Women love a self-confident bald man. Votes: 25
I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.' Votes: 13
I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood. Votes: 7
Let's not forget, I got divorced. Votes: 5
I don't have many friends. Votes: 4
I am not honest. Votes: 2
Who do you think has more freedom: the married man in America or the single man in Communist China? Votes: 0
Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life. Votes: 0
Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman. Votes: 0
Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline. Votes: 0
Obviously comedic styles do change. Votes: 0
I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized. Votes: 0
I'm cranky. Votes: 0
I'm a walking, talking enigma. Votes: 0
Most people think I'm immodest. Votes: 0
I don't really know much about TV and what people want to see. I'm not that well-informed about it. Votes: 0
I believe in something. Votes: 0
At first, I didn't realize it was gonna be a character. I just thought I was gonna be doing me. Votes: 0
And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but a version of me. Votes: 0
I don't like to analyze my music too much. It just comes welling up out of the depths of my soul. Votes: 0
I find human contact repulsive. Votes: 0
I think Michael Moore is a hero. Votes: 0
I'm anti-cheese in a salad. Votes: 0
I'm not quite as anonymous as I was. Votes: 0
You write about what you know. Votes: 0
Golf and dating don't mix. Votes: 0