Top quotes by Bill Watterson

The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog! Votes: 22

If I had rolled along with the strip's popularity and repeated myself for another five, 10 or 20 years, the people now 'grieving' for 'Calvin and Hobbes' would be wishing me dead. Votes: 13

If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life. Votes: 13

Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around. Votes: 12

Reality continues to ruin my life. Votes: 12

Shutting off the thought process is not rejuvenating; the mind is like a car battery - it recharges by running. Votes: 12

It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept. Votes: 11

From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way. Votes: 11

Dad, how do soldiers killing each other solve the world's problems? Votes: 11

A real job is a job you hate. Votes: 10

If your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life. Votes: 7

Heck, what's a little extortion among friends? Votes: 7

Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different. Votes: 7

Cigars are all the rage, dad. You should smoke cigars! - CalvinFlatulence could be all the rage, but it would still be disgusting. - Calvin's mom Votes: 7

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. Votes: 5

I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track. Votes: 5

I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone's expectations. Votes: 4

How come we play war and not peace?Too few role models. Votes: 4

What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?" Votes: 4

When birds burp, it must taste like bugs. Votes: 3

God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die. Votes: 2

Wow, it really snowed last night! Isn't it wonderful? Everything familiar has disappeared! The world looks brand new!A new year ... a fresh, clean start! It's like having a big white sheet of paper to draw on! A day full of possibilities! It's a magical world, Hobbes, ol' buddy ... let's go exploring! Votes: 1

Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN" Votes: 0

Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid! Votes: 0

I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood. Votes: 0

I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification. -Calvin Votes: 0

What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero? Votes: 0

Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend. Votes: 0

Planet Bog - Pools of toxic chemicals bubble under a choking atmosphere of poisonous gases... but aside from that, it's not much like Earth. Votes: 0

I hope some historian will confirm that I was the first cartoonist to use the word 'booger' in a newspaper comic strip. Votes: 0

A playful mind is inquisitive, and learning is fun. If you indulge your natural curiosity and retain a sense of fun in new experience, I think you'll find it functions as a sort of shock absorber for the bumpy road ahead. Votes: 0

That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder. Votes: 0

Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made. Votes: 0

I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple. Votes: 0

Calvin: Dad where do babies come from? Dad: Well Calvin, you simply go to Sears, buy the kit and follow the assembly instructions. Calvin: I came from Sears? Dad: No you were a blue-light special at K-Mart - almost as good and a lot cheaper! Votes: 0

I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin Votes: 0

Blustery cold days should be spend propped up in bed with a mug of hot chocolate and a pile of comic books. Votes: 0

You never know when some crazed rodent with cold feet could be running loose in your pants. Votes: 0

The world of a comic strip ought to be a special place with its own logic and life... I don't want the issue of Hobbes's reality settled by a doll manufacturer. Votes: 0

CALVIN: Our hero regains consciousness at the feet of a sarcastic alien. Votes: 0

Hobbes: What are you doing? Calvin: Being "cool." Hobbes: You look more like you're being bored. Calvin: The world bores you when you're cool. Hobbes: Look, I brought a sombrero! Now we can both be "cool." Calvin: A sombrero?! Are you crazy?! Cool people don't wear sombreros! Hobbes: What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero? Votes: 0

Calvin: Medically speaking:. That's love?!?..... Hobbes: Heck, that happened to me once, but I figured it was cooties!! Votes: 0

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless. Votes: 0

I learned about what I love. Imagination, deep friendship, animals, family, the natural world, ideas and ideals ... and silliness. Votes: 0

Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN Votes: 0

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. Votes: 0

There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do. Votes: 0

That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria! Votes: 0

Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer.... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously? Votes: 0

Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice. Votes: 0

So, what's it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don't recommend it. Votes: 0

There are no restrictions of taste, approach, or subject matter. The gatekeepers are gone, so the prospect for new and different voices is exciting. Or at least it will be if anyone reads them. And it will be even more exciting if anyone pays for them. It's hard to charge admission without a gate. Votes: 0

I asked mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me. Votes: 0

Of course, REAL zombies never get the giggles when they look at each other... Votes: 0

Hee hee hee! You should've seen the look on your face!" "If mom and dad cared about me at all, they'd buy me some infra-red nighttime vision goggles. Votes: 0

Hold it. You know what I'd like to see? I'd like to see the three bears eat the three little pigs, and then the bears join up with the big bad wolf and eat Goldilocks and Little Red Riding Hood! Tell me a story like that, OK? Votes: 0

You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!! Votes: 0

I guess I just don't have the killer instinct that I think makes a great political cartoonist. Votes: 0

Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success, flat stretches of boring routine and valleys of frustration and failure. Votes: 0

We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are. Votes: 0

My likely historical significance is a terrible burden. ~ Calvin Votes: 0

You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don't help. Votes: 0

Calvin: Do you believe in the devil? You know, a supreme evil being dedicated to the temptation, corruption, and destruction of man? Hobbes: I'm not sure man needs the help. Votes: 0

Hobbes: Do you think there's a God? Calvin: Well, somebody's out to get me! Votes: 0

A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do. Votes: 0

It's a magical world, Hobbes, ol' buddy... Let's go exploring! Votes: 0

Calvin: Know what I pray for? Hobbes: What? Calvin: The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference. Votes: 0

Calvin : There's no problem so awful, that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse. Votes: 0

I've been thinking Hobbes" "On a weekend?" "Well, it wasn't on purpose Votes: 0

Scientific Progress goes boink? Votes: 0

Until you stalk and overrun, you cannot devour anyone. -Hobbes Votes: 0

Virtual reality has nothing on Calvin. Votes: 0

We're not really taught how to recreate constructively. We need to do more than find diversions; we need to restore and expand ourselves. Our idea of relaxing is all too often to plop down in front of the television set and let its pandering idiocy liquefy our brains. Shutting off the thought process is not rejuvenating; the mind is like a car battery - it recharges by running. Votes: 0

Too often cartoonists just look at other cartoonists and, after a lot of inbreeding, everyone has the same funny look. The challenge of drawing is that there is no one right way to visually describe something. It's a good thing to confront your limitations and preconceptions every so often. Votes: 0

Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous? Votes: 0

Like delicate lace, So the threads intertwine, Oh, gossamer web Of wond'rous design! Such beauty and grace Wild nature produces... Ughh, look at the spider Suck out that bug's juices! Votes: 0

When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back. Votes: 0

Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one. Votes: 0

It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw. Votes: 0

Calvin: Trick or Treat! Adult: Where's your costume? What are you supposed to be? Calvin: I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak! ...Boy, am I scary or what? Votes: 0

I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life. Votes: 0

I'm a misunderstood genius." "What's misunderstood?" "Nobody thinks I'm a genius. Votes: 0

I'm a misunderstood genius. Votes: 0

I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts. Votes: 0

Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information. Votes: 0

All the new media will inevitably change the look, function, and maybe even the purpose of comics, but comics are vibrant and versatile, so I think they'll continue to find relevance one way or another. But they definitely won't be the same as what I grew up with. Votes: 0

People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children. Votes: 0

I guess I have a gift for expressing pedestrian tastes. In a way, it's kind of depressing. Votes: 0

I always think of "Popeye" and "Barney Google" as quintessential comic strips in that old rollicky, slapstick way we've sort of lost. Votes: 0

Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar? Votes: 0

We consume everything like potato chips. In this environment, I suspect the cartoonist's connection with readers is likely to be superficial and fleeting, unless he taps into some fervent special interest niche. And that audience, almost by definition, will be tiny. Votes: 0

Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the best of the choices available. Some people are idealists, standing for principle and refusing to compromise. And some people just act on any whim that enters their heads. I pragmatically turn my whims into principles. Votes: 0

I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you alone, you're doing good. If you can find even one person you really like, you're lucky. And if that person can also stand you, you're really lucky. Votes: 0

It's always better to leave the party early. Votes: 0

CALVIN: This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn't make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery? If the guy exists why doesn't he ever show himself and prove it? And if he doesn't exist what's the meaning of all this? HOBBES: I dunno. Isn't this a religious holiday? CALVIN: Yeah, but actually, I've got the same questions about God. Votes: 0

Mom and dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it. Votes: 0

MOMMMM, I'm thirsty... What's this, just water? Votes: 0

In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories. Votes: 0

Calvin is hammering nails into coffee table.Mom: CALVIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THE COFFEE TABLE?!?Calvin: Is this some sort of trick question, or what? Votes: 0

The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present. Votes: 0

History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices. Votes: 0

Cigars are all the rage, dad. You should smoke cigars!" - Calvin"Flatulence could be all the rage, but it would still be disgusting." - Calvin's mom Votes: 0

That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse. Votes: 0

On gray days, when it's snowing or raining, I think you should be able to call up a judge and take an oath that you'll just read a good book all day, and he'd allow you to stay home. Votes: 0

I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know. Votes: 0

You can present the material, but you can't make me care. Votes: 0

Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth? Votes: 0

BE CAREFUL, OR BE ROADKILL! Votes: 0

To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble. Votes: 0

I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations. Votes: 0

The whole idea of hobknobbing and schmoozing and the concept of an "elite" class of celebrities better than the common people has always made my stomach turn. Votes: 0

The secret to happiness is short-term, stupid self-interest! Votes: 0

Calvin: The more you know, the harder it is to take decisive action. Once you are informed, you start seeing complexities and shades of gray. You realize nothing is as clear as it first appears. Ultimately, knowledge is paralyzing. Being a man of action, I cannot afford to take that risk. Hobbes: You're ignorant, but at least you act on it. Votes: 0

Sleepwalking?" "Nightmare?" "Homicidal psycho jungle cat! Votes: 0

It's surprising how hard we'll work when the work is done just for ourselves. Votes: 0

Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. Votes: 0

County library? Reference desk, please. Hello? Yes, I need a word definition. Well, that's the problem. I don't know how to spell it and I'm not allowed to say it. Could you just rattle off all the swear words you know and I'll stop you when...Hello? Votes: 0

Reading those turgid philosophers here in these remote stone buildings may not get you a job, but if those books have forced you to ask yourself questions about what makes life truthful, purposeful, meaningful, and redeeming, you have the Swiss Army Knife of mental tools, and it's going to come in handy all the time. Votes: 0

Hey Dad, will you buy me a flame thrower? Of course not. Don't be silly. Even if I didn't use it in the house? Votes: 0

I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness. Votes: 0

What's the point of wearing your favorite rocket ship underpants if nobody ever asks to see 'em? Votes: 0

I know the world isn't fair, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor? Votes: 0

We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled. Votes: 0

Miss Wormwood: Calvin, your test was an absolute disgrace! It's obvious you haven't read any of the material. Our first president was not Chef Boy-Ar-Dee and you ought to be ashamed to have turned in such preposterous answers! Calvin: I just don't test well. Votes: 0

I've been interested in cartooning all my life. I read the comics as a kid, and I did cartoons for high school publications - the newspaper and yearbook and soon. In college, I got interested in political cartooning and did political cartoons. Votes: 0

Mothers are the necessity of invention. Votes: 0

The truth is, most of us discover where we are headed when we arrive. Votes: 0

Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare achievement. In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an eccentric, if not a subversive... To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble. Votes: 0

Calvin: Somewhere in Communist Russia I'll bet there's a little boy who has never known anything but censorship and oppression. But maybe he's heard of America, and he dreams of living in this land of freedom and opportunity! Someday, I'd like to meet that little boy...and tell him the awful TRUTH ABOUT THIS PLACE!! Calvin's Dad: Calvin, be quiet and eat the stupid lima beans. Votes: 0

I wish people were more like animals. Animals don't try to change you or make you fit in. They just enjoy the pleasure of your company. Animals aren't conditional about friendships. Animals like you just the way you are. They listen to your problems, they comfort you when you're sad, and all they ask in return is a little kindness. Votes: 0

If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are? Votes: 0

It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning. Votes: 0

Buttons ... check. Dials ... check. Switches ... check. Little colored lights ... check. Votes: 0

Sometimes what holds you together and what tears you apart are the same things. My lungs are made of armor so that I can breathe when you are not here. 6.8 million people live alone in England. Do you feel lonely? I don't have the courage to face reality so I get lost in my dreams. You know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different. Votes: 0

You know, maybe we don't need enemies." "Yeah, best friends aree about all I can take. Votes: 0

I'm learning skills I will use for the rest of my life by doing homework...procrastinating and negotiation. Votes: 0

You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood. What mood is that? Last-minute panic. Votes: 0

I was reading about how countless species are being pushed toward extinction by man's destruction of forests. . . . Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. Votes: 0

So long, Pop! I'm off to check my tiger trap! Votes: 0

I liked things better when I didn't understand them. Votes: 0

They say the world is a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines." "Maybe thatâs why itâs hard to tell if weâre living in a tragedy or a farce." "We need more special effects and dance numbers. Votes: 0

I'm not a vegetarian! I'm a dessertarian! Votes: 0

The real fun of living wisely is that you get to be smug about it. Votes: 0

I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world. Votes: 0

Art has to keep moving and discovering to stay alive. Votes: 0

Childhood is for spoiling adulthood. Votes: 0

They say the secret of success is being at the right place at the right time, but since you never know when the right time is going to be, I figure the trick is to find the right place and just hang around. Votes: 0

If comics need to be deconstructed and explained, something is really wrong with them. Votes: 0

Rainy days should be spent at home with a cup of tea and a good book. Votes: 0

Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria! Votes: 0

CALVIN: Isn't it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humor? When you think about it, it's weird that we have a physiological response to absurdity. We laugh at nonsense. We like it. We think it's funny. Don't you think it's odd that we appreciate absurdity? Why would we develop that way? How does it benefit us? HOBBES: I suppose if we couldn't laugh at the things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life. Votes: 0

You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. Votes: 0

At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, you'll have to find your inner motivation to seek for new ideas on your own. Votes: 0

It's a cruel season that makes you get ready for bed while it's light out. Votes: 0

Repetition is the death of magic. Votes: 0

You mix a bunch of ingredients, and once in a great while, chemistry happens. Votes: 0

I tell you all this because it's worth recognizing that there is no such thing as an overnight success. You will do well to cultivate the resources in yourself that bring you happiness outside of success or failure. The truth is, most of us discover where we are headed when we arrive. At that time, we turn around and say, yes, this is obviously where I was going all along. It's a good idea to try to enjoy the scenery on the detours, because you'll probably take a few. Votes: 0

You know, sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place.' 'That's why animals are so soft and huggy. Votes: 0

Calvin: ME TARZAN! KING OF JUNGLE! Suzy: Nice underpants. Does your mom know you're over here like this? Calvin:...I don't think Jane EVER said that to Tarzan. Votes: 0

I've always tried to make the strip animated, even when the characters aren't moving, with expressions or perspectives or some sort of exaggeration. There's great potential for that which has yet to be fully mined. Votes: 0

If people looked at the stars each night, they'd live a lot differently. When you look into infinity, you realize that there are more important things than what people do all day. Votes: 0

The problem with people is that they're only human. Votes: 0

Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think Iâll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze âem? Votes: 0

You will do well to cultivate the resources in yourself that bring you happiness outside of success or failure. Votes: 0

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. Votes: 0

Reading goes faster if you don't sweat comprehension. Votes: 0

As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. Youâve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations. Votes: 0

It's gratifying to hear that from people who care about comic art. I never know what to make of it when someone writes to say, "Calvin and Hobbes is the best strip in the paper. I like it even more than Nancy." Votes: 0

A box of new crayons! Now theyâre all pointy, lined up in order, bright and perfect. Soon theyâll be a bunch of ground down, rounded, indistinguishable stumps, missing their wrappers and smudged with other colors. Sometimes life seems unbearably tragic. Votes: 0

How come we play war and not peace?" "Too few role models. Votes: 0

If you have the personalities down, you understand them and identify with them; you can stick them in any situation and have a pretty good idea of how they're going to respond. Then it's just a matter of sanding and polishing up the jokes. But if you've got more ambiguous characters or stock stereotypes, the plastic comes through and they don't work as well. These two characters clicked for me almost immediately and I feel very comfortable working with them. Votes: 0

The score is still Q to 12! Votes: 0

Amazingly, much of the best cartoon work was done early on in the medium's history. The early cartoonists, with no path before them, produced work of such sophistication, wit, and beauty that it increasingly seems to me that cartoon evolution is working backward. Comic strips are moving toward a primordial goo rather than away from it . . . Not only can comics be more than we're getting today. but the comics already have been more than we're getting today. Votes: 0

I'M SIGNIFICANT!!! ... Say's the dust speck. Votes: 0

Since September it's just gotten colder and colder. There's less daylight now, I've noticed too. This can only mean one thing - the sun is going out. In a few more months the Earth will be a dark and lifeless ball of ice. Dad says the sun isn't going out. He says its colder because the earth's orbit is taking us farther from the sun. He says winter will be here soon. Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth? Votes: 0

As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway. Votes: 0

You know what I like about summer days? They're just made for doing things... even if it's nothing. Especially if it's nothing. Votes: 0

Calvin:"It says here that 'religion is the opiate of the masses.'...what do you suppose that means?" Television: "...it means that Karl Marx hadn't seen anything yet Votes: 0

Paul Gauguin asked, "whence do we come? What are we? Where are we going?" Well, I don't know about anyone else, but I came from my room, I'm a kid with big plans, and I'm going outside! See ya later! Say, who the heck is Paul Gauguin anyway? Votes: 0

In the right hands, a comic strip attains a beauty and elegance that, really, I would put against any other art. Votes: 0

But for my own example, I'd never believe one little kid could have so much brains! Votes: 0

I'm a man of few words." "If you read more, you might have a larger vocabulary. Votes: 0

For me, it's been liberating to put myself in the mind of a fictitious six year-old each day, and rediscover my own curiosity. I've been amazed at how one idea leads to others if I allow my mind to play and wander. Votes: 0

Instead of asking what's wrong with rampant consumerism, we ought to be asking, 'What justifies it?' Popular art does not have to pander to the lowest level of intelligence and taste. Votes: 0

Selling out is usually more a matter of buying in. Sell out, and youâre really buying into someone elseâs system of values, rules, and rewards. Votes: 0

Dad: Honey, have you seen my glasses? I can"t find them. Mom: I haven't seen them. Calvin: (with glasses, to Dad) Calvin, go do something you hate! Being miserable builds character! Votes: 0

Calvin: I'm a genius. I can't believe how smart I am. ...I've got more brains than I know what to do with. Hobbes: So I've noticed. Votes: 0

Ah, the life of a newspaper cartoonist -- how I miss the groupies, drugs and trashed hotel rooms! Votes: 0

Van Gogh wouldâve sold more than one painting if heâd put tigers in them. Votes: 0

Even when you look for it, you're never prepared for it. Votes: 0

I don't think I'd have been in such a hurry to reach adulthood if I'd known the whole thing was going to be ad-libbed. Votes: 0

Tomorrow we'll not only seize the day, we'll throttle it. Votes: 0

They can't chain my spirit! My spirit runs free! Walls can't contain it! Laws can't restrain it! Authority has no power over it! Votes: 0

I wonder where we go when we die?â ââ¦Pittsburgh?â âYou mean if weâre good or if weâre bad? Votes: 0

Hobbes: Jump! Jump! Jump! I win! Calvin: You win? Aaugghh! You won last time! I hate it when you win! Aarrggh! Mff! Gnnk! I hate this game! I hate the whole world! Aghhh! What a stupid game! You must have cheated! You must have used some sneaky, underhanded mindmeld to make me lose! I hate you! I didn't want to play this idiotic game in the first place! I knew you'd cheat! I knew you'd win! Oh! Oh! Aarg! [Calvin runs in circles around Hobbes screaming "Aaaaaaaaaaaa", then falls over.] Hobbes: Look, it's just a game. Calvin: I know! You should see me when I lose in real life! Votes: 0

It's only work if somebody makes you do it. Votes: 0

Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare achievement. Votes: 0

Your fingernails are a joke, you've got no fangs, you can't see at night, your pink hides are ridiculous, your reflexes are nil, and you don't even have tails! Of course people aren't content! ... Now if tigers weren't content, that would be something to wonder about. Votes: 0

The syndicates take the strip and sell it to newspapers and split the income with the cartoonists. Syndicates are essentially agents. Now, can you imagine a novelist giving his literary agent the ownership of his characters and all reprint, television, and movie rights before the agent takes the manuscript to a publisher? Obviously, an author would have to be a raving lunatic to agree to such a deal, but virtually every cartoonist does exactly that when a syndicate demands ownership before agreeing to sell the strip to newspapers. Votes: 0

Specifically, Iâd like to debate whether cannibalism ought to be grounds for leniency in murders, since itâs less wasteful. Votes: 0

Leader, bandits at 2 o'clock! Roger; it's only 1:30 now-what'll I do 'til then? Votes: 0

For no reason I can think of, I've wandered far astray. And that is how I got to where I find myself today. Votes: 0

My whole problem is that my lips move when I think. Votes: 0

It's not the medium, but the quality of perception and expression, that determines the significance of art. Votes: 0

When the cartoonist is trying to talk honestly and seriously about life, then I believe he has a responsibility to think beyond satisfying the market's every whim and desire. Votes: 0

You know, there are times when it's a source of personal pride to not be human. Votes: 0

What assurance do I have that your parenting isn't screwing me up? Votes: 0

Calvin: Look, a dead bird! Hobbes: It must've hit a window. Calvin: Isn't it beautiful? It's so delicate. Sighhh... once it's too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is. You realize that nature is ruthless and our existence is very fragile, temporary, and precious. But to go on with your daily affairs, you can't really think about that...which is probably why everyone takes the world for granted and why we act so thoughtlessly. It's very confusing. I suppose it will all make sense when we grow up. Hobbes: No doubt. Votes: 0

HOBBES: If you don't get a goodnight kiss you get Kafka dreams. Votes: 0

HOBBES: All this modern technology just makes people try to do everything at once. Votes: 0

In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an eccentric, if not a subversive. Votes: 0

I can never enjoy Sundays, because in the back of my mind I always know I've got to go to school the next day. It's like trying to enjoy your last meal before the execution. Votes: 0

I think most of us would be horrified to meet ourselves and discover what everyone else already knows about us. Votes: 0

Momâs not feeling well. So Iâm making her a get well card.â âThatâs thoughtful of you.â "See, on the front it says, âGet Well Soonâ â¦ and on the inside it says,âBecause my bed isnât made, my clothes need to be put away and Iâm hungry. Love Calvin.â Want to sign it?â âSure, Iâm hungry too Votes: 0

But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice! Votes: 0

The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse Votes: 0

Calvin: Why are you crying mom? Mom: I'm cutting up an onion. Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables. Votes: 0

What state do you live in? Denial. Votes: 0

Good friends are hard to come by.. I need more money. Votes: 0

I'm related to people I don't relate to. Votes: 0

It must be hard to cook if you anthropomorphisize your vegetables. Votes: 0

You know what's the rage this year? ...Hats. Votes: 0

Every time I've built character, I've regretted it. Votes: 0

Everybody I know fails the acid test of friendship. Votes: 0

Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am? Votes: 0

Girls are like slugsâthey probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what. Votes: 0

As a kid, I knew I wanted to be either a cartoonist or an astronaut. The latter was never much of a possibility, as I don't even like riding in elevators. Votes: 0

From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in. Votes: 0

Having an enviable career is one thing. Being a happy person is another Votes: 0

Yeah, but actually, I've got the same questions about God. Votes: 0

Well, coming at a new work requires a certain amount of patience and energy, and thereâs always the risk of disappointment. You canât really blame people for preferring more of what they already know and like. The trade-off, of course, is that predictability is boring. Repetition is the death of magic. Votes: 0

At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, youâll have to find the inner motivation to search for new ideas on your own. With any luck at all, youâll never need to take an idea and squeeze a punchline out of it, but as bright, creative people, youâll be called upon to generate ideas and solutions all your lives. Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems. Votes: 0

Genius is never understood in its own time. Votes: 0

Surprise is the essence of humor, and nothing is more surprising than truth. Votes: 0

Let's say that life is this square of the sidewalk. We are born at this crack and we die at that crack. Now we find ourselves somewhere inside the square and in the process of walking outside of it. Suddenly, we realize our time in here is fleeting. Is our quick experience here pointless? Does anything we say or do in here really matter? Have we done anything important? Have we been happy? Have we made the most of these precious few footsteps? Votes: 0

So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met? Votes: 0

Why does man create? Is it man's purpose on earth to express himself, to bring form to thought, and to discover meaning in experience? Or is it just something to do when he's bored? Votes: 0

It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool. Votes: 0

There's more to this world than just people, you know. Votes: 0

Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination. Votes: 0

I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends. Votes: 0

I keep forgetting that rules are only for little nice people. Votes: 0

People pay more attention when they think youâre up to something. Votes: 0

No sport is less organized than Calvinball. Votes: 0

The only permanent rule in Calvinball is that you can never play it the same way twice! (Calvin) Votes: 0

I'm crying because out there he's gone, but he's not gone inside me. Votes: 0

I'll bet my autopsy reveals my mouth is too big. Votes: 0

Never argue with a six-year-old who shaves. Votes: 0

Boy, there's nothing worse than an inscrutable omen. Votes: 0

Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him? Votes: 0

I'm a 21st-century kid trapped in a 19th-century family. Votes: 0

I'd hate to have a kid like me. Votes: 0

I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point. Votes: 0

CALVIN: When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I'll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment. Votes: 0

[Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.] Calvin: Ha! I've got a great word and it's on a "Double word score" box! Hobbes: "ZQFMGB" isn't a word! It doesn't even have a vowel! Calvin: It is so a word! It's a worm found in New Guinea! Everyone knows that! Hobbes: I'm looking it up. Calvin: You do, and I'll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the Xs and Js! Hobbes: What's your score for ZQFMGB? Calvin: 957. Votes: 0

[Calvin, who has the chicken pox, calls Susie on the telephone.] Susie: Hello? Calvin: Hi, Susie! It's me, Calvin! I was wondering if you'd like to come over and play. Susie: Why, sure! Boy, I don't think you've ever invited me to... Calvin's Mom: Calvin, what are you doing? Calvin: Nothing, Mom. Go away. Calvin's Mom: You're contagious! You can't have anyone over to play! Calvin: Shhhh! Shhhh! You'll spoil the whole thing! I was going to trick Susie into catching... HEY! OW! LET GO! Susie: [Hanging up the phone] Any chance of getting transferred, Dad? Votes: 0

I must follow the inscrutable exhortations of my soul. Votes: 0

HOBBES: Virtue needs some cheaper thrills. Votes: 0

You can make your superhero a psychopath, you can draw gut-splattering violence, and you can call it a "graphic novel," but comic books are still incredibly stupid. Votes: 0

Once it's too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is. Votes: 0

If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again. Votes: 0

S...For Stupendous! T...For Tiger, ferocity of! U...For Underwear, Red! P...For Power, Incredible! E...For excellent physique! N...For...Um...Something..Hm, well, I'll come back to that... D...For Determination! U...For...Wait, How do you spell this? Is it "I"?? Votes: 0

Problems often look overwhelming at first. The secret is to break problems into small, manageable chunks. If you deal with those, you're done before you know it. Votes: 0

Calvin: Dear Santa, before I submit life to your scrutiny, I demand to know who made YOU the matter of my fate?! Who are YOU to question my behavior, HUH??? What gives you the right?! Hobbes: Santa makes the toys, so he gets to decide who to give them to. Calvin: Oh. Votes: 0

It's going to be a grim day when the world is run by a generation that doesn't know anything but what it's seen on TV. Votes: 0

I have all these great genes, but they're recessive. That's the problem here. Votes: 0

Barney's Dad was really bad so Barney hatched a plan when his dad said "Eat your peas." Barney shouted no and ran Barney tricked his mean old dad and locked him in the cellar Barney's Mom never found out where he'd gone, Cause Barney didn't tell her. There his dad spent his life eating mice and gruel With every bite for fifty years he was sorry he'd been cruel Votes: 0

People always make the mistake of thinking art is created for them. But really, art is a private language for sophisticates to congratulate themselves on their superiority to the rest of the world. As my artistâs statement explains, my work is utterly incomprehensible and is therefore full of deep significance. Votes: 0

We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled. Sooner or later, we are all asked to compromise ourselves and the things we care about. We define ourselves by our actions. With each decision, we tell ourselves and the world who we are. Think about what you want out of this life, and recognize that there are many kinds of success. Votes: 0

CALVIN: As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight. Votes: 0

Verbing weirds language. Votes: 0

Careful. We don't want to learn from this. Votes: 0

I like my smock. You can tell the quality of the artist by the quality of his smock. Actually, I just like to say smock. Smock smock smock smock smock smock. Votes: 0

If you can't win by reason, go for volume. Votes: 0

Even if lives did hang in the balance, it would depend on whose they were. Votes: 0

I think nighttime is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction. Votes: 0

Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat. Votes: 0

I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal. Votes: 0

Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess. Votes: 0

The way Calvin's brain is wired you can almost hear the fuses blowing. Votes: 0

Calvin the zombie searches for food. Horribly, the undead feed upon the living! ...Although, in a pinch, a PBJ will do, if you eat it messily enough. Votes: 0

Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. I love loopholes. Votes: 0

Calvin: Today for show and tell, I've brought a tiny miracle of nature: a single snowflake! I think we might all learn a lesson from how this utterly unique and exquisite crystal turns into an ordinary, boring molecule of water just like every other one when you bring it into the classroom. And now, while the analogy sinks in, I will be leaving you drips and going outside... Votes: 0

You are demoted from First Tiger to bulk rate. Votes: 0

For your information, I'm staying like this, and everyone else can just get used to it! If people don't like me the way I am, well TOUGH BEANS! It's a free country! I don't need anyone's permission to be the way I want! This is who I am - Take it or leave it! Votes: 0

Calvin: Life's a lot more fun when you aren't responsible for your actions. Votes: 0

Few things are less comforting than a tiger who's up too late. Votes: 0

I let my mind wander and it didn't come back. Votes: 0

I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life...procrastinating and rationalizing. Votes: 0

I've got plenty of common sense! I just choose to ignore it. Votes: 0

Is it truly being good if the only reason I behave well is so I can get more loot at Christmas? I mean, really, all I'm doing is saying I can be bribed. Votes: 0

If you've ever compared a film to a novel it's based on, you know the novel gets bludgeoned. It's inevitable, because different media have different strengths and needs, and when you make a movie, the movie's needs get served. Votes: 0

Obviously the role of comics is changing very fast. On the one hand, comics are widely accepted and taken seriously. On the other hand, the mass media is disintegrating, and audiences are atomizing. I suspect comics will have less widespread cultural impact and make a lot less money. Votes: 0

The more words you have at your disposal, the more precisely you can express yourself. Votes: 0

Every artist learns through imitation, but I rather doubt the aim of these things is artistic development. I assume they're either homages or satiric riffs, and are not intended to be taken too seriously as works in their own right. Otherwise I should be talking to a copyright lawyer. Votes: 0

When I get to the drawing, I really enjoy taking a big chunk of time and working on the drawing and nothing else. That allows me to make sure that I'm really challenging the art, making each picture as interesting as I can. Votes: 0

Saturday morning cartoons do that now, where they develop the toy and then draw the cartoon around it, and the result is the cartoon is a commercial for the toy and the toy is a commercial for the cartoon. The same thing's happening now in comic strips; it's just another way to get the competitive edge. You saturate all the different markets and allow each other to advertise the other, and it's the best of all possible worlds. You can see the financial incentive to work that way. I just think it's to the detriment of integrity in comic strip art. Votes: 0

What I try to do in writing any character is to put myself in his position. Votes: 0

I chose to tell the story visually, so that anyone of any age, from any country, could understand it. Votes: 0

I have enough friends who are gamers. I actually enjoy watching them play because of the visuals and the storytelling of the games. I just love being able to go on an adventure and games are just so sophisticated now that you can just get lost in a world for 20 hours and just be someone else in a very visceral, emotional way. And that's just fascinating. Votes: 0

I played in rock bands in college and then right out of college I moved over to Europe and lived in Ireland for about four years playing in indie rock bands. I love and miss being in a band, I still am in a band but pursuing that as a career I definitely missed it but I felt like that ship had sailed. Votes: 0

Animation, by necessity, is a team sport, and the fewer people with input into my work, the better I like it. Votes: 0

Books are almost always better than the movies made from them, because there are things books do well and things movies do well, but usually those things don't overlap: the same with comics and animation. Votes: 0

In a comic strip, you can suggest motion and time, but it's very crude compared to what an animator can do. I have a real awe for good animation. Votes: 0

You can draw a penguin on a toilet reading The New York Times and it's adorable, but try doing it with an adult male character, and it's disgusting. Votes: 0

I'm pulling out different aspects of my personality in writing each character and, if I'm doing my job well, I'm being true to the situation and true to the character. Votes: 0

Garry Trudeau is the only cartoonist with the clout to get his strip published large enough to accomodate extended dialogue. It's ashame. Votes: 0

I very early caught on that the editor of Cincinnati Post had something specific in mind that he was looking for, and I tried to accommodate him in order to get published. I would turn out rough idea after rough idea, and he would veto eighty percent of them. I pretty much prostituted myself for six months but I couldn't please him, so he sent me packing. Votes: 0

If you've got more ambiguous characters or stock stereotypes, the plastic comes through and they don't work as well. Votes: 0

I'd always enjoyed the comics more, and felt that as long as I was unemployed it would be a good chance to pursue that and see what response I could get from asyndicate, as I didn't have anything to lose at that point. So I drew up a comic strip - this was in 1980 - and sent it off and got rejected. I continued that for five years with different comic strip examples 'til finally Calvin and Hobbes came together. But it's been a long road. Votes: 0

United Features had given me a development contract, which meant I was to work exclusively with them and rather than completing everything on my own and turning it in to them and having it rejected or accepted, I was working much more directly with the syndicate, turning in smaller batches much more frequently, and getting comments on them. The idea was that they would help me develop the strip and then, assuming that they liked it, it would flow into a normal contract for syndication. Votes: 0

I think comics overall would be better. I think there's a tremendous potential to be tapped. Votes: 0

I'm willing to take the blame if the strip goes down the drain, and I want the credit if it succeeds. So long as it has my name on it, I want it to be mine. Votes: 0

The strips I admire go farther than a gag a day, and take us into a special world. Votes: 0

I'd like to see cartoonists measuring their work by higher standards than how many papers their strips are in and how much money they make. Votes: 0

If you give a little credit to the concept of the artist, I think you ought to indulge excesses a bit, because that reflects the personality of the writer. Now if a joke is in bad taste or it's not funny, okay, that's awhole different thing, but how you craft a joke is really what the writer's job is, and I don't think that technique should be subject to any editorial constraints. Votes: 0

I don't enjoy lettering very much, but that's the way I write and that belongs in the strip because the strip is a reflection of me. Votes: 0

If you're a painter, it's simply taken for granted that you'll spend a lot of time in museums studying great paintings, but if you're a cartoonist, it used to be very hard to see an original cartoon drawing. Votes: 0

I enjoy the drawing more than the writing, so I try to think of ideas that will allow me to develop the visual side of the strip as fully as possible. Votes: 0

Each kind of story has its own problems in writing, but my main concern really is to keep the reader on his toes, or to keep the strip unpredictable. I try to achieve some sort of balance between the two that keeps the reader wondering what's going to happen next and be surprised. Votes: 0

Cleveland is a really hard place, it's a very creative place, it feeds you creatively, but it's a very hard place to make a living creatively. Votes: 0

I've always been a huge fan of fantasy and adventure, putting yourself in someone else's shoes, I'm sure that's why I'm an actor. It's why I played with action figures as a kid, that's why I wrote and drew and read comics as a kid. Votes: 0

I've never sat down to quantify how many hours I actually spend on the strip. I use the deadlines to estimate my progress; each month I know that I have to produce so many strips, and by the end of the month I'll make sure that I have. Votes: 0

Form follows function, as the architects say. With words and pictures, you can do just about anything. Votes: 0

I wasn't having any luck getting accepted anyway and it forced me to re-examine what it was that I really wanted to do. In my experience in political cartooning, I was never one of those people who read the headlines and foams at the mouth with rabid opinion that I've just got to get down on paper. Votes: 0

I think the experience forced me to consider how interested I was in political cartooning. After I was fired, I applied to other papers but political cartooning, like all cartooning, is a very tough field to break into. Newspapers are very reluctant to hire their own cartoonists when they can get Oliphant or MacNelly through syndication for a twentieth of the price. Votes: 0

Cincinnati at that time was also beginning to realize it had major cartooning talent in Jim Borgman, at the city's other paper, and I didn't benefit from the comparison.His footsteps seemed like good ones to follow, so I cultivated an interest in politics, and Borgman helped me a lot in learning how to construct an editorial cartoon. Neither of us dreamed I'd end up in the same town on the opposite paper. Votes: 0

My guess is that the editor [Cincinnati Post] wanted his own Jeff MacNelly (a Pulitzer winner at 24), and I didn't live up to his expectations. My Cincinnati days were pretty Kafkaesque. Votes: 0

Obviously the great thing about this job is the complete freedom of the schedule. So long as I meet the deadline, they don't care when I work or how I work. Votes: 0

The writing doesn't distract me while I'm drawing and vice versa. I can devote my full attention to each. Votes: 0

I was offered a job at the Cincinnati Post as their editorial cartoonist in a trial six month arrangement. The agreement was that they could fire me or I could quit with no questions asked if things didn't work out during the first few months. Sure enough, things didn't work out, and they fired me, no questions asked. Votes: 0

I still read newspaper comics, but without much hope for their future. Votes: 0

I write separately from the inking up. I'm sure this varies from cartoonist to cartoonist; I find that the writing is the hard part and the drawing is the fun part. Votes: 0

My problem is that I don't paint ambitiously. It's all catch and release - just tiny fish that aren't really worth the trouble to clean and cook. Votes: 0

Top quotes by Bill Watterson

Related Categories