I loved school, maybe too much, really. I was summa cum laude in high school. I was driven that way. Votes: 5
Comedy is acting out optimism. Votes: 0
Taking Viagra after open heart surgery is like a Civil War re-enactment with live ammo. Not good. Votes: 0
Improv. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but when it does, it's like open-field running. Votes: 0
Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. Votes: 0
Carpe per diem - seize the check. Votes: 0
I play a lot of computer games. I love computer graphics. I've had Pixar in me for a long time. Votes: 0
When you create you get a little endorphin rush. Why do you think Einstein looked like that? Votes: 0
My favorite thing to do is ride a bicycle. I ride road bikes. And for me, it's mobile meditation. Votes: 0
Cricket is baseball on Valium. Votes: 0
Compassionate conservative. I don't know what that is, it sounds like a Volvo with a gun rack. Votes: 0
I loved running, but all of a sudden everything hurt so much. I started cycling when Zelda was born. Votes: 0
I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. Votes: 0
Be prepared for luck. Votes: 0
But only in their dreams can men be truly free. It was always thus and always thus will be. Votes: 0
Comedy is there to basically show us we fart, we laugh, to make us realize we still are part animal. Votes: 0
Even evangelicals realize that Pinocchio's father was a carpenter too. That's the old joke. Votes: 0
Even mistakes can be wonderful Votes: 0
Explore an idea until you've exhausted it, really go to all the different parameters of it. Votes: 0
Golf is one of the few sports where a white man can dress like a black pimp and not look bad. Votes: 0
I don't practice anything. I spend time looking over ideas and then just get out and do it. Votes: 0
I feel like I'm a big human snot. Votes: 0
I had my back waxed once by two women... and at one point they said, Do you mind if we take a break? Votes: 0
I just want to do movies, and I want to sell them. I don't want to link up with some product. Votes: 0
I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a different way. Votes: 0
If you don't keep pushing the limits, you wake up one day and you're the "center square to block." Votes: 0
It's cheaper to keep her. Votes: 0
It's the same sex all the time. Votes: 0
My God, look at the size of this man! Quick! Tell the other villagers we're going back to the boats! Votes: 0
Reality: What a concept! Votes: 0
Self-reliance is the key to a vigorous life. A man must look inward to find his own answers. Votes: 0
The entire world will be in nuclear war, and only the Swiss will be going, 'what's that noise?' Votes: 0
The only weapon we have is comedy. Votes: 0
The world is open for play, [that] everything and everybody is mockable, in a wonderful way. Votes: 0
To be free. Such a thing would be greater than all the magic and all the treasures in all the world, Votes: 0
What's my credibility? Why are they looking to me for advice? Isn't there someone more qualified? Votes: 0
When I'm riding my bicycle I feel like a Buddhist who is happy just to enjoy his mundane existence Votes: 0
When in doubt, go for the dick joke. Votes: 0
When my friends and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker. Votes: 0