damn hat off and you're going to get a job. Votes: 0

My mother comes in my room and says, "Just look at this mess! This is a pig sty!" Now, I've already been in the room five hours, and she wants me to LOOK at it. Votes: 0

It is a point of pride for the American male to keep the same size jockey shorts for his entire life. Votes: 0

When the child is twelve, your wife buys her a splendidly silly article of clothing called a training bra. To train what? I never had a training jock. And believe me, when I played football, I could have used a training jock more than any twelve-year-old needs a training bra. Votes: 0

The childless experts on child raising also bring tears of laughter to my eyes when they say, I love children because they're so honest. There is not an agent in the CIA or the KGB who knows how to conceal the theft of food, how to fake being asleep, or how to forge a parent's signature like a child. Votes: 0

These people marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education and now we've got these knuckleheads walking around. Votes: 0

There is no labor a person does that is undignified; if they do it right. Votes: 0

You go and you buy a lottery ticket. You've got just as much chance of getting struck by lightning as you do of winning the lottery. Votes: 0

we cannot afford to settle for being just average; we must learn as much as we can to be the best that we can. The key word is education - education with maximum effort. Without it, we cannot be in charge of ourselves or anyone else. Votes: 0

My mother was an authority on pig sties. This is the worst looking pigsty I have ever seen in my life, and I want it cleaned up right now. Votes: 0

Social networking helps reach people easier and quicker. Votes: 0

The first-born in every family is always dreaming for an imaginary older brother or sister who will look out for them. Votes: 0

In America ... the seven ages of man have become preschooler, Pepsi generation, baby boomer, mid-lifer, empty-nester, senior citizen, and organ donor. Votes: 0

The problem is that your daughter has given her heart to a 15-year-old boy, and a 15-year-old boy does not yet qualify as a human being. Votes: 0

Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it. Votes: 0

The measure ov overexposure is not how many times people see you on TV or in the bookstores. It's whether you can maintain the quality of your entertainment. If you can, people will always be glad to see you. Votes: 0

The secret of success is to be like a duck, Smooth and unruffled on top, But paddling furiously underneath. Votes: 0

Man can not live by bread alone ... he must have peanut butter. Votes: 0

A pelican that is wet walks with a gated limp, but a dry fish swims alone. Votes: 0

It is not a matter of who is rejecting me, as much as it is somebody may get it, and I am going to keep plowing through it because in this world of education, there is a harvest. Votes: 0

Our children are angry. The profanity is out in the street. It's on the buses and in the subway. Our children are trying to tell us something, and we are not listening. Votes: 0

I want all this loud profanity in the street stopped. I want people to think about choices. Votes: 0

A white person listens to my act and he laughs and he thinks, 'Yeah, that's the way I see it too.' Okay. He's white. I'm Negro. And we both see things the same way. That must mean that we are alike..... So I figure I'm doing as much for good race relations as the next guy. Votes: 0

These people marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education and now we've got these knuckleheads walking around Votes: 0

The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic Votes: 0

There should be more on television that uplifts people and shows them how to better prepare themselves for earning a living. Votes: 0

The past is a ghost, the future a dream and all we ever have is now. Votes: 0

I watch an awful lot of television, and I get a little tired of what I see... We have about six television sets in our house, and it's less expensive for me to do a television series than it is for me to throw them all out. Votes: 0

I never saw anything funny in a car commercial - but that's OK. Whatever they wanted to do - it's their product and I'm the spokesperson, and I'm going to deliver. Votes: 0

gray hair is gods graffiti Votes: 0

When you become senile, you won't know it. Votes: 0

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them. Votes: 0

We're not raising children with the love that we need to. Votes: 0

The serve was invented so that the net could play. Votes: 0

I think 'I Spy,' still when you look at it, speaks volumes in terms of propaganda for equality. It's just magnificent. Votes: 0

The three ingredients of a successful union between two ... humor, commitment & undying love. Votes: 0

You can't compete with Walmart. But you can have smaller businesses that are successful. Votes: 0

I'm not sure if my parents had me because they loved me, or because they wanted someone to watch their other children. Votes: 0

The weatherman is always right. It's just his timing that's off. Votes: 0

If the audience knows you can be funny when you want to be, they will be willing to wait for that payoff. Votes: 0

Parents are people who yell and they yell and they yell and they yell. And you already have the point... and they're still yelling. Votes: 0

The absolute truth is that there is no power in celebrity. Votes: 0

There's no tradition today except initials, 'CSI,' 'NCIS,' all the rest. Even with reruns today, people don't know there was a 'Dick Van Dyke Show,' or 'Andy Griffith,' or 'Cheers.' Votes: 0

I love cake. I love pie. I love potato chips. I love salt. I do not want yogurt, plain yogurt. It's healthy. 'Why don't you like it?' Because it tastes like bad breath. Votes: 0

There are certain times of the day when you need a balance - that is, your protein and your carbs. I'm a Barry Sears man. I believe that anything green is a carb, and I need 2:1. Two of the carbs to one of the protein. Votes: 0

Reunited with strawberry, raspberry and blueberry, I am berry, berry happy to be back working with JELL-O. Votes: 0

I can't negate the theory that the Huxtables on 'The Cosby Show' may have helped pave the way for the Obama family. People enjoyed watching that black family. Votes: 0

I am not going to give in to people who try to exploit me because of my celebrity status. Votes: 0

I'm a Christian. But Muslims are misunderstood. Intentionally misunderstood. We should all be more like them. Votes: 0

By the 1960s, many of us believed that the Civil Rights Movement could eliminate racism in America during our lifetime. But despite significant progress, racism remains. Votes: 0

I don't think you can bring the races together by joking about the differences between them. I'd rather talk about the similarities, about what's universal in their experiences. Votes: 0

Karl Malden was a good friend of mine, and he said, 'You draw the people to you,' and I guess that's what I do. Votes: 0

Comedy Central is what these young people are viewing. The network speaks to their audience, which is saying, 'Give me fast jokes. Give me party stories and party language.' Votes: 0

I think if a 30-year-old Bill Cosby sat on stage with a 72-year-old Bill Cosby, they would enjoy each other. Votes: 0

Telemarketers tell me I sound like Bill Cosby. Votes: 0

People have all kinds of approaches when they come up to me. Some of them are so nervous: 'You know, Mr. Cosby, you are my biggest fan!' I am? Some of them even claim that I raised them. Votes: 0

There are teachers in the United States who cry in the daytime because they see a child or children who haven't eaten properly, children who haven't used soap in so long. Votes: 0

If you took your child to the dentist and check for cavities, the child likely won't get them. If you take them just for emergency, that's all they're gonna get. Votes: 0

I see Obama as Sisyphus in the first four years. And nobody would speak about the size of the rock, or the elevation of the hill. All you hear people talk about is what he didn't do. Votes: 0

What kept me out of trouble is going right to the edge and then... thinking that my mother would be embarrassed, and that I didn't want to embarrass her, and that my father would be embarrassed, and I just didn't want to do that to my family. Votes: 0

You come to my comedy show to be entertained. Votes: 0

I don't have a problem believing in God and Jesus. But in Genesis one has to wonder about these sentences that just go on and end without finishing. The thought is unfinished. Where did Adam go? What is he doing? Hello? There has to be some pages missing. Votes: 0

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it. Votes: 0

The most important educational vehicle in all life is a parent figure. Votes: 0

If you have no faith, you've lost your battle. Votes: 0

You don't reinvent yourself; you get better with what you do. Votes: 0

If you speak your mind and if it is true what you're saying, then I think the integrity of what you're saying carries through. Votes: 0

I tell stories. Because I believe you can do things that joke tellers can't do, and that is, bring your audience along. Votes: 0

People say children are charming because they tell the truth. That's a lie. I've got five of them. They only tell the truth if they're in pain. Votes: 0

As a comedian, I can walk out in front of 5000 people and not worry about a thing. Not a thing, believe me. But to stand up a face a camera and crew of maybe 15 guys and get up tight about it - to me that's weird. Votes: 0

Romance is a different word than sexual contact. Votes: 0

If you have a question about anything, the answer can be found in a book somewhere in the library. Votes: 0

Take your bottom lip and pull it over your head. Votes: 0

YOU are a genius!... and I am a genius because I married you. Votes: 0

When you carry a gun, you mean to harm somebody, kill somebody. Votes: 0

The essence of childhood, of course, is play. Votes: 0

My father established our relationship when I was seven years old. He looked at me and said, “You know, I brought you in this world, and I can take you out. And it don't make no difference to me, I'll make another one look just like you. Votes: 0

I know people are tired of me not saying anything, but a guy doesn’t have to answer to innuendos, Votes: 0

We are the only animals that let our kids come back home. Votes: 0

Anyone can dabble, but once you've made that commitment, your blood has that particular thing in it, and it's very hard for people to stop you. Votes: 0

A father... knows exactly what those boys at the mall have in their depraved little minds because he once owned such a depraved little mind himself. In fact, if he thinks enough about the plans that he used to have for young girls, the father not only will support his wife in keeping their daughter home but he might even run over to the mall and have a few of those boys arrested. Votes: 0

I often try to tell kids to think about all the people who love you, don't cry over the one person who doesn't. Votes: 0

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. Votes: 0

Laughter brings out the child in all of us. Votes: 0

Well, I really don't know what the secret of success is but I can tell you that the secret of failure is to try to please everyone. Votes: 0

If a white man falls off a chair drunk, it's just a drunk. If a Negro does, it's the whole damn Negro race. Votes: 0

I am not afraid of crashing, my secret is . . . just before we hit the ground, I jump as high as I can. Votes: 0

Why do kids always say peace out, I though peace was in. Votes: 0

If you want to be seen, stand up. If you want to be heard, speak up. If you want to be appreciated, shut up. Votes: 0

A baseball manager has learned a lot about his job from having played the game, but a parent has not learned a thing from having once been a child. Votes: 0

The beautiful thing about older people is their ability to cut the fat off of conversation. When they talk, they don't go on forever and ever. They say what they have to say, and that's it. That was my grand dad. Some of the things he said stunned me, but his words were logical. I'll never forget them. Votes: 0

All men should freely use those seven words which have the power to make any marriage run smoothly: You know dear, you may be right Votes: 0

A word to the wise ain't... Votes: 0

If you know what you want, you will recognize it when you see it. Votes: 0

Your parents put a curse on you - Someday your kids are going to act just like you. Votes: 0

A child who is disciplined will be more obedient and also more organized as a student. Votes: 0

Betrayal, abandonment, deceit and manipulation. Votes: 0

Calculus is one course you can come with to your parents and say, I am dropping it. And they'll understand. Votes: 0

I recently turned fifty, which is young for a tree, mid-life for an elephant, and ancient for a quarter-miler, whose son now says, "Dad, I just can't run the quarter with you anymore, unless I bring something to read." Votes: 0

It doesn't make any difference how much money a father earns, his name is always Dad-Can-I.... Like all other children, my five have one great talent: they are gifted beggars. Not one of them ever ran into the room, looked up at me, and said, "I'm really happy that you're my father, and as a tangible token of my appreciation, here's a dollar. Votes: 0

If you know two languages, the level of your intelligence Votes: 0

You can't be everything to everyone Votes: 0

You can not make everybody happy.. Votes: 0

Intellectuals are people who go to study things other people do naturally. Votes: 0

Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair and the first thing they grab is an iron hook. Votes: 0

The mother may be doing ninety percent of the disciplining, but the father still must have a full-time acceptance of all the children. He never must say, "Get these kids out of here; I'm trying to watch TV." If he ever does start saying this, he is liable to see one of his kids on the six o'clock news. Votes: 0

You people are not prepared. You are well educated and you look cute, but that's not going to cut it. Votes: 0

Our children are trying to tell us something, and we are not listening. Votes: 0

Why do I have to feed the kids? They just ate twelve hours ago! Votes: 0

If you're a parent, the five worst words you can say to your children are, "When I was your age ..." You were never their age. You were older in the womb. Votes: 0

I said to a guy, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful," and he said, "Because it intensifies your personality." I said, "Yes, but what if you're an asshole?" Votes: 0

Some authority on parenting once said, "Hold them very close and then let them go." This is the hardest truth for a father to learn: that his children are continuously growing up and moving away from him (until, of course, they move back in). Votes: 0

It's more blessed to give than to receive - especially kittens. Votes: 0

Anyone who has brought up children knows that consistency has absolutely nothing to do with discipline. Votes: 0

People say "God will find a way." God can't find a way if you're in the way. Votes: 0

My father would pass gas and then blame it on imaginary animals. Votes: 0

Now, this is the fun part about getting stoned. They get stoned, then they become paranoid. Now, when they started out, they said, "Let's get high and have fun." So they're high; now they're paranoid. "Am I falling out of this chair?" Votes: 0

The only thing that you can get into without a lot of trouble is a lot of trouble. Votes: 0

People will frighten you about a graduation....They use words you don't hear often... Votes: 0

A Hoyo de Monterrey double corona is my favourite Cuban since Desi Arnaz. Votes: 0

I'm going OUT... because I DESERVE to go out! And I'm going to get DRUNK... because I DESERVE to get drunk! And get out of my way! Votes: 0

Ours is a youth culture, and like a golf tournament, we honor only low scores. Votes: 0

I don't wear no condom and I don't plan for no kids. Votes: 0

My father wanted me to play pro football, and he didn't like the fact that I'd left school. And he said, "It takes a man to play football. And any fool can go up on the stage and make an ass of himself. Votes: 0

My father walked to school 4 o'clock every morning with no shoes on, uphill, both ways, in 5 feet of snow and he was thankful. Votes: 0

Public education is a good foundation on which to build a better life for each of us. And if we want to prove to these children who never made the mess in the first place that education is worth the trouble, our schools have to inspire them so they can do what they ought to do. Votes: 0

Let me say this: I only expect the black media to uphold the standards of excellence in journalism and when you do that, you have to go in with a neutral mind. Votes: 0

Guys standing around and talking about Spanish fly: 'You know anything about Spanish fly?' 'No, tell me about it.' Well there's this girl Crazy Mary, you put some in her drink man, she, 'Haaaaaaaaaaaaah.' Oh yeah, that's really groovy man, Spanish fly is groovy, yeah. From then on, any time you see a girl: 'Wish I had some Spanish fly.' Go to a party see five girls standing alone: 'Boy if I had a whole jug of Spanish fly, I'd light that corner up over there. HAAAAAAH.' Votes: 0

Every father says the same thing: “Where's your mother?” Votes: 0

When I say, I don't care what white people think, I mean that. Votes: 0

When I was a boy if a girl got pregnant the shame was placed on her and the boy could get away. Votes: 0

I have to follow my thoughts and mine for the gold. I have to dig it out. Votes: 0

We've got to get the gun out of the hands of people who are supposed to be on neighborhood watch. Votes: 0

How long can you tread water? Votes: 0

In my old neighborhood, a boy stopped playing when he began to lose his pulse. And then he became the referee. Votes: 0

When you're a father you censor yourself. You get just as angry with a child but you don't want to say, "What the filth and foul and I'll filth and foul, filth and foul and, yeah, ya filth and foul face, and I'll filth and foul, foul, filth!" You don't want to say that to a child so you censor yourself and you sound like an idiot: "What the... Get your... I'll put a... Get out of my face!" Votes: 0

My grandpa didn't believe in hugging and kissing, or saying I love you. His love had to do with the way he treated you. When he said, We're going here, we're going there, he was telling me about life. That was his love for me. My love for him was listening to what he said, keeping out of trouble, doing right, being fair. Votes: 0

It's painful, but we can't heal ourselves unless we cleanse the wounds. Votes: 0

We go out of our way to make people so different,... to punish them because of color, because of sex, because of size, and the game starts. Votes: 0

And to those people with no children but who think they'd like to have them some day to fulfill their lives. Remember: With fulfillment comes responsibility. Votes: 0

Have you ever had a cookie? Then you won't get any here either. Votes: 0

I wanted to give the house back to the parents. Votes: 0

You know my father's favorite game? Come here and pull my finger. Votes: 0

Give me 200 active 2-year-olds and I could conquer the world. Votes: 0

You can never give complete authority and overall power to anyone until trust can be proven. Votes: 0

...among the guitarists, Wes Montgomery is fantastic. He's always good to let you know what the art form is all about. It's the same still life that everybody is painting, but in comes Wes Montgomery, and it's right there! Votes: 0

Mediocre people are the most dangerous people in the world. Votes: 0

What best defines a child is the total inability to receive information from anything not plugged in. Votes: 0

I don't have a clue about the way to achievement, however the way to disappointment is attempting to please everyone. Votes: 0

If you listen carefully to what a child is saying to you, you'll see that he has a point to make. So I listen. And I answer them just as seriously as possible. And if I don't know the answer, I'll tell them I don't know. Votes: 0

We spoke to God about the children, and we were afraid to ask God for specific things. We thought that it might be too much. So we said to God 'Please give us a healthy child' and left it at that, not knowing that God is a generous God, but also has a sense of humor. And if you leave that much open for God, some wonderful jokes are going to come about. Votes: 0

Grandparents are God's gifts to children. Votes: 0

Fatherhood is helping your children learn English as a foreign language. Votes: 0

What's your name again? That's right. I'm so glad you know your name. Votes: 0

'Don't worry about senility', my grandfather used to say. Votes: 0

People will frighten you about a graduation.... They use words you don't hear often: And we wish you Godspeed." It is a warning, Godspeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices." Votes: 0

It is a warning, Godspeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices. Votes: 0

What is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I'd like to say that grandparents are God's gifts to children. Votes: 0

I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I don't really think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job...and I don't want it! Votes: 0

When you graduate from college, they tell you to follow your dreams. Does anyone say you have to wake up first? Votes: 0

I’m supposed to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty,” I told her. Without a moment’s hesitation, in a split second, my grandmother shrugged and said: “It depends on if you’re drinking or pouring. Votes: 0

If you can find humour in anything, you can survive it Votes: 0

I brought you in this world, and I can take you out! Votes: 0

...it was the arts, those noble expressions of the human spirit that are communicated through literature, dance, song, film, drama, painting and sculpture, among the many other such creative means, that helped articulate the sufferings of [these] people that were heard around the globe. Votes: 0

Don't talk yourself into not being you. Votes: 0

I did not want to turn to playing golf because golf is about as much exercise as shuffling cards. Votes: 0

You are more important to yourself than you think you are. Votes: 0

Most fathers and... Mothers. Only your grandmother and Ghengis Khan know how to do it. Votes: 0

Anecdote: In a controversial way, Comedian and actor Bill Cosby sought to teach his son the pain of being lied to. Convinced his son had been dishonest regarding an issue, Cosby promised that if he told him the truth, he would not hit him. When his son did confess, Cosby did hit him. Seeing his son's shock and hurt, Cosby said he hoped this lesson had deepened his understanding of the anguish generated by a sense betrayal. Votes: 0

Because for me it is almost analgesic to talk about what the white man is doing against us. And it keeps a person frozen in their seat, it keeps you frozen in your hole you’re sitting in. Votes: 0

The summit, which is set up to educate people about managing their money and protecting their income, leads to empowerment of self, for which this summit needs to be applauded. Votes: 0

Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity. Votes: 0

Beware of people who fall at your feet. They may be reaching for the corner of the rug. Votes: 0

Parenting needs to come to the forefront. Votes: 0

Today's parents grew up with the silly notion that music was meant to be heard. Votes: 0

My dad came over to the house... went into his pocket and pulled out a handful of money, and began to pass it out to the children... This was the same man who, when I was his child, I would ask him for 50 cents, this man would tell me his life's story. Votes: 0

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His kids. Votes: 0

Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge. Votes: 0

People should fact check. People shouldn’t have to go through that and shouldn’t answer to innuendos. Votes: 0

After creating the heaven, the earth, the ocean, and the entire animal kingdom, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was "Don't." Votes: 0

You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to see the dog doing them. Votes: 0

Criticizing is easy, art is difficult. Votes: 0

You'll have many, many friends, but if your relationship with your mate is one hundred per cent of your heart, you'll never need a friend. Votes: 0

Don't let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart. Votes: 0

Violence won't solve a thing. It makes it more challenging to solve, though. Votes: 0

The first time I came across the birds and the bees in actual flight, I couldn't identify the formation. Votes: 0

The game of chess. Supposedly men made it up, and it's about war and men and the ravages and the bravery and the genius of commanding and moving pieces and ... No. It's marriage. The Queen moves anywhere she wants. Votes: 0

Listen to John Coltrane enough and after two bars, just two bars at any place, and you know that's him. We all have signature things that happen to be similar that you can predict and you try to stay away from that except the rhythms: those pauses, they're part of my signature, the part where I know when I say nothing, I already painted enough, led enough and I don't even have to say anything. But those pauses don't belong to me. Jack Benny was one of the first guys in comedy to make the anticipation so great that during the pause people start to laugh before the execution. Votes: 0

I didn't like what was on TV in terms of sitcoms—it had nothing to do with the color of them—I just didn't like any of them. I saw little kids, let's say 6 or 7 years old, white kids, black kids. And the way they were addressing the father or the mother, the writers had turned things around, so the little children were smarter than the parent or the caregiver. They were just not funny to me. I felt that it was manipulative and the audience was looking at something that had no responsibility to the family. Votes: 0

I didn't know how serious it is to a female that you lift the lid. Votes: 0

My wife and I have five children. And the reason why we have five children is because we do notwantsix. Votes: 0

The wisest married men give in early. They get in touch with the wife side of themselves, and that's when they stop arguing. Votes: 0

I've got a Ferrari. VROOM! I do 104 from the garage to the front door. Votes: 0

My eleven year old daughter mopes around the house all day waiting for her breasts to grow. Votes: 0

You also notice that the right side of your face feels like it's sliding off of your skull. And your bottom lip is in your lap! Votes: 0

This happened to the people. The Constitution says of the people, by the people, for the people... but the people who got the office, got into office and forgot about the people. Votes: 0

Fatherhood is asking your son to make up a name rather than tell anybody who he is. Votes: 0

Repeat after me. I promise not to run outside of the house. I promise not to run inside of the house. I promise not to touch, pick up, step on, anything that looks interesting. Votes: 0

I'm not saying looting is good, ... But I'm saying surely at a time when your child needs diapers and you need food, when does looting stop... Votes: 0

But if that's what you want to be, that's what you will be - as long as you study. Votes: 0

i was'nt always black. there was this freckel that just grew and grew... Votes: 0

All Children Have Brain Damage! Votes: 0

"And tired" always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, "I am just sick..." And I said, "And tired." I don't remember anything after that. Votes: 0

In spite of the seven thousand books of expert advice, the right way to disciplne a child is still a mystery to most fathers and...mothers Only your grandmother and Genghis Khan know how to do it. Votes: 0

The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine. Votes: 0

A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise. Votes: 0

A grandchild is God's reward for raising a child. Votes: 0

And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl. Votes: 0

My wife was a beautiful woman before we had children. Votes: 0

A person with no children says, "Well I just love children," and you say "Why?" and they say, "Because a child is so truthful, that's what I love about 'em - they tell the truth." That's a lie, I've got five of 'em. The only time they tell the truth is if they're having pain. Votes: 0

In spite of what Thomas Jefferson wrote, all men may be created equal, but not to all women. Votes: 0

And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go...'...if it hadn't been for his head... Votes: 0

Children today know more about sex than I or my father did. Votes: 0

College was a wonderful time - except, of course, when it was trying to teach you things. Votes: 0

I think you need to make responsibility something that's not just a word. Votes: 0

The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same thing: "Okay, rinse." Votes: 0

Every romance does not lead to sex. Votes: 0

If I use the word romance, whether it's my wife or not, it does not mean sex. We can use the word sex when sex is there. Votes: 0