Top quotes by Eric Idle

No day of my life passes without someone saying the words 'Monty Python' to me. It's not bad. Votes: 19

You initially become funny as a kid because you're looking for attention and love. Psychologists think that's all to do with mother abandonment. I think John Cleese has his depressions, and Terry Gilliam's the same. All of us together make one completely insane person. Votes: 15

The Minister of Transport issued this appeal to motorists: Can anyone give him a lift to Leicester? Votes: 15

Learn to trust yourself. That's very vital. ... Just stand with yourself. Remember, in his lifetime, Van Gogh sold only two paintings. I personally sold even fewer. Votes: 14

Monty Python only became valuable when it was sold to Public Broadcasting Service (PBS) in America. They didn't pay much either, but the series has been shown repeatedly, which led to lucrative tapes, CDs and DVDs. Votes: 14

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours. Votes: 12

My education was paid for by the RAF Benevolent Fund, so a charity school, run like an orphanage, with uniforms and beatings. It was tough, but it got me to Cambridge - like being a chrysalis suddenly becoming a butterfly. Votes: 12

I love being an older comic now. It's like being an old soccer or an old baseball player. You're in the Hall of Fame and it's nice, but you're no longer that person in the limelight on the spot doing that thing. Votes: 10

At least in America, you have freedom of speech, which is a good thing. It's just a question of whether you're allowed to use it on 'Fox News'. Votes: 10

I like being a foreigner. For me, to live in California is very pleasant - I'm more comfortable not feeling a part of everything, not feeling responsible for the government or the roads or the health system. Votes: 10

Of the sparkling wines, the most famous is Perth Pink. This is a bottle with a message in, and the message is "beware". This is not a wine for drinking; this is a wine for laying down and avoiding. Votes: 10

I love my family, my wife, my kids, my dogs, my home, my life. I am a very happy and contented man. Votes: 9

A website can be very time-intensive, but I'd love to have one where people can contribute to it - like invent islands and make their own flags, and their own laws. I think that'd be kind of fun. Votes: 9

The next step will be for the colonists on Mars to throw off the hand of the United States. There will be this wonderful historical irony. When the people on Mars write a declaration of independence saying, 'We hold these truths to be self-evident...', the US will be rather pissed off Votes: 9

I think you often learn from failure. Success just teaches you how great you were, but in fact it's knowing what will fail that will help you to make the right choices. Votes: 8

My father, who was a sergeant in the RAF during the Second World War, was killed in a hitchhiking accident while returning home on compassionate leave. As a result, my mother had to get work, as a nurse, and at seven the RAF put me into a boarding school and ex-orphanage called the Royal Wolverhampton School. Votes: 8

Reading Alan Zweibel makes me laugh out loud. And yet it is not a particularly funny name. Votes: 7

Americans like to think 'Python' is how English people really are. There is an element of truth to that. Votes: 6

Life took over 4 billion years to evolve into you, and you've about 70 more years to enjoy it. Don't just pursue happiness, catch it. Votes: 5

John Cleese once told me he'd do anything for money. So I offered him a pound to shut up, and he took it. Votes: 5

I like the idea of being out there regularly with an audience and with a funny gang of people. That's what I grew up with - doing television, doing shows every week. Votes: 4

To me, the musical is best when it's a musical comedy. So if you have a very, very funny show, and very good, funny songs, that's what the musical does best. Votes: 4

Know what I mean? Eh, eh, Nudge nudge, Say no more? Votes: 4

I used to collect Persian rugs and real estate - you should be able to walk on and live in your money. I had to give up the rugs because I'm allergic to mould. Votes: 4

Life is a comedy when watching and a tragedy when experiencing. I try and share anything I have. Votes: 3

It's such fun to take a lot of people and create something silly. Votes: 2

Talent is always more interesting - ambition is not interesting. If you have talent, you have to find ways of expressing it, but you may not be a success in the world's terms. Votes: 2

I love my family, my wife, my kids, my dogs, my home, my life. I am a very happy and contented man." Votes: 2

You could write a joke in the pub at lunchtime and watch it performed on television that evening. Votes: 2

I will jump on anybody's private plane at the drop of a hat. I'm an old-fashioned lower-middle-class boy. Votes: 1

Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway. Votes: 0

I believe in the separation of church and planet. Votes: 0

I got used to dealing with groups of boys and getting on with life in unpleasant circumstances and being smart and funny and subversive at the expense of authority. Votes: 0

People who are interested in money are really uninteresting people. They look like Donald Trump. Votes: 0

If you're famous, you have to [be overly generous], otherwise people say, "Eric Idle came in and only left me $4." I always tip more than people expect. Votes: 0

Having little money to spend was a valuable learning experience. My schooling also shaped my work ethic because while other children were listening to the Goons, I was studying, which enabled me to go to Cambridge University. Votes: 0

I have been very blessed in my life and rewarded with good friends and good health. I am grateful and happy to be able to share this. Votes: 0

I do pool exercises, like weightlifting but underwater. I walk, I swim... I'm pretty fit for an old bloke. Votes: 0

Probably spending 12 years at boarding school - comedy became a survival gene. But I think some people are funny right off the bat, as soon as they can speak or be naughty. Votes: 0

I listen to the audience and try and bounce with them. All audiences are different. But they are all homo sapiens. Votes: 0

I think the special thing about Python is that it's a writers' commune. The writers are in charge. The writers decide what the material is. Votes: 0

It just seems to me that there's no particular reason comedy albums should be dead. There's a lot to laugh at. We have very funny people, still. Votes: 0

I love stage work. The thing about plays is that they're perfectible. With film, you shoot that take and maybe another. During 'Spamalot,' I rewrote Act II three times. Votes: 0

We've discovered that the less we do, the more money we make. Votes: 0

A lot has been said about politics; some of it complimentary, but most of it accurate Votes: 0

Even if you've written something for print, I think it's good to try [it] out on someone because it changes. You can think it's hilarious and they can tell you it's not. Votes: 0

Bear in mind the simple rule, X squared to the power of two minus five over the seven point eight three times nineteen is approximately equal to the cube root of MCC squared divided by X minus a quarter of a third percent. Keep that in mind, and you can't go very far wrong. Votes: 0

I got locked into a tradition [at Cambridge] of doing comedy. Votes: 0

When we graduated [ from Cambridge], we were grabbed right into television. I was grabbed straight into the practice of writing comedy. It was all writing and performing. You wrote something in order for you to perform it. Votes: 0

I don't necessarily know much about comedy, I don't spend a lot of time watching it. Mainly because all my life for about 50 years I've had comedy. Votes: 0

Never do things for money. It's always the things you do for love that turn out to pay the best. Votes: 0

Typical Hollywood crowd - all the kids are on drugs, and all the adults are on roller skates. Votes: 0

I've got soggy thighs. It must be dinner time. Votes: 0

I think comedy's often the little and the large, isn't it? Votes: 0

I used to think I was like the wicket- keeper, which is like the catcher in base- ball, y'know what I mean? You can call the play a lot from behind the plate, y'know what I mean? You're not necessarily the star, you're not the one that makes the mark, but usually in the end, you're called upon to get a run when it's needed. Votes: 0

If the studios paid the artists, how would they ever be able to afford the executives? Votes: 0

What's brown and sounds like a bell? DUNG! Votes: 0

One of the reasons we moved to L.A. in the first place [was] so that it was no big deal that I was in show business. We decided if we move[d] to L.A., then everyone in one way or another was involved in it. Votes: 0

A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat! Votes: 0

Don't want to turn into mini-me. Votes: 0

I never think in terms of target audience. I try to write what makes me laugh, so I'm the target audience. I guess I just hope there's another person in America like me. Votes: 0

The dreadful thing about getting older is you cry at the drop of a hat. Votes: 0

The idea that we evolved with these thoughts is actually very fascinating - to me. Votes: 0

If anything can survive the probe of humour it is clearly of value, and conversely all groups who claim immunity from laughter are claiming special privileges which should not be granted. Votes: 0

Elvis saved my life when I was 13 or 14. He saved all our lives. Votes: 0

There's animals like us existing and thinking and giving interviews on Australian television. Votes: 0

I won't read scripts because I have a limited amount of time. Why should I help other people do lame stuff when I can just go out and put on lame stuff of my own? Votes: 0

Nobody gets irony anymore, as we are now living in the post-ironic age. Once George Bush gets a library, our irony is dead. Votes: 0

There's no gap between the writer and the performer, which is what I think makes [Monty] Python unique. Five or six people who write Python and five or six who act it. That's what makes it unique. Votes: 0

People can tell the truth much more freely when they're apparently lying. Votes: 0

I've always found bad films more enjoyable than good ones. Votes: 0

Pattycake, pattycake, baker's man; good morning, madam, I'm a psychiatrist Votes: 0

Executives do not on the whole do well with comedy. They can't understand it, they can't read it, they can't spot it. Votes: 0

Life has a very simple plot: first you're here and then you're not. Votes: 0

I'm not really a celebrity; I'm just vestigially left over from doing stuff from before. Votes: 0

I get to be the first doctor in the family [because of the honorary degree they're giving me]. Votes: 0

Everybody has their own free choice to do what they want... Votes: 0

I just believe in a huge universe of billions of miles. Votes: 0

I try to not to be a celebrity as much as possible. Votes: 0

At Cambridge, you have to kiss the vice-chancellor's fingers. But I missed out on that, 'cause I was doing a matinee. I don't want to kiss a strange man's fingers anyway. Votes: 0

Filming a pirate film is always good fun, with ships and indecent clothing. Votes: 0

I don't like animation. I hate animation, actually. Votes: 0

I interviewed Matt [Stone] and Trey [Parker], actually, and I got to ask them questions. I love them deeply because they appeared dressed as J-Lo and someone else [who had worn the same scandalous dresses the year before at the Oscars]. They confessed they were on acid. Votes: 0

I didn't want to be big Mr. Ego walking around. Votes: 0

You get interviewed when you're out promoting something. Votes: 0

I hate movies. They're so boring. So tedious. Votes: 0

I liked doing live things, and with the Circus we had a live audience. Votes: 0

I like doing live things and plays. You can perfect the laugh or extend the laugh, you can get them on a roll. Versus improv, which I hate. Put it all together. They're more vignettes. Improv makes me slightly anxious because I feel for them. Votes: 0

Subversion is what I do. Votes: 0

I destroy icons - that's what I do. Votes: 0

We never have that thought! The whole object is to bite off more than you can chew. John [Du Prez] always says, Eric thinks of something completely insane and insists we go in that direction. It's the correct way to look at things and the correct place to start, I think. Votes: 0

My first professional job was appearing in a disastrous theatre production of Oh, What a Lovely War in Leicester Rep, shortly after leaving Cambridge. Votes: 0

When I was 23 I started writing for I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again and was paid three guineas for every minute's airtime. Votes: 0

Well we were lucky because we started in Canada where everybody has a sense of humour! We flirted a little while with Josh Groban. He was personally interested in it. He said oh I'd love to do something different, and I said well it's pretty different! But in the end the dates didn't work out. Votes: 0

You could feel the place going crazy because we hadn't been on stage together for maybe 35 years and the audience could just feel us in the darkness come on and they went nuts. It made the little hairs stand up on the back of my neck and we sang Sit on My Face, which I thought was wonderfully appropriate for George's memorial, and then we bowed and we showed our bare asses. Votes: 0

I always have a feeling you should move the playing field and the minute you know what you're doing, you're wrong. Therefore, I wanted us not to try to follow Spamalot immediately, but to do something different. This is perfect because it uses all the same skills, like story telling and lyric writing and music writing, but it's presenting it in a different form. And of course it gives me and John a nice chance to perform and show off which is also fun. Votes: 0

We learnt a lot because we got in with real choreographers who tell you what they need from a song, because a song has to advance the story. Then real directors like Mike Nichols tell you where you can have 'B themes' and 'C themes', and we go oh yes, B themes and C themes! So we were taught in the finest school amongst the finest people. And also by the school of experience. Votes: 0

So it became in my mind a nine-carol service; an oratorio and orchestral concert all in one, but with narration. That's something I've learned about, because it's the story that keeps you in there. I wrote a libretto and I gave it to John [Du Prez, Idle's co-writer of many years]. We normally don't work in this fashion but I said off you go, and he went off for about three months. He brought me back this demo which blew my mind. Votes: 0

Monty Python paid me £20,000 to write, direct and assemble them - the cheapskates! I told them I'd never earned less in a year since leaving Cambridge. The first show sold out in 43 seconds and we ended up performing ten in total. We had no idea there would be such demand. Votes: 0

I live in a Spanish-style hillside home in Los Angeles, California. I paid $900,000 in 1995. It's perhaps worth about $3m now. Thankfully, I paid off my mortgage before the crash because I could see it coming. I worried that I would be caught having to pay off a very high mortgage for a house I couldn't sell. Votes: 0

I pay taxes in three countries, but can't vote in any of them. Votes: 0

Many years ago I also bought a house in Provence for about 70,000 francs. It had no electricity or running water, and no road leading to the house, but gradually we made improvements. It's my escape and I love it. Votes: 0

Writers tend to suffer from back problems because they spend their time bent over a desk. Votes: 0

I don't invest in the stock market, but I have pension funds - some in America and the UK. Votes: 0

I'm not careful with my money at all these days. I buy people a lot of dinners! Votes: 0

When, in 1966, I progressed to The Frost Report, I was paid ten guineas a minute. I was guaranteed three minutes a week, so this was good money. Votes: 0

I used to have a house in London, but couldn't face 20 more years of St John's Wood in the rain. Votes: 0

My wife, Tania, is very big on dogs, so I'm always paying out to animal charities. Votes: 0

I never pay any attention to figures. Votes: 0