There's always someone we'd love to kill, the trick is to make it not look like an accident Votes: 7
Dr. Suess said: 'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened..' I tell my dates: 'Don't cry because it happened, smile because it's over Votes: 7
Behind every successful man, is a Woman breathing through her mouth Votes: 5
Only the good die young, the bad petite-mort Votes: 5
To end any sort of conflict, environmentalists as a whole, should cut off their legs so they don't leave any kind of footprint Votes: 4
It's not hard to fail...it's hard to accept you failed...but once that's out of the way, it's pretty smooth sailing Votes: 4
Treat life as a suicide mission, take on the impossible jobs and attack with the gusto of someone who has nothing to lose.... and when you revel in victory, make like it's a dirty win Votes: 4
Maturity is when you no longer get the urge to make snow angels in mud season Votes: 4
If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator Votes: 3
Never be paralyzed by fear, just by falling off a cliff Votes: 2
It's always darkest before you're blinded by the light Votes: 2
I might feel ten feet tall, but I wouldn't touch you with my pole Votes: 2
Some Women have this thermogenic effect on you, even after they've left, you can still breathe her scent, feel her electricity & be stunned Votes: 1
If you take things the wrong way, be aware of which end is up Votes: 1
If a picture paints a thousand words, then a naked picture paints a thousand words without any vowels.... Votes: 1
I wanted to marry the first girl that I fell in love with, but there were religious differences. I was an agnostic and she was a Polycarbonate" Votes: 1
I wanted to marry the first girl that I fell in love with, but there were religious differences. I was an agnostic and she was a Polycarbonate Votes: 1
I hate cutting my wrists while shaving Votes: 1
The true genius of a Woman is her subtle flair in creating the illusion that you are the smart one Votes: 1
Everything is a drive-thru. You just have to aim really fast Votes: 1
When it comes to relationships, I find it best to have two feet out the door Votes: 1
Women need a reason to have sex, while men just need an angle Votes: 1
Loving someone is sticking a pin through a voodoo doll and not hitting any vital organs Votes: 1
If bliss are a type of potato, then ignorance can be french-fried Votes: 1
The only difference between me and a madman is that he has the certification Votes: 1
If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months Votes: 1
Don't you wish we all lived in black light.... for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know it Votes: 1
Come Hell or High Water" usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub Votes: 1
I hate pulling out... I mean, I'm really bad at the whole parking thing.... Votes: 1
If you love somebody set them free- it also works equally well if you hate somebody Votes: 1
I'm playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers, that's why I always lose Votes: 0
If you don't fall down now and again, it just means the training wheels are working Votes: 0
Sure I eat my feelings, but I save the emotional roller coaster for dessert Votes: 0
Manners without sincerity, is called polite society Votes: 0
When she says 'I've never done this before" she just means with you Votes: 0
It's one thing if your hobby is to put ships inside a bottle, but a deer in the headlights!... That's a real talent Votes: 0
I started to enjoy the regal sport of cockfighting... but I'm still having trouble getting the hang of windmilling the bayonet Votes: 0
Life is a very brief candle especially when you burn it at both ends Votes: 0
Never borrow trouble, the payback's a bitch Votes: 0
It's not that I'm ahead of my time, it's more that the world is running late Votes: 0
Women, can't live with them, can't murder/suicide without them Votes: 0
Target your random acts of kindness, to keep a tally of who owes what Votes: 0