Top quotes by Martha Beck

Since our society equates happiness with youth, we often assume that sorrow, quiet desperation, and hopelessness go hand in hand with getting older. They don't. Emotional pain or numbness are symptoms of living the wrong life, not a long life. Votes: 32

All religious leaders and spiritual teachers emphasize finding a place within us that is true. People who obsessively follow these leaders instead of their own purpose attach to the spiritual leader and become fanatical and controlling. That's why Jesus tried to tell his followers not to get attached to outward form. Votes: 30

Ten years ago, I still feared loss enough to abandon myself in order to keep things stable. I'd smile when I was sad, pretend to like people who appalled me. What I now know is that losses aren't cataclysmic if they teach the heart and soul their natural cycle of breaking and healing. Votes: 29

The great power of separating the watching mind from the thinking mind is that the watching mind is innately loving. Some call this part of the psyche the 'compassionate witness.' Sharing our difficult feelings with a compassionate witness is the crucial step that heals the infinite small wounds inflicted upon the soul by everyday life. Votes: 28

Life is full of tough decisions, and nothing makes them easy. But the worst ones are really your personal koans, and tormenting ambivalence is just the sense of satori rising. Try, trust, try, and trust again, and eventually you'll feel your mind change its focus to a new level of understanding. Votes: 24

Self-pity, a dominant characteristic of sociopaths, is also the characteristic that differentiates heroic storytelling from psychological rumination. When you talk about your experiences to shed light, you may feel wrenching pain, grief, anger, or shame. Your audience may pity you, but not because you want them to. Votes: 23

Standards of beauty are arbitrary. Body shame exists only to the extent that our physiques don't match our own beliefs about how we should look. Votes: 21

When fear makes your choices for you, no security measures on earth will keep the things you dread from finding you. But if you can avoid avoidance - if you can choose to embrace experiences out of passion, enthusiasm, and a readiness to feel whatever arises - then nothing, nothing in all this dangerous world, can keep you from being safe. Votes: 20

Getting bogged down in old stories stops the flow of learning by censoring our perceptions, making us functionally deaf and blind to new information. Once the replay button gets pushed, we no longer form new ideas or conclusions - the old ones are so cozy. Votes: 20

Once we're willing to confront our emotional suffering, we begin making choices based on attraction instead of aversion, love instead of fear. Where we used to think about what was 'safe,' we now become interested in doing what seems right or fun or meaningful or ripe with possibilities. Votes: 18

To know what that true self is without social pressure is to know your true nature. Votes: 17

Much protective self-criticism stems from growing up around people who wouldn't or couldn't love you, and it's likely they still can't or won't. In general, however, the more you let go of the tedious delusion of your own unattractiveness, the easier it will be for others to connect with you, and the more accepted you'll feel. Votes: 15

Caring for your inner child has a powerful and surprisingly quick result: Do it and the child heals. Votes: 15

Western democracies exalt the ideal of social equality, but our economic system arguably emerged from 16th-century Calvinism, a religion whose members believed that God showed favor by bestowing wealth and other forms of success on what they called 'the chosen.' Votes: 14

Cheerfully fessing up to our failures turns crazy mind off, humility and compassion on. I learned this in a karate dojo that had a strange tradition. Everyone there loved recounting failure stories, and after an evening of smacking one another, we'd sit and have a beer while the students swapped tales of martial arts disaster. Votes: 14

I majored in Chinese. I was never really good at Chinese but I really, really benefited from having been exposed to Asian philosophy early in my life. Votes: 13

It takes about four days of virtuous living to create a little weight loss. That also happens to be the time required to get used to eating less. In other words, if you can get past day three of a fitness regimen, things improve. Votes: 11

Fact: From quitting smoking to skiing, we succeed to the degree we try, fail, and learn. Studies show that people who worry about mistakes shut down, but those who are relaxed about doing badly soon learn to do well. Success is built on failure. Votes: 10

For the vast majority of world history, human life - both culture and biology - was shaped by scarcity. Food, clothing, shelter, tools, and pretty much everything else had to be farmed or fabricated, at a very high cost in time and energy. Votes: 10

All mental hygiene is based on the core practice of doing nothing. Most of us are good at wasting time, staring at the wall while telling ourselves we should be working. We call this doing nothing, but our brains are furiously active. We think constantly, and our thinking is often rife with distress. Votes: 10

Whatever causes you to drop your plan forward and open to your vision, your own, deeply personal vision of what your life could be at its very best, that's what I call meeting your rhinoceros. Votes: 10

A designated patient 'carries' the group's dysfunction. A designated issue performs the same service for an individual, dominating our psyches so that other troubles can go unnoticed. Votes: 10

If we're stuck with having expectations, there's a very good reason to embrace positive ones: It's that we often create what we anticipate. Votes: 9

There are several ways to mess up your life by fighting to make your calendar age match your felt age. I live in the Southwest, a part of the country with more than its share of fair skies, material wealth, and people who are trying not to be as old as they are. Votes: 9

I was learning to track rhinoceroses in Africa and tracked right up on an animal that really I thought was going to kill me. Votes: 8

What laughter is to childhood, sex is to adolescence. Votes: 6

The pretty girls get all the good stuff. Oh, God. So not true. I unlearned this after years of coaching beautiful clients. Yes, these lovelies get preferential treatment in most life scenarios, but there's a catch: While everyone's looking at them, virtually no one sees them. Votes: 5

Many of us have spent a lifetime trying to be what we're not, feeling lousy about ourselves when we fail and sometimes even when we succeed. We hide our differences when, by accepting and celebrating them, we could collaborate to make every effort more exciting, productive, enjoyable, and powerful. Personally, I think we should start right now. Votes: 5

I suggest Substituting Inedible Nurturance, or SIN. Don't replace overeating with virtuous work or exercise; instead, make a list of things you love, from watching TV to hanging out with favorite people. Votes: 3

No matter how difficult and painful it may be, nothing sounds as good to the soul as the truth. Votes: 2

Denial exists because human infants, though equipped with trust-o-meters, are built to trust, blindly and absolutely, any older person who wanders past. Votes: 0

Our ideas about love and attractiveness are so primal, our need for belonging so intense, that most of us are loath to abandon our favorite beliefs on these issues. If you've ever let yourself feel lovable and lovely, only to be deeply hurt, you may see accepting your own body as a setup for severe emotional wounding. Votes: 0

Our culture has created two almost irreconcilable descriptions of a 'good woman.' The first is the individual achiever; the second, the self-sacrificing domestic goddess. Votes: 0

I had a client who was a professional baseball player once, and he would go to clubs and dance for seven, eight, nine hours at a time. He wouldn't drink, he wouldn't take drugs - he just danced because he had so much physical energy; he was this amazing athlete. Votes: 0

Comparing and contrasting is a valuable human skill - and not just during high school English exams. Our ability to rank-order things is invaluable in making choices and setting priorities. Votes: 0

In the developed world, hundreds of millions of us now face the bizarre problem of surfeit. Yet our brains, instincts, and socialized behavior are still geared to an environment of lack. The result? Overwhelm - on an unprecedented scale. Votes: 0

Painful events leave scars, true, but it turns out they're largely erasable. Jill Bolte Taylor, the neuroanatomist who had a stroke that obliterated her memory, described the event as losing '37 years of emotional baggage.' Votes: 0

Anything you're trying to will is focused on the future; it's always associated with some sort of anxiety that makes the present moment somewhat uncomfortable. Votes: 0

If you'd rather live surrounded by pristine objects than by the traces of happy memories, stay focused on tangible things. Otherwise, stop fixating on stuff you can touch and start caring about stuff that touches you. Votes: 0

Our thoughts about an event can have a dramatic effect on how we go through the event itself. When our expectations are low, it's easy to be pleasantly surprised. When they're not, we're vulnerable to painful disappointment. Because of this, many people spend a good deal of effort trying to avoid developing high hopes about anything. Votes: 0

Good-looking individuals are treated better than homely ones in virtually every social situation, from dating to trial by jury. If everyday experience hasn't convinced you of this, there's research that will. Votes: 0

Sacred play is anything that takes you into that right hemisphere of your brain. It turns out that this move away from left to the right hemisphere, that sense of expansiveness and everything, can be accomplished through unusual rhythmic action, or any action that requires so much attention away from words that you cannot think in words. Votes: 0

Tiny steps will get you to your goal months and months sooner. A little is better than a lot. Votes: 0

One reason most people never stop thinking is that mental frenzy keeps us from having to see the upsetting aspects of our lives. If I'm constantly brooding about my children or career, I won't notice that I'm lonely. If I grapple continuously with logistical problems, I can avoid contemplating little issues like, say, my own mortality. Votes: 0

You get social pressure from your parents, who teach you to pay attention to certain things and not to others. You get it in school. Votes: 0

Absolutely lonely people have few personal interactions of any kind. Votes: 0

Self-improvement books, friends, and polite strangers often tell soothing lies about our physical appearance that prevent many of us from facing, discussing, and solving our real problems. Votes: 0

When I tell a woman you really need to quit your soul-sucking job, she goes home, and she can tell her husband, 'I need to quit,' and he's like, 'O.K., let's do it.' Votes: 0

Sometimes a psychic tells you something and it feels wrong and others may be right on the money. It's your choice about whom to trust, and giving that trust is something we do ourselves. Votes: 0

No one else can take risks for us, or face our losses on our behalf, or give us self-esteem. No one can spare us from life's slings and arrows, and when death comes, we meet it alone. Votes: 0

When your entire brain is active, that means you are taking everything in through all sense perception. Your entire memory bank and your instincts are in play, so you make much quicker and more intelligent choices. Votes: 0

If you're totally sedentary and eat 2,500 calories a day, don't instantly go to 1,200 calories and hours of aerobics - your weight loss will be sudden and violent, but also fleeting. Votes: 0

As I obsess about my ancient problems, I feel more like I'm sinking in quicksand than lighting a torch. I'm creating neither heat nor light, just the icky, perversely pleasurable squish of self-pity between my toes. My only defense is that I'm not the only one down here in the muck - our whole culture is doting on tales of personal tragedy. Votes: 0

We evolved to move and to learn with all our five senses! Votes: 0

My dog has the intellectual capacity of a lime wedge, yet even he possesses an elaborate set of assumptions, based on his ability to control my behavior through a combination of slavish devotion and incessant howling. Votes: 0

As a life coach, I love makeovers, from new clothes to surgery, pedicures to highlights. But redoing makes you feel better only if approached with the right attitude. Votes: 0

You have the freedom to live and let live, to love and let love. Granting yourself that freedom is one of the healthiest, most constructive things you can do for yourself and the people who matter to you. Votes: 0

Expectation loiters in the DNA of every sentient being; when you tell yourself or a loved one, 'Don't get your hopes up,' you're fighting ancient genetic programming. Votes: 0

The way we can allow ourselves to do what we need to, no matter what others may say or do, is to choose love and defy fear. Votes: 0

In fact, when care appears, unconditional love often vanishes. Votes: 0

Not having time or energy for weight loss makes no sense. Does it take more time or energy to eat fish than prime rib? No. Votes: 0

Creating ways to be happy is your life's work, a challenge that won't end until you die. Votes: 0

Hopeful thinking can get you out of your fear zone and into your appreciation zone. Votes: 0

Adults under threat feel like children. Votes: 0

Children who assume adult responsibilities feel old when they're young. Votes: 0

Focusing on one mildly disturbing, semi-controllable issue allows the mind to stuff much greater terrors in relatively tidy packages. Votes: 0

Polite strangers often tell soothing lies about our physical appearance that prevent many of us from facing, discussing and solving our real problems. Votes: 0

Realizing that we've surrendered our self-esteem to others and choosing to be accountable for our own self-worth would mean absorbing the terrifying fact that we're always vulnerable to pain and loss. Votes: 0

The most common reason we stumble into the delusion of powerlessness is that we're afraid of what other people would do or say or feel if we were to act as we wanted. Votes: 0

Whoever said love is blind is dead wrong. Love is the only thing that lets us see each other with the remotest accuracy. Votes: 0

I fell in love with Africa and began helping people fix things there. Votes: 0

Anger elicits anger, fear elicits fear, no matter how well meaning we may be. Votes: 0

The position that I take partly as a result of living in Asia is where you stop living according to your expectations and you become available to experience things as they are. Votes: 0

People are so afraid of authority figures and doctors are authority figures. Votes: 0

In one century, we've added 28 years to our average life span - a change so rapid that our brains couldn't possibly have evolved to accommodate it. Votes: 0

Although beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, the feeling of being beautiful exists solely in the mind of the beheld. Votes: 0

Seek art from every time and place, in any form, to connect with those who really move you. Votes: 0

At times in my life, I have been utterly lonely. At other times, I've had disgusting infectious diseases. Try admitting these things in our culture. Votes: 0

Good-looking individuals are treated better than homely ones in virtually every social situation, from dating to trial by jury. Votes: 0

As much horror as we have always created, we are a species that keeps moving forward, seeing new sights in new ways, and enjoying the journey. Votes: 0

I really do think that any deep crisis is an opportunity to make your life extraordinary in some way. Votes: 0

To really boost your sense of self-efficacy, think of ways you could modify your usual tasks to suit your personal style. Votes: 0

Whether you've seen angels floating around your bedroom or just found a ray of hope at a lonely moment, choosing to believe that something unseen is caring for you can be a life-shifting exercise. Votes: 0

Whatever terrible things may have happened to you, only one thing allows them to damage your core self, and that is continued belief in them. Votes: 0

Basic human contact - the meeting of eyes, the exchanging of words - is to the psyche what oxygen is to the brain. If you're feeling abandoned by the world, interact with anyone you can. Votes: 0

Loneliness is proof that your innate search for connection is intact. Votes: 0

Recurrent floods of sadness and anger gradually wash away the rubble of the defunct relationship, leaving only the bits of treasure: the remembered moments of real communion, a new understanding of your own mistakes, a clear picture of the dysfunctions you will never tolerate again. Votes: 0

I am free, and always have been; free to accept my own reality, free to trust my perceptions, free to believe what makes me feel sane even if others call me crazy, free to disagree even if it means great loss, free to seek the way home until I find it. Votes: 0

Conflict in close relationships is not only inevitable, it's essential. Intimacy connects people who are inevitably different. Votes: 0

We virtually never feel our age, but thinking that we should can lead to disaster. Votes: 0

Given the eclectic and constantly shifting nature of my metaphysical inclinations, I will probably never feel certain exactly what an angel is. Votes: 0

Almost all my middle-aged and elderly acquaintances, including me, feel about 25, unless we haven't had our coffee, in which case we feel 107. Votes: 0

If you begin to face your fears, something bittersweet is going to happen to you: You'll grow up. Votes: 0

This is the part of us that makes our brief, improbable little lives worth living: the ability to reach through our own isolation and find strength, and comfort, and warmth for and in each other. This is what human beings do. This is what we live for, the way horses live to run. Votes: 0

It seems to me at this moment that laughing is a serious thing, that it connects us with truth and love and God. Votes: 0

As any good Buddhist will tell you, the only way to find permanent joy is by embracing the fact that nothing is permanent. Votes: 0

Any moment you spend attacking yourself is a moment away from your higher purpose and your power to love. Don't go there. Votes: 0

If you want to end your isolation, you must be honest about what you want at a core level and decide to go after it. Votes: 0

My anguish came from my hypothesis that other people's hypothetical hypotheses about me mattered. Ridiculous! Votes: 0

Only since the Industrial Revolution have most people worked in places away from their homes or been left to raise small children without the help of multiple adults, making for an unsupported life. Votes: 0

Somewhere in there, among the worries, questions, advice and advertising jingles, lives your intuition, your true 'inner voice.' You can hear it to the extent that you give it your attention. Votes: 0

Learning to quit while you're not ahead, when the dull ooze of depression tells you things are not going to get any better, is one of the best financial and life skills you can master. Votes: 0

My deep belief is that all of us have the same lifelong work: to learn honesty, courage, and love. To learn, in other words, how to be our best selves. Votes: 0

The more you claim your own destiny, the easier it will be to love unconditionally . Votes: 0

Any transition serious enough to alter your definition of self will require not just small adjustments in your way of living and thinking but a full-on metamorphosis. Votes: 0

Friends, there are many areas in which I need encouragement, but worrying is not one of them. I worry the way Renee Fleming sings high Cs: Effortlessly. Loudly. At length. Votes: 0

You are lovable. Can you show me any baby in any nursery who isn't priceless? No. There's no such thing as a worthless newborn. And the essential value that was born into brand-new-baby you can never be extinguished. This means that even if you think you're being absolutely honest, believing yourself to be anything other than astonishing, incomparable, and infinitely precious makes you a habitual liar. Votes: 0

Every day brings new choices. Votes: 0

To live a life that is wrong for you is a form of dying. There are people who have lives that look perfect. They try to be happy, they believe they should be happy, they are trying to like it, but if it's off course from their north star, they aren't satisfied. Votes: 0

The way to find your own North Star is not to think or feel your way forward but to dissolve the thoughts and feeling that make you miserable. You don't have to learn your destiny--you already know it; you just have to unlearn the thoughts that blind you to what you know. Votes: 0

Connecting with the people who are meant to be part of your own North Star is much more important than any aspect of business. It's the essence of happiness, the full realization of your potential for joy. Votes: 0

Explorers depend on the North Star when there are no other landmarks in sight. The same relationship exists between you and your right life, the ultimate realization of your potential for happiness. I believe that a knowledge of that perfect life sits inside you just as the North Star sits in its unaltering spot. Votes: 0

If you see failure as a monster stalking you, or one that has already ruined your life, take another look. That monster can become a benevolent teacher, opening your mind to successes you cannot now imagine. Votes: 0

It's only by starting in a place of peace that we find our purpose and power. Votes: 0

Most people think that once they've found their purpose and the power to practice it, they'll finally be at peace. Actually, though, it's only by starting in a place of peace that we find our purpose and power. Peace is the first step and the final lesson we all need to learn. Votes: 0

The important thing is to tell yourself a life story in which you, the hero, are primarily a problem solver rather than a helpless victim. This is well within your power, whatever fate might have dealt you. Votes: 0

In the pursuit of Knowledge, every day something is added. In the practice of the Way, every day something is dropped. Less and less do you need to force things, until finally you arrive at non-action. When nothing is done, nothing is left undone. Votes: 0

If you ask people (as I often do) how they make decisions, 'lucky' people will talk about tuning in to information and instincts, while 'unlucky' people often mention pushing away the uncomfortable feeling they were headed for trouble. Votes: 0

Fear is the raw material from which courage is manufactured. Without it, we wouldn't even know what it means to be brave. Votes: 0

I explain to everyone I deal with-co-workers, children, friends-that I'm transitionally challenged and they should call me on my cell phone if I'm even a few minutes late. Such calls often come in when I'm happily writing or rearranging the furniture. The monochrones in my life are so organized, they have no trouble remembering to remind me to show up. Votes: 0

I have come to believe that there are infinite passageways out of the shadows, infinite vehicles to transport us into the light. Votes: 0

Even if you can be the world's best at one thing, you'll be the world's worst at something else. Supermodels make pathetic sumo wrestlers. Votes: 0

Allowing children to show their guilt, show their grief, show their anger, takes the sting out of the situation. Votes: 0

...Refusing to feel desire is the only thing more painful than failing to get what you want, and that learning not to yearn, far from preventing disappointment, ultimately guarantees it. Votes: 0

I don't believe that there are no spiritual beings around us. I don't know what to call them, I don't know how they work. But I know they're there. Votes: 0

The shortness of life, which we all discuss, but which is very clear to me at the moment, makes keeping and spreading a joyful peace more crucial than ever before. Let us keep our minds on what matters, which is our work, which is astonishment and gratitude. From this quiet magic comes a power for all other new years wishes to come true. Votes: 0

I practice staying calm all the time, beginning with situations that aren't tense. Votes: 0

If you find yourself getting nervous stop and relax for three full breaths. Then take one small step, then another. That is how people get to the top of Everest. Votes: 0

Imagine what you'd do if it absolutely didn't matter what people thought of you. Got it? Good. Never go back. Votes: 0

Though we often see life troughs as the universe's conspiracy to ruin us, they're actually our own true nature inviting us to lay down our weary heads. Votes: 0

Most unhappy people need to learn just one lesson: how to see themselves through the lens of genuine compassion, and treat themselves accordingly. Votes: 0

Rest until you feel like playing, then play until you feel like resting, period. Never do anything else. Votes: 0

Bracketing has turned all my experiences, remembered and present, into a gallery of miracles where I wander around dazzled by the beauty of events I cannot explain. Votes: 0

By the end of your incredibly arduous, disappointing, stressful journey, you will be your true self, in a place where you belong, with friends who truly understand you and bring all sorts of opportunities your way. Votes: 0

Here is the crux of the matter, the distilled essence, the only thing you need to remember: When considering whether to say yes or no, you must choose the response that feels like freedom. Period. Votes: 0

Something in the human psyche confuses beauty with the right to be loved. The briefest glance at human folly reveals that good looks and worthiness operate independently. Yet countless socializing forces, from Aunt Clara to the latest perfume ad, reinforce beliefs like 'If I were pretty enough, I would be loved.' Votes: 0

My point is that perceptual bias can affect nut jobs and scientists alike. If we hold too rigidly to what we think we know, we ignore or avoid evidence of anything that might change our mind. Votes: 0

If you're feeling intransigently ambivalent, it might pay to formally accept what's already happening - that is, decide not to decide. Votes: 0

What happens when we're willing to feel bad is that, sure enough, we often feel bad - but without the stress of futile avoidance. Emotional discomfort, when accepted, rises, crests, and falls in a series of waves. Each wave washes parts of us away and deposits treasures we never imagined. Votes: 0

Everything I've ever taught in terms of self-help boils down to this - I cannot believe people keep paying me to say this - if something feels really good for you, you might want to do it. And if it feels really horrible, you might want to consider not doing it. Thank you, give me my $150. Votes: 0

I cannot count the times I've been defeated, humiliated, or physically injured immediately after saying the words, 'Hey, how hard can it be?' But that never seems to stop me from saying them again. Votes: 0

Indecision may come from an instinctive hunch that there's more you need to know - which means it's time to learn everything you can about the pros and cons of each option. You can continue on this track, however, only as long as you're unearthing genuinely new information. Votes: 0

To complete your daily mental hygiene, observe any part of you that is upset or anxious, and offer that part of yourself the following simple wishes: 'May you be well. May you be happy. May you be free from suffering.' Repeat this until you actually mean it. Votes: 0

If I tell a man he needs to quit his soul-sucking job, he has to go home and fight with his wife or fight with his parents and fight with his in-laws and fight with everybody, because men aren't supposed to be happy; they're supposed to do well. Votes: 0

My own nature hovers between neurotic and paranoid. I've developed the habit of mentally listing things that make me optimistic about the future. I do it every day. Votes: 0

The thing I love most about my job is watching people age backward, becoming more lively and energetic as they free themselves from situations that are toxic to their essential selves. Votes: 0

If you're living completely on your own, break out of solitary confinement. Seek to understand others, and help them understand you. Votes: 0

I'd like to help repair the earth's ecosystems, and to fully live until I'm fully dead. Votes: 0

The process of spotting fear and refusing to obey it is the source of all true empowerment. Votes: 0

Instead of fretting about getting everything done, why not simply accept that being alive means having things to do? Then drop into full engagement with whatever you're doing, and let the worry go. Votes: 0

Not everyone is equally good-looking. Votes: 0

A confession you make merely to illuminate the murky corners of your little life may end up lighting the path to freedom for a thousand other hearts. Votes: 0

A joyful life isn't about others; it's about the brightness that is associated with being alive. Your path to it is through anything that replaces thinking with pure flight, pure joy. Votes: 0

A lot of my clients say they don't deserve to mope about their sad little memories while children are starving in India. I say that just because your broken arm isn't as serious as someone else's gut wound, that doesn't mean your injury isn't excruciating or doesn't require attention. If you want to help the Indian children, or make the world a better place in any other way, you have to start by becoming whole yourself. Votes: 0

A true leader is not someone who feels fully informed but someone who continuously receives insight and guidance. Votes: 0

Angels come in many shapes and sizes, and most of them are not invisible. Votes: 0

Anyone who comes into your life, under any circumstances, has something to teach you. Votes: 0

As soon as you think you know someone else's truth better than they do, you are in deep water. Votes: 0

Bad artists ignore the darkness of human existence. Good artists often get stuck there. Great artists embrace the full catastrophe of our condition and find beyond it an even deeper truth of peace, healing, and redemption. Votes: 0

Bad habits fill needs, so find good alternatives for them. Votes: 0

Be brave enough to turn away from shiny objects, and toward the light that makes them shine. Votes: 0

Breathe in, breathe out, no fear, no doubt. Votes: 0

Constantly measuring ourselves against others sours and shortens our lives, robbing us of the very things we think it will bring: prosperity, love, inner peace, the knowledge that we're good enough. Votes: 0

Criticism is an alluring substitute for creation, because tearing things down, unlike building them up, really is as easy as falling off a stump. It's blissfully simple to strike a savvy, sophisticated pose by attacking someone else's creations, but the old adage is right: Any fool can burn down a barn. Building one is something else again. Votes: 0

Dawn Kotzer is the kind of coach who can see beauty and wisdom in circumstances that seem ugly and chaotic. She's kind, genuine and honest, willing and able to see where her clients get stuck and gently help them recover their freedom. Better than a coach who gives you the answers, Dawn will help you find the answers to your life's dilemmas that are already within you. Votes: 0

Do something today that you think is too delicious, too selfish, too wacky to fit within the rules of your life. Votes: 0

Do whatever it takes to convey your essential self Votes: 0

Do whatever work feeds your true self, even if it's not a safe bet, even if it's like a crazy risk, even if everyone in your life tells you you're wrong or bad or crazy. Votes: 0

Does this feel warmer or colder? Votes: 0

Don't hide love. If you feel it, express it-not to demand that others love you back, but simply to live outwardly the best of what you feel inwardly. The worst that can happen to your heart is not rejection by another person but failure to act on the love you feel. Votes: 0

Don't worry that you've wasted time. Each moment -- no matter how frozen or confused -- was a useful and necessary lesson. Votes: 0

Don't expect the future to look like the past. Clear away expectations, and let yourself picture a wild, grand new world. Votes: 0

Don't fight fearful thoughts. Just match each one with an alternative thought that brings you more peace. Votes: 0

Don't let your life revolve around whatever you're trying not to do or feel. Live to experience, not to avoid. Votes: 0

During the times we think we're being "unproductive," the seeds of new worlds are germinating within us, and they need peace to grow. Votes: 0

Emotional discomfort, when accepted, rises, crests and falls in a series of waves. Each wave washes a part of us away and deposits treasures we never imagined. Out goes naivete, in comes wisdom; out goes anger, in comes discernment; out goes despair, in comes kindness. No one would call it easy, but the rhythm of emotional pain that we learn to tolerate is natural, constructive and expansive... The pain leaves you healthier than it found you. Votes: 0

Every aspect of your life, whether it's a task or relationship, personal or professional, will be based on love and joy. And when you get right down to it, nothing else really matters. Votes: 0

Every instance of heartbreak can teach us powerful lessons about creating the kind of love we really want. Votes: 0

Everything always passes, and everything is already okay. Stay in the place where you can see that, and nothing will resist you. Votes: 0

External circumstances do not create feeling states. Feeling states create external circumstances. Votes: 0

Feel about yourself what you would have others feel about themselves. Votes: 0

Forcing yourself to think happy lies doesn't heal your dreams. Getting to the truth does. Votes: 0

From a place of stillness, openness, forgiveness and acceptance you can renew your commitment to any eating plan you like. Votes: 0

Good fortune has side effects. Votes: 0

Having fun is not a diversion from a successful life; it is the pathway to it. Votes: 0

Heading towards that inner home will take you places-both inside yourself and in the external world-which your heart will recognize as its native environment, even though you have never been there before. Votes: 0

Humans only really learn from each other by storytelling. We didn't evolve to memorize things. We evolved to hear each other's stories and feel them in our heart. Your life is the most powerful story you can tell. Votes: 0

I don't believe that there are no spiritual beings around us. I don't know what to call them, I don't know how they work. But I know they're there Votes: 0

I have discovered that many of the things I thought were priceless are as cheap as costume jewelry, and much of what I labeled worthless was, all the time, filled with the kind of beauty that directly nourishes my soul... Now I think that the vast majority of us "normal" people spend our lives trashing our treasures and treasuring our trash. We bustle around trying to create the impression that we are hip, imperturbable, omniscient, in perfect control, when in fact we are awkward and scared and bewildered. Votes: 0

I now believe that bêtes noires usually attack because we're thwarting our own destinies. Calming the beast turns us toward our best lives. Votes: 0

I want you to be supervised, all day every day, by people who forgive your errors and believe in your destiny. Votes: 0

I want you to notice is that-right here, right now-you're okay. You may be in pain, you may be in fear, you may be in grief. But you're here, you're surviving; this moment is okay. Votes: 0

I'll tell you what it's time to do right now. It's time to set your schedule in order so that you don't look back on the day of your death and wonder why you never really lived. It's time to ignore the opinions of those who think your life should be all about their cause, their rules, their agenda, and not your soul's desire. It's time to stop flagellating and start dancing. Votes: 0

If a problem looks difficult, relax. If it looks impossible, relax even more. Then begin encouraging small changes, putting just enough pressure on yourself to move one turtle step forward. Then rest, savor, celebrate. Then step again. You'll find that slow is fast, gentle is powerful, and stillness moves mountains. Votes: 0

If anything is worth doing, it is worth doing it badly. Votes: 0

If you did nothing but pursue the truth about yourself for the rest of your life, you would never run out of fresh discoveries. Votes: 0

If you feel stuck in your present life, if you feel no enthusiasm for anything, if you think you have no purpose or that you lost that purpose somewhere along the way, I guarantee you are living in a dungeon made of stories. And that none of those limiting stories are true. Votes: 0

If you think there is no action that you can perform in your current circumstances that will increase the supply of love in the world, you are believing a lie. At the very least, you always have the option to offer yourself kindness and understanding. That alone can increase the supply of love in the world. Votes: 0

If you're doing something you love with people you love in a place you love, you are going to create something of value to the world. Votes: 0

If your life is cloudy and you're far, far off course, you may have to go on faith for a while, but eventually you'll learn that every time you trust your internal navigation system, you end up closer to your right life. Votes: 0

If you're a bit spongy, vulnerable to the unsettling energy of others, count yourself lucky. You've been given an incentive to armor up, to consciously screen out the ubiquitous stresses that afflict humanity. Votes: 0

If you're feeling abandoned by the world, interact with anyone you can. Votes: 0

If you're living completely on your own, break out of solitary confinement. Seek to understand others, and help them understand you Votes: 0

If you're miserable, make a choice. If you're still miserable, you can choose again. Votes: 0

If you're religious, it gives you a perspective. Votes: 0

I'm not saying we have power over everything in our lives - if that were true, my hair would look so, so different - but I am saying that there's no circumstance in which we are completely powerless. Votes: 0

Imagination is the doorway you walk through into every future moment. Are you walking through doorways to pain or to joy? Votes: 0

Imagine the choices you'd make if you had no fear-of falling, of losing, of being alone, of disapproval. Votes: 0

In the moments I get it right, every step I take seems to be matched by a universal mystery, which obligingly, incredibly, creates what I can't. Votes: 0

Instead of hiding your loneliness, bring it into the light. Honor it. Treat it. Heal it. You'll find that it returns the favor. Votes: 0

It isn't necessary to know exactly how your ideal life will look; you only have to know what feels better and what feels worse"¦Begin making choices based on what makes you feel freer and happier, rather than on how you think an ideal life should look. It's the process of feeling our way toward happiness, not the realization of the Platonic ideal, that creates our best lives. Votes: 0

I've developed the habit of mentally listing things that make me optimistic about the future. I do it every day. Votes: 0

Judgments that constrain your giving are the very demons that are keeping you from receiving. Votes: 0

Just one mental shift-focusing on the abundance of your environment-switches your psychological settings so that your life automatically improves in many areas you may think are unrelated. This is essentially a leap from fear to faith. Votes: 0

Learning to let go of expectations is a ticket to peace. It allows us to ride over every crisis"”small or large, brother-in-law or end-of-quarter office lockdown"”like a beach ball on water. The next time a problem arises in your life, take a deep breath, let out a sigh, and replace the thought Oh no! with the thought Okay. Votes: 0

Learning to spot narcissists and deal with their destructive behavior can save you the world of hurt that awaits anyone who mistakes the near enemy for a friend. Votes: 0

Make a plan to change the world. For one night, don't disbelieve that you can. Votes: 0

Make stuff up. Anyone who ever did something new or interesting was making it up as they went along. Votes: 0

Many of us assume that we have to do things a certain way: ignore passion in favor of safer bets, act stoic amid inner turmoil, run on an upward trajectory of success and money acquisition at any emotional cost. But these are not rules. Votes: 0

Many of us have spent a lifetime trying to be what we're not, feeling lousy about ourselves when we fail, and sometimes when we succeed. We hide our differences when, by accepting and celebrating them, we could collaborate to make every effort more exciting, productive enjoyable, and powerful. Personally, I think we should start right now. Votes: 0

Many people think passion is a fuzzy feeling that makes taking action effortless. In fact, it's the gritty courage and tenacity to forge onward... Votes: 0

Menders of all times and places have taught that silencing the thoughts in our heads and opening to the experience of the body and emotions is the basis of all healing. It's the only means by which we can reclaim our true nature or feel the subtle cues telling us how to find our way through life. Votes: 0

Most of my clients don't realize that the way they look and the way they think about their looks are two separate issues. Votes: 0

Most of our stress and suffering come not from events, but from our thoughts. Reframe from negative thoughts, and stress subsides. Votes: 0

Most people go through their whole lives," John went on, "and never have one miracle happen to them. You've had dozens and dozens, and you still want more! It's like God gives you a brownie, I mean a really good brownie, but you can't be content with it. You want the whole pan of brownies. Nobody gets that. Votes: 0

No part of your experience is wasted. Everything you've experienced so far is part of what you were meant to learn. Votes: 0

Own your failure openly, publicly, with genuine regret but absolutely no shame, and you'll reap a harvest of forgiveness, trust, respect, and connection-the things you thought you'd get by succeeding. Ironic, isn't it? Votes: 0

Pain is like a life coach in your body. It's what made me a life coach because I started paying a lot of attention to what made me hurt and what didn't. It turned out my body was trying to steer me away from a life that was absolutely wrong for me and into a life that was absolutely wonderful. Votes: 0

Peace is more than just a feeling. It's the mental and physical frequency where you'll find all your real power. Votes: 0

People don't cry when they lose their hope. They cry when they get it back. Votes: 0

People who get what they want tend to be the ones who make the effort to KNOW what they want Votes: 0

Perpetually doing, without ever tuning in to the center of our being, is the equivalent of fueling a mighty ship by tossing all its navigational equipment into the furnace. Votes: 0

Play until it's time to rest, then rest until it's time to play. Votes: 0

Question every thought that causes suffering and test it against your own sense of truth. Votes: 0

Remember that it's okay to ask for help when you're stumped, because sometimes you really can't be expected to handle everything alone. Votes: 0

Remember, intimacy increases with honesty. Share less to keep people away and more to draw them closer. Votes: 0

Silence comes in two varieties: One that nourishes and comforts; another that chokes, smothers, and isolates. Solitary confinement is the worst kind of imprisonment we can inflict on fellow humans, and if you are forced to keep silent about some dark secret, you live in solitary confinement. Without the bridge of communication connecting you to other human beings, you can't share your burdens, can't receive comfort, can't confirm that you still belong. Silence is the abyss that separates you from hope. Votes: 0

Slow is fast, gentle is powerful and stillness moves mountains Votes: 0

Stop fixating on stuff you can touch and start caring about stuff that touches you. Votes: 0

Stop trying to change your behavior; instead, rethink your beliefs Votes: 0

Take off your watch: the divine is speaking to you. Votes: 0

Ten bajillion product ads notwithstanding, your looks are another thing that's basically genetic. Votes: 0

The average adult laughs 15 times a day; the average child, more than 400 times. Votes: 0

The difference between success and failure isn't the absence of fear but the determination to pursue your heart's desires no matter how scared you are. Votes: 0

The effect of emotional venting is to sustain an unsatisfactory status quo. Most people think the opposite, that complaining is part of an effort to change an unsatisfying situation. Nope. Complaining lets off pressure so that we neither explode with frustration nor feel compelled to take the often risky steps of openly opposing a difficult person or situation. Keeping emotional pressure tolerably low doesn't change problematic circumstances but rather perpetuates them. Votes: 0

The end goal of all of this striving is to live joyfully, and that there are often more direct ways of achieving this than conforming to rigid standards set by social custom. Votes: 0

The heart is a tender but hardy organ. Daring to have a wonderful experience, even though you may get hurt, is the only way you'll realize its deepest desires. Votes: 0

The holy days are the best times to focus on real enthusiasm, the inner source that lightens and sanctifies our lives all year. Votes: 0

The idea is to identify a destructive thought pattern, then simply label it and watch it and let it pass by whenever it appears in your mind. Votes: 0

The knowledge of your destiny is available to you, well before it actually happens, as a message streaming continuously from your heart to your brain, written in the language of longing. Votes: 0

The moment we begin tolerating meanness, in ourselves and others, we are using our authorial power in the service of wrongdoing. We have both the capacity and the obligation to do better. Votes: 0

The only way to the Place beyond Fear is to do the thing you fear most. This is how to surrender to your best destiny. Votes: 0

The part of you that is unhampered by illusion-the illusion of time, the illusion of powerlessness, the illusion of impossibility-i s waiting for you to slow down and open up so that it can speak to your consciousness. In some unguarded moment, you will hear its wildly improbable words and know that they are guiding you home. Votes: 0

The past doesn't exist except as a memory, a mental story, and though past events aren't changeable, your stories about them are. You can act now to transform the way you tell the story of your past, ultimately making it a stalwart protector of your future. Votes: 0

The power to bring me out of solitude - or to push me back into it - had never belonged to another person. It was mine and only mine. Votes: 0

The really potent part of love is that it allows you to carry around beliefs about yourself that make you feel special, desirable, precious, innately good. Your lover couldn't have seen [these qualities] in you, even temporarily, if they weren't part of your essential being. Votes: 0

The repercussions of one person living in stubborn gladness are incalculable. Votes: 0

The way out of fear isn't safety. It's freedom. Votes: 0

The way that other people judge me is none of my business. Votes: 0

The way we do anything is the way we do everything. Votes: 0

There has never been, and never will be, anyone who sees, thinks, or responds exactly the way you do. Whether you're revolutionizing physics or making a quilt, you must display your differences to make a difference. Votes: 0

There's tons of magic in the world, and it's all science. Votes: 0

This very moment of your life, if you experience it fully, will show you astonishing wonders and exquisite delights. Votes: 0

To attract something that you want, become as joyful as you think that thing would make you. Votes: 0

To be really productive, it's as important to rest when we're tired as it is to work when we're inspired. Votes: 0

To care for someone can mean to adore them, feed them, tend their wounds. But care can also signify sorrow, as in 'bowed down by cares.' Or anxiety, as in 'Careful!' Or investment in an outcome, as in 'Who cares?' The word love has no such range of meaning: It's pure acceptance. Votes: 0

To make an activity joyful, keep adding things until the activity as a whole becomes more appealing than repulsing. Votes: 0

True freedom starts with absolute honesty. The moment you call a problem by its real name, you're already learning how to make it less harmful. Votes: 0

Trust in your truth. It will be the best decision you ever make. Votes: 0

Truth itself is something you live, not something you think. Votes: 0

Try seeing your world and yourself this way, eyes open to whatever is before you, mind free of dichotomies. Are you good or bad, fragile or tough, wise or foolish? Yes. And so am I. Votes: 0

Trying to motivate yourself with fear is like screaming at a child, "Do something, dammit!" You'll either freeze up or act in counterproducti ve ways. Fear widens the knowing-doing gap. Don't use it. Votes: 0

Use anything you can think of to understand and be understood, and you'll discover the creativity that connects you with others. Votes: 0

We are a time-starved people, obsessed with fitting huge achievements into our few years. In the process, we often fill our buckets with things that don't matter or work. But when we give up on trying to change what can't be changed, and simply embrace what we love, a miracle occurs. We notice that the moment to be happy has already arrived. It's here, now. Votes: 0

We can't save ourselves from fear by seeking safety, because safety always means there's something to be safe from-in other words, something to fear. The way out of fear isn't safety. It's freedom. Votes: 0

Welcoming imperfection is the way to accomplish what perfectionism promises but never delivers. It gives us our best performance and genuine acceptance in the family of human -- and by that I mean imperfect -- beings. Votes: 0

What should you do now? Find a new way. A better way. Your way. The unknown, uncharted path through this wild new world that allows you---yourself, in your uniqueness--to reclaim the full measure of your true nature. Votes: 0

What would you do if you knew that every good thing in your life depended on your getting enough rest? Because it does. Votes: 0

When we run from our feelings, they follow us. Everywhere. Votes: 0

When you are in a creative or appreciative zone, you literally have no access to your inner lizard, to that fear-based, non creative, shrieking little beasty who's so afraid you're going to be a bag lady. Votes: 0

When you do the thing you fear, the thing loses its power to scare. Votes: 0

When you're weary, find relief. When you're strong, find delight. Votes: 0

Whenever you go somewhere that speaks to your soul, you are going home to yourself. Votes: 0

Where your attention goes, your life goes. Votes: 0

You can't stay well without telling--and living--the truth. Votes: 0

You do not owe anyone your time. When you realize that, others will respect your time much more. Votes: 0

You shine for who you are ... because no one can steal your light. Votes: 0

You will know how to stop suffering as soon as suffering ceases to be valuable. If you are in pain, you are being led. Votes: 0

You will never realize your best destiny through the avoidance of fear. Rather, you will realize it through the exercise of courage, which means taking whatever action is most liberating to the soul, even when you are afraid. Votes: 0

Your body is free but your heart is in prison. To release your heart, you simply reverse the process which locked it up. First you begin to listen for messages from your heart-messages you may have been ignoring since childhood. Next you must take the daring, risky step of expressing your heart in the outside world. . . . As you learn to live by heart, every choice you make will become another way of telling your story. . . . It is the way you were meant to exist. If you stop to listen, you'll realize that your heart has been telling you so all along. Votes: 0

Your first daily priority should be stillness, attention to what you really know and what you really feel. Votes: 0

Your individuality is the most valuable thing you have. Votes: 0

Your life follows your attention. Wherever you look, you end up going. Votes: 0

Your life is not little, and your playing small doesn't serve the world. Your living large, on the other hand-your being your true self despite fear, fatigue, doubt, and opposition- will serve the world more than you can imagine. In fact, it may help save it. And saving the world, after all, is what all heroes (including you) are here to do. Votes: 0

Your relationship is not supposed to be perfect all the time, your business is not supposed to do well all the time, your soufflés are not supposed to raise perfectly all the time. Everything is designed to go wrong so that you can gain the skills of rediscovering your tracks, even in difficult or frightening circumstances. Especially in difficult and frightening circumstances. Votes: 0

You're exactly where you're meant to be, meandering along a crooked path. Votes: 0

When you meet people, show real appreciation, then genuine curiosity. Votes: 0

To follow your life's guidance, you may have to reassign some seemingly important things to 'unimportant.' If you believe that pleasing your horrible boss or having a spotless house is a higher priority than playing with your children or sleeping off the flu, be prepared for a long and strenuous battle against destiny. Also, be prepared to lose. Votes: 0

I once read that forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a different past...but forgiving is not the same as obliterating memory. Votes: 0

No one can give you anything-love, shame, self-esteem- until you give it to yourself. Today, give yourself good things. Votes: 0

There are things that can only happen through you when you are still. Silence is often the most important work you can do. Votes: 0

When making a decision, focus on what feels "shackles off" versus "shackles on". Votes: 0

The only map of your right life is written on your soul at its most peaceful, and the only sure compass is your heart at its most open. Votes: 0