Top quotes by Brene Brown

I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad. My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity to name a few. Votes: 42

Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can't ensure, who may stay in our lives or may leave without a moment's notice, who may be loyal to the day they die or betray us tomorrow - that's vulnerability. Votes: 33

If I feel good about my parenting, I have no interest in judging other people's choices. If I feel good about my body, I don't go around making fun of other people's weight or appearance. We're hard on each other because we're using each other as a launching pad out of our own perceived deficiency. Votes: 32

The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you're enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect. Votes: 22

Live-tweeting your bikini wax is not vulnerability. Nor is posting a blow-by-blow of your divorce . That's an attempt to hot-wire connection. But you can't cheat real connection. It's built up slowly. It's about trust and time. Votes: 20

Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others. Votes: 18

When we're looking for compassion, we need someone who is deeply rooted, is able to bend and, most of all, embraces us for our strengths and struggles. Votes: 18

In many ways, September feels like the busiest time of the year: The kids go back to school, work piles up after the summer's dog days, and Thanksgiving is suddenly upon us. Votes: 17

I don't have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness - it's right in front of me if I'm paying attention and practicing gratitude. Votes: 17

I carry a small sheet of paper in my wallet that has written on it the names of people whose opinions of me matter. To be on that list, you have to love me for my strengths and struggles. Votes: 15

Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It's the fear that we're not good enough. Votes: 15

Men walk this tightrope where any sign of weakness illicits shame, and so they're afraid to make themselves vulnerable for fear of looking weak. Votes: 13

Many people think of perfectionism as striving to be your best, but it is not about self-improvement; it's about earning approval and acceptance. Votes: 12

The intention and outcome of vulnerability is trust, intimacy and connection. The outcome of oversharing is distrust, disconnection - and usually a little judgment. Votes: 10

Social media has given us this idea that we should all have a posse of friends when in reality, if we have one or two really good friends, we are lucky. Votes: 10

Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness. If it doesn't feel vulnerable, the sharing is probably not constructive. Votes: 8

When you stop caring what people think, you lose your capacity for connection. When you're defined by it, you lose our capacity for vulnerability. Votes: 8

I'm not a parenting expert. In fact, I'm not sure that I even believe in the idea of 'parenting experts.' I'm an engaged, imperfect parent and a passionate researcher. I'm an experienced mapmaker and a stumbling traveler. Like many of you, parenting is by far my boldest and most daring adventure. Votes: 7

I was raised in a family where vulnerability was barely tolerated: no training wheels on our bicycles, no goggles in the pool, just get it done. And so I grew up not only with discomfort about my own vulnerability, I didn't care for it in other people either. Votes: 7

Crazy-busy' is a great armor, it's a great way for numbing. What a lot of us do is that we stay so busy, and so out in front of our life, that the truth of how we're feeling and what we really need can't catch up with us. Votes: 7

One of the things I did when I discovered this huge importance of being vulnerable is very happily moved away from the shame research, because that's such a downer, and people hate that topic. It's not that vulnerability is the upside, but it's better than shame, I guess. Votes: 7

Vulnerability is basically uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Votes: 7

Ironically, parenting is a shame and judgment minefield precisely because most of us are wading through uncertainty and self-doubt when it comes to raising our children. Votes: 7

The difficult thing is that vulnerability is the first thing I look for in you and the last thing I'm willing to show you. In you, it's courage and daring. In me, it's weakness. Votes: 5

Guilt is just as powerful, but its influence is positive, while shame's is destructive. Shame erodes our courage and fuels disengagement. Votes: 5

The best marriages are the ones where we can go out in the world and really put ourselves out there. A lot of times we'll fail, and sometimes we'll pull it off. But good marriages are when you can go home and know that your vulnerability will be honored as courage, and that you'll find support. Votes: 4

In my research, I've interviewed a lot of people who never fit in, who are what you might call 'different': scientists, artists, thinkers. And if you drop down deep into their work and who they are, there is a tremendous amount of self-acceptance. Votes: 2

My husband's a pediatrician, so he and I talk about parenting all the time. You can't raise children who have more shame resilience than you do. Votes: 2

The uncertainty of parenting can bring up feelings in us that range from frustration to terror. Votes: 1

To me, a leader is someone who holds her- or himself accountable for finding potential in people and processes. And so what I think is really important is sustainability. Votes: 1

If you think dealing with issues like worthiness and authenticity and vulnerability are not worthwhile because there are more pressing issues, like the bottom line or attendance or standardized test scores, you are sadly, sadly mistaken. It underpins everything. Votes: 0

Kids who have an understanding of how and why their feelings are what they are are much more likely to talk to us about what's happening, and they have better skills to work it out. Votes: 0

I think our capacity for wholeheartedness can never be greater than our willingness to be broken-hearted. It means engaging with the world from a place of vulnerability and worthiness. Votes: 0

A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don't function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick. Votes: 0

As a shame researcher, I know that the very best thing to do in the midst of a shame attack is totally counterintuitive: Practice courage and reach out! Votes: 0

When the people we love stop paying attention, trust begins to slip away and hurt starts seeping in. Votes: 0

I've learned a lot since I was a new mother. My approach to struggle and shame now is to talk to yourself like you'd talk to someone you love and reach out to tell your story. Votes: 0

You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging. Votes: 0

You cannot talk about race without talking about privilege. And when people start talking about privilege, they get paralyzed by shame. Votes: 0

Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It's tough to do that when we're terrified about what people might see or think. Votes: 0

It's hard to practice compassion when we're struggling with our authenticity or when our own worthiness is off-balance. Votes: 0

I love to take, process and share photos - it fills me up. Votes: 0

We're hardwired for connection. There's no arguing with the bioscience. But we can want it so badly we're trying to hot-wire it. Votes: 0

When you get to a place where you understand that love and belonging, your worthiness, is a birthright and not something you have to earn, anything is possible. Votes: 0

I think if you follow anyone home, whether they live in Houston or London, and you sit at their dinner table and talk to them about their mother who has cancer or their child who is struggling in school, and their fears about watching their lives go by, I think we're all the same. Votes: 0

Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do 'faith.' Votes: 0

If you own this story you get to write the ending. Votes: 0

What separates privilege from entitlement is gratitude. Votes: 0

Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting. Votes: 0

One of the reasons we judge each other so harshly in this world of parenting is becausewe perceive anyone else who's doing anything differently than what we're doing as criticizing our choices. Votes: 0

[I] never talk about gratitude and joy separately, for this reason. In 12 years, I've never interviewed a single person who would describe their lives as joyful, who would describe themselves as joyous, who was not actively practicing gratitude. Votes: 0

Caring about the welfare of children and shaming parents are mutually exclusive endeavors. Votes: 0

I've found what makes children happy doesn't always prepare them to be courageous, engaged adults. Votes: 0

When I look at narcissism through the vulnerability lens, I see the shame-based fear of being ordinary. I see the fear of never feeling extraordinary enough to be noticed, to be lovable, to belong, or to cultivate a sense of purpose. Votes: 0

I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship. Votes: 0

Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame. Votes: 0

It's not an accidental entanglement; it's an intentional knot. Love belongs with belonging. Votes: 0

You cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behaviors." Votes: 0

We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions. Votes: 0

Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance. Votes: 0

If you trade your authenticity for safety, you may experience the following: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment, and inexplicable grief. Votes: 0

When perfectionism is driving us, shame is riding shotgun and fear is that annoying backseat driver! Votes: 0

If we want to cultivate hopefulness, we have to be willing to be flexible and demonstrate perseverance. Not every goal will look and feel the same. Tolerance for disappointment, determination, and a belief in self are the heart of hope. Votes: 0

Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change. Votes: 0

Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path. Votes: 0

Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. Votes: 0

After doing this work or the past twelve years and watching scarcity ride roughshod over our families, organizations, and communities, I'd say the one thing we have in common is that we're sick of feeling afraid. we want to dare greatly. We're tired of the national conversation centering on "What should we fear" and "Who should we blame?" We all want to be brave. Votes: 0

Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you're enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect. When we don't have that, we shape-shift and turn into chameleons; we hustle for the worthiness we already possess. Votes: 0

Worrying about scarcity is our culture's version of post-traumatic stress. It happens when we've been through too much, and rather than coming together to heal (which requires vulnerability) we're angry and scared and at each other's throats. Votes: 0

There is no innovation and creativity without failure. Period. Votes: 0

Vulnerability is the absolute heartbeat of innovation and creativity. There can be zero innovation without vulnerability. Votes: 0

If we are going to find our way out of shame and back to each other, vulnerability is the path and courage is the light. To set down those lists of *what we're supposed to be* is brave. To love ourselves and support each other in the process of becoming real is perhaps the greatest single act of daring greatly. Votes: 0

Daring greatly means the courage to be vulnerable. It means to show up and be seen. To ask for what you need. To talk about how you're feeling. To have the hard conversations. Votes: 0

That's what life is about: about daring greatly, about being in the arena. Votes: 0

Rather than sitting on the sidelines & hurling judgment & advice, we must dare to show up & let ourselves be seen. This is vulnerability. This is daring greatly. Votes: 0

Maybe stories are just data with a soul. Votes: 0

Empathy fuels connection; sympathy drives disconnection. Votes: 0

Connection is why we're here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. The power that connection holds in our lives was confirmed when the main concern about connection emerged as the fear of disconnection; the fear that something we have done or failed to do, something about who we are or where we come from, has made us unlovable and unworthy of connection. Votes: 0

Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection. Votes: 0

Joy, collected over time, fuels resilience - ensuring we'll have reservoirs of emotional strength when hard things do happen. Votes: 0

When failure is not an option, we can forget about creativity, learning, and innovation. Votes: 0

Shame: We all have it. It's that gremlin that says 'I'm not enough.' Or, if you're feeling pretty confident,...'ooh, who do you think you are?' Shame always has a seat. Votes: 0

When we lose our tolerance for vulnerability, joy becomes foreboding. Votes: 0

Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy. Votes: 0

Through my research, I found that vulnerability is the glue that holds relationships together. It's the magic sauce. Votes: 0

We can talk about courage and love and compassion until we sound like a greeting card store, but unless we're willing to have an honest conversation about what gets in the way of putting these into practice in our daily lives, we will never change. Never, ever. Votes: 0

Shame derives its power from being unspeakable...If we speak shame, it begins to wither. Just the way exposure to light was deadly for the gremlins, language and story bring light to shame and destroy it. Votes: 0

Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis. Votes: 0

Nothing is as uncomfortable, dangerous and hurtful as believing that I'm standing on the outside of my life looking in and wondering what it would be like if I had the courage to show up and let myself be seen. Votes: 0

When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice. Votes: 0

Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we're all in this together. Votes: 0

Don't try to win over the haters; you are not a jackass whisperer. Votes: 0

I believe a joyful life is made up of joyful moments, gracefully strung together by trust, gratitude, inspiration, and faith. Votes: 0

We're a nation hungry for more joy: Because we're starving from a lack of gratitude. Votes: 0

A good life happens when you stop and are grateful for the ordinary moments that so many of us just steamroll over to try to find those extraordinary moments. Votes: 0

Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning and purpose to our lives. Votes: 0

People may call what happens at midlife 'a crisis,' but it's not. It's an unraveling - a time when you feel a desperate pull to live the life you want to live, not the one you're 'supposed' to live. The unraveling is a time when you are challenged by the universe to let go of who you think you are supposed to be and to embrace who you are. Votes: 0

When we numb [hard feelings], we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. Votes: 0

Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love. Votes: 0

Until we can receive with an open heart, we're never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help. Votes: 0

Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart. Votes: 0

We have to be women we want our daughters to be. Votes: 0

Every time we choose courage, we make everyone around us a little better and the world a little braver. And our world could stand to be a little kinder and braver. Votes: 0

Even to me the issue of "stay small, sweet, quiet, and modest" sounds like an outdated problem, but the truth is that women still run into those demands whenever we find and use our voices. Votes: 0

It's not about 'what can I accomplish?' but 'what do I want to accomplish?' Paradigm shift. Votes: 0

Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it's the thing that's really preventing us from taking flight. Votes: 0

The two most powerful words when we're in struggle: me too. Votes: 0

Vulnerability is based on mutuality and requires boundaries and trust. It's not oversharing, it's not purging, it's not indiscriminate disclosure, and it's not celebrity-style social media information dumps. Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them. Votes: 0

We are hardwired to connect with others, it's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering. Votes: 0

Connection gives purpose and meaning to our lives. Votes: 0

When you shut down vulnerability, you shut down opportunity Votes: 0

Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen. Votes: 0

What we know matters but who we are matters more. Votes: 0

Courage originally meant "To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart. Votes: 0

Courage has a ripple effect. Every time we choose courage, we make everyone around us a little better and the world a little braver. And our world could stand to be a little kinder and braver. Votes: 0

Heroics is often about putting our life on the line. Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line. In today's world, that's pretty extraordinary. Votes: 0

Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness. Votes: 0

The willingness to show up changes us, It makes us a little braver each time. Votes: 0

If you want to make a difference, the next time you see someone being cruel to another human being, take it personally. Take it personally because it is personal! Votes: 0

Numb the dark and you numb the light. Votes: 0

Compassion is not a virtue -- it is a commitment. It's not something we have or don't have -- it's something we choose to practice. Votes: 0

Cruelty is easy, cheap and rampant. Votes: 0

I've learned that men and women who are living wholehearted lives really allow themselves to soften into joy and happiness. They allow themselves to experience it. Votes: 0

Ads sell a great deal more than products. They sell values, images, and concepts of success and worth. Votes: 0

It's in our biology to trust what we see with our eyes. This makes living in a carefully edited, overproduced and photoshopped world very dangerous. Votes: 0

He explained that unlike our other classes in the program, research was all about prediction and control. I was smitten. You mean that rather than leaning and holding, I could spend my career predicting and controlling? I had found my calling. Votes: 0

For me, the opposite of scarcity is not abundance. It's enough. I'm enough. My kids are enough. Votes: 0

Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be our best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth; it's a shield. Votes: 0

I'm like a recovering perfectionist. For me it's one day at a time. Votes: 0

Why, when we know that there's no such thing as perfect, do most of us spend an incredible amount of time and energy trying to be everything to everyone? Is it that we really admire perfection? No - the truth is that we are actually drawn to people who are real and down-to-earth. We love authenticity and we know that life is messy and imperfect. Votes: 0

To me, constructive criticism is when people take ownership of their ideas. That's why I don't listen to anything that's anonymous. But it's hard; when there's something hurtful out there, I still want to read it over and over and memorize it and explain my point of view to the person. Votes: 0

Anonymous comments? You're not in the arena, man. If you can't say it to me in person in front of my kids, don't say it. Votes: 0

As a vulnerability researcher, the greatest barrier I see is our low tolerance for vulnerability. We're almost afraid to be happy. We feel like it's inviting disaster. Votes: 0

The moment someone asks you to do something you don't have the time or inclination to do is fraught with vulnerability. Votes: 0

Normally, when someone we love is turning away from a struggle, we self-protect by also turning away. That's definitely my first response. I think change is more likely to happen if both partners have common language and a shared lens to see problems. Votes: 0

What's the greater risk? Letting go of what people think - or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am? Votes: 0

I hesitate to use a pathologizing label, but underneath the so-called narcissistic personality is definitely shame and the paralyzing fear of being ordinary. Votes: 0

We use work to numb out. We can't turn off our machines because we're afraid we're going to miss something. Votes: 0

Our need for certainty in an endeavor as uncertain as raising children makes explicit 'how-to-parent' strategies both seductive and dangerous. Votes: 0

First and foremost, we need to be the adults we want our children to be. We should watch our own gossiping and anger. We should model the kindness we want to see. Votes: 0

I can encourage my daughter to love her body, but what really matters are the observations she makes about my relationship with my own body. Votes: 0