Top quotes by Lily Tomlin

I think my politics are just inclined to be empathetic and humanistic. I grew up with so many different kinds of people with different politics, different religion, no religion, no politics, education, no education, and I was infatuated with all of them. Votes: 28

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them. Votes: 26

If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less. Votes: 18

The road to success is always under construction. Votes: 17

I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework. Votes: 16

My politics are just inclined to be empathetic and humanistic. I grew up with so many different kinds of people with different politics, different religion, no religion, no politics, education, no education, and I was infatuated with all of them. Votes: 16

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? Votes: 14

Many times I sit back and say, 'I can't believe that this is my life!' Other times, I feel self-satisfied. I mean, there's a lot to be proud and thankful for but, nonetheless, it's just a life! Votes: 12

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic? Votes: 10

Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed. Votes: 10

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch. Votes: 10

Wouldn't it be great if we all grew up to be what we wanted to be? The world would be full of nurses, firemen, and ballerinas. Votes: 8

Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. Votes: 7

Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination. Votes: 7

I wonder what it would be like if we all became what we wanted to be when we grew up? I mean, imagine a world filled with nothing but firemen, cowboys, nurses and ballerinas. Votes: 7

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else. Votes: 6

Creating characters is just another way to express a type and put that type to use. Votes: 6

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. Votes: 6

I mean yes to act out something or take chances in the performance is one thing. But in terms of a camera, whatever's captured is captured so that's a little more daunting. Votes: 5

I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain. Votes: 5

We're giving jobs to people who would otherwise be out of work if we weren't exploiting cheap labor. Votes: 5

Remember we're all in this alone. Votes: 5

I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody. Votes: 5

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? Votes: 4

The best mind-altering drug is the truth. Votes: 3

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? Votes: 3

I bought a box of animal crackers, but there was nothing inside. They'd eaten each other. Votes: 3

I never thought of myself as any kind of a film star, as many films as I've made - and I've made some really fun movies with good people. I've always been paired with someone because I'm not really box office, in that carrying-a-picture sense. I've always been busy, but not in the spotlight. Votes: 2

I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it's much too confining. Votes: 1

Sexual freedom and liberation has to be of your own making. I'm stunned when I hear about friends' children, ten or twelve years old giving blow jobs. I just don't like the girls being used or exploited in that way. It's just indiscriminate sexual relating. It's just the isolated things. Votes: 0

There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic. Votes: 0

When I've had a meltdown, people will say to me, "Well, you failed to keep your sense of humor." Votes: 0

After all, in private, we're all misfits Votes: 0

And yet humanity is so not evolved that how can you expect anything absolutely major to happen? Look how long, we move ahead in technology, how much do we move ahead in morality or emotion? We move ahead so minimally, minimally, minimally. Votes: 0

My space chums think my unique hookup with humanity could be evolution's awkward attempt to jump-start itself up again. They're thinking just maybe, going crazy could be the evolutionary process trying to hurry up mind expansion. Maybe my mind didn't snap. Maybe it was just trying to stretch itself into a new shape. The cerebral cortex trying to grow a thumb of sorts. Votes: 0

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. Votes: 0

Did you know, throughout the cosmos they found intelligent life forms that play to play? We are the only ones that play to win. Explains why we have more than our share of losers. Votes: 0

For fast-acting relief try slowing down. Votes: 0

Success is a ladder that cannot be climbed with your hands in your pocket - The road to success is always under construction Votes: 0

Just remember, we're all in this alone. Votes: 0

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. Votes: 0

Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that's the truth. Votes: 0

The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth. Votes: 0

You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what's current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all. Votes: 0

The thing that most distresses me is whenever I see things over sexualized, I worry about young girls. Some of the fall out of the feminist movement is that it made younger and younger girls more sexually available. It's part of the philosophy, be your own person and be free. But, girls are so over sexualized in this culture. Votes: 0

Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing. Votes: 0

Does your mind feel more and more like teflon? Nothing sticks to it? Votes: 0

If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed. Votes: 0

Nobody is here without a reason. ... I always had a different sensibility. I like a huge range of comedy - from broad and farcical, the most sensitive, the most understated - but I always wanted my comedy to be more embracing of the species rather than debasing of it. Votes: 0

We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company. Votes: 0

If evolution was worth its salt, it should've evolved something better than 'survival of the fittest.' I think a better idea would be 'survival of the wittiest.' At least, that way, creatures that didn't survive could've died laughing. Votes: 0

You can't expect insights, even the big ones, to make you suddenly understand everything. But I figure: Hey it's a step in the right direction if they leave you confused in a deeper way. Votes: 0

What I appreciate is acknowledging to the audience that I think they have brains. Votes: 0

What is reality, anyway? Just a collective hunch. Votes: 0

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Votes: 0

I grew up in a time when women didn't really do comedy. You had to be homely, overweight, an old maid, all that. You had to play a stereotype, because very attractive women were not supposed to be funny - because it's powerful; it's a threat. Votes: 0

I never officially came out in any kind of really public way. I just always lived very simply and openly, but the press has never made a big fuss about me or said anything to me. Votes: 0

No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up. Votes: 0

When I was 9 or 10, I had a ten-cent business: I would walk your dog for a dime, go to the store for a dime, empty your garbage for a dime - and then I could use the money to buy tricks at the magic store. Votes: 0

What if it's boring - or if it's not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring. Votes: 0

But there are too many people that make so much money at the cost of lives of other humans and for no reason but to make the money. Votes: 0

We are all in this together, by ourselves. Votes: 0

9 to 5 made people aware of equal pay for equal work. It hasn't really happened, but it has come closer. Votes: 0

Being a New Yorker is never having to say you are sorry. Votes: 0

Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest? Votes: 0

Even when I'm being funny, I'm deadly serious. Votes: 0

Every day I read the newspapers, and no matter how cynical I get, it's imposssible to keep up. Votes: 0

Exercise is for people who can't handle drugs or alcohol. Votes: 0

Growing up in Michigan was fine...until I realized where I was. Votes: 0

Having a real public outlet is how you imprint something for yourself. It's just a matter of timing. It's like you've marked your territory. Votes: 0

I especially love 'Web Therapy' and I did 'Eastbound and Down' too. I had a lot of fun doing that. Votes: 0

I feel some part of me can wake up and be very existential and the next day wake up and be sort of in love with the universe. Votes: 0

I guess if people couldn't profit from war I don't think there would be war. Votes: 0

I guess that's one of the reasons that you do it - work all the time - because it's sort of a high to find something that really works. Votes: 0

I have always felt that humor was a wonderful vehicle to let us become connected with each other and ourselves… I try to portray the similarities and polarities in men and women, so that we can acknowledge and embrace our collective consciousness. Votes: 0

I still believe that sex is dirty. It's just that now I wouldn't have it any other way. Votes: 0

I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won't. Votes: 0

I try to be cynical, but it's so hard to keep up. Votes: 0

I wanted to be a stage actress. I wanted to be a New York actress and have a community with other actors. I didn't want to get famous; I always thought getting famous was a drag on you. Votes: 0

I was always drawn to more the social-expression-of-culture types. Votes: 0

I was always empathetic with animals. It's a terrible and self-involved point of view that we do something because someone else is exploitable. Votes: 0

I worry about kids today - because of the sexual revolution, they're going to grow up and never know what "dirty" means. Votes: 0

If beauty is truth, why don't women go to the library to have their hair done? Votes: 0

If life is so meaningless, then why are we always bringing it up? Votes: 0

If trying harder doesn't work, try softer. Votes: 0

If you can't be direct, why be? Votes: 0

If you have a dog or a cat, you know how developed they can be. How sensitive, how aware. They suffer. We all do. Votes: 0

I'm not a religious person. I don't have any desire. To me it's imitative of a conventional culture. I'm all for it for anybody. I totally have a free and open feeling about how other humans want to live their lives. It's just not something that has any real significance for me. Votes: 0

In the depths of the night, fear grips my heart. It paralyzes my mind. But most of all, I feel very, very alone Votes: 0

Infinity is just time on an ego trip. Votes: 0

It's a more ridiculing, divisive humor today. Votes: 0

Language was invented because of the deep human need to complain. Votes: 0

Maybe if people started to listen, history would stop repeating itself. Votes: 0

No matter how cynical I get, I can't keep up. Votes: 0

People hire me to create some kind of archetype or some culture type, or something. I guess they accept whatever I come up with. Votes: 0

Reality is nothing more than a collective hunch. Votes: 0

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. Votes: 0

Suddenly I burst into song: 'Awe, sweet mystery of life, at last I found thee...' And I felt so good inside and my heart felt so full, I decided I would set time aside each day to do awe-robics. Because at the moment you are most in awe of all there is about life that you don't understand, you are closer to understanding it all than at any other time. Votes: 0

Thank God kids never mean well Votes: 0

The formula for water is H2O. Is the formula for an ice cube H2O squared? Votes: 0

The start to a better world is the belief that it is possible. Votes: 0

The whole idea of being in captivity in such limited space, especially in a zoo, causes elephants to suffer. They develop all kinds of foot diseases. They die. They get cysts. Not only is it painful, it eventually kills them. Votes: 0

There will be sex after death, we just won't be able to feel it. Votes: 0

There's nothing sadder than getting to the end of your life and saying, 'I didn't do it right'. Votes: 0

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. Votes: 0

To act out something or take chances in the performance is one thing. But in terms of a camera, whatever's captured is captured so that's a little more daunting. You know you can't go back next week and fix it. Whereas in a live audience you know it's so in the moment and you just go with what's happening. First of all you never have to see it again so you don't know if you were really fulfilling it or not. Votes: 0

To me, "sexual freedom" means freedom from having to have sex. Votes: 0

Truth is, I've always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers. Votes: 0

We are people with lives, not consumers with lifestyles. Votes: 0

Well, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse trouble than I thought. Votes: 0

What goes up must come down. But don't expect it to come down where you can find it. Votes: 0

When I am happy I feel like crying, but when I am sad I don’t feel like laughing. I think it is better to be happy; then you get two feelings for the price of one. Votes: 0

When we speak to God, we call it prayer; when God speaks back, we call it psychosis! Votes: 0

You are what you think ... geez, that’s frightening.... Votes: 0

The larger picture is really to swing people's awareness of what really is moral. Votes: 0

When we talk to god, it's prayer. When god talks to us, it's schizophrenia. Votes: 0