Top quotes by Brené Brown

Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others. Votes: 9

Believing that you're enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic. Votes: 6

Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness. Votes: 6

Daring greatly means the courage to be vulnerable. It means to show up and be seen. To ask for what you need. To talk about how you're feeling. To have the hard conversations. Votes: 6

Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame. Votes: 6

Worrying about scarcity is our culture's version of post-traumatic stress. It happens when we've been through too much, and rather than coming together to heal (which requires vulnerability) we're angry and scared and at each other's throats. Votes: 6

Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are. Votes: 3

Don't try to win over the haters; you are not a jackass whisperer. Votes: 3

Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light. Votes: 3

Shame hates it when we reach out and tell our story. It hates having words wrapped around it- it can't survive being shared. Shame loves secrecy. When we bury our story, the shame metastasizes. Votes: 3

We are hardwired to connect with others, it's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering. Votes: 3

We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions. Votes: 3

Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty. Votes: 3

If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive. Votes: 3

Effort + the courage to show up = enough. Votes: 3

We live in a world where most people still subscribe to the belief that shame is a good tool for keeping people in line. Not only is this wrong, but it’s dangerous. Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, depression, eating disorders, and bullying. Votes: 0

I've come to this belief that, if you show me a woman who can sit with a man in real vulnerability, in deep fear, and be with him in it, I will show you a woman who, A, has done her work and, B, does not derive her power from that man. And if you show me a man who can sit with a woman in deep struggle and vulnerability and not try to fix it, but just hear her and be with her and hold space for it, I'll show you a guy who's done his work and a man who doesn't derive his power from controlling and fixing everything. Votes: 0

People may call what happens at midlife 'a crisis,' but it's not. It's an unraveling - a time when you feel a desperate pull to live the life you want to live, not the one you're 'supposed' to live. The unraveling is a time when you are challenged by the universe to let go of who you think you are supposed to be and to embrace who you are. Votes: 0

Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light. Votes: 0

Let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen, to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee... to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror... to say 'I'm just so grateful because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive'... to believe that we're enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, 'I'm enough', then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves. Votes: 0

I believe in the healing power of laughter. I believe laughter forces us to breathe. Votes: 0

Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us. Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it. Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance. Votes: 0

Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you're enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect. When we don't have that, we shape-shift and turn into chameleons; we hustle for the worthiness we already possess. Votes: 0

What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful. Votes: 0

I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship. Votes: 0

When we can let go of what other people think and own our story, we gain access to our worthiness—the feeling that we are enough just as we are and that we are worthy of love and belonging. When we spend a lifetime trying to distance ourselves from the parts of our lives that don’t fit with who we think we’re supposed to be, we stand outside of our story and hustle for our worthiness by constantly performing, perfecting, pleasing, and proving. Our sense of worthiness—that critically important piece that gives us access to love and belonging—lives inside of our story. Votes: 0

Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning and purpose to our lives. Votes: 0

The real questions for parents should be: "Are you engaged? Are you paying attention?" If so, plan to make lots of mistakes and bad decisions. Imperfect parenting moments turn into gifts as our children watch us try to figure out what went wrong and how we can do better next time. The mandate is not to be perfect and raise happy children. Perfection doesn't exist, and I've found what makes children happy doesn't always prepare them to be courageous, engaged adults. Votes: 0

Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because there is no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal. Additionally, perfectionism is more about perception - we want to be perceived as perfect. Again, this is unattainable - there is no way to control perception, regardless of how much time and energy we spend trying. Votes: 0

I define vulnerability as uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. With that definition in mind, let’s think about love. Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can’t ensure, who may stay in our lives or may leave without a moment’s notice, who may be loyal to the day they die or betray us tomorrow—that’s vulnerability. Votes: 0

When we deny our stories, They define us. When we own our stories, we get to write the ending. Votes: 0

Courage is like—it’s a habitus, a habit, a virtue: You get it by courageous acts. It’s like you learn to swim by swimming. You learn courage by couraging. Votes: 0

To love someone fiercely, to believe in something with your whole heart, to celebrate a fleeting moment in time, to fully engage in a life that doesn’t come with guarantees – these are risks that involve vulnerability and often pain. But, I’m learning that recognizing and leaning into the discomfort of vulnerability teaches us how to live with joy, gratitude and grace. Votes: 0

Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change. Votes: 0

I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do. Votes: 0

Self-compassion is key because when we're able to be gentle with ourselves in the midst of shame, we're more likely to reach out, connect, and experience empathy. Votes: 0

You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging. Votes: 0

We judge people in areas where we’re vulnerable to shame, especially picking folks who are doing worse than we’re doing. If I feel good about my parenting, I have no interest in judging other people’s choices. If I feel good about my body, I don’t go around making fun of other people’s weight or appearance. We’re hard on each other because we’re using each other as a launching pad out of our own perceived deficiency. Votes: 0

We're a nation hungry for more joy: Because we're starving from a lack of gratitude. Votes: 0

I can't be paralyzed anymore by the critics. My new mantra is, if you're not in the arena getting your ass kicked on occasion, then I'm not interested in your feedback. You don't get to sit in the cheat seat and criticize my appearance or my work with mean-spiritedness if you're also not in the arena. Votes: 0

When we spend our lives waiting until we’re perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make, Votes: 0

To become fully human means learning to turn my gratitude for being alive into some concrete common good. It means growing gentler toward human weakness. It means practicing forgiveness of my and everyone else's hourly failures to live up to divine standards. It means learning to forget myself on a regular basis in order to attend to the other selves in my vicinity. It means living so that "I'm only human" does not become an excuse for anything. It means receiving the human condition as blessing and not curse, in all its achingly frail and redemptive reality. Votes: 0

Every single person has a story that will break your heart. And if you're paying attention, many people... have a story that will bring you to your knees. Nobody rides for free. Votes: 0

I'm never more courageous than when I'm embracing imperfection, embracing vulnerabilities, and setting boundaries with the people in my life. Votes: 0

One of the most painfully inauthentic ways we show up in our lives sometimes is saying "yes" when we mean "no," and saying "no" when we mean "hell yes." Votes: 0

When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice. Votes: 0

If we want to make meaning, we need to make art. Cook, write, draw, doodle, paint, scrapbook, take pictures, collage, knit, rebuild an engine, sculpt, dance, decorate, act, sing - it doesn't matter. As long as we're creating, we're cultivating meaning. Votes: 0

Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them- we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed, and rare. Votes: 0

When I look at narcissism through the vulnerability lens, I see the shame-based fear of being ordinary. I see the fear of never feeling extraordinary enough to be noticed, to be lovable, to belong, or to cultivate a sense of purpose. Votes: 0

Numb the dark and you numb the light. Votes: 0

Until we can receive with an open heart, we're never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help. Votes: 0

Those who have a strong sense of love and belonging have the courage to be imperfect. Votes: 0

Love is a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them - we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. Votes: 0

I believe that owning our worthiness is the act of acknowledging that we are sacred. Perhaps embracing vulnerability and overcoming numbing is ultimately about the care and feeding of our spirits Votes: 0

Joy is not a constant. It comes to us in moments - often ordinary moments. Sometimes we miss out on the bursts of joy because we're too busy chasing down the extraordinary moments. Other times we're so afraid of the dark we don't dare let ourselves enjoy the light. A joyful life is not a floodlight of joy. That would eventually become unbearable. I believe a joyful life is made up of joyful moments gracefully strung together by trust, gratitude and inspiration Votes: 0

The willingness to show up changes us, It makes us a little braver each time. Votes: 0

Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor - the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant "To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart." Over time, this definition has changed, and today, we typically associate courage with heroic and brave deeds. But in my opinion, this definition fails to recognize the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to actually speak honestly and openly about who we are and about our experiences -- good and bad. Speaking from our hearts is what I think of as "ordinary courage. Votes: 0

Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen. Votes: 0

Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we're all in this together. Votes: 0

Wholehearted living is not like trying to reach a destination. It's like walking toward a star in the sky. We never really 'arrive,' but we certainly know that we're heading in the right direction. Votes: 0

We don't have to be perfect, just engaged and committed to aligning values with actions. Votes: 0

When we numb [hard feelings], we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. Votes: 0

Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It's the fear that we're not good enough. Votes: 0

Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path. Votes: 0

Healthy striving is self-focused: "How can I improve", Perfectionism is other-focused:"What will they think Votes: 0

If there's a feeling you have, other people have it. If there's something weird about your life, other people have lived it. If there's something kooky about your body, other people have that, too. We're not alone. There's some kind of tremendous relief in that and I think it can only be expressed in belly laughter. This tremendous relief that happens the millisecond we realize, it's not just me. That's what good laughter is about. It's about knowing that you're not alone. Votes: 0

It’s no longer a question of can I do it. It’s a question of: Do I want to do it? Votes: 0

You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness. Votes: 0

If we want to be able to move through the difficult disappointments, the hurt feelings, and the heartbreaks that are inevitable in a fully lived life, we can't equate defeat with being unworthy of love, belonging and joy. If we do, we'll never show up and try again. Votes: 0

Our capacity for wholeheartednes s can never be greater than our willingness to be broken-hearted. Votes: 0

Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Votes: 0

Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: "Who has earned the right to hear my story?" If we have one or two people in our lives who can sit with us and hold space for our shame stories, and love us for our strengths and struggles, we are incredibly lucky. If we have a friend, or small group of friends, or family who embraces our imperfections, vulnerabilities, and power, and fills us with a sense of belonging, we are incredibly lucky. Votes: 0

Let go of who you think you're supposed to be and embrace who you are. Votes: 0

I wasn't really testing it on myself as much as I was learning from other people about what it meant to live and love with your whole heart, and then thinking, oh my god, I'm not doing that. Votes: 0

You can't get to courage without walking through vulnerability. Votes: 0

If you own this story you get to write the ending. Votes: 0

The universe is not short on wake-up calls. We’re just quick to hit the snooze button. Votes: 0

Nothing has transformed my life more than realizing that it's a waste of time to evaluate my worthiness by weighing the reaction of the people in the stands. Votes: 0

Vulnerability is not weakness. And that myth is profoundly dangerous.... Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness. If it doesn't feel vulnerable, the sharing is probably not constructive. Votes: 0

What separates privilege from entitlement is gratitude. Votes: 0

There’s nothing more daring than showing up, putting ourselves out there and letting ourselves be seen. Votes: 0

Many people think of perfectionism as striving to be your best, but it is not about self-improvement; it's about earning approval and acceptance. Votes: 0

Talk about your failures without apologizing. Votes: 0

There is no innovation and creativity without failure. Period. Votes: 0

Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging. Votes: 0

Rather than sitting on the sidelines & hurling judgment & advice, we must dare to show up & let ourselves be seen. This is vulnerability. This is daring greatly. Votes: 0

I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad. My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity to name a few. Votes: 0

Spirituality emerged as a fundamental guidepost in Wholeheartedness. Not religiosity but the deeply held belief that we are inextricably connected to one another by a force greater than ourselves--a force grounded in love and compassion. For some of us that's God, for others it's nature, art, or even human soulfulness. I believe that owning our worthiness is the act of acknowledging that we are sacred. Perhaps embracing vulnerability and overcoming numbing is ultimately about the care and feeding of our spirits. Votes: 0

Perfectionism is self destructive simply because there's no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal. Votes: 0

On the flip side, I've also had to struggle with saying "yes." Before I did this research and before I had my own breakdown and spiritual awakening around this work, my motto was, "Don't do anything that you're already not great at doing." Which I think is the way the majority of adults in our culture live. Authenticity is also about the courage and the vulnerability to say, "Yeah, I'll try it. I feel pretty uncomfortable and I feel a little vulnerable, but I'll try it!" Votes: 0

You can choose courage or you can choose comfort, but you can't have both. Votes: 0

Nostalgia is also a dangerous form of comparison. Think about how often we compare our lives to a memory that nostalgia has so completely edited that it never really existed. Votes: 0

Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection. Votes: 0

Shame derives its power from being unspeakable. Votes: 0

Here's what is truly at the heart of wholeheartedness: Worthy now, not if, not when, we're worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is. Votes: 0

Vulnerability is not about winning, and it's not about losing. It's about having the courage to show up and be seen. Votes: 0

I carry a small sheet of paper in my wallet that has written on it the names of people whose opinions of me matter. To be on that list, you have to love me for my strengths and struggles. Votes: 0

Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn't change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging. Votes: 0

Laughter, song, and dance create emotional and spiritual connection; they remind us of the one thing that truly matters when we are searching for comfort, celebration, inspiration, or healing: We are not alone. Votes: 0

Fear is the opposite of love, in my opinion. Votes: 0

If we share our shame story with the wrong person, they can easily become one more piece of flying debris in an already dangerous storm.(page 10) Votes: 0

I've found what makes children happy doesn't always prepare them to be courageous, engaged adults. Votes: 0

In a highly critical, scarcity-based world, everyone's afraid to fail. Votes: 0

Living a connected life ultimately is about setting boundaries, spending less time and energy hustling and winning over people who don't matter, and seeing the value of working on cultivating connection with family and close friends. Votes: 0

Empathy fuels connection; sympathy drives disconnection. Votes: 0

I think laughter between people is a holy form of connection, of communion. It's the way you and I look at each other and without words, say, I get exactly what you're saying. And so, it's important to me. Votes: 0

Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love. Votes: 0

The only universal language I know of that wraps up joy and gratitude and love is laughter. Votes: 0

Empathy doesn't require that we have the exact same experiences as the person sharing their story with us...Empathy is connecting with the emotion that someone is experiencing, not the event or the circumstance. Votes: 0

The truth is, rarely can a response make something better - what makes something better is connection. Votes: 0

I only share when I have no unmet needs that I'm trying to fill. I firmly believe that being vulnerable with a larger audience is only a good idea if the healing is tied to the sharing, not to the expectations I might have for the response I get. Votes: 0

Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance. Votes: 0

If you trade your authenticity for safety, you may experience the following: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment, and inexplicable grief. Votes: 0

The laughter that happens when people are truth-telling and showing up and being real - I call that "knowing laughter." That's what happens between people when we recognize the absurdity of the belief that we're alone in anything. Votes: 0

A good life happens when you stop and are grateful for the ordinary moments that so many of us just steamroll over to try to find those extraordinary moments. Votes: 0

Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage. Votes: 0

What we know matters but who we are matters more. Votes: 0

Social media has given us this idea that we should all have a posse of friends when in reality, if we have one or two really good friends, we are lucky. Votes: 0

We can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly. Votes: 0

Loving and accepting ourselves are the ultimate acts of courage. Votes: 0

If you're also in the arena and you're putting your ideas out and you're owning them and you're saying "I disagree with you about this and that, I think you've got this wrong" - then not only do I invite that, I freaking love that. I love that. I'm an academic. I'm hardwired for a good debate. Votes: 0

Trust is a product of vulnerability that grows over time and requires work, attention, and full engagement. Votes: 0

When we lose our tolerance for vulnerability, joy becomes foreboding. Votes: 0

[I] never talk about gratitude and joy separately, for this reason. In 12 years, I've never interviewed a single person who would describe their lives as joyful, who would describe themselves as joyous, who was not actively practicing gratitude. Votes: 0

Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.(page 49) Votes: 0

Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It's tough to do that when we're terrified about what people might see or think. Votes: 0

When perfectionism is driving us, shame is riding shotgun and fear is that annoying backseat driver! Votes: 0

There is no creativity without vulnerability. Votes: 0

We have to be women we want our daughters to be. Votes: 0

I think a lot of us are multiple things that don't always fit together neatly in a bio box. Votes: 0

Cruelty is easy, cheap and rampant. Votes: 0

It's not about 'what can I accomplish?' but 'what do I want to accomplish?' Paradigm shift. Votes: 0

Courage is telling our story, not being immune to criticism. Votes: 0

Maybe stories are just data with a soul. Votes: 0

Hope is not an emotion; it's a way of thinking or a cognitive process. Votes: 0

Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy. Votes: 0

Nothing is as uncomfortable, dangerous and hurtful as believing that I'm standing on the outside of my life looking in and wondering what it would be like if I had the courage to show up and let myself be seen. Votes: 0

Hope is a function of struggle. Votes: 0

Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart. Votes: 0

Even to me the issue of "stay small, sweet, quiet, and modest" sounds like an outdated problem, but the truth is that women still run into those demands whenever we find and use our voices. Votes: 0

There is no such thing as creative and non-creative people, only people who use their creativity and people who don't. Votes: 0

Ads sell a great deal more than products. They sell values, images, and concepts of success and worth. Votes: 0

Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Votes: 0

Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis. Votes: 0

We're a nation of exhausted and over-stressed adults raising over-scheduled children. Votes: 0

If you want to make a difference, the next time you see someone being cruel to another human being, take it personally. Take it personally because it is personal!” (p 272) Votes: 0

If we don’t allow ourselves to experience joy and love, we will definitely miss out on filling our reservoir with what we need when. . . . hard things happen. Votes: 0

Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it's the thing that's really preventing us from taking flight. Votes: 0

Joy, collected over time, fuels resilience - ensuring we'll have reservoirs of emotional strength when hard things do happen. Votes: 0

Most people believe vulnerability is weakness. But really vulnerability is Courage. We must ask ourselves...are we willing to show up and be seen. Votes: 0

Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding the necessity of both; it’s engaging. It’s being all in. Votes: 0

Feeling vulnerable, imperfect, and afraid is human. It's when we lose our capacity to hold space for these struggles that we become dangerous. Votes: 0

If we own the story then we can write the ending. Votes: 0

Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting. Votes: 0

Do you light up when your kids are coming in the room or do you become the instant critic? Votes: 0

Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change. Votes: 0

We are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history. Votes: 0

The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It's our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows. Votes: 0

Our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self acceptance. Votes: 0

Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back. I lost the fight, but probably won my life back. Votes: 0

Creativity, which is the expression of our originality, helps us stay mindful that what we bring to the world is completely original and cannot be compared. Votes: 0

Raising children who are hopeful and who have the courage to be vulnerable means stepping back and letting them experience disappointment, deal with conflict, learn how to assert themselves, and have the opportunity to fail. If we’re always following our children into the arena, hushing the critics, and assuring their victory, they’ll never learn that they have the ability to dare greatly on their own. Votes: 0

If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three ingredients to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgment. If you put the same amount of shame in the petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can't survive. Votes: 0

For me, the opposite of scarcity is not abundance. It's enough. I'm enough. My kids are enough. Votes: 0

hat whole phrase, "daring greatly," is from the Theodore Roosevelt quote that goes back to your original question of, what about the critics? And when I read his quote it was life-changing. "It's not the critic who counts; it's not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done the better. Votes: 0

Wholeheartedness. There are many tenets of Wholeheartedness, but at its very core is vulnerability and worthiness; facing uncertainty, exposure, and emotional risks, and knowing that I am enough. Votes: 0

When you numb your pain you also numb your joy. Votes: 0

One of the things I talk a lot about in my work that I try to practice - which is really hard - is in those moments where we're being asked to do things or asked to take over or asked to take care of something, we have to have the courage to choose discomfort over resentment. And to me, a huge part of my authenticity practice has been choosing discomfort and saying no. Votes: 0

One of the most painfully inauthentic ways we show up in our lives sometimes is saying "yes" when we mean "no," and saying "no" when we mean "hell yes." I'm the oldest of four, a people-pleaser - that's the good girl straitjacket that I wear sometimes. I spent a lot of my life saying yes all the time and then being pissed off and resentful. Votes: 0

I’m not very creative” doesn’t work. There’s no such thing as creative people and non-creative people. There are only people who use their creativity and people who don’t. Unused creativity doesn’t just disappear. It lives within us until it’s expressed, neglected to death, or suffocated by resentment and fear. Votes: 0

Vulnerability is based on mutuality and requires boundaries and trust. It's not oversharing, it's not purging, it's not indiscriminate disclosure, and it's not celebrity-style social media information dumps. Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them. Votes: 0

Compassion is not a virtue -- it is a commitment. It's not something we have or don't have -- it's something we choose to practice. Votes: 0

Caring about the welfare of children and shaming parents are mutually exclusive endeavors. Votes: 0

There is nothing more vulnerable than creativity. . . It's not about winning, it's not about losing, it's about showing up and being seen. Votes: 0

The only unique contribution that we will ever make in this world will be born of our creativity. Votes: 0

In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen. Votes: 0

Are you the adult that you want your child to grow up to be? Votes: 0

When we're defined by what people think we lose the courage to be vulnerable. Votes: 0

'Crazy-busy' is a great armor, it's a great way for numbing. What a lot of us do is that we stay so busy, and so out in front of our life, that the truth of how we're feeling and what we really need can't catch up with us. Votes: 0

We are a culture of people who've bought into the idea that if we stay busy enough, the truth of our lives won't catch up with us. Votes: 0

Let go of who you think you should be in order to be who you are. Be imperfect and have compassion for yourself. Connection is the result of authenticity. Votes: 0

When you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak. Votes: 0

Dare to be the adults we want our children to be. Votes: 0

We are so busy that the truth about our lives can't catch up. Votes: 0

It's hard to practice compassion when we're struggling with our authenticity or when our own worthiness is off-balance. Votes: 0

Men walk this tightrope where any sign of weakness illicits shame, and so they're afraid to make themselves vulnerable for fear of looking weak. Votes: 0

If you're not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I'm not interested in your feedback. Votes: 0

I'm not a parenting expert. In fact, I'm not sure that I even believe in the idea of 'parenting experts.' I'm an engaged, imperfect parent and a passionate researcher. I'm an experienced mapmaker and a stumbling traveler. Like many of you, parenting is by far my boldest and most daring adventure. Votes: 0

When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. Votes: 0

Shame cannot survive being spoken. It cannot tolerate having words wrapped around it. What it craves is secrecy, silence, and judgment. If you stay quiet, you stay in a lot of self-judgment. Votes: 0

There's no evidence that vulnerabilty is weakness. Votes: 0

Every time we choose courage, we make everyone around us a little better and the world a little braver. And our world could stand to be a little kinder and braver. Votes: 0

I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive. Votes: 0

We can have courage or we can have comfort, but we cannot have both. Votes: 0

Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experience. Votes: 0

Faith minus vulnerability is fundamentalism Votes: 0

What we know matters, but who we are matters more. Being rather than knowing requires showing up and letting ourselves be seen. It requires us to dare greatly, to be vulnerable. Votes: 0

I believe joy is a spiritual practice. Votes: 0

In many ways, September feels like the busiest time of the year: The kids go back to school, work piles up after the summer's dog days, and Thanksgiving is suddenly upon us. Votes: 0

To live with courage, purpose, and connection - to be the person whom we long to be - we must again be vulnerable. We must ... show up, and let ourselves be seen. Votes: 0

I don't just want someone who says they love me; I want someone who practices that love for me every day. Votes: 0

There is no joy without gratitude. Votes: 0

There are infinite numbers of do overs for your teen girls. Votes: 0

Unused creativity is not benign. Votes: 0

When failure is not an option, we can forget about creativity, learning, and innovation. Votes: 0

There is no intimacy without vulnerability. Yet another powerful example of vulnerability as courage. Votes: 0

Share with people who have earned the right to hear your story. Votes: 0

The question isn't so much, Are you parenting the right way? as it is: Are you the adult you want your child to grow up to be? Votes: 0

Vulnerability is not weakness. And that myth is profoundly dangerous... I define vulnerability as emotional risk, exposure, uncertainty. It fuels our daily lives. Votes: 0

We cannot give our children what we don't have. Where we are on our journey of living and loving with our whole hearts is a much stronger indicator of parenting success than anything we can learn from how-to books. Votes: 0

Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do 'faith.' Votes: 0

Squandering our gifts brings distress to our lives. As it turns out, it's not merely benign or 'too bad' if we don't use the gifts that we've been given; we pay for it with our emotional and physical well-being. When we don't use our talents to cultivate meaningful work, we struggle. We feel disconnected and weighted down by feelings of emptiness, frustration, resentment, shame, disappointment, fear, and even grief. Votes: 0

I became Vulnerability TED, like an action figure - like Ninja Barbie, but I'm Vulnerability TED. Votes: 0

Who we are matters immeasurably more than what we know or who we want to be. Votes: 0

Vulnerability is the cornerstone of confidence. Votes: 0

Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language - it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart - and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. Votes: 0

What's worth doing even if you fail? Votes: 0

There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging. That's it. They believe they're worthy. Votes: 0

Courage - To tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. Votes: 0

Vulnerability is not about fear and grief and disappointment; it is the birthplace of everything we're hungry for. Votes: 0

Perfection is crucial in building an aircraft, a bridge, or a high-speed train. The code and mathematics residing just below the surface of the Internet is also this way. Things are either perfectly right or they will not work. So much of the world we work and live in is based upon being correct, being perfect. Votes: 0

Joy comes to us in moments--ordina ry moments. We risk missing out on joy when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary. Votes: 0

How can we embrace rest and play if we've tied our self-worth to what we produce? Votes: 0

I believe a joyful life is made up of joyful moments, gracefully strung together by trust, gratitude, inspiration, and faith. Votes: 0

Tell your story with your whole heart. Votes: 0

We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection Votes: 0

Shame works like the zoom lens on a camera. When we are feeling shame, the camera is zoomed in tight and all we see is our flawed selves, alone and struggling.(page 68) Votes: 0

Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite grace, joy and gratitude into our lives. Votes: 0

When they teach [doctors] how to suture, they also teach them how to stitch their self-worth to being all-powerful. Votes: 0

A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don't function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick. Votes: 0

Shame cannot survive being spoken. It cannot survive empathy. Votes: 0

We need to change what we say and what we allow to be said in front of us. Votes: 0

You can’t dress rehearse the bad moments. Votes: 0

Rest and play, are as vital to our health as nutrition and exercise Votes: 0

If we want to cultivate hopefulness, we have to be willing to be flexible and demonstrate perseverance. Not every goal will look and feel the same. Tolerance for disappointment, determination, and a belief in self are the heart of hope. Votes: 0

Lean into the discomfort of the work. Votes: 0

Why, when we know that there's no such thing as perfect, do most of us spend an incredible amount of time and energy trying to be everything to everyone? Is it that we really admire perfection? No - the truth is that we are actually drawn to people who are real and down-to-earth. We love authenticity and we know that life is messy and imperfect. Votes: 0

We cannot give our children what we don’t have. Votes: 0

Through my research, I found that vulnerability is the glue that holds relationships together. It's the magic sauce. Votes: 0

Think about what’s pleasurable, not just what’s possible. Votes: 0

We can talk about courage and love and compassion until we sound like a greeting card store, but unless we're willing to have an honest conversation about what gets in the way of putting these into practice in our daily lives, we will never change. Never, ever. Votes: 0

When you get to a place where you understand that love and belonging, your worthiness, is a birthright and not something you have to earn, anything is possible. Votes: 0

If we want to fully experience love and belonging, we must believe that we are worthy of love and belonging. Votes: 0

What makes something better is connection. Votes: 0

At the end of my life I want to be able to say I contributed more than I criticized. Votes: 0

If we want to live and love with our whole hearts, and if we want to engage with the world from a place of worthiness, we have to talk about the things that get in the way- especially shame, fear and vulnerability Votes: 0

Vulnerability is not weakness. Votes: 0

We can only belong when we offer our most authentic selves and when we're embraced for who we are. Votes: 0

The opposite of play is not work—the opposite of play is depression. Votes: 0

After doing this work or the past twelve years and watching scarcity ride roughshod over our families, organizations, and communities, I'd say the one thing we have in common is that we're sick of feeling afraid. we want to dare greatly. We're tired of the national conversation centering on "What should we fear" and "Who should we blame?" We all want to be brave. Votes: 0

Knowledge is only rumor until it lives in the bones. Votes: 0

It's in our biology to trust what we see with our eyes. This makes living in a carefully edited, overproduced and photoshopped world very dangerous. Votes: 0

If we are going to find our way out of shame and back to each other, vulnerability is the path and courage is the light. To set down those lists of *what we're supposed to be* is brave. To love ourselves and support each other in the process of becoming real is perhaps the greatest single act of daring greatly. Votes: 0

Vulnerability is the absolute heartbeat of innovation and creativity. There can be zero innovation without vulnerability. Votes: 0

If you can't say it to me in front of my kids, don't say it. Votes: 0

All the stuff that keeps you safe from feeling scary emotions? They also keep you from feeling the good emotions. You have to shake those off. You have to become vulnerable. Votes: 0

Live-tweeting your bikini wax is not vulnerability. Nor is posting a blow-by-blow of your divorce . That's an attempt to hot-wire connection. But you can't cheat real connection. It's built up slowly. It's about trust and time. Votes: 0

The one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection. Votes: 0

Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. Votes: 0

We're all so busy chasing the extraordinary that we forget to stop and be grateful for the ordinary. Votes: 0

You cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behaviors. Votes: 0

Connection is why we're here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. The power that connection holds in our lives was confirmed when the main concern about connection emerged as the fear of disconnection; the fear that something we have done or failed to do, something about who we are or where we come from, has made us unlovable and unworthy of connection. Votes: 0

One of the greatest barriers to connection is the cultural importance we place on "going it alone." Somehow we've come to equate success with not needing anyone. Many of us are willing to extend a helping hand, but we're very reluctant to reach out for help when we need it ourselves. It's as if we've divided the world into "those who offer help" and "those who need help." The truth is that we are both. Votes: 0

Sufficiency isn't two steps up from poverty or one step short of abundance. It isn't a measure of barely enough or more than enough. Sufficiency isn't an amount at all. It is an experience, a context we generate, a declaration, a knowing that there is enough, and that we are enough. Votes: 0

Worthiness doesn't have prerequisites. Votes: 0

We cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time. Votes: 0

Hope is really a thought. Votes: 0

We cannot grow when we are in shame, and we can't use shame to change ourselves or others. Votes: 0

If we can’t stand up to the never good enough and who do you think you are? we can’t move forward. Votes: 0

We're raising children who have little tolerance for disappointment Votes: 0

Courage originally meant "To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart Votes: 0

Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection. Votes: 0

The two most powerful words when we're in struggle: me too. Votes: 0

Cool is the emotional straightjacket. It makes us less available for connection which makes us less equipped for leadership roles. Votes: 0

Connection, the ability to feel connected, is neurobiologically wired, that’s why we’re here! Votes: 0

Want to be happy? Stop trying to be perfect. Votes: 0

The most powerful teaching moments are the ones where you screw up. Votes: 0

First and foremost, we need to be the adults we want our children to be. We should watch our own gossiping and anger. We should model the kindness we want to see. Votes: 0

Empathy is the antidote to shame, Votes: 0

When the people we love stop paying attention, trust begins to slip away and hurt starts seeping in. Votes: 0

Shame: We all have it. It's that gremlin that says 'I'm not enough.' Or, if you're feeling pretty confident,...'ooh, who do you think you are?' Shame always has a seat. Votes: 0

That's what life is about: about daring greatly, about being in the arena. Votes: 0

If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path. Votes: 0

Shame derives its power from being unspeakable...If we speak shame, it begins to wither. Just the way exposure to light was deadly for the gremlins, language and story bring light to shame and destroy it. Votes: 0

There really is "no effort without error and shortcoming" and there really is no triumph without vulnerability. Votes: 0

You cannot talk about race without talking about privilege. And when people start talking about privilege, they get paralyzed by shame. Votes: 0

The difficult thing is that vulnerability is the first thing I look for in you and the last thing I'm willing to show you. In you, it's courage and daring. In me, it's weakness. Votes: 0

Guilt is just as powerful, but its influence is positive, while shame's is destructive. Shame erodes our courage and fuels disengagement. Votes: 0

Connection gives purpose and meaning to our lives. Votes: 0

Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don’t exist in the human experience. Votes: 0

I don't have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness - it's right in front of me if I'm paying attention and practicing gratitude. Votes: 0

Vulnerability is not weakness. And that myth is profoundly dangerous. Votes: 0

I now see how gifts like courage, compassion, and connection only work when they are exercised. Every day. Votes: 0

Knowledge is important, but only if we're being kind and gentle with ourselves as we work to discover who we are. Votes: 0

One of the reasons we judge each other so harshly in this world of parenting is because... we perceive anyone else who's doing anything differently than what we're doing as criticizing our choices. Votes: 0

But I don't think it's as dangerous, scary, or terrifying as getting to the end of our lives and wondering, what if I would have shown up? Votes: 0

I think a lot of us are looking for the same thing. Votes: 0

I'm an academic. I'm hardwired for a good debate. Votes: 0

Authenticity is also about the courage and the vulnerability to say, "Yeah, I'll try it. I feel pretty uncomfortable and I feel a little vulnerable, but I'll try it!" Votes: 0

When you don't put your initials behind your name, and I've got tons of them, and when you talk about storytelling or love or gratitude, you're diminishing your legitimacy and importance in this world. Votes: 0

Guilt says: I made a mistake. Shame says: I AM a mistake. Votes: 0

I think that shame is a universal, paralyzing, painful emotion. Votes: 0

I am a storyteller and a researcher, and I'm sorry the world has a hard time straddling the tension of those two things, but that's who I am. Votes: 0

We teach what we have to learn. It's been an extraordinary journey that I couldn't have done with not only the research participants but the community, the tribe that we've built of people who are also on this journey. Votes: 0

Then I tell my own story. The two things that people really need to transform is language to understand their experience and to know they're not alone. It's the combination of the researcher-storyteller part. Votes: 0

It's a practice for me every day, sometimes every hour of every day. It is an absolute practice. When I went into the research, I really thought that there are authentic people and inauthentic people, period. What I found is, there people who practice authenticity and people who don't. The people who practice authenticity work their ass off at it. Votes: 0

I can't even think of the right word, but it's not "help." It's more like a prerequisite. I think connection is why we're here, it's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and belonging is in our DNA. And so "tribe" and "belonging" are irreducible needs, like love. Votes: 0

I'm still a researcher. The best way to explain it is that I trusted myself deeply as a professional, but I did not have a lot of self-trust personally. When I started learning all of these things about the value and the importance of belonging, vulnerability, connection, self-kindness and self-compassion, I trusted what I was learning - again, I know I'm a good researcher. When those things and wholeheartedness started to emerge with all these different properties, I knew I had to listen. I'd heard these messages before personally but I didn't trust myself there. Votes: 0

Everything that these folks are saying that they're trying to move away from, like comparison, perfectionism, judgement, and exhaustion as a status symbol - that all describes my life. It was more like a medical researcher studying a disease and figuring out he or she has it. Votes: 0

Someone asked me very recently why I have 8 million views on TED - "your work resonates, what are you doing?" What I think my contribution is, what I do well, is I name experiences that are very universal that no one really talks about. That's the researcher in me; that's really part of being a grounded theory researcher - putting names to concepts and experiences that people have. That's the researcher part. Votes: 0

It was scary. But it was so liberating. I thought, This is not predetermined - I get to choose. There are some days where I have to choose five times in a day. I had to make a choice when you called and the phone rang, whether I'm going to show up and be me, or whether I'm going to say what I think I'm supposed to say and get off the phone. Votes: 0

That's really part of being a grounded theory researcher - putting names to concepts and experiences that people have. Votes: 0

Don't do anything that you're already not great at doing. Votes: 0

The truth is, I'm a storyteller. And it scares me, because my training as an academic is that the more accessible you are and the more human you are, the less smart you are. It's a shame trigger for me to be honest. Votes: 0

We have become this very fear-based culture, especially post-9/11. Fear is the opposite of love, in my opinion. I think there would be more love in the world. I'm not talking about rainbows and unicorns and '70s Coca-Cola commercials. I'm talking about gritty, dangerous, wild-eyed love. Radical acceptance of people. Belonging. A good, goofy kind of love. Votes: 0

In a highly critical, scarcity-based world, everyone's afraid to fail. As long as we're afraid to fail, we'll never come up with the big, bold ideas we need to solve these problems. Votes: 0

We would solve a lot of huge problems that are causing massive suffering. Poverty, violence, homophobia, heterosexism, racism, the environment - all these things that are crippling us. We need big, bold, dangerous, crazy ideas to solve these problems. When failure is not an option, innovation and creativity are not options. Votes: 0

Courage is a value. My faith is the organizing principle in my life and what underpins my faith is courage and love, and so I have to be in the arena if I'm going to live in alignment with my values. Votes: 0

I think a lot of us are looking for the same thing. I feel very lucky to have a definitive moment where I know everything shifted in me, and it was the moment I read that quote. Because I thought, A. That's everything I know about vulnerability. It's not winning, it's not losing, it's showing up and being seen. B. That's who I want to be. Votes: 0

The credit belongs to those of us who are actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood. We strive valiantly and sometimes there's the triumph of achievement but at the worst, we fail, but at least we fail while daring greatly." That has really changed my life. Profoundly changed my life. Votes: 0

It's about showing up. And sometimes I don't do it. I almost always regret it, but sometimes I don't do it. Sometimes I walk into a situation where I'm intimidated and I want to be liked and I want to fit in, and I don't choose authenticity. And it's always pretty miserable. Votes: 0