Top quotes by Henry Beard

You can often wash your troubles away with the right kind of bath. Throw everything you have into the tub: bubble gels, bubble oils, bubble powders, bubble gum. Votes: 14

Duffers who consistently shank their balls are urged to buy and study Shanks - No Thanks by R.K. Hoffman, or in extreme cases, M.S. Howard's excellent Tennis for Beginners. Votes: 9

Chef: Any cook who swears in French. Votes: 9

Whenever I dream of playing a perfect round of golf, which I rarely do more than a dozen times a day, I picture myself on one of my favorite British Open-style links, and in particular the great courses of the west of Ireland, whose holes flow through naturally bunkered dunesland never far from the sight or sound of surf. Votes: 6

Wear it if it clashes. Votes: 6

Bulb: potential flower buried in Autumn, never to be seen again. Votes: 6

Hole in One: an occurence in which a ball is hit directly from the tee into the hole in a single shot by a golfer playing alone. Votes: 5

Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts. Votes: 4

"Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf Votes: 3

A driving range is the place where golfers go to get all the good shots out of their system. Votes: 3

Advice to anglers: don't take advice from people with missing fingers. Votes: 3

Bets lengthen putts and shorten drives. Votes: 3

Fairway: a narrow strip of mown grass that separates two groups of golfers looking for lost balls in the rough. Votes: 3

Handicap: an allocation of strokes on one or more holes that permits two golfers of very different ability to do equally poorly on the same course. Votes: 3

You do not sew with a fork and I see no reason why you should eat with knitting needles. Votes: 3

A tap-in is a putt that is short enough to be missed one-handed. Votes: 2

There is no such thing as a 'correct' weight for any particular height - they are only averages. Votes: 1

A ball will always come to rest halfway down a hill, unless there is sand or water at the bottom. Votes: 0

Few golfers are born with the natural talent for hitting the ball, but every player is blessed with the God-given ability to throw a club. Votes: 0

Follow through: The part of the swing that takes place after the ball has been hit, but before the club has been thrown. Votes: 0

Garden: One of a vast number of free outdoor restaurants operated by charity-minded amateurs in an effort to provide healthful, balanced meals for insects, birds and animals. Votes: 0

Hoeing: A manual method of severing roots from stems of newly planted flowers and vegetables. Votes: 0

I simply cannot imagine why anyone would eat something slimy served in an ashtray. Votes: 0

If the wind is in your face, you swing too hard just to get the ball through it; if the wind is at your back, you swing too hard just to see how far you can get the ball to go. Votes: 0

It's often necessary to hit a second shot to really appreciate the first one. Votes: 0

The true definition of a perennial: Any plant which, had it lived, would have bloomed year after year. Votes: 0

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls. Votes: 0