Top quotes by Daniel Goleman

If your emotional abilities aren't in hand, if you don't have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can't have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far. Votes: 40

Empathy and social skills are social intelligence, the interpersonal part of emotional intelligence. That's why they look alike. Votes: 38

My hope was that organizations would start including this range of skills in their training programs - in other words, offer an adult education in social and emotional intelligence. Votes: 34

The other thing is that if you rely solely on medication to manage depression or anxiety, for example, you have done nothing to train the mind, so that when you come off the medication, you are just as vulnerable to a relapse as though you had never taken the medication. Votes: 31

Smart phones and social media expand our universe. We can connect with others or collect information easier and faster than ever. Votes: 25

As a freshman in college, I was having a lot of trouble adjusting. I took a meditation class to handle anxiety. It really helped. Then as a grad student at Harvard, I was awarded a pre-doctoral traveling fellowship to India, where my focus was on the ancient systems of psychology and meditation practices of Asia. Votes: 23

Emotional 'literacy' implies an expanded responsibility for schools in helping to socialize children. This daunting task requires two major changes: that teachers go beyond their traditional mission and that people in the community become more involved with schools as both active participants in children's learning and as individual mentors. Votes: 22

The book is a dialogue between The Dalai Lama and a group of scientists about how we can better handle our destructive emotions and how to overcome them. Votes: 19

When it comes to exploring the mind in the framework of cognitive neuroscience, the maximal yield of data comes from integrating what a person experiences - the first person - with what the measurements show - the third person. Votes: 19

Every morning, I go off to a small studio behind my house to write. I try to ignore all email and phone calls until lunchtime. Then I launch into the sometimes frantic busy-ness of a tightly scheduled day. Votes: 18

But once you are in that field, emotional intelligence emerges as a much stronger predictor of who will be most successful, because it is how we handle ourselves in our relationships that determines how well we do once we are in a given job. Votes: 17

The industrial processes in use today were developed at a time when no one had to consider what the environmental impact was. Who cared? But making ecological concerns matter to a company's bottom line will help it do the research and development that will reinvent everything we buy. Votes: 16

When I say manage emotions, I only mean the really distressing, incapacitating emotions. Feeling emotions is what makes life rich. You need your passions. Votes: 15

Emotional intelligence begins to develop in the earliest years. All the small exchanges children have with their parents, teachers, and with each other carry emotional messages. Votes: 14

Motivation aside, if people get better at these life skills, everyone benefits: The brain doesn't distinguish between being a more empathic manager and a more empathic father. Votes: 14

Whenever we feel stressed out, that's a signal that our brain is pumping out stress hormones. If sustained over months and years, those hormones can ruin our health and make us a nervous wreck. Votes: 13

Teachers need to be comfortable talking about feelings. This is part of teaching emotional literacy - a set of skills we can all develop, including the ability to read, understand, and respond appropriately to one's own emotions and the emotions of others. Votes: 13

The amygdala in the emotional center sees and hears everything that occurs to us instantaneously and is the trigger point for the fight or flight response. Votes: 12

Western business people often don't get the importance of establishing human relationships. Votes: 12

Social distance makes it all the easier to focus on small differences between groups and to put a negative spin on the ways of others and a positive spin on our own. Votes: 11

When I went on to write my next book, Working With Emotional Intelligence, I wanted to make a business case that the best performers were those people strong in these skills. Votes: 10

Brain studies of mental workouts in which you sustain a single, chosen focus show that the more you detach from what's distracting you and refocus on what you should be paying attention to, the stronger this brain circuitry becomes. Votes: 10

While there I began to study the Asian religions as theories of mind. Votes: 9

Societies can be sunk by the weight of buried ugliness. Votes: 9

In a high-IQ job pool, soft skills like discipline, drive and empathy mark those who emerge as outstanding. Votes: 9

Companies in the East put a lot more emphasis on human relationships, while those from the West focus on the product, the bottom line. Westerners appear to have more of a need for achievement, while in the East there's more need for affiliation. Votes: 8

I think the smartest thing for people to do to manage very distressing emotions is to take a medication if it helps, but don't do only that. You also need to train your mind. Votes: 7

Teachers need to be comfortable talking about feelings. Votes: 5

Making choices that improve things for all of us on the planet is an act of compassion, a simple act we can do any time we go shopping. Votes: 4

The basic premise that children must learn about emotions is that all feelings are okay to have; however, only some reactions are okay. Votes: 1

True compassion means not only feeling another's pain but also being moved to help relieve it. Votes: 0

A little girl who finds a puzzle frustrating might ask her busy mother (or teacher) for help. The child gets one message if her mother expresses clear pleasure at the request and quite another if mommy responds with a curt 'Don't bother me - I've got important work to do.' Votes: 0

The emotional brain responds to an event more quickly than the thinking brain. Votes: 0

Well, any effort to maximize your potential and ability is a good thing. Votes: 0

Emotions are contagious. We've all known it experientially. You know after you have a really fun coffee with a friend, you feel good. When you have a rude clerk in a store, you walk away feeling bad. Votes: 0

I don't think focus is in itself ever a bad thing. But focus of the wrong kind, or managed poorly, can be. Votes: 0

When I say manage emotions, I only mean the really distressing, incapacitating emotions. Feeling emotions is what makes life rich. You need your passions." Votes: 0

I would say that IQ is the strongest predictor of which field you can get into and hold a job in, whether you can be an accountant, lawyer or nurse, for example. Votes: 0

Once shoppers become empowered, we will facilitate industries thinking in completely new terms; for example, making products that are totally biodegradable. Votes: 0

Compassion begins with attention. Votes: 0

When the eyes of a woman that a man finds attractive look directly at him, his brain secretes the pleasure-inducing chemical dopamine - but not when she looks elsewhere. Votes: 0

Emotional self-awareness is the building block of the next fundamental emotional intelligence: being able to shake off a bad mood. Votes: 0

Cognitive skills such as big-picture thinking and long-term vision were particularly important. But when I calculated the ratio of technical skills, IQ, and emotional intelligence as ingredients of excellent performance, emotional intelligence proved to be twice as important as the others for jobs at all levels. Votes: 0

CEOs are hired for their intellect and business expertise - and fired for a lack of emotional intelligence. Votes: 0

IQ and technical skills are important, but Emotional Intelligence is the Sine Qua Non of Leadership. Votes: 0

Research shows that for jobs of all kinds, emotional intelligence is twice as important an ingredient of outstanding performance as cognitive ability and technical skill combined. Votes: 0

Risk taking and the drive to pursue innovative ideas are the fuel that stokes the entrepreneurial spirit. Votes: 0

We learn best with focused attention. As we focus on what we're learning, the brain maps that information on what we already know making new neural connections Votes: 0

The ability to handle stress increases with the practice of meditation. In a culture like ours in which inner, spiritual growth is totally neglected in favor of materialistic pursuits, we might have something to learn from the Hare Krishna devotees' meditational practices. Votes: 0

Gifted leadership occurs when heart and head--feeling and thought--meet. These are the two winds that allow a leader to soar. Votes: 0

Who does not recall school at least in part as endless dreary hours of boredom punctuated by moments of high anxiety? Votes: 0

Simple inattention kills empathy, let alone compassion. So the first step in compassion is to notice the other's need. It all begins with the simple act of attention. Votes: 0

One aspect of a successful relationship is not just how compatible you are, but how you deal with your incompatibility. Votes: 0

If you do a practice and train your attention to hover in the present, then you will build the internal capacity to do that as needed - at will and voluntarily. Votes: 0

Like secondhand smoke, the leakage of emotions can make a bystander an innocent casualty of someone else's toxic state. Votes: 0

What really matters for success, character, happiness and life long achievements is a definite set of emotional skills - your EQ - not just purely cognitive abilities that are measured by conventional IQ tests. Votes: 0

People tend to become more emotionally intelligent as they age and mature. Votes: 0

If you are doing mindfulness meditation, you are doing it with your ability to attend to the moment. Votes: 0

Daydreaming defeats practice; those of us who browse TV while working out will never reach the top ranks. Paying full attention seems to boost the mind's processing speed, strengthen synaptic connections, and expand or create neural networks for what we are practicing. Votes: 0

Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection - or compassionate action. Votes: 0

The more time you put into practicing, then, the greater the payoff. Votes: 0

Positive work environments outperform negative work environments. Votes: 0

When the darkness is seen as a necessary prelude to the creative light, one is less likely to ascribe frustration to personal inadequacy or label it as bad. Votes: 0

Fear, in evolution, has a special prominence: perhaps more than any other emotion it is crucial for survival. Votes: 0

But there has also been a notable increase in recent years of these applications by a much wider slice of psychotherapists - far greater interest than ever before. Votes: 0

It is difficult to spread the contagion of excitement without having a sense of purpose and direction. Votes: 0

Scheduling down time as part of your routine is hard but worth it, personally, even professionally. Votes: 0

The people we get along with, trust, feel simpatico with, are the strongest links in our networks Votes: 0

Our brain comes hard-wired with an urge to play, one that hurls us into sociability. A child's play both demands and creates its own safe space, one in which she can confront threats, fears, and dangers, but always come through whole. Play offers a child a natural way to manage feared separations or abandonment, rendering them instead opportunities for mastery and self-discovery. Votes: 0

....goal directed self-imposed delay of gratification is perhaps the essence of emotional self-regulation: the ability to deny impulse in the service of a goal, whether it be building a business, solving an algebraic equation, or pursuing the Stanley Cup. Votes: 0

Emotional self-control-- delaying gratification and stifling impulsiveness- underlies accomplishment of every sort Votes: 0

A prerequisite to empathy is simply paying attention to the person in pain. Votes: 0

Doggedness depends on emotional traits - enthusiasm and persistence in the face of setbacks - above all else. Votes: 0

Empathic, emotionally intelligent work environments have a good track record of increasing creativity, improving problem solving and raising productivity. Votes: 0

In the new workplace, with its emphasis on flexibility, teams and a strong customer orientation, this crucial set of emotional competencies is becoming increasingly essential for excellence in every job in every part of the world. Votes: 0

One way to boost our will power and focus is to manage our distractions instead of letting them manage us. Votes: 0

We need to re-create boundaries. When you carry a digital gadget that creates a virtual link to the office, you need to create a virtual boundary that didn't exist before. Votes: 0

Mindful meditation has been discovered to foster the ability to inhibit those very quick emotional impulses. Votes: 0

In politics, readily dismissing inconvenient people can easily extend to dismissing inconvenient truths about them. Votes: 0

However, I began meditating at about that time and have continued on and off over the years. Votes: 0

Some children naturally have more cognitive control than others, and in all kids this essential skill is being compromised by the usual suspects: smartphones, TV, etc. But there are many ways that adults can help kids learn better cognitive control. Votes: 0

The social brain is in its natural habitat when we're talking with someone face-to-face in real time. Votes: 0

There is zero correlation between IQ and emotional empathy... They're controlled by different parts of the brain. Votes: 0

The more socially intelligent you are, the happier and more robust and more enjoyable your relationships will be. Votes: 0

People who are optimistic see a failure as due to something that can be changed so that they can succeed next time around, while pessimists take the blame for the failure, ascribing it to some characteristic they are helpless to change. Votes: 0

There is perhaps no psychological skill more fundamental than resisting impulse. Votes: 0

Empathy represents the foundation skill for all the social competencies important for work. Votes: 0

Empathetic people are superb at recognizing and meeting the needs of clients, customers, or subordinates. They seem approachable, wanting to hear what people have to say. They listen carefully, picking up on what people are truly concerned about, and respond on the mark. Votes: 0

School success is not predicted by a child's fund of facts or a precocious ability to read as much as by emotional and social measures; being self-assured and interested: knowing what kind of behavior is expected and how to rein in the impulse to misbehave; being able to wait, to follow directions, and to turn to teachers for help; and expressing needs while getting along with other children. Votes: 0

As much as 80% of adult "success" comes from EQ. Votes: 0

Although traditional incentives such as bonuses or recognition can prod people to better performance, no external motivators can get people to perform at their absolute best. . . .Wherever people gravitate within their work roles, indicates where their real pleasure lies—and that pleasure is itself motivating. Votes: 0

There is perhaps no psychological skill more fundamental than resisting impulse. It is the root of all emotional self-control, since all emotions, by their very nature, lead to one or another impulse to act. The root meaning of the word emotion, remember, is "to move. Votes: 0

A leader tuned out of his internal world will be rudderless; one blind to the world of others will be clueless; those indifferent to the larger systems within which they operate will be blindsided. Votes: 0

Great leaders, the research shows, are made as they gradually acquire, in the course of their lives and careers, the competencies that make them so effective. The competencies can be learned by any leader, at any point. Votes: 0

Our genetic heritage endows each of us with a series of emotional set-points that determines our temperament. But the brain circuitry involved is extraordinarily malleable; temperament is not destiny. Votes: 0

In a very real sense we have two minds, one that thinks and one that feels Votes: 0

Remember, empathy need not lead to sympathetically giving in to the other side’s demands—knowing how someone feels does not mean agreeing with them. Votes: 0

The act of compassion begins with full attention, just as rapport does. You have to really see the person. If you see the person, then naturally, empathy arises. If you tune into the other person, you feel with them. If empathy arises, and if that person is in dire need, then empathic concern can come. You want to help them, and then that begins a compassionate act. So I'd say that compassion begins with attention. Votes: 0

Educators, long disturbed by schoolchildren's lagging scores in math and reading, are realizing there is a different and more alarming deficiency: emotional literacy. And while laudable efforts are being made to raise academic standards, this new and troubling deficiency is not being addressed in the standard school curriculum. As one Brooklyn teacher put it, the present emphasis in schools suggests that "we care more about how well schoolchildren can read and write than whether they'll be alive next week." Votes: 0

people's emotions are rarely put into words , far more often they are expressed through other cues. the key to intuiting another's feelings is in the ability to read nonverbal channels , tone of voice , gesture , facial expression and the like Votes: 0

Leaders with empathy do more than sympathize with people around them: they use their knowledge to improve their companies in subtle, but important ways. Votes: 0

Women, on average, tend to be more aware of their emotions, show more empathy, and are more adept interpersonally. Men on the other hand, are more self-confident and optimistic, adapt more easily, and handle stress better. Votes: 0

The Harvard Business Review recently had an article called 'The Human Moment,' about how to make real contact with a person at work: ... The fundamental thing you have to do is turn off your BlackBerry, close your laptop, end your daydream and pay full attention to the person. Votes: 0

The task of worrying is to come up with positive solutions for life's perils by anticipating dangers before they arise. If we are preoccupied by worries, we have that must less attention to expend on figuring out the answers. Our worries become self-fulfilling prophecies, propelling us toward the very disaster they predict. Votes: 0

Green is a process, not a status. We need to think of 'green' as a verb, not an adjective. Votes: 0

Want a happier, more content life? I highly recommend the down-to-earth methods you'll find in 'Mindfulness.' Professor Mark Williams and Dr Danny Penman have teamed up to give us scientifically grounded techniques we can apply in the midst of our everyday challenges and catastrophes. Votes: 0

Emotional self-control is NOT the same as overcontrol, the stifling of all feeling and spontaneity....when such emotional suppression is chronic, it can impair thinking, hamper intellectual performance and interfere with smooth social interaction. By contrast, emotional competence implies we have a choice as to how we express our feelings. Votes: 0

What seems to set apart those at the very top of competitive pursuits from others of roughly equal ability is the degree to which, beginning early in life, they can pursue an arduous practice routine for years and years. Votes: 0

Life without passion would be a dull wasteland of neutrality, cut off and isolated from the richness of life itself. Votes: 0

Attention is a little-noticed and underrated mental asset. Votes: 0

When we focus on others, our world expands. Votes: 0

We should spend less time ranking children and more time helping them to identify their natural competencies and gifts, and cultivate those. Votes: 0

The human brain is by no means fully formed at birth. It continues to shape itself through life, with the most intense growth occurring during childhood. Votes: 0

Worries typically follow such lines, a narrative to oneself that jumps from concern to concern and more often than not includes catastrophizing, imagining some terrible tragedy. Worries are almost always expressed in the mind's ear, not its eye - that is, in words, not images - a fact that has significance for controlling worry. Votes: 0

Overloading attention shrinks mental control. Life immersed in digital distractions creates a near constant cognitive overload. And that overload wears out self-control. Votes: 0

Simply paying attention allows us to build an emotional connection. Lacking attention, empathy hasn't a chance. Votes: 0

People learn what they want to learn. If learning is forced on us, even if we master it temporarily, it is soon forgotten. Votes: 0

Buying phosphate-free soap allows you to say, 'My detergent doesn't have the harsh chemicals others do.' The question is, how are you washing with it? The very worst thing for the Earth about detergent is that we heat water to use it. Votes: 0

One of the leading theories of why electroconvulsive therapy is effective for most severe depressions is that it causes a loss of short-term memory - patients feel better because they can't remember why they were sad. Votes: 0

The emotional brain is highly attuned to symbolic meanings and to the mode Freud called the 'primary process' - the messages of metaphor, story, myth, the arts. Votes: 0

But the rational mind usually doesn't decide what emotions we "should" have ! Votes: 0

Reducing the economic gap may be impossible without also addressing the gap in empathy. Votes: 0

Evolutionary theory holds that our ability to sense when we should be suspicious has been every bit as essential for human survival as our capacity for trust and cooperation. Votes: 0

Whoever has the mind to fight has broken his connection with the universe. If you try to dominate people you are already defeated. We study how to resolve conflict, not how to start it. Votes: 0

Our passions, when well exercised, have wisdom; they guide our thinking, our values, our survival. Votes: 0

Feelings are self-justifying, with a set of perceptions and "proofs" all their own. Votes: 0

We're exposed and carry in our bodies multiple chemicals, and we have to understand how they interact. Both how they individually interact and the thousands of effects they can produce when they interact with the receptors that run our bodies. Votes: 0

Comparing the three domains, I found that for jobs of all kinds, emotional competencies were twice as prevalent among distinguishing competencies as were technical skills and purely cognitive abilities combined. In general the higher a position in an organization, the more EI mattered: for individuals in leadership positions, 85 percent of their competencies were in the EI domain. Votes: 0

Our emotional mind will harness the rational mind to its purposes, for our feelings and reactions-- rationalizations-- justifying them in terms of the present moment, without realizing the influence of our emotional memory. Votes: 0

Directing attention toward where it needs to go is a primal task of leadership. Votes: 0

Daydreaming incubates creative discovery. Votes: 0

Shipping by sea produces 1/60 the emissions of shipping by air and about 1/5 that of trucking. Votes: 0

Happy, calm children learn best Votes: 0

For better or worse, intelligence can come to nothing when emotions hold sway. Votes: 0

For the High Achievers, Studying Gave Them The Pleasing, Absorbing Challenge of Flow Percent of the Hours They Spent as It. Votes: 0

Threats to our standing in the eyes of others are remarkably potent biologically, almost as powerful as those to our very survival. Votes: 0

Even though a high IQ is no guarantee of prosperity, prestige, or happiness in life, our schools and our culture fixate on academic abilities, ignoring the emotional intelligence that also matters immensely for our personal destiny. Votes: 0

Sheree Conrad and Michael Milburn bring a much-needed sanity to that confusing and unruly terrain, our sexual lives/ Votes: 0

The best leaders don’t know just one style of leadership—they’re skilled at several, and have the flexibility to switch between styles as the circumstances dictate. Votes: 0

There is a newly coined word in the English language for the moment when the person we're with whips out their BlackBerry or answers that cell phone, and all of a sudden we don't exist. The word is 'pizzled': it's a combination of puzzled and pissed off. Votes: 0

At last, psychology gets serious about glee, fun, and happiness. Martin Seligman has given us a gift-a practical map for the perennial quest for a flourishing life. Votes: 0

For the high achievers, studying gave them the pleasing, absorbing challenge of flow 40 percent of the hours they spent at it. But for low achievers, studying produced flow only 16 percent of the time; more often that not, it yielded anxiety, with the demands outreaching their abilities...The low achievers found pleasure and flow in socializing, not in studying. Votes: 0

The near cousin of optimism is hope: knowing the steps needed to get to a goal and having the energy to pursue those steps. It is a primal motivating force, and its absence is paralyzing. Votes: 0