Top quotes by Terry Pratchett

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon. Votes: 32

The ideal death, I think, is what was the ideal Victorian death, you know, with your grandchildren around you, a bit of sobbing. And you say goodbye to your loved ones, making certain that one of them has been left behind to look after the shop. Votes: 31

I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it. Votes: 31

In the first book of my Discworld series, published more than 26 years ago, I introduced Death as a character; there was nothing particularly new about this - death has featured in art and literature since medieval times, and for centuries we have had a fascination with the Grim Reaper. Votes: 30

The baby boomers are getting older, and will stay older for longer. And they will run right into the dementia firing range. How will a society cope? Especially a society that can't so readily rely on those stable family relationships that traditionally provided the backbone of care? Votes: 29

You can't build a plot out of jokes. You need tragic relief. And you need to let people know that when a lot of frightened people are running around with edged weaponry, there are deaths. Stupid deaths, usually. I'm not writing 'The A-Team' - if there's a fight going on, people will get hurt. Not letting this happen would be a betrayal. Votes: 25

Previous generations understood about death, and undoubtedly would have seen a reasonable amount of death. Once you get into the Victorian era, you might well have seen the funerals of many of your siblings before you were very old. Votes: 24

I believe everyone should have a good death. You know, with your grandchildren around you, a bit of sobbing. Because after all, tears are appropriate on a death bed. And you say goodbye to your loved ones, making certain that one of them has been left behind to look after the shop. Votes: 22

That's the most terrible thing about being an author - standing there at your mother's funeral, but you don't switch the author off. So your own innermost thoughts are grist for the mill. Who was it said - one of the famous lady novelists - 'unhappy is the family that contains an author'? Votes: 17

There is a rumour going around that I have found God. I think this is unlikely because I have enough difficulty finding my keys, and there is empirical evidence that they exist. Votes: 17

They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it's not one half so bad as a lot of ignorance. Votes: 16

There was once a caustic comment from someone suggesting I was breeding a new race. Fans from different countries have married, amazing things like that. I've been to some of the weddings. I went to one here the other day, a pagan ceremony. Votes: 15

It seems that when you have cancer you are a brave battler against the disease, but when you have Alzheimer's you are an old fart. That's how people see you. It makes you feel quite alone. Votes: 15

I got quite annoyed after the Haiti earthquake. A baby was taken from the wreckage and people said it was a miracle. It would have been a miracle had God stopped the earthquake. More wonderful was that a load of evolved monkeys got together to save the life of a child that wasn't theirs. Votes: 15

You have to have really wide reading habits and pay attention to the news and just everything that's going on in the world: you need to. If you get this right, then the writing is a piece of cake. Votes: 13

Go on, prove me wrong. Destroy the fabric of the universe. See if I care. Votes: 12

It seems sensible to me that we should look to the medical profession, that over the centuries has helped us to live longer and healthier lives, to help us die peacefully among our loved ones in our own home without a long stay in God's waiting room. Votes: 11

I don't believe in the war god of the Israelites. He's a bogeyman. Jesus preached the golden rule, by and large. Votes: 11

I believe it should be possible for someone stricken with a serious and ultimately fatal illness to choose to die peacefully with medical help, rather than suffer. Votes: 9

Christ managed to boil down an awful lot of commandments to a few very simple rules for living. It's when you go backwards through the 'begats' and the Garden of Eden, and you start thinking, 'Hang on, that's a big punishment for eating one lousy apple... There's a human-rights issue.' Votes: 9

I think we are waiting for an e-book that even non-techies can be comfortable with. From my point of view, the biggest change is that I don't have to spend most of the day printing out and packaging a manuscript. I think I almost miss that. Votes: 8

By the time you've reached your sixties, you do know that one day you will die, and knowing that is at least the beginning of wisdom. Votes: 8

I can no longer type, so I use TalkingPoint and Dragon Dictate. It's a speech-to-text program, and there's an add-on for talking which some guys came up with. Votes: 8

I was a very keen reader of science fiction, and during the time I was going to libraries, it was good, written by people who knew their science. Votes: 7

I've always felt that what I have going for me is not my imagination, because everyone has an imagination. What I have is a relentlessly controlled imagination. What looks like wild invention is actually quite carefully calculated. Votes: 7

Neither of my parents went to church, but they did everything that you needed to do to be Christian. That's something a Quaker would call an intimation of the divine. Votes: 6

There is a soak-the-rich attitude in the air, a feeling that if you have a lot of money you must have got it by some ghastly means. I can quite happily say there was never any family money. All the money we got was mine, just from writing books. Votes: 4

I'm not really good at fun-to-know, human interest stuff. We're not 'celebrities', whose life itself is a performance. Good or bad or ugly, we are our words. They're what people meet. Votes: 4

I am certain no one sets out to be cruel, but our treatment of the elderly ill seems to have no philosophy to it. As a society, we should establish whether we have a policy of life at any cost. Votes: 2

Knowing that you are going to die is, I suspect, the beginning of wisdom. Votes: 1

The most watched programme on the BBC, after the news, is probably 'Doctor Who.' What has happened is that science fiction has been subsumed into modern literature. There are grandparents out there who speak Klingon, who are quite capable of holding down a job. No one would think twice now about a parallel universe. Votes: 0

The bravest person I've ever met was a young boy going through massive amounts of treatment for a very rare, complex and unpleasant disease. I last saw him at a Discworld convention, where he chose to take part in a game as an assassin. He died not long afterwards, and I wish I had his fortitude and sense of style. Votes: 0

No one's policing their own minds more than an author. You spend a lot of time in your own head analysing what you think about things, and a philosophy comes. Votes: 0

If you are going to write, say, fantasy - stop reading fantasy. You've already read too much. Read other things; read westerns, read history, read anything that seems interesting, because if you only read fantasy and then you start to write fantasy, all you're going to do is recycle the same old stuff and move it around a bit. Votes: 0

In my heart, I'm just a kid from the council houses. I can remember the old cottage and my dad coming round with the tin bath. I'm not a rich man. Votes: 0

I intend, before the endgame looms, to die sitting in a chair in my own garden with a glass of brandy in my hand and Thomas Tallis on the iPod. Oh, and since this is England, I had better add, 'If wet, in the library.' Who could say that this is bad? Votes: 0

My experience in Amsterdam is that cyclists ride where the hell they like and aim in a state of rage at all pedestrians while ringing their bell loudly, the concept of avoiding people being foreign to them. Votes: 0

Opera happens because a large number of things amazingly fail to go wrong. Votes: 0

We have been so successful in the past century at the art of living longer and staying alive that we have forgotten how to die. Too often we learn the hard way. As soon as the baby boomers pass pensionable age, their lesson will be harsher still. Votes: 0

Plot exposition that can be gently wound out by the authorial voice and internal monologue of a character in the length of a page has to be delivered in a matter of seconds on the stage. Votes: 0

I think the best thing I ever did with my life was stand up and say I've got Alzheimer's. Votes: 0

When I was a kid, I read the science-fiction shelves, and I read the fantasy shelves. Votes: 0

I have a living will and I have friends, and I have money and I have hope. Votes: 0

It cannot be said often enough that science fiction as a genre is incredibly educational - and I'm speaking the written science fiction, not 'Star Trek.' Science fiction writers tend to fill their books if they're clever with little bits of interesting stuff and real stuff. Votes: 0

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages. Votes: 0

I didn't go to university. Didn't even finish A-levels. But I have sympathy for those who did. Votes: 0

I've lost both parents in the last two years, so you pick up on that stuff. That's the most terrible thing about being an author - standing there at your mother's funeral, but you don't switch the author off. So your own innermost thoughts are grist for the mill. Votes: 0

Freedom without limits is just a word. Votes: 0

The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head. Votes: 0

Siren voices tell me, 'You don't have to keep going on.' And then you think, 'I'm a writer. What do I do? Sit there watching my wife clean up?' I don't know. I like being a writer. Votes: 0

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. Votes: 0

My advice is this. For Christ's sake, don't write a book that is suitable for a kid of 12 years old, because the kids who read who are 12 years old are reading books for adults. I read all of the James Bond books when I was about 11, which was approximately the right time to read James Bond books. Votes: 0

It occurred to me that at one point it was like I had two diseases - one was Alzheimer's, and the other was knowing I had Alzheimer's. Votes: 0

I write books back to back, and I work very hard on them. Votes: 0

I like writing. I get cranky when I can't. Yes, I write books back to back, and I work very hard on them. Votes: 0

I like being a writer. Votes: 0

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. Votes: 0

I think when people mean that Discworld books have become darker they really mean the series is growing up. In 'The Colour of Magic' most of the city is set alight. It's a joke, in much the same way that the Earth is destroyed almost at the start of Douglas Adams's 'The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.' Votes: 0

I grow as many of our vegetables as I can, because my granddad was a professional gardener, and it's in the blood. Votes: 0

I have to write because if I don't get something down then after a while I feel it's going to bang the side of my head off. Votes: 0

I don't think about the end game. I've got lots to occupy my mind. It's the rage that keeps me going. Votes: 0

Nothing I can say or devise, and nothing anybody else can say or devise, is going to be perfect. Votes: 0

It's useful to go out of this world and see it from the perspective of another one. Votes: 0

If it wasn't for the fun and money, I really don't know why I'd bother. Votes: 0

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewere, would much rather you weren't doing. Votes: 0

Do you think it's possible for an entire nation to be insane? Votes: 0

It is always useful to face an enemy who is prepared to die for his country, he read. This means that both you and he have exactly the same aim in mind. Votes: 0

Peace?' said Vetinari. 'Ah, yes, defined as period of time to allow for preparation for the next war. Votes: 0

It is a long-cherished tradition among a certain type of military thinker that huge casualties are the main thing. If they are on the other side then this is a valuable bonus. Votes: 0

Anyway, why would you trust anything written down? She certainly didn't trust Mothers of Borogravia! and that was from the government. And if you couldn't trust the government, who could you trust?Very nearly everyone, come to think of it Votes: 0

Men marched away, Vimes. And men marched back. How glorious the battles would have been that they never had to fight! Votes: 0

Are we entirely ready, sir? said Lieutenant Hornett, with the special inflection that means We are not entirely ready, sir.We had better be. Glory awaits, gentlemen. In the words of General Tacticus, 'let us take history by the scrotum.' Of course, he was not a very honourable fighter. Votes: 0

Revenge is not redress. Revenge is a wheel, and it turns backwards. Votes: 0

The face you wear in a battlefield should be a solemn one until the time when things are cleaned up and the real world drips its way in. Votes: 0

Afterward, there was that long, crowded pause in which everyone decides that although they are very shaken, and possibly upside down, they are, to their surprise, still alive. Votes: 0

There's always a story. It's all stories, really. The sun coming up every day is a story. Everything's got a story in it. Change the story, change the world. Votes: 0

Cohen looked at the forest of lances and pennants. Hundreds of thousands of men looked like quite a lot of men when you saw them close to.I suppose, he said, slowly, that none of you has got some amazing plan you've been keeping quiet about?We thought you had one, said Truckle. Votes: 0

Learning how not to do things is as hard as learning how to do them. Harder, maybe. There'd be a sight more frogs in this world if I didn't know how not to turn people into them. And big pink balloons, too. Votes: 0

We (people) only remembered that elves sang. But we forgot what they sang about. Votes: 0

They stole from rich merchants and temples and kings. They didn't steal from poor people; this was not because there was anything virtuous about poor people, it was simply because poor people had no money. Votes: 0

William: I'm sure we can all pull together, sir.Vetinari: Oh, I do hope not. Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions. Votes: 0

It's a terrible thing for a man when his woman gangs up on him wi' a toad Votes: 0

She couldn't do any worse, but then, he couldn't do better. So maybe it balanced out. Votes: 0

Mort was hurt by this. It was one thing not to want to marry someone, but quite another to be told they didn't want to marry you. Votes: 0

Silverfish looked down."Oh. Are you a dwarf?"Cuddy gave him a blank stare."Are you a giant?" He said."Me? Of course not!""Ah. Then I must be a dwarf, yes. Votes: 0

Silverfish: "He disappeared a few years ago.""Disappeared? How? said Cuddy."We think," said Silverfish, leaning closer, "that he found a way of making himself invisible.""Really?""Because," said Silverfish, nodding conspiratorially, "no-one has seen him. Votes: 0

There are many rhymes about magpies, but none of them is very reliable because they are not the ones that the magpies know themselves. Votes: 0

The Librarian liked being best man. You were allowed to kiss bridesmaids, and they weren't allowed to run away. Votes: 0

Bill Door was impressed. Miss Flitworth could actually give the word "revenue", which had two vowels and one diphthong, all the peremptoriness of the word "scum. Votes: 0

The anthropologists got it wrong when they named our species Homo sapiens ('wise man'). In any case it's an arrogant and bigheaded thing to say, wisdom being one of our least evident features. In reality, we are Pan narrans, the storytelling chimpanzee. Votes: 0

I'm quite sure primitive people have no difficulties surviving in a place like this, and think of all the things we have that our rude forefathers lacked. Votes: 0

The footprints go this way," said Cuddy, "and then they return. But the ones coming back aren't so deep as the ones going. You can see they're later ones because they're over the top of the other ones. So he was heavier than he was coming back, yes?""Right," said DetritusSo that means...?""He lose weight?" Votes: 0

If you kept changing the way people saw the world, you ended up changing the way you saw yourself." Votes: 0

Some pirates achieved immortality by great deeds of cruelty or derring-do. Some achieved immortality by amassing great wealth. But the captain had long ago decided that he would, on the whole, prefer to achieve immortality by not dying." Votes: 0

The Kappamaki, a whaling research ship, was currently researching the question: How many whales can you catch in one week?" Votes: 0

You grow up readin' about pirates and cowboys and spacemen and stuff, and jus' when you think the world's all full of amazin' things, they tell you it's really all dead whales and chopped-down forests and nucular waste hang-in' about for millions of years. 'Snot worth growin' up for, if you ask my opinion." Votes: 0

Map-making had never been a precise art on the Discworld. People tended to start off with good intentions and then get so carried away with the spouting whales, monsters, waves and other twiddly bits of cartographic furniture that the often forgot to put the boring mountains and rivers in at all." Votes: 0

It takes an unusual man to make up a hymn in a hurry, but such a man was Captain Roberts. He knew every hymn in The Antique and Contemporary Hymn Book, and sang his way through them loudly and joyously when he was on watch, which had been one of the reasons for the mutiny." Votes: 0

Both parents passed away of the Gnats on their farm out in the wilds, sir, and he was raised by peas.' 'Surely you mean on peas, Mr Groat?' 'By peas, sir" Votes: 0

Right!""Right!""You can get there!""I can get there!""You're a natural at counting to two!""I'm a nat'ral at counting to two!""If you can count to two, you can count to anything!""If I can count to two, I can count to anything!""And then the world is your mollusc!""My mollusc! What's a mollusc?" Votes: 0

... when your name is really and truly Percy Blakeney, pronounced 'Black-knee', and you still have bad acne in your twenties, you accept Pimple as a nickname and are grateful that it wasn't anything worse. Votes: 0

Sham Harga had run a successful eatery for many years by always smiling, never extending credit, and realizing that most of his customers wanted meals properly balanced between the four food groups: sugar, starch, grease, and burnt crunchy bits. Votes: 0

I regarded finding I had a form of Alzheimer's as an insult and decided to do my best to marshal any kind of forces I could against this wretched disease. I have posterior cortical atrophy or PCA. They say, rather ingenuously, that if you have Alzheimer's it's the best form of Alzheimer's to have. Votes: 0

It's the end game that people dread and that's what I'm scared of Votes: 0

Fantasy doesn't have to be fantastic. American writers in particular find this much harder to grasp. You need to have your feet on the ground as much as your head in the clouds. The cute dragon that sits on your shoulder also craps all down your back, but this makes it more interesting because it gives it an added dimension. Votes: 0

My dream holiday would be a) a ticket to Amsterdam b) immunity from prosecution and c) a baseball bat. Votes: 0

And gears," said Anathema. "My bike didn't have gears. I'm sure my bike didn't have gears." Crowley leaned over to the angel. "Oh lord, heal this bike," he whispered sarcastically. "I'm sorry, I just got carried away," hissed Aziraphale. Votes: 0

In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this. Votes: 0

People whose concept of ancient history is the first series of Star Trek may be treated with patience, because it's usually not their fault they were reduced to getting their education from school. Votes: 0

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way. Votes: 0

Of course, Ankh-Morpork's citizens had always claimed that the river water was incredibly pure. Any water that had passed through so many kidneys, they reasoned, had to be very pure indeed. Votes: 0

It was said that life was cheap in Ankh-Morpork. This was of course, completely wrong. Life was often very expensive; you could get death for free. Votes: 0

Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote. Votes: 0

The point is that descriptive writing is very rarely entirely accurate and during the reign of Olaf Quimby II as Patrician of Ankh-Morpork some legislation was passed in a determined attempt to ?put a stop to this sort of thing and introduce some honest. Votes: 0

When a man is tired of Ankh-Morpork, he is tired of ankle-deep slurry. Votes: 0

A number of religions in Ankh-Morpork still practiced human sacrifice, except that they didn't really need to practice any more because they had got so good at it. Votes: 0

I think that sick people in Ankh-Morpork generally go to a vet. It's generally a better bet. There's more pressure on a vet to get it right. People say "it was god's will" when granny dies, but they get angry when they lose a cow. Votes: 0

He found that he had this sudden desperate longing for the fuming, smoky streets of Ankh-Morpork, which was always at its best in the spring, when the gummy sheen on the turbid waters of the Ankh River had a special iridescence and the eaves were full of birdsong, or at least birds coughing rhythmically Votes: 0

Technically, the city of Ankh-Morpork is a Tyranny, which is not always the same thing as a monarchy, and in fact even the post of Tyrant has been somewhat redefined by the incumbent, Lord Vetinari, as the only form of democracy that works. Everyone is entitled to vote, unless disqualified by reason of age or not being Lord Vetinari. Votes: 0

And we don't often get any wading birds in the River Ankh, mainly because the pollution would eat their legs away and anyway, it's easier for them to walk on the surface. Votes: 0

That's the Ankh-Morpork instinct, Vimes thought. Run away, and then stop and see if anything interesting is going to happen to other people. Votes: 0

The people of Ankh-Morpork had a straightforward, no-nonsense approach to entertainment, and while they were looking forward to seeing a dragon slain, they'd be happy to settle instead for seeing someone being baked alive in his own armour. You didn't get the chance every day to see someone baked alive in their own armour. It would be something for the children to remember. Votes: 0

The rising sun managed to peek around the vast column of smoke that forever rose from Ankh-Morpork, City of Cities, illustrating almost up to the edge of space that smoke means progress or, at least, people setting fire to things. Votes: 0

It was Carrot who'd suggested to the Patrician that hardened criminals should be given the chance to 'serve the community' by redecorating the homes of the elderly, lending a new terror to old age and, given Ankh-Morpork's crime rate, leading to at least one old lady having her front room wallpapered so many times in six months that now she could only get in sideways. Votes: 0

Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft. When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest to think big. Votes: 0

The disc, being flat, has no real horizon. Any adventurous sailor who got funny ideas from staring at eggs and oranges for too long and set out for the antipodes soon learned that the reason why distant ships sometimes looked as though they were disappearing over the edge of the world was that they were disappearing over the edge of the world. Votes: 0

The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions? Votes: 0

Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time. Votes: 0

The Auditors fluttered anxiously. And, as always happens in their species when something goes radically wrong and needs fixing instantly, they settled down to try to work how who was to blame. Votes: 0

Progress just means bad things happen faster. Votes: 0

Granny Weatherwaz was a witch. That was quite acceptable in the Ramtops, and no one had a bad word to say about witches. At least, not if he wanted to wake up in the morning the same shape as he went to bed. Votes: 0

One of the recurring philosophical questions is: 'Does a falling tree in the forest make a sound when there is no one to hear?' Which says something about the nature of philosophers , because there is always someone in a forest. It may only be a badger, wondering what that cracking noise was, or a squirrel a bit puzzled by all the scenery going upwards, but someone. Votes: 0

It doesn't matter how you live and die, it's how the bards wrote it down. Votes: 0

And at the other end of the bar the world is full of the other type of person, who has a broken glass, or a glass that has been carelessly knocked over (usually by one of the people calling for a larger glass) or who had no glass at all, because he was at the back of the crowd and had failed to catch the barman's eye. Votes: 0

They can ta'k our lives but they can never ta'k our freedom!' Now there's a battle cry not designed by a clear thinker Votes: 0

At such times the universe gets a little closer to us. They are strange times, times of beginnings and endings. Dangerous and powerful. And we feel it even if we don't know what it is. These times are not necessarily good, and not necessarily bad. In fact, what they are depends on what *we* are. Votes: 0

I think I would like to go into modelling. Of course, I don't know how to do it, and wouldn't be any good at it if I did, so I'm going to employ someone to walk the catwalks on my behalf. It would still be me, of course. Votes: 0

If you trust in yourself. . .and believe in your dreams. . .and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy. Votes: 0

Funny, reely," he said. "You spend your whole life goin' to school and learnin' stuff, and they never tell you about stuff like the Bermuda Triangle and UFOs and all these Old Masters running around the inside of the Earth. Why do we have to learn boring stuff when there's all this brilliant stuff we could be learnin', that's what I want to know. Votes: 0

I read the best works of some of the best satirists, and indeed best writers from the beginning of the Victorian era to about the 1960s. If you want to be a blacksmith, you go and watch the blacksmith working, and you work out what the blacksmith does. Votes: 0

The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues. Votes: 0

An Assassin, a real Assassin had to look like one-black clothes, hood, boots, and all. If they could wear any clothes, any disguise, then what could anyone do but spend all day in a small room with a loaded crossbow pointed at the door? Votes: 0

It is a mistake trying to cheer up camels. You may as well drop meringues into a black hole. Votes: 0

I don't want unnecessary violence, sergeant," said Blouse. "Right you are, sir!" said the sergeant. "Carborundum! First man comes through that door runnin', I want him nailed to the wall!" He caught the lieutenant's eye, and added: "But not too hard! Votes: 0

I stroll along, talk, I sign books, people buy me drinks, I forget where my hotel is, I get lost and fall into some local body of water... done it hundreds of times. Votes: 0

Truth! Freedom! Justice! And a hard-boiled egg! Votes: 0

It was also a room full of books and made of books. There was no actual furniture; this is to say, the desk and chairs were shaped out of books. It looked as though many of them were frequently referred to, because they lay open with other books used as bookmarks. Votes: 0

"Out of Print" is bookseller speak for "We can't be hedgehogged". Votes: 0

A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read. Votes: 0

Every procedure for getting a cat to take a pill works fine - once. Like the Borg, they learn... Votes: 0

Creatures which, lacking mankind's superior brain power, did not concern themselves with finding someone to blame, and instead tried to find someone to eat. Votes: 0

He helped the Librarian up. There was a red glow in the ape's eyes. It had tried to steal his books. This was probably the best proof any wizard could require that the trolleys were brainless. Votes: 0

What kind of man would put a known criminal in charge of a major branch of government? Apart from, say, the average voter. Votes: 0

I thought it very strange, and very sad, that the fairy kingdom largely appears to be English. I thought it was time for some regional representation. And the Nac Mac Feegle are, well, they're like tiny little Scottish Smurfs who have seen Braveheart altogether too many times. Votes: 0

Mister Teatime had a truly brilliant mind, but it was brilliant like a fractured mirror, all marvellous facets and rainbows but, ultimately, also something that was broken. Votes: 0

An ancient proverb summed it up when a wizard is tired of looking for broken glass in his dinner, it ran, he is tired of life. Votes: 0

I'm a fantasy writer, called a fantasy writer. But there's very little, apart from one or two basic concepts in 'I Shall Wear Midnight,' which are in fact fantasy. You have sticks that fly, but they're practical broomsticks, with a bloody great strap that you can hold on to so you don't fall off. And you try not to use them too often. Votes: 0

I'm not the world's greatest expert, but I would have thought that the wizards, witches, trolls, unicorns, ... broomsticks and spells would have given her a clue?' - when J.K. Rowling insisted she wasn't writing fantasy. Votes: 0

They always gives me bath salts," complained Nobby. "And bath soap and bubble bath and herbal bath lumps and tons of bath stuff and I can't think why, 'cos it's not as if I hardly ever has a bath. You'd think they'd take the hint, wouldn't you? Votes: 0

I found while driving in Wyoming that wearing a stetson and driving a beat-up pickup meant you could go as fast as you like, while the police picked up Californian winnebagos that went one mph over 55. After all, they wanted to bring money into the state, not merely circulate it. Votes: 0

Be careful what you wish for. You never know who will be listening. Votes: 0

The three rules of the Librarians of Time and Space are: 1) Silence; 2) Books must be returned by no later than the date shown; and 3) Do not interfere with the nature of causality. Votes: 0

There is always a choice." "You mean I could choose certain death?" "A choice nevertheless, or perhaps an alternative. You see I believe in freedom. Not many people do, although they will of course protest otherwise. And no practical definition of freedom would be complete without the freedom to take the consequences. Indeed, it is the freedom upon which all the others are based. Votes: 0

...Granny Weatherwax, who had walked nightly without fear in the bandit-haunted forests of the mountains all her life in the certain knowledge that the darkness held nothing more terrible than she was... Votes: 0

Ingenuity and incongruity always cheer me up. Votes: 0

Educational' refers to the process, not the object. Although, come to think of it, some of my teachers could easily have been replaced by a cheeseburger. Votes: 0

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man I put away childish things because. wow, then I could afford much *better* childish things! Votes: 0

And it came to pass that in time the Great God Om spake unto Brutha, the Chosen One: "Psst! Votes: 0

The conflict is not between Christianity and Islam or between East and West - instead, it is between stupid people and other stupid people. Votes: 0

Nature abhors a lot of things, including vacuums, ships called the Marie Celeste, and the chuck keys for electric drills. Votes: 0

Never trust any complicated cocktail that remains perfectly clear until the last ingredient goes in, and then immediately clouds. Votes: 0

Given enough coffee I could rule the world Votes: 0

... the food was good solid stuff for a cold morning, all calories and fat and protein and maybe a vitamin crying softly because it was all alone. Votes: 0

Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving. Votes: 0

Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving. Votes: 0

The Four Horsemen whose Ride presages the end of the world are known to be Death, War, Famine, and Pestilence. But even less significant events have their own Horsemen. For example, the Four Horsemen of the Common Cold are Sniffles, Chesty, Nostril, and Lack of Tissues; the Four Horsemen whose appearance foreshadows any public holiday are Storm, Gales, Sleet, and Contra-flow. Votes: 0

So let's not get frightened when the children read fantasy. It's the compost for a healthy mind. It stimulate s the inquisitive nodes, and there is some evidence that a rich internal fantasy life is as good and necessary for a child as healthy soil is for a plant, for much the same reasons. Votes: 0

Eight years involved with the nuclear industry have taught me that when nothing can possible go wrong and every avenue has been covered, then is the time to buy a house on the next continent. Votes: 0

Contrary to popular belief and hope, people don't usually come running when they hear a scream. That's not how humans work. Humans look at other humans and say, 'Did you hear a scream?' because the first scream might have been you screaming inside your head, or a horse backfiring. Votes: 0

He'd noticed that sex bore some resemblance to cookery: it fascinated people, they sometimes bought books full of complicated recipes and interesting pictures, and sometimes when they were really hungry they created vast banquets in their imagination - but at the end of the day they'd settle quite happily for egg and chips. If it was well done and maybe had a slice of tomato. Votes: 0

He was the sort of person who stood on mountaintops during thunderstorms in wet copper armour shouting 'All the Gods are bastards.' Votes: 0

What did I tell you about Mister Safety Catch?' said Vimes weakly. When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend,' recited Detritus, saluting. Votes: 0

When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend. Votes: 0

The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo. Votes: 0

Divide by cucumber error. Please reinstall universe and reboot. Votes: 0

Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like dairy farming. The task is to extract the maximum amount of milk with the minimum amount of moo. Votes: 0

If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged Votes: 0

Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it. Votes: 0

Oh dear me, the Booker people don't like me. I don't care. I have been given an award for being taken not seriously, and I am very, very pleased about that. Votes: 0

It is possible to live well with dementia and write best-sellers 'like wot I do. Votes: 0

Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot's mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine. Votes: 0

Most gods throw dice, but Fate plays chess, and you don't find out til too late that he's been playing with two queens all along. Votes: 0

Dickens, as you know, never got round to starting his home page. Votes: 0

You're not allowed to call them dinosaurs any more," said Yo-less. "It's speciesist. You have to call them pre-petroleum persons. Votes: 0

Everything starts somewhere, although many physicists disagree. Votes: 0

The gods of the Disc have never bothered much about judging the souls of the dead, and so people only go to hell if that's where they believe, in their deepest heart, that they deserve to go. Which they won't do if they don't know about it. This explains why it is so important to shoot missionaries on sight. Votes: 0

It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching? Votes: 0

Multiple exclamation marks,' he went on, shaking his head, 'are a sure sign of a diseased mind. Votes: 0

Picturesque meant - he decided after careful observation of the scenerey that inspired Twoflower to use the word - that the landscape was horribly precipitous. Quaint, when used to describe the occasional village through which they passed, meant fever-ridden and tumbledown. Twoflower was a tourist, the first ever seen on the discworld. Tourist, Rincewind had decided, mean 'idiot'. Votes: 0

Racism was not a problem on the Discworld, because - what with trolls and dwarfs and so on - speciesism was more interesting. Black and white lived in perfect harmony and ganged up on green. Votes: 0

As they say in Discworld, we are trying to unravel the Mighty Infinite using a language which was designed to tell one another where the fresh fruit was. Votes: 0

There are no inconsistencies in the Discworld books; ocassionally, however, there are alternate pasts. Votes: 0

You can't map a sense of humor. Anyway, what is a fantasy map but a space beyond which There Be Dragons? On the Discworld we know that There Be Dragons Everywhere. They might not all have scales and forked tongues, but they Be Here all right, grinning and jostling and trying to sell you souvenirs. Votes: 0

The thing is, 'Discworld' had been going on for a very long time, and I've written children's books as well. Usually when people have a really big series they franchise it, which I thought is a bit of a no-no, so I thought what I'd do is I'd franchise it to myself. Votes: 0

I think I work much harder on the children's books. I suppose I enjoy that. I find it interesting that although there are more than 30 books in the Discworld series, it is the four that were written for children which have won the awards. I've never been quite certain why this is. Votes: 0

Discworld' is taking something that you know is ridiculous and treating it as if it is serious, to see if something interesting happens when you do so. Votes: 0

As we all know, the Discworld is a flat planet - like a geological pizza, but without the anchovies. Votes: 0

Well, the news has got around. The Duchess of Keepsake has invited us to a ball, Sir Henry and Lady Withering have invited us to a ball, and Lord and Lady Hangfinger have invited us to... yes, a ball." "Well, that's a lot of..." "Don't you dare, Sam. Votes: 0

I saved a man's life once," said Granny. "Special medicine, twice a day. Boiled water with a bit of berry juice in it. Told him I'd bought it from the dwarves. That's the biggest part of doct'rin, really. Most people'll get over most things if they put their minds to it, you just have to give them an interest. Votes: 0

He looked up at them, a scruffy Napoleon with his laces trailing, exiled to a rose-trellised Elba. Votes: 0

Mind you, the Elizabethans had so many words for the female genitals that it is quite hard to speak a sentence of modern English without inadvertently mentioning at least three of them. Votes: 0

Classically, very few people have considered that cleanliness is next to godliness. A rank loincloth and hair in an advanced state of matted entanglement have generally been the badges of office of prophets whose injunction to disdain earthly things starts with soap. Votes: 0

A witch who is bored might do ANYTHING. People said things like 'we had to make our own amusements in those days' as if this signified some kind of moral worth, and perhaps it did, but the last thing you wanted a witch to do was get bored and start making her own amusements, because witches sometimes had famously erratic ideas about what was amusing. Votes: 0

Most species do their own evolving, making it up as they go along, which is the way Nature intended. Votes: 0

Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwhile careers in the street-cleansing, fruit-picking and subway-guitar-playing industries have been founded on a lack of understanding of this simple fact. Votes: 0

Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind. Votes: 0

And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head. Votes: 0

I'm fairy godmothering a girl who sounds like something you put up in the rain. Votes: 0

Fantasy is an exercise bicycle for the mind. It might not take you anywhere, but it tones up the muscles that can. Of course, I could be wrong. Votes: 0

However, you do need rules. Driving on the left (or the right or, in parts of Europe, on the left and the right as the mood takes you) is a rule which works, since following it means you're more likely to reach your intended rather than your final destination. Votes: 0

You can't remember the plot of the Dr Who movie because it didn't have one, just a lot of plot holes strung together. It did have a lot of flashing lights, though. Votes: 0

It must be hard for humans, forever floundering through inconvenient geography. Humans are always lost. It's a basic characteristic. It explains a lot about them. Votes: 0

The secret is not to dream," she whispered. "The secret is to wake up. Waking up is harder. I have woken up and I am real. I know where I come from and I know where I'm going. You cannot fool me any more. Or touch me. Or anything that is mine. Votes: 0

She was beautiful, but she was beautiful in the way a forest fire was beautiful: something to be admired from a distance, not up close. Votes: 0

The Chain Letter to the Ephebians. Forget Your Gods. Be Subjugated. Learn to Fear. Do not break the chain -- the last people who did woke up one morning to find fifty thousand armed men on their lawn. Votes: 0

Granny knew all about bad fortune-telling. It was harder than the real thing. You needed a good imagination. Votes: 0

What was supposed to be so special about a full moon? It was only a big circle of light. And the dark of the moon was only darkness. But halfway between the two, when the moon was between the worlds of light and dark, when even the moon lived on the edge...maybe then a witch could believe in the moon. Votes: 0

...the proliferation of luminous fungi or iridescent crystals in deep caves where the torchlessly improvident hero needs to see is one of the most obvious intrusions of narrative causality into the physical universe. Votes: 0

We who think we are about to die will laugh at anything. Votes: 0

So much paperwork to read! So much paperwork to push away! So much paperwork to pretend he hadn't received and that might have been eaten by gargoyles. Votes: 0

Insofar as he'd formed any opinion of her, it was that she suffered from misplaced gentility and the mistaken belief that etiquette meant good breeding. She mistook mannerisms for manners. Votes: 0

I can see we're going to get along like a house on fire," said Miss Tick. "There may be no survivors. Votes: 0

I don't want to hurt you, Mistress Weatherwax," said Mrs Gogol. "That's good," said Granny. "I don't want you to hurt me either. Votes: 0

His parents called him Youngster. They did this in the subconcious hope that he might take the hint. Wensleydale gave the impression of having been born with a mental age of 47. Votes: 0

Sister Mary was a nurse and nurses, whatever their creed, are primarily nurses, which had a lot to do with wearing your watch upside down, keeping calm in emergencies, and dying for a cup of tea. Votes: 0

One of the highlights of the first Good Omens tour was Neil and I walking through New York singing Shoehorn with Teeth. Well, we'd had a good breakfast. And you don't get mugged, either. Votes: 0

Granny Weatherwax was firmly against fiction. Life was hard enough without lies floating around and changing the way people thought. Votes: 0

Granny Weatherwas was not a jouster in the lists of love, but, as an intelligent onlooker, she knew how the game was played. Votes: 0

There can be no better grounding for a lifetime as an author than to see humanity in all its various guises through the lens of the reporter for the town. Votes: 0

DO I DETECT A NOTE OF UNSEASONAL GRUMPINESS? said Death. NO SUGAR PIGGYWIGGY FOR YOU, ALBERT. Votes: 0

The harder I work, the luckier I become. Votes: 0

Haven't you got any romance in your soul?" said Magrat plaintively. "No," said Granny. "I ain't. And stars don't care what you wish, and magic don't make things better, and no one doesn't get burned who sticks their hand in a fire. If you want to amount to anything as a witch, Magrat Garlick, you got to learn three things. What's real, what's not real, and what's the difference. Votes: 0

Many feel they are called to the priesthood, but what they really hear is an inner voice saying, 'It's indoor work with no heavy lifting, do you want to be a ploughman like your father?' Votes: 0

What's a philosopher?' said Brutha. Someone who's bright enough to find a job with no heavy lifting,' said a voice in his head. Votes: 0

He had about the same life expectancy as a three legged hedgehog on a six lane motorway. Votes: 0

Ridcully was to management what King Herod was to the Bethlehem Playgroup Association. Votes: 0

The hippo of recollection stirred in the muddy waters of the mind. Votes: 0

The shortest unit of time in the multiverse is the New York Second, defined as the period of time between the traffic lights turning green and the cab behind you honking. Votes: 0

The significant owl hoots in the night. Votes: 0

What is normal? Normal was yesterday. If you lose a leg, one day you're hopping around on one leg, so you know the difference. Votes: 0

The sign, which says: "Do not, under any circumstances, open this door!" - Of course, I've read it. Why do you think I want it opened?.. To see why they wanted it shut, of course. This exchange contains almost all you need to know about human civilization. At least, those bits of it that are now under the sea, fenced off or still smoking. Votes: 0

I used to think that I was stupid, and then I met philosophers. Votes: 0

They looked at one another in incomprehension, two minds driving opposite ways up a narrow street and waiting for the other man to reverse first. Votes: 0

It's an interesting fact that fewer than 17 % of Real cats end their lives with the same name they started with. Much family effort goes into selecting one at the start ("She looks like a Winnifred to me"), and the as the years roll by it suddenly finds itself being called Meepo or Ratbag. Votes: 0

The phrase "may you live in interesting times" is the lowest in a trilogy of Chinese curses that continue "may you come to the attention of those in authority" and finish with "may the gods give you everything you ask for." I have no idea about its authenticity. Votes: 0

People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people. Votes: 0

I thought jet planes were just trucks with more wings and less wheels. Votes: 0

Neither claimed any responsibility for Milton Keynes, but both reported it as a success. Votes: 0

I'm glad a genre writer has got a knighthood, but stunned that it was me. Votes: 0

She'd stopped reading the kind of women's magazine that talked about romance and knitting and started reading the kind of women's magazine that talked about orgasms, but apart from making a mental note to have one if ever the occasion presented itsel Votes: 0

The Kraken stirs. And ten billion sushi dinners cry out for vengeance. Votes: 0

I must have read every issue of 'Punch' published in the 20th century, and I think in the process I picked up the true voice of English humour - that amiable, fairly liberal, laconic voice which you find in something like 'Three Men in a Boat.' Votes: 0

Albert grunted. "Do you know what happens to lads who ask too many questions?" Mort thought for a moment. "No," he said eventually, "what?" There was silence. Then Albert straightened up and said, "Damned if I know. Probably they get answers, and serve 'em right. Votes: 0

The Monks of Cool, whose tiny and exclusive monastery is hidden in a really cool and laid-back valley in the lower Ramtops, have a passing-out test for a novice. He is taken into a room full of all types of clothing and asked: Yo, my son, which of these is the most stylish thing to wear? And the correct answer is: Hey, whatever I select. Votes: 0

This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic. Votes: 0

People flock in, nevertheless, in search of answers to those questions only librarians are considered to be able to answer, such as "Is this the laundry?" "How do you spell surreptitious?" and, on a regular basis, "Do you have a book I remember reading once? It had a red cover and it turned out they were twins. Votes: 0

They felt, in fact, tremendously bucked-up, which was how Lady Ramkin would almost certainly have put it and which was definitely several letters of the alphabet away from how they normally felt. Votes: 0

He'd been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower. Votes: 0

We live and learn, or, perhaps more importantly we learn and live. Votes: 0

There are times when the best writing you can do is to go for a walk or drive, a long drive is ideal. Votes: 0

Everything starts somewhere, though many physicists disagree. But people have always been dimly aware of the problem with the start of things. They wonder how the snowplough driver gets to work, or how the makers of dictionaries look up the spelling of words. Votes: 0

One minute I'm just another rabbit and happy about it, next minute *whazaam*, I'm thinking. That's a major drawback if you're looking for happiness as a rabbit, let me tell you. You want grass and sex, not thoughts like 'What's it all about, when you get right down to it?' Votes: 0

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro. Votes: 0

(About a cookbook...) - What about this one? Maids of Honor? - Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts. Votes: 0

Journalism makes you think fast. You have to speak to people in all walks of life. Especially local journalism. Votes: 0

Behind him the Master of Ceremonies cleared his throat. His eyes took on a distant, glazed look.The Stealer of Souls, he said in the faraway voice of one whose ears aren't hearing what his mouth is saying, Defeater of Empires, Swallower of Oceans, Thief of Years, The Ultimate Reality, Harvester of Mankind, the-ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. I CAN SEE MYSELF IN. Votes: 0

The second mouse gets the cheese! Votes: 0

So, mistletoe, in fact, symbolizes mistletoe. Votes: 0

Somewhere around the place I've got an unfinished short story about Schrodinger's Dog; it was mostly moaning about all the attention the cat was getting. Votes: 0

Money doesn't buy happiness, Gytha." "I only wanted to rent it for a few weeks! Votes: 0

...'I thought the rule was that all monks were shaved.' 'Oh, Soto says he is bald under the hair,'said Lu Tze. 'He says the hair is a separate creature that just happens to live on him. Votes: 0

Grinning like a necrophiliac in a morgue. Votes: 0

Personally, I think the best motto for an educational establishment is: 'Or Would You Rather Be a Mule?' Votes: 0

Making money isn't something to be ashamed of. There's a feeling now that if you have money you must have got it by some kind of shady dealing or being an MP. Votes: 0

The days followed one another patiently. Right back at the beginning of the multiverse they had tried all passing at the same time, and it hadn't worked. Votes: 0

There are many horrible sights in the multiverse. Somehow, though, to a soul attuned to the subtle rhythms of a library, there are few worse sights than a hole where a book ought to be. Votes: 0

Belief is one of the most powerful organic forces in the multiverse. It may not be able to move mountains, exactly. But it can create someone who can. People get exactly the wrong idea about belief. They think it works back to front. They think the sequence is, first object, then belief. In fact, it works the other way. Votes: 0

Nanny's philosophy of life was to do what seemed like a good idea at the time, and do it as hard as possible. It had never let her down. Votes: 0

Nanny Ogg looked under her bed in case there was a man there. Well, you never knew your luck. Votes: 0

It's daft, locking us up," said Nanny. "I'd have had us killed." "That's because you're basically good," said Magrat. "The good are innocent and create justice. The bad are guilty, which is why they invent mercy. Votes: 0

Adventure! People talked about the idea as if it were something worthwhile, rather than a mess of bad food, no sleep and strange people inexplicably trying to stick pointed objects in bits of you. Votes: 0

He moved in a way that suggested he was attempting the world speed record for the nonchalant walk. Votes: 0

Last hopeless chances have got to work. Nothing makes sense otherwise. You might as well not be alive. Votes: 0

He had never been interested in stories at any age, and had never quite understood the basic concept. He'd never read a work of fiction all the way through. He did remember, as a small boy, being really annoyed at the depiction of Hickory Dickory Dock in a rag book of nursery rhymes because the clock in the drawing was completely wrong for the period. Votes: 0

You know, I never imagined there were he-dryads. Not even in an oak tree." One of the giants grinned at him. Druellae snorted. "Stupid! Where do you think acorns come from? Votes: 0

Million-to-one chances...crop up nine times out of ten. Votes: 0

Scientists have calculated that the chances of something so patently absurd actually existing are millions to one. But magicians have calculated that million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten. Votes: 0

Incidentally, it's best not to argue with the nursing staff. I find the best course of action is to throw some chocolates in one direction and hurry off in the other while their attention is distracted. Votes: 0

Once you've ruled out the impossible then whatever is left, however improbable, must be the truth. The problem lay in working out what was impossible, of course. That was the trick, all right. There was also the curious incident of the orangutan in the night-time. Votes: 0

I would like you to teach [the orcs] civilised behaviour," said Ladyship coldly. He appeared to consider this. "Yes of course, I think that would be quite possible," he said. "And who would you send to teach the humans? Votes: 0

I read the 'Old Testament' all the way through when I was about 13 and was horrified. A few months afterwards I read 'The Origin Of Species', hallucinating very mildly because I was in bed with flu at the time. Despite that, or because of that, it all made perfect sense. Votes: 0

It was quite impossible to describe. Here is what it looked like. It looked like a piano sounds shortly after being dropped down a well. It tasted yellow, and it felt Paisley. It smelled like the total eclipse of the moon. Votes: 0

The 'New Testament', now, I quite liked. Jesus had a lot of good things to say, and as for his father, he must have been highly thought of by the community to work with wood - a material that couldn't have been widely available in Palestine. Votes: 0

Some people think this is paranoia, but it isn't. Paranoids only think everyone is out to get them. Wizards know it. Votes: 0

Particles of raw inspiration sleet through the universe all the time. Every once in a while one of them hits a receptive mind, which then invents DNA or the flute sonata form or a way of making light bulbs wear out in half the time. But most of them miss. Most people go through their lives without being hit by even one. Votes: 0

Zoology, eh? That's a big word, isn't it." "No, actually it isn't," said Tiffany. "Patronizing is a big word. Zoology is really quite short. Votes: 0

Cats will amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw. Votes: 0

The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp. Votes: 0

I'd like to stand up for the rights of people who put everything on their burger - chutney, mustard, pickle, mustard pickle, tomato sauce... It is common knowledge in my family that I can't tell the difference between a veggie burger and a meat one, because the ratio of burger to pickles is so high. Votes: 0

A Thaum is the basic unit of magical strength. It has been universally established as the amount of magic needed to create one small white pigeon or three normal-sized billiard balls. Votes: 0

The senior wizard in a world of magic had the same prospects of long-term employment as a pogo stick tester in a minefield. Votes: 0

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top. Votes: 0

William: "I'm sure we can all pull together, sir." Vetinari: "Oh, I do hope not. Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions. Votes: 0

Let grammar, punctuation, and spelling into your life! Even the most energetic and wonderful mess has to be turned into sentences. Votes: 0

It was the heart of any scam or fiddle -- keep the punter uncertain, or, if he is certain, make him certain of the wrong thing. Votes: 0

I am a great fan of science, but I cannot do a quadratic equation. Votes: 0

When you can flatten entire cities at a whim, a tendency towards quiet reflection and seeing-things-from-the-other-fellow's-point- of-view is seldom necessary. Votes: 0

But there was more to it than that. As the Amazing Maurice said, it was just a story about people and rats. And the difficult part of it was deciding who the people were, and who were the rats. Votes: 0

What can the harvest hope for, if not for the care of the Reaper Man? Votes: 0

The reaper does not listen to the harvest. Votes: 0

The elevator shaft was a kind of heat sink. Hot food was cold by the time it arrived. Cold food got colder. No one knew what would happen to ice cream, but it would probably involve some rewriting of the laws of thermodynamics. Votes: 0

Using a metaphor in front of a man as unimaginative as Ridcully was like a red flag to a bu... was like putting something very annoying in front of someone who was annoyed by it. Votes: 0

I would like permission to fetch a note from my mother, sir' Ridcully sighed. 'Rincewind, you once informed me, to my everlasting puzzlement, that you never knew your mother because she ran away before you were born. Distinctly remember writing it down in my diary. Would you like another try?' 'Permission to go and find my mother?' Votes: 0

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four. Votes: 0

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all. Votes: 0

It was octarine, the colour of magic. It was alive and glowing and vibrant and it was the undisputed pigment of the imagination, because wherever it appeared it was a sign that mere matter was a servant of the powers of the magical mind. It was enchantment itself. But Rincewind always thought it looked a sort of greenish-purple. Votes: 0

The Tezuman priests have a sophisticated calendar and an advanced horology," quoted Rincewind. "Ah," said Eric, "Good." "No," said Rincewind patiently. "It means time measurement." "Oh. Votes: 0

only to people!' shouted Rincewind. He drew his sword and, with a smooth overarm throw, completely failed to hit the troll. Votes: 0

Rincewind tried to force the memory out of his mind, but it was rather enjoying itself there, terrorizing the other occupants and kicking over the furniture. Votes: 0

My name is immaterial,' she said. That's a pretty name,' said Rincewind. Votes: 0

Rincewind gave his fingers a long shocked stare, as one might regard a gun that has been hanging on the wall for decades and has suddenly gone off and perforated the cat. Votes: 0

Don't you understand?" snarled Rincewind. "We are going over the Edge, godsdammit!" "Can't we do anything about it?" "No!" "Then I can't see the sense in panicking," said Twoflower calmly. Votes: 0

Of course, like all the informal inhabitants of the University the roaches were a little unusual, but there was something particularly unpleasant about the sound of billions of very small feet hitting the stones in perfect time. Rincewind stepped gingerly over the marching column. The Librarian jumped it. The Luggage, of course, followed them with a noise like someone tapdancing over a bag of crisps. Votes: 0

That was always the dream, wasn't it? 'I wish I'd known then what I know now'? But when you got older you found out that you NOW wasn't YOU then. You then was a twerp. You then was what you had to be to start out on the rocky road of becoming you now, and one of the rocky patches on that road was being a twerp. Votes: 0

And what would humans be without love?" RARE, said Death. Votes: 0

It's an old magical principle - it's even filtered down into RPG systems - that magic, while taking a lot of effort, can be 'stored' - in a staff, for example. No doubt a wizard spends a little time each day charging up his staff, although you go blind if you do it too much, of course. Votes: 0

What is magic? There is the wizard's explanation... wizards talk about candles, circles, planets, stars, bananas, chants, runes and the importance of having at least four good meals every day. Votes: 0

Fantasy is an exercise bicycle for the mind. It might not take you anywhere, but it tones up the muscles that can. Of course, I could be wrong Votes: 0

Trolls have 5,400 words for rocks and one for vegetation. Oograah means everything from moss to giant redwoods. The way trolls see it, if you can't eat it, it's not worth naming it. Votes: 0

There was, for example, the theory that A'Tuin had come from nowhere and would continue at a uniform crawl, or steady gait, into nowhere, for all time. This theory was popular among academics. Votes: 0

Oh, my dear Vimes, history changes all the time. It is constantly being re-examined and re-evaluated, otherwise how would we be able to keep historians occupied? We can't possibly allow people with their sort of minds to walk around with time on their hands. Votes: 0

It's quite easy to accidentally overhear people talking downstairs if you hold an upturned glass to the floorboards and accidentally put your ear to it. Votes: 0

An' things ha' come to a pretty pass, ye ken, if people are going to leave stuff like that aroound where innocent people could accidentally smash the door doon and lever the bars aside and take the big chain off'f the cupboard and pick the lock and drink it! Votes: 0

The female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord. Vetinari looked at his secretary in surpriseWell, of course it is. It has to deal with the male one. Votes: 0

Having to haul around extra poundage was far too much effort, so he saw to it that he never put it on and he kept himself in trim, because doing things with decent muscles was far less effort than trying to achieve things with bags of flab. Votes: 0

Mr. Tulip lived his life on that thin line most people occupy just before they haul off and hit someone repeatedly with a wrench. Votes: 0

Mr. Young hadn't had to quiet a screaming baby for years. H'ed never been much good at it to start with. He'd always respected Sir Winston Churchill, and patting small versions of him on the bottom had always seemed ungracious. Votes: 0

Dwarfs are very attached to gold. Any highwayman demanding 'Your money or your life' had better bring a folding chair and packed lunch and a book to read while the debate goes on. Votes: 0

I don't want unnecessary violence, sergeant, said Blouse.Right you are, sir! said the sergeantCarborundum! First man comes through that door runnin', I want him nailed to the wall! He caught the lieutenant's eye, and added: But not too hard! Votes: 0

His Greatness the King Pteppicymon XXVIII, Lord of the Heavens, Charioteer of the Wagon of the Sun, Steersman of the Barque of the Sun, Guardian of the Secret Knowledge, Lord of the Horizon, Keeper of the Way, the Flail of Mercy, the High Born One, the Never Dying King. Votes: 0

Men said things like peace in our time or an empire that will last a thousand years, and less than half a lifetime later no one even remembered who they were, let alone what they had said or where the mob had buried their ashes. Votes: 0

Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one. Votes: 0

Humans need fantasy to be human. To be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape. Votes: 0

It was sad music. But it waved its sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could, but you were still alive. Votes: 0

Were you proposing to shoot these people in cold blood, sergeant?""Nossir. Just a warning shot inna head, sir. Votes: 0

And that's what I don't like about magic, Captain. 'cos it's *magic*. You can't ask questions, it's magic. It doesn't explain anything, it's magic. You don't know where it comes from, it's magic! That's what I don't like about magic, it does everything by magic! Votes: 0

Humanity's a nice place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there. Votes: 0

Fantasy - the ability to envisage the world in many different ways - is one of the skills that makes us human. Votes: 0

What is a fantasy map but a space beyond which There Be Dragons? Votes: 0

There are things around, and I know where they can be got quite easily, but I quite like waking up to the sunshine. Votes: 0

Far more beguiling than the idea that evil can be destroyed by throwing a piece of expensive jewelry into a volcano is the possibility that evil can be defused by talking. The fantasy of justice is more interesting than the fantasy of fairies, and more truly fantastic. Votes: 0

I just think the world ought to be more sort of organized.''That's just fantasy,' said Twoflower.'I know. That's the trouble.' Rincewind sighed again. Votes: 0

Humans need fantasy to be human. Votes: 0

It's rude to stare," said the troll. Its mouth opened with a little crest of foam, and shut again in exactly the same way that water closes over a stone. "Is it? Why?" asked Rincewind. How does he hold himself together, his mind screamed at him. Why doesn't he spill? Votes: 0

In fact the Gods were as puzzled by all this as the wizards were, but they were powerless to do anything and in any case were engaged in an eons-old battle with the Ice Giants, who had refused to return the lawnmower. Votes: 0

Nanny Ogg was an attractive lady, which is not the same as being beautiful. She fascinated Casanunda. She was an incredibly comfortable person to be around, partly because she had a mind so broad it could accommodate three football fields and a bowling alley. Votes: 0

There were only three times in your life when it was proper to come through the front door, and you were carried every time. Votes: 0

A man walked across the moors from Razorback to Lancre town without seeing a single marshlight, head-less dog, strolling tree, ghostly coach or comet, and had to be taken in by a tavern and given a drink to unsteady his nerves. Votes: 0

I think perhaps the most important problem is that we are trying to understand the fundamental workings of the universe via a language devised for telling one another when the best fruit is. Votes: 0

You can't die with an unfinished book. Votes: 0

As far as I'm concerned, I'm a writer who's writing books, and therefore, I don't want to die. You'd miss the end of the book wouldn't you? You can't die with an unfinished book. Votes: 0

Even a really bad creator would at least have started with Earth, Air, Fire, Water and Surprise. Votes: 0

What have I always believed?That on the whole, and by and large, if a man lived properly, not according to what any priests said, but according to what seemed decent and honest inside, then it would, at the end, more or less, turn out all right. Votes: 0

A woman always has half an onion left over, no matter what the size of the onion, the dish or the woman Votes: 0

Money is an unavoidable consequence, but it isn't the reason I write; if it was, I wouldn't have written any of the YA books, because advances in that field are small compared to what I'd got now for an 'adult' DW. Votes: 0

His voice gave out and he made several wavy motions with his hand, indicative of the shape of a woman who would probably be unable to keep her balance. Votes: 0

Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple. Votes: 0

Triboplasts played a crucial role in evolution, precisely because they did have internal organs, and in particular they could ingest food and excrete it. Their excreta became a major resource for other creatures; to get an interestingly complicated world, it is vitally important that shit happens. Votes: 0

There are all kinds of darkness, and all kinds of things can be found in them, imprisoned, banished, lost or hidden. Sometimes they escape. Sometimes they simply fall out. Sometimes they just can't take it any more. Votes: 0

I am not so blind that I can't see darkness. Votes: 0

Just because you can explain it doesn't mean it's not still a miracle. Votes: 0

What we're going to do is keep the peace. That's our job. We're not going to be heroes, we're just going to be ... normal. Votes: 0

That's Third Thoughts for you. When a huge rock is going to land on your head, they're the thoughts that think: Is that an igneous rock, such as granite, or is it sandstone? Votes: 0

Death stripes away many things, especially when it arrives at a temperature hot enough to vaporize iron ... The immortal remains of Brother Watchtower watched the dragon flap away into the fog .... Votes: 0

It's a metaphor of human bloody existence, a dragon. And if that wasn't bad enough, it's also a bloody great hot flying thing. Votes: 0

There are some people who hate my guts. But that goes with the territory. Votes: 0

The three rules of the Librarians of Time and Space are: 1) Silence; 2) Books must be returned no later than the last date shown; and 3) Do not interfere with the nature of causality. Votes: 0

The librarians were mysterious. It was said they could tell what book you needed just by looking at you, and they could take your voice away with a word. Votes: 0

A book has been taken. A book has been taken? You summoned the Watch," Carrot drew himself up proudly, "because someone's taken a book? You think that's worse than murder?"The Librarian gave him the kind of look other people would reserve for people who said things like "What's so bad about genocide? Votes: 0

Someone out there was about to find that their worst nightmare was a maddened Librarian. With a badge. Votes: 0

Dullness. Only humans could have invented it. What imaginations they had. Votes: 0

Brother Preptil, the master of the music, had described Brutha's voice as putting him in mind of a disappointed vulture arriving too late at the dead donkey. Votes: 0

The smug mask of virtue triumphant could be almost as horrible as the face of wickedness revealed. Votes: 0

But we're a university! We have to have a library!" said Ridcully. "It adds tone. What sort of people would we be if we didn't go into the library?""Students," said Senior Wrangler morosely. Votes: 0

Make ourselves attractive to students?" said the Archchancellor. "Mr Stibbons, the whole idea of a university is that it should be hard to get into. Votes: 0

Many things went on at Unseen University and, regrettably, teaching had to be one of them. The faculty had long ago confronted this fact and had perfected various devices for avoiding it. But this was perfectly all right because, to be fair, so had the students. Votes: 0

Everybody has somebody. It could be a friend, a lover, a spouse, a writing partner, or even That One Person You See At The Coffee Shop each day. Sometimes they exist to comfort you. Sometimes they exist to drive you absolutely mad. Be open to either as a form of self-improvement. Votes: 0

The universe, they say, depended for its operation on the balance of four forces which they identified as charm, persuasion, uncertainty, and bloody-mindedness. Votes: 0

never ask the tight-rope walker how he keeps his balance. if he stops to think about it, he falls off Votes: 0

Things just happen, one after another. They don't care who knows. But history... ah, history is different. History has to be observed. Otherwise it's not history. It's just... well, things happening one after another. Votes: 0

It takes a long time for people like Vorbis to die. They leave echoes in history. Votes: 0

What is normal? Normal is yesterday and last week and last month taken together Votes: 0

They want dancing girls! They want thrills! They want elephants! They want people falling off roofs! They want dreams! The world is full of little people with big dreams! Votes: 0

When people talk about their great past they're usually trying to excuse the mediocre present. Votes: 0

Hello, inner child, I'm the inner babysitter! Votes: 0

Evil begins when you begin to treat people as things. Votes: 0

But that was just it - hate was exactly the right word. Hate is a force of attraction. Hate is just love with its back turned. Votes: 0

Everyone has gods. You just don't think they're gods. Votes: 0

The thing about football - the important thing about football - is that it is not just about football. Votes: 0

The sun set, which is everyday magic... Votes: 0

I believe you find life such a problem because you think there are good people and bad people. You're wrong, of course. There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides. Votes: 0

All he had was nothing, but that was something, and now it had been taken away. Votes: 0

But what's worth more than gold?""Practically everything. You, for example. Gold is heavy. Your weight in gold is not very much gold at all. Aren't you worth more than that? Votes: 0

gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold"'Is there a chorus?'"Gold, gold, gold, gold, gold".' said Hwel.'You left out a "gold" there. Votes: 0

Whut's the plan, Rob?" said one of them. "Okay, lads, this is what we'll do. As soon as we see somethin', we'll attack it. Right?"This caused a cheer."Ach, 'tis a good plan," said Daft Wullie. Votes: 0

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on. Votes: 0

She got on with her education. In her opinion, school kept on trying to interfere with it. Votes: 0

In my experience, what every true artist wants, really wants, is to be paid. Votes: 0

If you do not know where you come from, then you don't know where you are, and if you don't know where you are, then you don't know where you're going. And if you don't know where you're going, you're probably going wrong. Votes: 0

Fear is a strange soil. It grows obedience like corn, which grow in straight lines to make weeding easier. But sometimes it grows the potatoes of defiance, which flourish underground. Votes: 0

NAUGHTY AND NICE? said Death. BUT IT'S EASY TO BE NICE IF YOU'RE RICH. IS THIS FAIR?Albert wanted to argue. He wanted to say, Really? In that case, how come so many of the rich buggers is bastards? And being poor don't mean being naughty, neither. Votes: 0

It's lies. It's all lies. Some of them are just prettier than others, that's all. People see what they think is there. Votes: 0

Drunkenness had this to be said for it, it stopped the flow of inspirations. Votes: 0

It was one of those problematic occasions with long silences, sporadic coughs, and people saying isolated things like, "Well, isn't this nice. Votes: 0

A lie can run round the world before the truth has got its boots on. Votes: 0

Heaven has no taste.""Now-""And not one single sushi restaurant."A look of pain crossed the angel's suddenly very serious face. Votes: 0

Hell wasn't a major reservoir of evil, any more then Heaven, in Crowley's opinion, was a fountain of goodness; they were just sides in the great cosmic chess game. Where you found the real McCoy, the real grace and the real heart-stopping evil, was right inside the human mind. Votes: 0

Anyway, why would you trust anything written down? She certainly didn't trust "Mothers of Borogravia!" and that was from the government. And if you couldn't trust the government, who could you trust?Very nearly everyone, come to think of it... Votes: 0

The public thinks big, sensible, measured thoughts while people run around doing silly things Votes: 0

Of course, to be fair, that was a parent's job. The world was so full of sharp bends that if they didn't put a few twists in you, you wouldn't stand a chance of fitting in. Votes: 0

You couldn't get a decent drink in either of them, for a start. And the boredom you got in Heaven was almost as bad as the excitement you got in Hell. Votes: 0

WHO KNOWS WHAT EVIL LURKS IN THE HEART OF MEN?The Death of Rats looked up from the feast of the potato. SQUEAK, he said.Death waved a hand dismissively. WELL, YES, OBVIOUSLY ME, he said. I JUST WONDERED IF THERE WAS ANYONE ELSE. Votes: 0

People couldn't become truly holy, he said, unless they also had the opportunity to be definitively wicked. Votes: 0

When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they means they're getting worried that they won't like the truth. Votes: 0

...smoke twisting amongst the lights and turning the air a desolate blue, the colour of dead hopes and lost chances. Votes: 0

Did I do anything last night that suggested I was sane? Votes: 0

I get it,' said the prisoner. 'Good Cop, Bad Cop, eh?'If you like.' said Vimes. 'But we're a bit short staffed here, so if I give you a cigarette would you mind kicking yourself in the teeth? Votes: 0

Sometimes thinking is like talking to another person, but that person is also you. Votes: 0

The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head. Votes: 0

YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES."So we can believe the big ones?"YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING. Votes: 0

HUMAN BEINGS MAKE LIFE SO INTERESTING. DO YOU KNOW, THAT IN A UNIVERSE SO FULL OF WONDERS, THEY HAVE MANAGED TO INVENT BOREDOM. (Death) Votes: 0

Genius is always allowed some leeway, once the hammer has been pried from its hands and the blood has been cleaned up. Votes: 0

He's got a box with a demon in it that draws pictures," said Rincewind shortly. "Do what the madman says and he will give you gold. Votes: 0

I should have learned this, she thought. I wanted to learn fire, and pain, but I should have learned people. Votes: 0

When in doubt, choose to live. Votes: 0

In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of thecat, although in this case there were three determinate states the catcould be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious. Votes: 0

Wisdom is one of the few things that looks bigger the further away it is. Votes: 0

And, as always happens, and happens far too soon, the strange and wonderful becomes a memory and a memory becomes a dream. Tomorrow it's gone. Votes: 0

Anyone with half a mind could see that," said Tiffany.Miss Tick sighed. "Yes. But sometimes it's so hard to find half a mind when you need one. Votes: 0

And that's when I first learned about evil. It is built in to the very nature of the universe. Every world spins in pain. If there is any kind of supreme being, I told myself, it is up to all of us to become his moral superior. Votes: 0

And now the birds were singing overhead, and there was a soft rustling in the undergrowth, and all the sounds of the forest that showed that life was still being lived blended with the souls of the dead in a woodland requiem. The whole forest now sang for Granny Weatherwax. Votes: 0

There are some laws that are coded into the very nature of the universe, and one is: There Is Never Enough Shelf Space. Votes: 0

Humans! They lived in a world where the grass continued to be green and the sun rose every day and flowers regularly turned into fruit, and what impressed them? Weeping statues. And wine made out of water! Votes: 0

But this didn't feel like magic. It felt a lot older than that. It felt like music. Votes: 0

There are millions of chords. There are millions of numbers. And everyone forgets the one that is a zero. But without the zero, numbers are just arithmetic. Without the empty chord, music is just noise. Votes: 0

Big fat hairy monkey, hands a couple of octaves wide~? Votes: 0

They say that the eyes of some paintings can follow you around the room, a fact that I doubt, but I am wondering whether some music can follow you for ever. Votes: 0

He had done regular live concerts from San Quentin jail until the civil rights people got him under the Cruel and Unusual Punishment clause. Votes: 0

For an author, the nice characters aren't much fun. What you want are the screwed up characters. You know, the characters that are constantly wondering if what they are doing is the right thing, characters that are not only screwed up but are self-tapping screws. They're doing it for themselves. Votes: 0

The Librarian was not familiar with love, which had always struck him as a bit ethereal and soppy, but kindness, on the other hand, was practical. You knew where you were with kindness, especially if you were holding a pie it had just given you. Votes: 0

Cheery was aware that Commander Vimes didn't like the phrase 'The innocent have nothing to fear', believing the innocent had everything to fear, mostly from the guilty but in the longer term even more from those who say things like 'The innocent have nothing to fear'. Votes: 0

But the helmet had gold decoration, and the bespoke armorers had made a new gleaming breastplate with useless gold ornamentation on it. Sam Vimes felt like a class traitor every time he wore it. He hated being thought of as one of those people that wore stupid ornamental armor. It was gilt by association. Votes: 0

A Duke couldn't have the arse hanging out of his trousers when meeting foreign diplomats. Actually even plain old Sam Vimes never had the arse hanging out of his trousers, either, but no one would have actually started a war if he had. Votes: 0

And Sam Vimes thought: Why is Young Sam's nursery full of farmyard animals anyway? Why are his books full of moo-cows and baa-lambs? He is growing up in the city. He will only see them on a plate! They go sizzle! Votes: 0

Take it from me, whenever you see a bunch of buggers puttering around talking about truth and beauty and the best way of attacking Ethics, you can bet your sandals it's all because dozens of other poor buggers are doing all the real work around the place. Votes: 0

No more words. We know them all, all the words that should not be said. But you have made my world more perfect. Votes: 0

Everyone's heard of Erwin Schrodinger's famous thought experiment. You put a cat in a box with a bottle of poison, which many people would suggest is about as far as you need to go. Votes: 0

Some things are fairly obvious when it's a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them Votes: 0

Although the scythe isn't pre-eminent among the weapons of war, anyone who has been on the wrong end of, say, a peasants' revolt will know that in skilled hands it is fearsome. Votes: 0

The labyrinth of Ephebe is ancient and full of one hundred and one amazing things you can do with hidden springs, razor-sharp knives, and falling rocks. Votes: 0

Inside every sane person there's a madman struggling to get out," said the shopkeeper. "That's what I've always thought. No one goes mad quicker than a totally sane person. Votes: 0

When you're all singing together, it brings things together. I know the songs that my grandfather and my father sang. Votes: 0

If words had weight, a single sentence from Death would have anchored a ship. Votes: 0

... all reputable falconers agreed that for hunting purposes the only way you could reliably bring down prey with a wowhawk was by using it in a slingshot. Votes: 0

Taxation is just a sophisticated way of demanding money with menaces. Votes: 0

Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar. Votes: 0

When they're standing right in front of you, kings are a kind of speech impediment. Votes: 0

Asking someone to repeat a phrase you'd not only heard very clearly but were also exceedingly angry about was around Defcon II in the lexicon of squabble. Votes: 0

The intelligence of the creature known as a crowd, is the square root of the number of people in it. Votes: 0

Let's see, now... in HOGFATHER there are a number of stabbings, someone's killed by a man made of knives, someone's killed by the dark, and someone just been killed by a wardrobe. It's a book about the magic of childhood. You can tell. Votes: 0

If you have let pride get the better of you, then you have already lost, but if you grab pride by the scruff of the neck and ride it like a stallion, then you may have already won. Votes: 0

People think that stories are shaped by people. In fact, it's the other way around. Votes: 0

You've got a lot of time for abstract thought when you've got your hand stuck up a dead badger. Votes: 0

Stupid men are often capable of things the clever would not dare to contemplate... Votes: 0

The landscape was snow and green ice on broken mountains. These weren't old mountains, worn down by time and weather and full of gentle ski slopes, but young, sulky, adolescent mountains. They held secret ravines and merciless crevices. One yodel out of place would attract, not the jolly echo of a lonely goatherd, but fifty tons of express-delivery snow. Votes: 0

I mean, I wouldn't pay more than a couple of quid to see me, and I'm me. Votes: 0

They didn't know why these things were funny. Sometimes you laugh because you've got no more room for crying. Sometimes you laugh because table manners on a beach are funny. And sometimes you laugh because you're alive, when you really shouldn't be. Votes: 0

They can tak' oour lives but they canna tak' oour troousers! Votes: 0

You were the kind of kid who couldn't see the difference between throwing rocks at a cat and setting it on fire. Votes: 0

I became a journalist at 17. A few hours later, I saw my first dead body, which was somewhat... colourful. That's when I learned you can go on throwing up after you run out of things to throw up. Votes: 0

It had a very long pendulum, and the pendulum swung with a slow tick-tock that set his teeth on edge, because it was the the kind of delibrate, annoying ticking that wanted to make it abundantly clear that every tick and every tock was stripping another second off your life. Votes: 0

First Sight means you can see what really is there, and Second Thoughts mean thinking about what you are thinking. And in Tiffany's case, there were sometimes Third Thoughts and Fourth Thoughts although these...sometimes led her to walk into doors. Votes: 0

Tiffany has been apprenticing as a witch by visiting people in need with her mentor. After meeting with one particularly sad case, she tells her mentor, "It shouldn't be like this." Her mentor replies, "There isn't a way things should be. There's just what happens, and what we do. Votes: 0

The real world was far too real to leave neat little hints. It was full of too many things. It wasn't by eliminating the impossible that you got to the truth, however improbable; it was by the much harder process of eliminating the possibilities. Votes: 0

One day a tortoise will learn how to fly. Votes: 0

You can't trample infidels when you're a tortoise. I mean, all you could do is give them a meaningful look. Votes: 0

But of course, what the eagle does not realize is that it is participating in a very crude form of natural selection.One day a tortoise will learn how to fly. Votes: 0

Oh, a very useful philosophical animal, your average tortoise. Outrunning metaphorical arrows, beating hares in races... very handy. Votes: 0

Tragic heroes always moan when the gods take an interest in them, but it's the people the gods ignore who get the really tough deals Votes: 0

Most species do their own evolving, making it up as they go along, which is the way Nature intended. And this is all very natural and organic and in tune with mysterious cycles of the cosmos, which believes that there's nothing like millions of years of really frustrating trial and error to give a species moral fiber and, in some cases, backbone. Votes: 0

And the people next door oppress me all night long. I tell them, I work all day, a man's got to have some time to learn to play the tuba. That's oppression, that is. If I'm not under the heel of the oppressor, I don't know who is. Votes: 0

I'm mean and turf and I'm mean and turf and I'm mean and turf and I'm mean and turf, And me an' my friends can walk towards you with our hats on backwards in a menacing way, Yo! Votes: 0

I thought unicorns were more . . . Fluffy. Votes: 0

I'm up to my neck in the real world, every day. Just you try doing your VAT return with a head full of goblins. Votes: 0

And these are your reasons, my lord?" "Do you think I have others?" said Lord Vetinari. "My motives, as ever, are entirely transparent." Hughnon reflected that 'entirely transparent' meant either that you could see right through them or that you couldn't see them at all. Votes: 0

I was merely endeavoring to indicate that if we do not grab events by the collar they will have us by the throat. -Lord Vetinari Votes: 0

Lord Vetinari lifted an eyebrow with the care of one who, having found a piece of caterpillar in his salad, raises the rest of the lettuce. Votes: 0

The female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord." Vetinari looked at his secretary in surprise. "Well, of course it is. It has to deal with the male one. Votes: 0

I must confess the activities of the UK governments for the past couple of years have been watched with frank admiration and amazement by Lord Vetinari. Outright theft as a policy had never occurred to him. Votes: 0

Voodoo is a very interesting religion for the whole family, even those members of it who are dead. Votes: 0

It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It's called living. Votes: 0

It is important that we know where we come from, because if you do not know where you come from, then you don't know where you are, and if you don't know where you are, you don't know where you're going. And if you don't know where you're going, you're probably going wrong. Votes: 0

Mum had done everything you need to educate a kid. She made me a kid who likes books and she told me about 'Wind in the Willows' and read it and I thought this is weird, Rat, Mole, Toad and my first ever Bolshie thought - you know about 'The Wind in the Willows.' Votes: 0

Your average witch is not, by nature, a social animal as far as other witches are concerned. There's a conflict of dominant personalities. There's a group of ringleaders without a ring. There's the basic unwritten rule of witchcraft, which is 'Don't do what you will, do what I say.' The natural size of a coven is one. Witches only get together when they can't avoid it. Votes: 0

Your average witch is not, by nature, a social animal.... The natural size of a coven is one. Witches only get together when they can't avoid it. Votes: 0

The thing about witchcraft," said Mistress Weatherwax, "is that it's not like school at all. First you get the test, and then afterward you spend years findin' out how you passed it. It's a bit like life in that respect Votes: 0

The worst thing you can do is nothing. Votes: 0

There's no such thing as writer's block. That was invented by people in California who couldn't write. Votes: 0

The most prudent thing any intelligent animal can do, if it would prefer its descendents not to spend a lot of time on a slab with electrodes clamped to their brains or sticking mines on the bottom of ships, or being patronised by zoologists, is to make bloody certain humans don't find out about it. Votes: 0

Every step is a first step if it's a step in the right direction. Votes: 0

Evolution was far more thrilling to me than the biblical account. Who would not rather be a rising ape than a falling angel? To my juvenile eyes, Darwin was proved true every day. It doesn't take much to make us flip back into monkeys again. Votes: 0

I got into science fiction by being interested in astronomy first. Votes: 0

Anger is wonderful. It keeps you going. I'm angry about bankers. About the government. Votes: 0

In all seriousness, people think that it's the ideas that are important. Well, everyone has ideas, all the time. I tend to write mine down and remember them, but at some point you have to apply the bum to the seat and knock out about sixty five thousand words - that's how long a novel is. Votes: 0

I particularly admire are Mark Twain and Jerome K. Jerome who wrote in a certain tone of voice which was humane and understanding of humanity, but always ready to annotate its little foibles. I think I'd lay my cards down on that, and say that it's that that I'm trying to do. Votes: 0

In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded. Votes: 0

I don't really plan. I'm almost intuitive about things. Votes: 0

My own books drive themselves. I know roughly where a book is going to end, but essentially the story develops under my fingers. It's just a matter of joining the dots. Votes: 0

Truthfully, without over-egging it, as I often do, the library and journalism, those things made me who I am. Votes: 0

Tolkien is eminently filmable, I think. 'The Lord of the Rings' is intensely... landscaped. But 'Discworld' is about dialogue, which is one reason why it might be hard to film. Votes: 0

Often I sort of work up and down the manuscript. I sometimes used to go ahead of myself to see what was going to happen next, to make certain it fits what was going to be happening soon. Votes: 0

It's not morbid to talk about death. Most people don't worry about death, they worry about a bad death. Votes: 0

The only superstition I have is that I must start a new book on the same day that I finish the last one, even if it's just a few notes in a file. I dread not having work in progress. Votes: 0

Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness. Votes: 0

Seven hundred thousand people who have dementia in this country are not heard. I'm fortunate; I can be heard. Regrettably, it's amazing how people listen if you stand up in public and give away $1 million for research into the disease, as I have done. Votes: 0

I do not, in fact, use many puns. Certainly there are far fewer than people believe. But I suspect the ones I do occasionally use tend to hang around in people's memories for a while. Votes: 0

Fantasy is uni-age. You can start it in the creche, and it follows you to death. Votes: 0

When you read, I'm sure you don't realize that your eyes are going backwards and forwards and to this place and that place. Mine don't do that. Votes: 0

I've often felt depressed; everyone feels depressed. Votes: 0

An author writes a book, and that's the book at that point. And if the author writes the book again, then somehow something has gone wrong, if you see what I mean. Votes: 0

I notice you didn't laugh, Mr. Black! - No, Your Majesty. We are forbidden to laugh at the things kings say, sire, because otherwise we would be at it all day. Votes: 0

I USHERED SOULS INTO THE NEXT WORLD. I WAS THE GRAVE OF ALL HOPE. I WAS THE ULTIMATE REALITY. I WAS THE ASSASSIN AGAINST WHOM NO LOCK WOULD HOLD. - "Yes, point taken, but do you have any particular skills? Votes: 0

"I'm sorry, I just got carried away," hissed Aziraphale. Votes: 0

(About sweeping).... What he was in FACT doing was moving the dirt around with a broom, to give it a change of scenery and a chance to make new friends. Votes: 0

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves. Votes: 0

...inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened. Votes: 0

...it is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you're attempting can't be done. Votes: 0

...no-one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away... The span of someone's life, they say, is only the core of their actual existence. Votes: 0

...Roland de Chumsfanleigh (it wasn't his fault). Votes: 0

...the little man's total obliviousness to all forms of danger somehow made danger so discouraged that it gave up and went away. Votes: 0

...William wondered why he always disliked people who said 'no offense meant.' Maybe it was because they found it easier to to say 'no offense meant' than actually to refrain from giving offense. Votes: 0

[...] the awesome splendor of the universe is much easier to deal with if you think of it as a series of small chunks. Votes: 0

[Science fiction is] out in the mainstream now. You can tell by the way mainstream literary authors pillage SF while denying they're writing it! Votes: 0

[The pamphlet] was very patriotic. That is, it talked about killing foreigners. Votes: 0

[Y]ou weren't born with a talent for witchcraft: it didn't come easily; you worked hard at it because you wanted it. You forced the world to give it to you, no matter the price, and the price is and always will be high... People say you don't find witchcraft; witchcraft finds you. But you've found it, even if at the time you didn't know what it was you were finding, and you grabbed it by its scrawny neck and made it work for you. Votes: 0

5.Buggre Alle this for a Larke I amme sick to mye Hart of typefetinge. Master Biltonn if no Gentelmann, and Master Scagges now more that a tighte fisted Southwarke Knobbefticke. I telle you, onne a daye laike thif Ennywone withe half and oz of Sense shoulde bee oute in the Suneshain, ane nott Stucke here alle the lielong dale inn thif mowldey olde By-Our-Lady Workefhoppe *AE@;I* Votes: 0

A bad hunter chases. A good hunter waits. Votes: 0

A European says: I can't understand this, what's wrong with me? An American says: I can't understand this, what's wrong with him? I make no suggestion that one side or other is right, but observation over many years leads me to believe it is true. Votes: 0

A good banana daiquiri is hard to come by. I've only ever found one place in this country that makes a proper one, and that's in Leeds. Votes: 0

A good man will kill you with hardly a word. Votes: 0

A good plan isn't one where someone wins, it's where nobody thinks they've lost. Votes: 0

A hardback's harder at Christmas time because that's a good hardback buying time. Votes: 0

A horse's skull always looks scary, even if someone has put lipstick on it. Votes: 0

A lot hinges on the fact that, in most circumstances, people are not allowed to hit you with a mallet. They put up all kinds of visible and invisible signs that say, 'Do not do this' in the hope that it'll work, but if it doesn't, then they shrug, because there is, really, no real mallet at all. Votes: 0

A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores. Votes: 0

A police procedural novel can be even funnier if the police include Trolls and Dwarves and things like that. You start looking at the whole basis of the cop novel. You get the cop moving in a different way when you've actually set it in a fantasy city. Votes: 0

A push-and-go wooden duck on wheels can cause quite a lot of damage if wielded with enough force. Votes: 0

A true beanie should have a propellor on the top. Votes: 0

A weapon you held and didn't know how to use belonged to your enemy. Votes: 0

A witch ought never to be frightened in the darkest forest ... because she should be sure in her soul that the most terrifying thing in the forest was her. Votes: 0

A world like that, which exists only because the gods enjoy a joke, must be a place where magic can survive. And sex too, of course. Votes: 0

… people didn't seem to be able to remember what it was like with the elves around. Life was certainly more interesting then, but usually because it was shorter. And it was more colorful, if you liked the color of blood. Votes: 0

… you were so worried about legal and illegal that you never stopped to think about whether it was right or wrong. Votes: 0

…We were born vampires." "I thought you became –" "— vampires by being bitten? Dear me, no. Oh, we can turn people into vampires, it's an easy technique, but what would be the point? When you eat… now what is it you eat? Oh yes, chocolate… you don't want to turn it into another Agnes Nitt, do you? Less chocolate to go around." He sighed. "Oh dear, superstition, superstition everywhere we turn. Votes: 0

‎No one remembers the singer. The song remains. Votes: 0

Ach, people are always telling us not to do things" said Rob Anybody, "that's how we ken the most interesting things to do. Votes: 0

Actors, said Granny, witheringly. As if the world weren't full of enough history without inventing more. Votes: 0

After a while, another voice said: One, two, three, four- And the universe came into being. It was wrong to call it a big bang. That would just be noise, and all that noise could create is more noise and a cosmos full of random particles. Matter exploded into being, apparently as chaos, but in fact as a chord. The ultimate power chord. Votes: 0

After all, when you seek advice from someone it's certainly not because you want them to give it. You just want them to be there while you talk to yourself. Votes: 0

After you've been working fairly intensively on a novel for six months you never want to see the damn thing again. Votes: 0

Ah," said Mr Pin. "Right. I remember. You are concerned citizens." He knew about concerned citizens. Wherever they were, they all spoke the same private language, where 'traditional values' meant 'hang someone'. Votes: 0

Aliens don't get stuck in air ducts. It's practically a well-known fact. Votes: 0

All assassins had a full-length mirror in their rooms, because it would be a terrible insult to anyone to kill them when you were badly dressed. Votes: 0

All he knew was that you couldn't hope to try for the big stuff, like world peace and happiness, but you might just about be able to achieve some tiny deed that'd make the world, in a small way, a better place. Like shooting someone. Votes: 0

All holy piety in public, and all peeled grapes and self-indulgence in private. Votes: 0

All I am really promoting in the books is the Golden Rule, which I hope everybody knows to be "do as you would be done by." It has one or 2 flaws, but it is a good soundbite. Evil starts when you treat other people as things. There are perhaps worse crimes, but they begin when you treat other people as things. Votes: 0

All property is theft, except mine. Votes: 0

All tapes left in a car for more than about a fortnight metamorphose into Best of Queen albums. Votes: 0

All the higher life forms scythed away, just like that. [ . . . ] Nothing but dust and fundamentalists. Votes: 0

ALL THINGS THAT ARE, ARE OURS. BUT WE MUST CARE. FOR IF WE DO NOT CARE, WE DO NOT EXIST. IF WE DO NOT EXIST, THEN THERE IS NOTHING BUT BLIND OBLIVION. AND EVEN OBLIVION MUST END SOMEDAY. LORD, WILL YOU GRANT ME JUST A LITTLE TIME? FOR THE PROPER BALANCE OF THINGS. TO RETURN WHAT WAS GIVEN. FOR THE SAKE OF PRISONERS AND THE FLIGHT OF BIRDS. Death took a step backwards. It was impossible to read expression in Azrael's features. Death glanced sideways at the servants. LORD, WHAT CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR, IF NOT FOR THE CARE OF THE REAPER MAN? Votes: 0

All was black, gloomy and awful. There was no light at the end of the tunnel - or if there was, it was an oncoming train. Votes: 0

Although she was aware that somewhere under her complicated strata of vests and petticoats there was some skin, that didn't mean to say she approved of it. Votes: 0

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual. Votes: 0

Always face what you fear. Have just enough money, never too much, and some string. Even if it's not your fault, it's your responsibility. Witches deal with things. Never stand between two mirrors. Never cackle. Do what you must do. Never lie, but you don't always have to be honest. Never wish. Especially don't wish upon a star, which is astronomically stupid. Open your eyes, and then open your eyes again. Votes: 0

Always remember that the crowd that applauds your coronation is the same crowd that will applaud your beheading. People like a show. Votes: 0

And all the stories had, somewhere, the witch. The wicked old witch. And Tiffany had thought: Where's the evidence? Votes: 0

And he dreamed the dream of all those who publish books, which was to have so much gold in your pockets that you would have to employ two people just to hold your trousers up. Votes: 0

And never resist a perfect moment. Votes: 0

And no practical definition of freedom would be complete without the freedom to take the consequences. Indeed, it is the freedom upon which all the others are based. Votes: 0

And our lady friend, she thinks life works like a fairy tale.' Well, that's harmless, isn't it?' Yeah, but in fairy tales, when someone dies... it's just a word. Votes: 0

And sin, young man, is when you treat people like things. Votes: 0

And so the children of the revolution were faced with the age-old problem: it wasn't that you had the wrong kind of government, which was obvious, but that you had the wrong kind of people. As soon as you saw people as things to be measured, they didn't measure up. Votes: 0

And the new day was a great big fish Votes: 0

And then Jack chopped down what was the world's last beanstalk, adding murder and ecological terrorism to the theft, enticement, and trespass charges already mentioned, and all the giant's children didn't have a daddy anymore. But he got away with it and lived happily ever after, without so much as a guilty twinge about what he had done...which proves that you can be excused for just about anything if you are a hero, because no one asks inconvenient questions. Votes: 0

And then there were cats, thought Dog. He'd surprised the huge ginger cat from next door and had attempted to reduce it to cowering jelly by means of the usual glowing stare and deep-throated growl, which had always worked on the damned in the past. This time they had earned him a whack on the nose that had made his eyes water. Cats, Dog considered, were clearly a lot tougher than lost souls. He was looking forward to a further cat experiment, which he planned would consist of jumping around and yapping excitedly at it. It was a long shot, but it just might work. Votes: 0

And then you bit onto them, and learned once again that Cut-me-own-Throat Dibbler could find a use for bits of an animal that the animal didn't know it had got. Dibbler had worked out that with enough fried onions and mustard people would eat anything. Votes: 0

And therefore education at the University mostly worked by the age-old method of putting a lot of young people in the vicinity of a lot of books and hoping that something would pass from one to the other, while the actual young people put themselves in the vicinity of inns and taverns for exactly the same reason. Votes: 0

And what are you doing on it, I would like to know? Running away from home, yesno? If you were a boy I'd say are you going to seek your fortune?" "Can't girls seek their fortune?" "I think they're supposed to seek a boy with a fortune. Votes: 0

And what do you really do? asked Tiffany. The thin witch hesitatied for a moment, and then: We look to ... the edges, said Mistress Weatherwax. There's a lot of edges, more than people know. Between life and death, this world and the next, night and day, right and wrong ... an' they need watchin'. We watch 'em, we guard the sum of things. And we never ask for any reward. That's important. Votes: 0

And what had he wanted? He'd never sat down to think about it. But mostly, he wanted yesterday to be different from today. Votes: 0

And when the Patrician was unhappy, he became very democratic. He found intricate and painful ways of spreading that unhappiness as far as possible. Votes: 0

And, while it was regarded as pretty good evidence of criminality to be living in a slum, for some reason owning a whole street of them merely got you invited to the very best social occasions. Votes: 0

Animals never spend time dividing experience into little bits and speculating about all the bits they've missed. The whole panoply of the universe has been neatly expressed to them as things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks. Votes: 0

Ankh-Morpork! Pearl of cities! This is not a completely accurate description, of course — it was not round and shiny — but even its worst enemies would agree that if you had to liken Ankh-Morpork to anything, then it might as well be a piece of rubbish covered with the diseased secretions of a dying mollusc. Votes: 0

Another priest said,"Is it true you've said you'll believe in any god whose existence can be proved by logical debate?""Yes."Vimes had a feeling about the immediate future and took a few steps away from Dorfl."But the gods plainly do exist," said a priest."It Is Not Evident."A bolt of lightning lanced down through the clouds and hit Dorfl's helmet. There was a sheet of flame and then a trickling noise. Dorfl's molten armour formed puddles around his white-hot feet."I Don't Call That Much Of An Argument," said Dorfl calmly, from somewhere in the clouds of smoke. Votes: 0

Any fool could be a witch with a runic knife, but it took skill to be one with an apple corer. Votes: 0

Any sensible ruler would have killed off Leonard, and Lord Vetinari was extremely sensible and often wondered why he had not done so. He'd decided that it was because, imprisoned in the priceless, inquiring amber of Leonard's massive mind, underneath that bright investigative genius was a kind of willful innocence that might in lesser men be called stupidity. It was the seat and soul of that force which, down the millennia, had caused mankind to stick its fingers in the electric light socket of the Universe and play with the switch to see what happened - and then be very surprised when it did. Votes: 0

Any true wizard, faced with a sign like 'Do not open this door. Really. We mean it. We're not kidding. Opening this door will mean the end of the universe,' would automatically open the door in order to see what all the fuss is about. This made signs rather a waste of time, but at least it meant that when you handed what was left of the wizard to his grieving relatives you could say, as they grasped the jar, 'We told him not to. Votes: 0

Any wizard bright enough to survive for five minutes was also bright enough to realize that if there was any power in demonology, then it lay with the demons. Using it for your own purposes would be like trying to beat mice to death with a rattlesnake. Votes: 0

Anyway, if you stop tellin' people it's all sorted out afer they're dead, they might try sorting it all out while they're alive. Votes: 0

Anyway, it's like with bikes,' said the first speaker authoritatively. 'I thought I was going to get this bike with seven gears and one of them razorblade saddles and purple paint and everything, and they gave me this light blue one. With a basket. A girl's bike.' 'Well. You're a girl,' said one of the others. 'That's sexism, that is. Going around giving people girly presents just because they're a girl. Votes: 0

Anyway, just because you're sworn enemies doesn't mean you can't be friends, does it? Votes: 0

Anyway, lots of warrior tribes think that when they die, they go to a heavenly land somewhere," said the toad. "You know, where they can drink and fight and feast forever? So maybe this is theirs." "But this is a real place!" "So? That's what they believe. Besides, they're only small. Maybe the universe is a bit crowded and they have to put heavens anywhere there's room? I'm a toad, so you'll appreciate that I'm having to guess a lot here. Votes: 0

Apes had it worked out. No ape would philosophize, "The mountain is, and is not." They would think, "The banana is. I will eat the banana. There is no banana. I want another banana. Votes: 0

Are you a devious, plotting, unreliable madman? Ah, good, then you can be my most trusted advisor. Votes: 0

Are you a philosopher? Where's your sponge? Votes: 0

Around it are those countries which, according to History, constitute the civilised world ie, a world that can support historians Votes: 0

As a species, we are forever sticking our finger into the electric socket of the universe to see what will happen next. Votes: 0

As far as Death was aware, the sole reason for any human association with pigs and lambs was as a prelude to chops and sausages. Quite why they should dress up for children's wallpaper as well was a mystery. Hello, little folk, this is what you're going to eat… He felt that if only he could find the key to it, he'd know a lot more about human beings. Votes: 0

As far as I'm concerned, I'm a writer who's writing books, and therefore, I don't want to die. You'd miss the end of the book, wouldn't you? You can't die with an unfinished book. Votes: 0

As large as worlds. As old as Time. As patient as a brick. Votes: 0

Assassins did have a certain code, after all. It was dishonorable to kill someone if you weren't being paid. Votes: 0

ASTONISHING, said Death. REALLY ASTONISHING. LET ME PUT FORWARD ANOTHER SUGGESTION: THAT YOU ARE NOTHING MORE THAN A LUCKY SPECIES OF APE THAT IS TRYING TO UNDERSTAND THE COMPLEXITIES OF CREATION VIA A LANGUAGE THAT EVOLVED IN ORDER TO TELL ONE ANOTHER WHERE THE RIPE FRUIT WAS. Votes: 0

At least I know I'm bewildered about the really fundamental and important facts of the universe. Votes: 0

at least nine-tenths of all the original reality ever created lies outside the multiverse, and since the multiverse by definition includes absolutely everything that is anything, this puts a bit of a strain on things. Outside the boundaries of the universe lie the raw realities, the could-have-beens, the might-bes, the never-weres, the wild ideas, all being created and uncreated chaotically like elements in fermenting supernovas. Just occasionally where the walls of the worlds have worn a bit thin, they can leak in. Votes: 0

At some time in the recent past someone had decided to brighten the ancient corridors of the University by painting them, having some vague notion that Learning Should Be Fun. It hadn't worked. It's a fact known throughout the universes that no matter how carefully the colors are chosen, institutional decor ends up as either vomit green, unmentionable brown, nicotine yellow or surgical appliance pink. By some little-understood process of sympathetic resonance, corridors painted in those colors always smell slightly of boiled cabbage—even if no cabbage is ever cooked in the vicinity. Votes: 0

Aziraphale collected books. If he were totally honest with himself he would have to have admitted that his bookshop was simply somewhere to store them. He was not unusual in this. In order to maintain his cover as a typical second-hand book seller, he used every means short of actual physical violence to prevent customers from making a purchase. Unpleasant damp smells, glowering looks, erratic opening hours - he was incredibly good at it. Votes: 0

Aziraphale. The Enemy, of course. But an enemy for six thousand years now, which made him a sort of friend. Votes: 0

Balance. It was all about balance. That had been one of the first things that she had learned: the centre of the seesaw has neither up nor down, but upness and downness flow through it while it remains unmoved. You had to be the centre of the seesaw so the pain flowed through you, not into you. It was very hard. But she could do it! Votes: 0

Banana daiquiris aren't knock-'em-back-by-the-flagon. Votes: 0

Be one of the crowd? It went against everything a wizard stood for, and a wizard would not stand for anything if he could sit down for it, but even sitting down, you had to stand out. Votes: 0

Because no man wants to be a coward in front of a cheese. Votes: 0

Because some stories end, but old stories go on, and you gotta dance to the music if you want to stay ahead Votes: 0

Before you can become a writer, you have to be a reader, and a reader of everything, at that. To the best of my recollection, I became a reader at the age of 10 and have never stopped. Like many authors, I read all sorts of books all the time, and it is amazing how the mind fills up. Votes: 0

Before you can kill a demon, you have to be able to say it's name. Names have power. While the word Alzheimer's terrorizes us, it has power over us. When we are prepared to discuss it aloud, we might have power over it. It's thought of as a mental illness and it is a physical illness, affecting the brain. There should be no shame in having it, yet people still don't talk about it Votes: 0

Belief sloshes around in the firmament like lumps of clay spiralling into a potter's wheel. That's how gods get created, for example. They clearly must be created by their own believers, because a brief resume of the lives of most gods suggests that their origins certainly couldn't be divine. They tend to do exactly the things people would do if only they could, especially when it comes to nymphs, golden showers, and the smiting of your enemies. Votes: 0

Belief was never mentioned at home, but right actions were taught by daily example. Votes: 0

Bishops move diagonally. That's why they often turn up where the kings don't expect them to be. Votes: 0

Blessings be on this house," Granny said, perfunctorily. It was always a good opening remark for a witch. It concentrated people's minds on what other things might be on this house. Votes: 0

Books bend space and time. One reason the owners of those aforesaid little rambling, poky secondhand bookshops always seem slightly unearthly is that many of them really are, having strayed into this world after taking a wrong turning in their own bookshops in worlds where it is considered commendable business practice to wear carpet slippers all the time and open your shop only when you feel like it. Votes: 0

Books must be treated with respect, we feel that in our bones, because words have power. Bring enough words together they can bend space and time. Votes: 0

Botswana is also the only country in the world with a colour in its flag meant to represent rain (a sort of blue-grey). Not many people know this. Votes: 0

Bringing about Armageddon can be dangerous. Do not attempt it in your own home. Votes: 0

Building a temple didn't mean you believed in gods, it just meant you believed in architecture. Votes: 0

But here's some advice, boy. Don't put your trust in revolutions. They always come around again. That's why they're called revolutions. Votes: 0

But I think you have a right to know what it is you're not being told. Votes: 0

But in his experience it was only a matter of time before the normal balance of the universe restored itself and started doing the usual terrible things to him. Votes: 0

But is all this true?" said Brutha. Didactylos shrugged. "Could be. Could be. We are here and it is now. The way I see it is, after that, everything tends towards guesswork." "You mean you don't KNOW it's true?" said Brutha. "I THINK it might be," said Didactylos. "I could be wrong. Not being certain is what being a philosopher is all about. Votes: 0

But the purpose of the book is not the horror, it is horror's defeat. Votes: 0

But then science is nothing but a series of questions that lead to more questions. Votes: 0

but what should we do when the highborn and wealthy take to crime? Indeed, if a poor man will spend a year in prison for stealing out of hunger, how high would the gallows need to be to hang the rich man who breaks the law out of greed? Votes: 0

But ye gotta know where ye're just gonna rush in. Ye cannae just rush in anywhere. It looks bad, havin' to rush oout again straight awa'. Votes: 0

But you ain't part of it, are you?" said Granny conversationally. "You try, but you always find yourself watchin' yourself watchin' people, eh? Never quite believin' anything? Thinkin' the wrong thoughts? Votes: 0

But, in truth, it had not exactly been gold, or even the promise of gold, but more like the fantasy of gold, the fairy dream that the gold is there, at the end of the rainbow, and will continue to be there forever - provided, naturally, that you don't go and look. This is known as finance. Votes: 0

But…but you can't treat religion as a sort of buffet, can you? I mean, you can't say yes please, I'll have some of the Celestial Paradise and a helping of the Divine Plan but go easy on the kneeling and none of the Prohibition of Images, they give me wind. Its table d´hôte or nothing, otherwise…well, it would be silly. Votes: 0

By the time you write the last page you have done half the book. The other half tends to get done in about five weeks; I do several drafts, very, very furiously rewriting. I literally do more or less nothing else and I stick with it and go through it and I begin to hate it. Votes: 0

Cake is not the issue here. Votes: 0

Carpe Jugulum," read Agnes aloud. "That's... well, Carpe Diem is 'Sieze the Day,' so this means-" "Go for the throat Votes: 0

Cats don't hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don't, so that's all right. Votes: 0

Cats gravitate to kitchens like rocks gravitate to gravity. Votes: 0

Certainly I have no faith in Jehovah, although I think it quite likely that Jesus Christ, as a preacher and a wise man, did indeed exist. Votes: 0

Certainly the Americans want to buy rights, but have no idea what to do with them. Votes: 0

Chain-mail isn't much defence against an arrow. It certainly isn't when the arrow is being aimed between your eyes. Votes: 0

Chances are where you find them Votes: 0

Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized. Votes: 0

Child. That was a terrible thing to say to anyone who was almost thirteen. Votes: 0

Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self. Votes: 0

Colon has always thought that heroes had some special kind of clockwork that made them go out and die famously for god, country and apple pie, or whatever particular delicacy their mother made. It had never occurred to him that they might do it because they'd get yelled at if they didn't. Votes: 0

Colon thought Carrot was simple. Carrot often struck people as simple. And he was. Where people went wrong was thinking that simple meant the same thing as stupid. Votes: 0

Commander, I always used to consider that you had a definite anti-authoritarian streak in you." "Sir?" "It seems that you have managed to retain this even though you are authority." "Sir?" "That's practically zen. Votes: 0

Consider the situation. There you are, forehead like a set of balconies, worrying about the long-term effects of all this new 'fire' stuff on the environment, you're being chased and eaten by most of the planet's large animals, and suddenly tiny versions of one of the worst of them wanders into the cave and starts to purr. Votes: 0

Corporal Nobbs had been disqualified from the human race for shoving Votes: 0

Correct observation followed by meticulous deduction and the precise visualization of goals is vital to the success of any enterprise. Votes: 0

Creators aren't gods. They make places, which is quite hard. It's men that make gods. This explains a lot. Votes: 0

Credulous: having views about the world, the universe and humanity's place in it that are shared only by very unsophisticated people and the most intelligent and advanced mathematicians and physicists. Votes: 0

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but her's curiosity could have massacred a pride of lions. Votes: 0

Currently, it was leading him through a neighborhood that was on the downside of whatever curve you hoped you'd bought your property on the upside of. Graffiti and garbage were everywhere here. They were everywhere in the city, if it came to that, but elsewhere the garbage was better quality, and the graffiti was close to being correctly spelled. The whole area was waiting for something to happen, like a really bad fire. Votes: 0

Cutangle: While I'm still confused and uncertain, it's on a much higher plane, d'you see, and at least I know I'm bewildered about the really fundamental and important facts of the universe. Treatle: I hadn't looked at it like that, but you're absolutely right. He's really pushed back the boundaries of ignorance. They both savoured the strange warm glow of being much more ignorant than ordinary people, who were only ignorant of ordinary things. Votes: 0

Dark Fantasy is just another way of saying Horror. Votes: 0

Death strode away, stopped, and came back. He pointed a skeletal finger at The Duck Man. WHY, he said, ARE YOU WALKING AROUND WITH THAT DUCK? "What duck?" AH. SORRY. Votes: 0

Death was standing behind a lectern, poring over a map. He looked at Mort as if he wasn't entirely there. Yᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇɴ'ᴛ ʜᴇᴀʀᴅ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ Bᴀʏ Oғ Mᴀɴᴛᴇ, ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ? he said. "No, sir," said Mort. Fᴀᴍᴏᴜs sʜɪᴘᴡʀᴇᴄᴋ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ. "Was there?" Tʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ, said Death, ɪғ I ᴄᴀɴ ғɪɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀᴍɴ ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ. Votes: 0

Death: "THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN ALCOHOL, ALBERT." Albert: "Oh, yes, sir. But alcohol sort of compensates for not getting them. Votes: 0

Death: Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know, that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom. Votes: 0

Dedication: My thanks to the people who showed me that opera was stranger than I could imagine. I can best repay their kindness by not mentioning their names here. Votes: 0

Demons were like genies or philosophy professors - if you didn't word things exactly right, they delighted in giving you absolutely accurate and completely misleading answers. Votes: 0

Despite rumor, Death isn't cruel--merely terribly, terribly good at his job. Votes: 0

Destiny is important, see, but people go wrong when they think it controls them. It's the other way around. Votes: 0

'Discworld' is taking something that you know is ridiculous and treating it as if it is serious, to see if something interesting happens when you do so. Votes: 0

Divers alarums and excursions', she read, uncertainly. 'That means lots of terrible happenings, said Magrat. 'You always put that in plays.' Alarums and what?', said Nanny Ogg, who hadn't been listening. Excursions', said Magrat patienly. Oh.' Nanny Ogg brightened a bit. 'The seaside would be nice,' she said. Oh do shut up, Gytha,' said Granny Weatherwax. 'They're not for you. They're only for divers, like it says. Probably so they can recover from all them alarums. Votes: 0

Do not act incautiously when confronting a little bald wrinkly smiling man! Votes: 0

Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards because a refusal often offends, I read somewhere. Votes: 0

Do you know how wizards like to be buried?" "Yes!" "Well, how?" Granny Weatherwax paused at the bottom of the stairs. "Reluctantly. Votes: 0

Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken? Votes: 0

Do you think there's anything to eat in this forest?" "Yes," said the wizard bitterly, "us. Votes: 0

Dogs are not like cats, who amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw. Men made dogs, they took wolves and gave them human things--unnecessary intelligence, names, a desire to belong, and a twitching inferiority complex. All dogs dream wolf dreams, and know they're dreaming of biting their Maker. Every dog knows, deep in his heart, that he is a Bad Dog... Votes: 0

Don't be smart. Smart is only a polished version of dumb. Try intelligence. It will surely see you through. Votes: 0

Don't do anything I wouldn't do, if you ever find anything I wouldn't do. Votes: 0

Don't look back!" "Why not?" "Because I just did! Run faster! Votes: 0

Don't stick your nose where someone can pull it off and eat it. Votes: 0

DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH. Votes: 0

Don't you *ever* let go?" "I haven't yet." "Why?" "I suppose... because in this world, after everyone panics, there's always got to be someone to tip the wee out of the shoe. Votes: 0

Down there - he said - are people who will follow any dragon, worship any god, ignore any inequity. All out of a kind of humdrum, everyday badness. Not the really high, creative loathsomeness of the great sinners, but a sort of mass-produced darkness of the soul. Sin, you might say, without a trace of originality. They accept evil not because they say yes, but because they don't say no. Votes: 0

Drinks like this tend to get called Traffic Lights or Rainbow's Revenge or, in places where truth is more highly valued, Hello and Good-Bye, Mr. Brain Cell. Votes: 0

Dwarfs were not a naturally religious species, but in a world where pit props could crack without warning and pockets of fire damp could suddenly explode they'd seen the need for gods as the sort of supernatural equivalent of a hard hat. Besides, when you hit your thumb with an eight-pound hammer it's nice to be able to blaspheme. It takes a very special and strong-minded kind of atheist to jump up and down with their hand clasped under their other armpit and shout, "Oh, random-fluctuations-in-the-space-time-continuum!" or "Aaargh, primitive-and-outmoded-concept on a crutch! Votes: 0

Education had been easy. Learning things had been harder. Votes: 0

'Educational' refers to the process, not the object. Although, come to think of it, some of my teachers could easily have been replaced by a cheeseburger. Votes: 0

Either all days are holy or none are. Votes: 0

Either dragons should exist completely or fail to exist at all, he felt. A dragon only half-existing was worse than the extremes. Votes: 0

Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder. Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels. Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies. Elves are glamorous. They project glamour. Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment. Elves are terrific. They beget terror. The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning. No one ever said elves are nice. Elves are bad. Votes: 0

escapism isn't good or bad in itself. what is important is what you are escaping from and where you are escaping to. Votes: 0

Esk felt that bravery was called for, but on a night like this bravery lasted only as long as a candle stayed alight. Votes: 0

Even if it's not your fault, it's your responsibility. Votes: 0

Even our fears make us feel important, because we fear we might not be. Votes: 0

Even the blind and meek and voiceless have gods. Votes: 0

Every intelligent being, whether it breathes or not, coughs nervously at some time in its life. Votes: 0

Everybody thinks the Government should be doing more about everything but just think how many of the bonuses which are quite rightly being dragged off certain people, just think to what good causes they could be put - wouldn't that be a lovely thought'? Votes: 0

Everyone is reading what they like and that's a good thing. Votes: 0

Everyone knew there were wolves in the mountains, but they seldom came near the village-the modern wolves were the offspring of ancestors that had survived because they had learned that human meat had sharp edges. Votes: 0

Everyone should occasionally break the law in some small and delightful way. It's good for the hygiene of the brain. Votes: 0

Everything happens for a reason, except possibly football. (in Thief of Time) Votes: 0

Everything is a test. Votes: 0

Everything makes sense a bit at a time. But when you try to think of it all at once, it comes out wrong. Votes: 0

Everywhere I look, I see something holy. Votes: 0

Everywhere's been where it is ever since it was first put there. It's called geography. Votes: 0

Evil in general does not sleep, and therefore doesn't see why anyone else should. Votes: 0

Experience has taught me that you feel better on a flight if you avoid chicken fat in plastic sauce. Votes: 0

Fantasy is escapism, but wait... Why is this wrong? What are you escaping from, and where are you escaping to? Is the story opening windows or slamming doors? The British author G.K. Chesterton summarized the role of fantasy very well. He said its purpose was to take the everyday, commonplace world and lift it up and turn it around and show it to us from a different perspective, so that once again we see it for the first time and realize how marvelous it is. Fantasy - the ability to envisage the world in many different ways - is one of the skills that make us human. Votes: 0

Fascism may be good at making the trains run on time, but you wouldn't like some of the destinations. Votes: 0

Fate can be one mean god at times. Votes: 0

Few things are hidden from a quiet child with good eyesight. Votes: 0

Find the story, Granny Weatherwax always said. She believed that the world was full of story shapes. If you let them, they controlled you. But if you studied them, if you found out about them... you could use them, you could change them. Votes: 0

First draft: let it run. Turn all the knobs up to 11. Second draft: hell. Cut it down and cut it into shape. Third draft: comb its nose and blow its hair. I usually find that most of the book will have handed itself to me on that first draft. Votes: 0

First of all you are a writer, a writer is what you are, so it doesn't actually stop the moment you leave your desk, your computer, your keyboard, whatever. Something is operating the back of your mind. Votes: 0

First Thoughts are the everyday thoughts. Everyone has those. Second Thoughts are the thoughts you think about the way you think. People who enjoy thinking have those. Third Thoughts are thoughts that watch the world and think all by themselves. They're rare, and often troublesome. Listening to them is part of witchcraft. Votes: 0

For example, the dwarfs found out how to turn lead into gold by doing it the hard way. The difference between that and the easy way is that the hard way works. Votes: 0

For the first time in her life Granny wondered whether there might be something important in all these books people were setting store by these days, although she was opposed to books on strict moral grounds, since she had heard that many of them were written by dead people and therefore it stood to reason reading them would be as bad as necromancy. Among the many things in the infinitely varied universe with which Granny did not hold was talking to dead people, who by all accounts had enough troubles of their own. Votes: 0

Fresh wounds," said Angua. "But one of them did shoot one of the other in the leg by accident." "I think you'd better put in your report as -self inflicted- wounds while resisting arrest," said Vimes. Votes: 0

Generally I start writing when I have even the smallest idea of how a book is going to go, because the physical process of writing itself keeps the mind active and focused on the job at hand. Usually I write in about 5 drafts, but that simply means there are 5 definite times when I go in a linear fashion from the beginning to the end of the book. Votes: 0

Geography is just physics slowed down, with a couple of trees stuck in it. Votes: 0

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. Votes: 0

Give anyone a lever long enough and they can change the world. It's unreliable levers that are the problem. Votes: 0

Gnomes live ten times faster than humans. They're harder to see than a high-speed mouse. That's one reason why most humans hardly ever see them. The other is that humans are very good at not seeing things they know aren't there. And, since sensible humans know that there are no such things as people four inches high, a gnome who doesn't want to be seen probably won't be seen... Wings. Votes: 0

Go anywhere you wish, talk to everyone. Ask any questions; you will be given answers. When you want to learn, you will be taught. Use the library. Open any book. Votes: 0

God does not play games with His loyal servants", said the Metatron, but in a worried tone of voice. "Whoopee", said Crowley. Votes: 0

God moves in extremely mysterious, not to say, circuitous ways. God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, ie., everybody, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time. Votes: 0

Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think. Votes: 0

Gods play games with the fates of men. But first they have to get all the pieces on the board and look all over the place for the dice. Votes: 0

Gods prefer simple, vicious games, where you Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight To Oblivion; a key to the understanding of all religion is that a god's idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs. Votes: 0

Good and bad is tricky," she said. "I ain't too certain about where people stand. P'raps what matters is which way you face. Votes: 0

Good or bad, do it as you. Too many lies and there's no truth to go back to. Votes: 0

Goodness is about what you do. Not who you pray to. Votes: 0

Got to be worth a try, I suppose," said Crowley. "It's not as if I haven't got lots of other work to do, God knows." His forehead creased for a moment, and then he slapped the steering wheel triumphantly. "Ducks!" he shouted. "What?" "That's what water slides off!" Aziraphale took a deep breath. "Just drive the car, please," he said wearily. Votes: 0

Granddad was superstitious about books. He thought that if you had enough of them around, education leaked out, like radioactivity. Votes: 0

Granny bit her lip. She was never quite certain about children, thinking of them-when she thought about them at all-as coming somewhere between animals and people. She understood babies. You put milk in one end and kept the other as clean as possible. Adults were even easier, because they did the feeding and cleaning themselves. But in between was a world of experience that she had never really inquired about. As far as she was aware, you just tried to stop them catching anything fatal and hoped that it would all turn out all right. Votes: 0

Granny sighed. "You have learned something," she said, and thought it safe to insert a touch of sternness into her voice. "They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it is not one half so bad as a lot of ignorance. Votes: 0

Granny was an old-fashioned witch. She didn't do good for people, she did right by them. Votes: 0

Granny Weatherwax was not a good loser. From her point of view, losing was something that happened to other people. Votes: 0

Granny Weatherwax was not lost. She wasn't the kind of person who ever became lost. It was just that, at the moment, while she knew exactly where SHE was, she didn't know the position of anywhere else. Votes: 0

Granny Weatherwax was often angry. She considered it one of her strong points. Genuine anger was one of the world's greatest creative forces. But you had to learn how to control it. That didn't mean you let it trickle away. it meant you dammed it, carefully, let it develop a working head, let it drown whole valleys of the mind and then, just when the whole structure was about to collapse, opened a tiny pipeline at the base and let the iron-hard stream of wrath power the turbines of revenge. Votes: 0

Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off. Votes: 0

Guilt was the grease in which the wheels of the authority turned. Votes: 0

Happiness is not the natural state of mankind, and is never achieved from the outside in. Votes: 0

Hat = wizard, wizard = hat. Everything else is frippery. Votes: 0

Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often students, for heaven's sake. Votes: 0

He felt as if he had been shipwrecked on the Titanic, but in the nick of time had been rescued. By the Lusitania Votes: 0

He felt that the darkness was full of unimaginable horrors - and the trouble with unimaginable horrors was that they were only too easy to imagine... Votes: 0

He hated games they made the world look too simple. Chess, in particular, had always annoyed him. It was the dumb way the pawns went off and slaughtered their fellow pawns while the king lounged about doing nothing. If only the pawns would've united ... the whole board could've been a republic in about a dozen moves. Votes: 0

He moved on, in the centre of a widening circle. He wasn't an enemy, he was a nemesis. Votes: 0

He never pays attention, he always knows the answer, and he can never tell you how he knows. We can't keep thrashing him. He is a bad example to the other pupils. There's no educating a smart boy. Votes: 0

He said it was better to belong where you don't belong than not to belong where you used to belong, remembering when you used to belong there. Votes: 0

He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at. Votes: 0

He sighed. It had come to this. He was a responsible authority, and people could use terms like "core values" at him with impunity. Votes: 0

He stared at his feet. "I'm still very ignorant," he said, "but at least I'm ignorant about really important things. Votes: 0

He talks pretty big for a gutter wizard," he muttered. "You don't understand at all," said the wizard wearily. "I'm so scared of you my spine has turned to jelly, it's just that I'm suffering from an overdose of terror right now. I mean, when I've got over that then I'll have time to be decently frightened of you. Votes: 0

He thought about how it might be to be, say, a fox confronted with an angry sheep. A sheep moreover, that could afford to employ wolves. Votes: 0

He was certain he was anorectic, because every time he looked in a mirror he saw a fat man. It was the Archchancellor, standing behind him and shouting at him. Votes: 0

He was currently wondering vaguely who Moey and Chandon were. Votes: 0

He was determined to discover the underlying logic behind the universe. Which was going to be hard, because there wasn't one. Votes: 0

He was, he would be the first to admit, a coward, an incompetent, and not even very good at being a failure. Votes: 0

He's bound to have done something," Nobby repeated. In this he was echoing the Patrician's view of crime and punishment. If there was a crime, there should be punishment. If the specific criminal should be involved in the punishment process then this was a happy accident, but if not then any criminal would do, and since everyone was undoubtedly guilty of something, the net result was that, in general terms, justice was done. Votes: 0

He'sh mad?' ‘Sort of mad. But mad with lots of money.' ‘Ah, then he can't be mad. I've been around; if a man hash lotsh of money he'sh just ecshentric. Votes: 0

He'd always known that the world was an interesting place, and his imagination had peopled it with pirates and bandits and spies and astronauts and similar. But he'd also had a nagging suspicion that, when you seriously got right down to it, they were all just things in books and didn't properly exist anymore. Votes: 0

He'd been an angel once. He hadn't meant to Fall. He'd just hung around with the wrong people. Votes: 0

He'd heard that writers spent all day in their dressing gowns drinking champagne. This is, of course, absolutely true. Votes: 0

Her singing always cheered him up. Life seemed so much brighter when she stopped. Votes: 0

Here's what I suggest," he said. "You pretend that rats can think, and I'll promise to pretend that humans can think, too. Votes: 0

He's out of his depth on a wet pavement. Votes: 0

He's probably their battle poet, too." "You mean he makes up heroic songs about famous battles?" "No, no. He recites poems that frighten the enemy....When a well-trained gonnagle starts to recite, the enemy's ears explode. Votes: 0

His mind worked fast, flying in emergency supplies of common sense, as human minds do, to construct a huge anchor in sanity and prove that what happened hadn't really happened and, if it had happened, hadn't happened much. Votes: 0

His movements could be called cat-like, except that he did not stop to spray urine up against things. Votes: 0

His progress through life was hampered by his tremendous sense of his own ignorance, a disability which affects all too few. Votes: 0

His sister had been sent down to the village to ask Mistress Garlick the witch how you stopped spelling recommendation. Votes: 0

Historical Re-creation, he thought glumly, as they picked their way across, under, over or through the boulders and insect-buzzing heaps of splintered timber, with streamlets running everywhere. Only we do it with people dressing up and running around with blunt weapons, and people selling hot dogs, and the girls all miserable because they can only dress up as wenches, wenching being the only job available to women in the olden days. Votes: 0

History always has a few tricks up its frayed sleeve. It's been around a long time. Votes: 0

History has a habit of changing the people who think they are changing it Votes: 0

History isn't like that. History unravels gently, like an old sweater. It has been patched and darned many times, reknitted to suit different people, shoved in a box under the sink of censorship to be cut up for the dusters of propaganda, yet it always - eventually - manages to spring back into its old familar shape. History has a habit of changing the people who think they are changing it. History always has a few tricks up its frayed sleeve. It's been around a long time. Votes: 0

History tends to change people who think they're changing it. Votes: 0

History, contrary to popular theories, is kings and dates and battles. Votes: 0

HOROSCOPE: Today is a good time for making new friends. A good deed may have unforeseen consequences. Don't upset any druids. You will soon be going on a very strange journey. Your lucky food is small cucumbers. People pointing knives at you are probably up to no good. PS, we really mean it about the druids. Votes: 0

How do you get all those coins?" asked Mort. IN PAIRS. Votes: 0

Humans can think inhuman thoughts. Votes: 0

Humans had built a world inside the world, which reflected it in pretty much the same way as a drop of water reflected the landscape. And yet ... and yet ... Inside this little world they had taken pains to put all the things you might think they would want to escape from - hatred, fear, tyranny, and so forth. Death was intrigued. They thought they wanted to be taken out of themselves, and every art humans dreamt up took them further in. He was fascinated. Votes: 0

Humans need fantasy in order to be human. Votes: 0

Humans! They lived in a world where the grass continued to be green and the sun rose every day and flowers regularly turned into fruit, and what impressed them? Weeping statues. And wine made out of water! A mere quantum-mechanistic tunnel effect, that'd happen anyway if you were prepared to wait zillions of years. As if the turning of sunlight into wine, by means of vines and grapes and time and enzymes, wasn't a thousand times more impressive and happened all the time... Votes: 0

I am a technophile, so there is no such thing as a first draft. The first draft plunges on, and about a quarter of the way through it I realise I'm doing things wrong, so I start rewriting it. What you call the first draft becomes rather like a caterpillar; it is progressing fairly slowly, but there is movement up and down its whole length, the whole story is being changed. I call this draft zero, telling myself how the story is supposed to go. Votes: 0

I am death, not taxes. I turn up only once. Votes: 0

I believe in reincarnation," [Bjorn] said. I KNOW. "I tried to live a good life. Does that help?" THAT'S NOT UP TO ME. Death coughed. OF COURSE... SINCE YOU BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION... YOU'LL BE BJORN AGAIN. Votes: 0

I can't stand any music that requires its singers to be so dumb they wear their baseball caps backwards. Votes: 0

I certainly don't sit down and plan a book out before I write it. There's a phrase I use called "The Valley Full of Clouds." Writing a novel is as if you are going off on a journey across a valley. The valley is full of mist, but you can see the top of a tree here and the top of another tree over there. And with any luck you can see the other side of the valley. But you cannot see down into the mist. Nevertheless, you head for the first tree. Votes: 0

I commend my soul to any god that can find it. Votes: 0

I could be wrong. Not being certain is what being a philosopher is all about. Votes: 0

I dare say that quite a few people have contemplated death for reasons that much later seemed to them to be quite minor. Votes: 0

I decided at school that the only sensible way to make a living by arranging words in a pleasing order was by working on newspapers, because you got paid at the end of the week or the end of the month. Votes: 0

I dinna trust him," said Slightly Mad Angus. "He reads books an' such. Votes: 0

I discovered fantasy and science fiction when I was about 10, and read nothing else for about three years. I ran out of all the books that there were to read in the library. I was keen on reading stuff that took me to other places. Votes: 0

I do note with interest that old women in my books become young women on the covers... this is discrimination against the chronologically gifted. Votes: 0

I don't see why it matters what is written. Not when it's about people. It can always be crossed out. Votes: 0

I don't think it's weak to admit you made a mistake. That takes strength, if you ask me. Votes: 0

I don't hold with paddlin' with the occult," said Granny firmly. "Once you start paddlin' with the occult you start believing in spirits, and when you start believing in spirits you start believing in demons, and then before you know where you are you're believing in gods. And then you're in trouble." "But all them things exist," said Nanny Ogg. "That's no call to go around believing in them. It only encourages 'em. Votes: 0

I don't read an awful lot of fiction and when I do, it tends to be lightweight stuff. Votes: 0

I don't regret it, you know. I would do it all again. Children are our hope for the future." THERE IS NO HOPE FOR THE FUTURE, said Death. "What does it contain, then?" ME. Votes: 0

I don't see what's so triffic about creating people as people and then gettin' upset cos' they act like people", said Adam severely. "Anyway, if you stopped tellin' people it's all sorted out after they're dead, they might try sorting it all out while they're alive. Votes: 0

I don't see what's so triffic about creating people as people and then gettin' upset 'cos they act like people. Votes: 0

I don't think a baker reads an awful lot about bread. Votes: 0

I don't think I've drunk enough beer to understand that. Votes: 0

I don't think I've ever been critical of the money Douglas Adams makes, especially since, as has been tactfully pointed out, I myself have had to change banks having filled the first one up. Votes: 0

I express preference for a chronological sequence of events which precludes a violence. Votes: 0

I had a deprived childhood, you see. I had lots of other kids to play with and my parents bought me outdoor toys and refused to ill-treat me, so it never occurred to me to seek solitary consolation with a good book. Votes: 0

I hate cats." Death's face became a little stiffer, if that were possible. The blue glow in his eye sockets flickered red for an instant. "I SEE," he said. The tone suggested that death was too good for cat haters. Votes: 0

I have a suspicion - I have to be careful what I say - that you might actually find the best comics actually written by people who are comics writers and who aren't setting out to do graphic novels. Votes: 0

I have no fear of death whatsoever. I suspect that few people do, what they all fear is what might happen in the years or months before death. Votes: 0

I have no use for people who have learned the limits of the possible. Votes: 0

I have vowed that rather than let Alzheimer's take me, I would take it, i would live my life as ever to the full and die, before the disease mounted its last attack, in my own home, in a chair on the lawn, with a brandy in my hand to wash down whatever modern version of the Brompton Cocktail some helpful medic could supply. And with Thomas Tallis on my iPod, I would shake hands with death. Votes: 0

I imagine that fish have no word for water. Votes: 0

I just rearrange words into a pleasing order for money. Votes: 0

I keep vaguely wondering what Macs are like, but the ones I've seen spend too much time being friendly. Votes: 0

I know it's not the right thing to say to a lady, miss, but you are sweating like a pig!" "My mother always said that horses sweat, men perspire, and ladies merely glow…" "Is that so? Well, miss, you are glowing like a pig! Votes: 0

I know it's a very human thing to say 'Is there anything I can do,' but in this case I would only entertain offers from very high-end experts in brain chemistry. Votes: 0

I know loads of coppers and dealt with them a lot when I was a journalist - coppers are easy to write for; they tend to run on rails. Votes: 0

I know that I am a small, weak man, but I have amassed a large library; I dream of dangerous places. Votes: 0

I know three people who have got better after a brain tumour. I haven't heard of anyone who's got better from Alzheimer's. Votes: 0

I like the idea of democracy. You have to have someone everyone distrusts, Votes: 0

I may be daft but I'm no' stupid! Votes: 0

I MAY HAVE ALLOWED MYSELF SOME FLICKER OF EMOTION IN THE RECENT PAST, said Death, BUT I CAN GIVE IT UP ANY TIME I LIKE. Votes: 0

I mean, you're right about the fire and war, all that. But that Rapture stuff--well, if you could see them all in Heaven--serried ranks of them as far as the mind can follow and beyond, league after league of us, flaming swords, all that, well, what I'm trying to say is who has time to go round picking people out and popping them up in the air to sneer at the people dying of radiation sickness on the parched and burning earth below them? If that's your idea of a morally acceptable time, I might add. Votes: 0

I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?" Death thought about it. CATS, he said eventually. CATS ARE NICE. Votes: 0

I mistrust the term graphic novel because it sounds like a good thing to put on a tee-shirt. That's why the French like them. Votes: 0

I never said nothing..." "I know you never! I could hear you not saying anything! You've got the loudest silences I ever did hear from anyone who wasn't dead! Votes: 0

I once absent-mindedly ordered Three Mile Island dressing in a restaurant and, with great presence of mind, they brought Thousand Island Dressing and a bottle of chili sauce. Votes: 0

I read anything that's going to be interesting. But you don't know what it is until you've read it. Somewhere in a book on the history of false teeth there'll be the making of a novel. Votes: 0

I really wish that peoplewould just say, 'Yes, it's a comic. Yes, this is fantasy. Yes, this is Science Fiction,' and defend the genre instead of saying, 'Horror is a bit passe so this is Dark Fantasy,' and that' s playing someone else's game. So that's why I say I'm a fantasy writer and to hell with 'It doesn't read like what I think of as a fantasy'. In that case what you think of as a fantasy is not a fantasy. Or there is more to it than you think. Votes: 0

I reckon responsible behavior is something to get when you grow older. Like varicose veins. Votes: 0

I reckon that Stonehege was build by the contemporary equivalent of Microsoft, whereas Avebury was definitely an Apple circle. Votes: 0

I see evil when I look in my shaving mirror. It is, philosophically, present everywhere in the universe in order, apparently, to highlight the existence of good. I think there is more to this theory, but I tend to burst out laughing at this point. Votes: 0

I staggered into a Manchester bar late one night on a tour and the waitress said "You look as if you need a Screaming Orgasm". At the time this was the last thing on my mind... Votes: 0

I taught myself more in the library than school taught me. Votes: 0

I tell you, commander, it's true that some of the most terrible things in the world are done by people who think, genuinely think, that they're doing it for the best, especially if there is some god involved. Votes: 0

I think it's IMPOSSIBLE for anyone famous to come from here, because everyone around here is insane. Votes: 0

I think what drove me away from being a reporter was an inability to accept that the world came in neat stories. Every story you have to report is just part of something bigger. The news isn't what happened last night - it's some cumulative thing that's happened over centuries. I found it hard to think of one event and drag it out of a bubbling pot and present it as the story that explains it all. Votes: 0

I think you should be proud of not being worse than just deeply introverted and socially maladjusted. Votes: 0

I think," he said, "I think, if you want thousands, you have to fight for one. Votes: 0

I try to make computers say things like You have 60 seconds to achieve safe distance. Votes: 0

I used to like reading and you read enough books and you overflow and then you start writing. Votes: 0

I was a very keen reader of science fiction. Votes: 0

I was just a kid then. But I won't forget. Nor will others. There's lots of people with reason to hate the Church. Votes: 0

I was once a journalist. And I think of myself as a journalist, and that's it. You tell the truth. I even wrote a book called 'The Truth'. Votes: 0

I wish that the people who sing about the deeds of heroes would think about the people who have to clear up after them. Votes: 0

I wonder if it's like this for mountain climbers, he thought. You climb bigger and bigger mountains and you know that one day one of them is going to be just that bit too steep. But you go on doing it, because it's so-o good when you breathe the air up there. And you know you'll die falling. Votes: 0

I would advise budding writers some other kind of job, unless they think they're very, very lucky. Votes: 0

I would like to die peacefully with Thomas Tallis on my iPod before the disease takes me over and I hope that will not be for quite some time to come, because if I knew that I could die at any time I wanted, then suddenly every day would be as precious as a million pounds, if I knew that I could die, I would live. My life, my death, my choice. Votes: 0

I would not like it thought that I do not buy my own paperclips, sir. I enjoy owning my own paperclips. It means they are mine. Votes: 0

I would rather stare at the wall for half an hour than watch an episode of any of the 53,801 Australian soap operas now cluttering up UK TV. Votes: 0

I wouldn't trust you with a bucket of water if my knickers were on fire! Votes: 0

I wrote three books, I had three greenhouses. It seemed to me to be very satisfactory. Votes: 0

I'm a witch. It's what we do. When it's nobody else's business, it's my business. Votes: 0

I'm not superstitious. I'm a witch. Witches aren't superstitious. We are what people are superstitious of. Votes: 0

I've seen excitement, and I've seen boredom. And boredom was best. Votes: 0

I'd go for "really great writer." Although I don't think I am. I know I have a style which is recognizable. I think you can see Terry Pratchett in every book. I like doing it. I was once a journalist. And I think of myself as a journalist, and that's it. Votes: 0

I'd like to sell a lot of books. Votes: 0

I'd like to walk on the moon (and return). Votes: 0

I'd rather be a rising ape than a falling angel. Votes: 0

If anyone wants one my advise is to go where the orthodox Jews shop, because when it comes to a big black fedora, the guys with ringlets and long black coats definitely know a stylish hat when they see one. You want to get it home and use a hot steaming kettle, and bob's your uncle - you have a hat with all the right curves! Votes: 0

If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember. Votes: 0

If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards! Votes: 0

If failure had no penalty success would not be a prize. Votes: 0

If he'd been a hero, he would have taken the opportunity to say, "That's what I call sorted!" Since he wasn't a hero, he threw up. Votes: 0

If I had been Terry Pratchett the farmer, or Terry Pratchett the dentist, nobody would have paid any attention if I had announced I had Alzheimer's. But there is something fascinating about an author losing the power over words. Votes: 0

If I knew that I could die, I would live. My life, my death, my choice. Votes: 0

If I were you, I'd sue my face for slander. Votes: 0

If my father could have sat up in bed and said goodbye, I'd have pressed the button. I wouldn't have been able to see for crying, but I would have considered that a duty. Votes: 0

If Not You, Who Else? Votes: 0

If the government ever imposes a tax on books - and I wouldn't put it past them - I'm in dead trouble. Votes: 0

If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn't as cynical as real life. Votes: 0

If there were such a thing as an inter-city thieving contest, Ankh-Morpork would bring home the trophy and probably everyone's wallets. Votes: 0

If there's one thing that really annoys a god, it's not knowing something. Votes: 0

If women were as good as men they'd be a lot better! Votes: 0

If you don't know when to be a human being, you don't know when to be a witch. Votes: 0

If you don't turn your life into a story, you just become a part of someone else's story. Votes: 0

If you get the characters right you've done sometimes nearly half the work. I sometimes find I get the characters right then the characters will often help me write the book - not what they look like that's not very important - what people look like is not about their character. You have to describe the shape they leave in the world, how they react to things, what effect they have on people and you do that by telling their story. Votes: 0

If you had enough money, you could hardly commit crimes at all. You just perpetrated amusing little peccadilloes. Votes: 0

If you have enough book space, I don't want to talk to you. Votes: 0

If you have to look along the shaft of an arrow from the wrong end, if a man has you entirely at his mercy, then hope like hell that man is an evil man. Because the evil like power... they will talk, they will gloat. So hope like hell your captor is an evil man. A good man will kill you with hardly a word. Votes: 0

If you kept changing the way people saw the world, you ended up changing the way you saw yourself. Votes: 0

If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter. Votes: 0

If you really want to upset a witch, do her a favor which she has no means of repaying. The unfulfilled obligation will nag at her like a hangnail. Votes: 0

If you try to to take my bananas from me, I will reclaim them from your cold dead hands. Votes: 0

If you want to change a whole people, then you start with the girls. It stands to reason: they learn faster, and they pass on what they learn to their children. Votes: 0

If you were going to be successful in the world of crime, you needed a reputation for honesty. Votes: 0

Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?' Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!' Ha ha,' agreed Moist. Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-' Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed. Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled. Votes: 0

I'm interested in mythology generally, but India has no special place in my heart - although Hindu gods seem a lot more fun. Votes: 0

I'm not cruel, sir, I won't shoot you in the guts, but I will make you realize how much you took your toes for granted. Votes: 0

I'm referred to, I see, as 'the biggest banker in modern publishing'. Now there's a line that needed the celebrated Guardian proof-reading. Votes: 0

I'm trying to have a moment o' existential dreed here, right? Crivens, it's a puir lookout if a man canna feel the chilly winds o' fate lashing aroound his netheres wi'out folks telling him he's deid, eh? Votes: 0

I'm trying to remember how you tell the time by looking at the sun." -"I should leave it for a while, it's too bright to see the numbers at the moment. Votes: 0

Imagination is only intelligence having fun. A healthy mind knows how to switch between worlds, and which one you need to eat and sleep in. Votes: 0

Imagination, not intelligence, made us human. Votes: 0

In an instant he became aware that the tourist was about to try his own peculiar brand of linguistics, which meant that he would speak loudly and slowly in his own language. Votes: 0

In defiance of Miss Maccalariat I'd like to commit hanky-panky with you, Miss Adora Belle Dearheart... well, certainly hanky, and possibly panky when we get to know one another better. Votes: 0

In fact, very few people on the face of the planet know that the very shape of the M25 forms the sigil *odegra* in the language of the Black Priesthood of Ancient Mu, and means 'Hail the Great Beast, Devourer of Worlds'. Votes: 0

In Genua, someone set out to make dreams come true. Remember some of your dreams? Votes: 0

In her own special category, she was quite beautiful. This was the category of all the women, in his entire life, who had ever thought he was worth smiling at. Votes: 0

In my early teens, I read every bound volume of the magazine Punch. Every writer of any distinction in the English language, and I mean including America and England, at some time wrote for Punch. Jerome K. Jerome, who wrote Three Men In A Boat, I loved. I was very impressed when I read a piece by Mark Twain in Punch, and realized that despite the fact that they were on different continents, Jerome K. Jerome and Mark Twain had the same kind of laconic, laid-back, "The human race is damn stupid, but quite interesting" attitude. They were almost talking with the same voice. Votes: 0

In order to have a change of fortune at the last minute, you have to take your fortune to the last minute. Votes: 0

In the end the problem isn't that you have the wrong sort of government for the People, but that you have the wrong sort of People. Votes: 0

In the Ramtops village where they dance the real Morris dance, for example, they believe that no-one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away - until the clock he wound up winds down, until the wine she made has finished its ferment, until the crop they planted is harvested. The span of someone's life, they say, is only the core of their actual existence. Votes: 0

In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this? Votes: 0

In the world I live in, 'not worse' is nearly as good as 'better'. Votes: 0

In theory it was, around now, Literature. Susan hated Literature. She'd much prefer to read a good book. Votes: 0

Insanity is catching. Votes: 0

Inside every lump of coal there's a diamond waiting to get out. Votes: 0

Inside every sane person there's a madman struggling to get out. Votes: 0

Interesting thing, these fellows never seem to get the idea of perspective-' The Bursar thought, or received the thought: that's because perspective is a lie. If I know a pond is round then why should I draw it oval? I will draw it round because round is true. Why should my brush lie to you just because my eye lies to me? Votes: 0

It as true that normal people couldn't hear Gaspode speak, because dogs don't speak. It's a well know fact. ... Besides, almost all dogs don't talk. Ones that do are merely a statistical error, and can therefore be ignored. Votes: 0

It doesn't matter if dragons are flying overhead or whatever - a lot of Victoriana is still cut in the frame of fantasy. Votes: 0

It doesn't stop being magic just because you know how it works. Votes: 0

It is a popular fact that nine-tenths of the brain is not used and, like most popular facts, it is wrong. Not even the most stupid Creator would go to the trouble of making the human head carry around several pounds of unnecessary gray goo if its only real purpose was, for example, to serve as a delicacy for certain remote tribesmen in unexplored valleys. Votes: 0

It is always useful to face an enemy who is prepared to die for his country," he read. "This means that both you and he have exactly the same aim in mind. Votes: 0

It is at this point that normal language gives up, and goes and has a drink. Votes: 0

It is possibly worth mentioning at this point that Mr. Young thought that paparazzi was a kind of Italian linoleum. Votes: 0

It is said that the Devil has all the best tunes. This is broadly true. But Heaven has the best choreographers Votes: 0

It is said that whomsoever the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad. In fact, whomsoever the gods wish to destroy, they first hand the equivalent of a stick with a fizzing fuse and Acme Dynamite Company written on the side. It's more interesting, and doesn't take so long. Votes: 0

It is true that words have power, and one of the things they are able to do is get out of someone's mouth before the speaker has the chance to stop them. Votes: 0

It looked like the sort of book described in library catalogues as "slightly foxed", although it would be more honest to admit that it looked as though it had beed badgered, wolved and possibly beared as well. -- Ah, but has it been hedgehogged? Votes: 0

It must be powerful language if you canna make oout what the heel it's goin' on aboot! Votes: 0

It occurred to me that at one point it was like I had two diseases - one was Alzheimers, and the other was knowing I had Alzheimers. Votes: 0

It takes a special kind of person to fight back. Votes: 0

It takes forty men with their feet on the ground to keep one man with his head in the air. Votes: 0

It was a backwards memory of an event in his future so terrifying that it had generated harmonics of fear all the way along his lifeline. Votes: 0

It was all very well going on about pure logic and how the universe was ruled by logic and the harmony of numbers, but the plain fact of the matter was that the Disc was manifestly traversing space on the back of a giant turtle and the gods had a habit of going round to atheists' houses and smashing their windows. Votes: 0

It was amazing how many friends you could make by being bad at things, provided you were bad enough to be funny. Votes: 0

It was like being in a Jane Austen novel, but one with far less clothing. Votes: 0

It was lonely on the hill, and cold. And all you could do was keep going. You could scream, cry, and stamp your feet, but apart from making you feel warmer, it wouldn't do any good. You could say it was unfair, and that was true, but the universe didn't care because it didn't know what "fair" meant. That was the big problem about being a witch. It was up to you. It was always up to you. Votes: 0

It was long after midnight and the stars looked damp and chilly; the air was full of the busy silence of the night, which is created by hundreds of small furry things treading very carefully in the hope of finding dinner while avoiding being the main course. Votes: 0

It was nice to hear the voices of little children at play, provided you took care to be far enough away not to hear what they were actually saying. Votes: 0

It was possibly the most circumspect advance in the history of military maneuvers, right down at the bottom end of the scale that things like the Charge of the Light Brigade are at the top of. Votes: 0

It was raining in the small, mountainous country of Llamedos. It was always raining in Llamedos. Rain was the country's main export. It had rain mines. Votes: 0

It was sad, like those businessmen who came to work in serious clothes but wore colorful ties in a mad, desperate attempt to show there was a free spirit in there somewhere. Votes: 0

It was Sci-Fi and fantasy that got me reading, and Sci-Fi writers in particular have pack rat minds. They introduce all sorts of interesting themes and ideas into their books, and so for me it was a short leap to go from the fantasy and Sci-Fi genres to folklore, mythology, ancient history and philosophy. I did not read philosophy because I set out to become a philosopher; I read it because it looked interesting. Votes: 0

It was so loud and so deep, it wasn't really sound at all, just something that turned the air hard and then hit you with it. Votes: 0

It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things. Votes: 0

It was the living who ignored the strange and wonderful, because life was too full of the boring and mundane. Votes: 0

It was then that Marvin got religion. Not the quiet, personal kind, that involves doing good deeds and living a better life; not even the kind that involves putting on a suit and ringing' people's doorbells; but the kind that involves having your own TV network and getting people to send you money. Votes: 0

It was written in some holy book, apparently, so that made it okay, and probably compulsory. Votes: 0

It was, according to the history books, the fastest coronation since Bubric the Saxon crowned himself with a very pointy crown on a hill during a thunderstorm, and reigned for one and a half seconds. Votes: 0

It wasn't that Nanny Ogg sang badly. It was just that she could hit notes which, when amplified by a tin bath half full of water, ceased to be sound and became some sort of invasive presence. Votes: 0

It's a god-eat-god world. Votes: 0

It's a guilty secret of a lot of writers, as you get older you don't read as much fiction as you used to, mainly because it's like you are deconstructing it all the time. Votes: 0

IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT /MEANT/ TO BE SAFE. Votes: 0

It's actually true that I keep myself going by constantly promising myself that in response for the hard work I will be allowed to do some more hard work later on. Votes: 0

It's always surprising to be reminded that while you're watching and thinking about people, all knowing and superior, they're watching and thinking about you, right back at you. Votes: 0

It's amazing how fast gold works. Votes: 0

It's beautiful," said Mort softly. "What is it?" THE SUN IS UNDER THE DISC, said Death. "Is it like this every night?" EVERY NIGHT, said Death. NATURE'S LIKE THAT. "Doesn't anyone know?" ME. YOU. THE GODS. GOOD, ISN'T IT? "Gosh!" Death leaned over the saddle and looked down at the kingdoms of the world. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, he said, BUT I COULD MURDER A CURRY. Votes: 0

It's either because of the number of times the scholar puts the boot into Peter Jackson the director of The Lord of the Rings films or is making a point they have never heard of. Votes: 0

It's going to look pretty good, then, isn't it," said War testily, "the One Horseman and Three Pedestrians of the Apocalypse. Votes: 0

It's hard to be famous and alive. Votes: 0

It's hard to explain," said Brutha. "But I think it's got something to do with how people should behave... you should do things because they're right. Not because gods say so. They might say something different another time. Votes: 0

It's never a good idea to ask a man on a tight-rope how he keeps his balance: a) he would probably fall off and b) he probably doesn't know what the muscles are called in any case. Votes: 0

It's no wonder most religions are born in the desert, because when men lay beneath that boundless night sky and look up at the infinite expanse of creation they have an uncontrollable urge to put something in the way . Votes: 0

It's not Brits who think American readers are a bunch of whinging morons with the geo-social understanding of a wire coathanger, it's American editors. Votes: 0

It's not lying when you do it to officers! Votes: 0

It's still magic even if you know how it's done. Votes: 0

IT'S THE EXPRESSION ON THEIR LITTLE FACES I LIKE, said the Hogfather. "You mean sort of fear and awe and not knowing whether to laugh or cry or wet their pants?" YES. NOW THAT IS WHAT I CALL BELIEF. Votes: 0

It's tough at the top. It's tough at the bottom. But in between you could use them for horse-shoes. Votes: 0

Its useful to go out of this world and see it from the perspective of another one. Votes: 0

It's very rare that I ever go and research a particular subject. Mostly I do serendipitous research, I read stuff, things spinning out of the page. Votes: 0

It's vital to remember who you really are. It's very important. It isn't a good idea to rely on other people or things to do it for you, you see. They always get it wrong. Votes: 0

I've got wide tastes, but I don't like jazz. Votes: 0

I've never really liked the Yanks. ... You can't trust people who pick up the ball all the time when they play football. Votes: 0

Jeremy tried to be an interesting person. The trouble was that he was the kind of person who, having decided to be an interesting person, would first of all try to find a book called How to Be An Interesting Person and then see whether there were any courses available. Votes: 0

Jesus won't cut you off before you're through With him you won't never get a crossed line, And when your bill comes it'll all be properly itemised He's the telephone repairman on the switchboard of my life. The phone line to the saviour's always free of interference He's in at any hour, day or night And when you call J-E-S-U-S you always call toll-free He's the telephone repairman on the switchboard of my life. Votes: 0

Joy is to fun what the deep sea is to a puddle. It's a feeling inside that can hardly be contained. Votes: 0

Juliet's version of cleanliness was next to godliness, which was to say it was erratic, past all understanding and was seldom seen. Votes: 0

Just because it's not nice doesn't mean it's not miraculous. Votes: 0

Just because someone's a member of an ethnic minority doesn't mean they're not a nasty small-minded little jerk [...] Votes: 0

Just because something is a metaphor doesn't mean it can't be real. Votes: 0

Just because things are obvious doesn't mean they're true. Votes: 0

Just because you've got a mind like a hammer doesn't mean you have to treat everyone else like a nail Votes: 0

Just call in at the torturer on your way out. See when he can fit you in. Votes: 0

Just erotic. Nothing kinky. It's the difference between using a feather and using a chicken. Votes: 0

Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death. Votes: 0

Knowing how bad you could be is a great encouragement to being good. Votes: 0

Knowing things is magical, if other people don't know them. Votes: 0

Knowledge is dangerous, which is why governments often clamp down on people who can think thoughts above a certain caliber. Votes: 0

Last night there seemed to be a chance. Anything was possible last night. That was the trouble with last nights. They were always followed by this mornings. Votes: 0

Learnin' how not to do things is as hard as learning how to do them. Votes: 0

Legends don't have to make sense. They just have to be beautiful. Or at least interesting. Votes: 0

Lessee...he'd gone off after the funeral and gotten drunk. No, not drunk, another word, ended with "er." Drunker. that was it. Votes: 0

Letitia! What a name. Halfway between a salad and a sneeze. Votes: 0

Life doesn't happen in chapters - at least, not regular ones. Votes: 0

Life is a trick, and you get one chance to learn it. Votes: 0

Life is just chemicals. A drop here, a drip there, everything's changed. A mere dribble of fermented juices and sudenlly you're going to live another few hours. Votes: 0

Light died in the west. Night and tears took the Nation. The star of Water drifted among the clouds like a murderer softly leaving the scene of the crime. Votes: 0

Little crimes breed big crimes. You smile at little crimes and then big crimes blow your head off. Votes: 0

Little fussy Otto, in his red-lined black opera cloak with pockets for all his gear, his shiny black shoes, his carefully cut widow's peak and, not least, his ridiculous accent that grew thicker or thinner depending on who he was talking to, did not look like a threat. He looked funny, a joke, a music-hall vampire. It had never previously occurred to Vimes that, just possibly, the joke was on other people. Votes: 0

Logic is a wonderful thing but doesn't always beat actual thought. Votes: 0

London was not designed for cars. Come to that, it wasn't designed for people. It just sort of happened. This created problems, and the solutions that were implemented became the next problems, five or ten or a hundred years down the line. Votes: 0

Look at Satan. Created as an angel, grows up to be the Great Adversary. Hey, if you're going to go on about genetics, you might as well say the kid will grow up to be an angel. After all, his father was really big in Heaven in the old days. Saying he'll grow up to be a demon just because his dad became one is like saying a mouse with its tail cut off will give birth to tailless mice. No. Upbringing is everything. Take it from me. Votes: 0

Look out! He's got a daisy! Votes: 0

Look, he said to his imagination, if this is how you're going to behave, I shan't bring you again. Votes: 0

Look, that's why there's rules, understand? So that you think before you break 'em. Votes: 0

Lots of ingenuity gets you through times with no money better than money gets you through times of no ingenuity. Votes: 0

Lots of people would be as cowardly as me if they were brave enough. Votes: 0

Luck is my middle name. Mind you, my first name is Bad. Votes: 0

Magic is just a way of saying 'I don't know.' Votes: 0

Magic never dies. It merely fades away. Votes: 0

Magicians and scientists are, on the face of it, poles apart. Certainly, a group of people who often dress strangely, live in a world of their own, speak a specialized language and frequently make statements that appear to be in flagrant breach of common sense have nothing in common with a group of people who often dress strangely, speak a specialized language, live in ... er ... Votes: 0

Magrat had used a lot of powder to make her face pale and interesting. It combined with the lavishly applied mascara to give the guard the impression that he was looking at two flies that had crashed into a sugar bowl. Votes: 0

Man just went past with a cat on his head, Votes: 0

Many an ancient lord's last words have been, 'You can't kill me because I've got magic aaargh.' Votes: 0

Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide. Votes: 0

Matter exploded into being, apparently as chaos, but in fact as a chord. The ultimate power chord. Votes: 0

Maurice watched them argue again. Humans, eh? Think they're lords of creation. Not like us cats. We know we are. Ever see a cat feed a human? Case proven. Votes: 0

Maybe the best comics are written by people who really are at ease in the comic world. Votes: 0

Maybe the only significant difference between a really smart simulation and a human being was the noise they made when you punched them. Votes: 0

Mere animals couldn't possibly manage to act like this. You need to be a human being to be really stupid. Votes: 0

Modesty is only arrogance by stealth. Votes: 0

Moist was sure doctors keep skeletons around to cow patients. Nyer, nyer, we know what you look underneath ... Votes: 0

Money makes people rich; it is a fallacy to think it makes them better, or even that it makes them worse. People are what they do, and what they leave behind. Votes: 0

Monsters are getting more uppity, too (...) I heard where this guy, he killed this monster in this lake, no problem, stuck its arm up over the door (...) and you know what? Its mum come and complained. Its actual mum come right down to the hall next day and complained. Actually complained. That's the respect you get. Votes: 0

Mort was already aware that love made you feel hot and cold and cruel and weak, but he hadn't realized that it could make you stupid. Votes: 0

Most armies are in fact run by their sergeants - the officers are there just to give things a bit of tone and prevent warfare becoming a mere lower-class brawl. Votes: 0

Most gods find it hard to walk and think at the same time. Votes: 0

Most horses don't walk backwards voluntarily, because what they can't see doesn't exist. Votes: 0

Most modern fantasy just rearranges the furniture in Tolkien's attic. Votes: 0

Most of my schooldays were the worst day of my life. Votes: 0

Most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally evil, but by people being fundamentally people. Votes: 0

Most people who have found that they are more intelligent than most around them, have yet to learn that one of the most intelligent things they can do is prevent said people ever finding this out. Votes: 0

Most witches don't believe in gods. They know that the gods exist, of course. They even deal with them occasionally. But they don't believe in them. They know them too well. It would be like believing in the postman. Votes: 0

Mr Lipwig, there's a lady in the hall to see you and we've thanked her for not smoking three times and she's still doing it! Votes: 0

My agent pointed out one day that I had been quoted by a columnist in some American newspaper, and he noted with some glee that they simply identified me by name without reminding people who I was, apparently in the clear expectation that their readers would know who I am. Votes: 0

My character - and for that matter my worst habits - could only be described by someone else. You can't open a box with the crowbar inside it. Votes: 0

My idea of a good novel was one you made enough money out of to buy a greenhouse. Votes: 0

My name is unpronounceable in your tongue, woman," it said. "I'll be the judge of that," warned Granny, and added, "Don't call me woman." "Very well. My name is WxrtHltl-jwlpklz," said the demon smugly. Votes: 0

My programming language was solder. Votes: 0

Nac Mac Feegle! The Wee Free Men! Nae king! Nae quin! Nae laird! Nae master! We willna' be fooled again! Votes: 0

Nanny Ogg could see the future in the froth on a beer mug. It invariably showed that she was going to enjoy a refreshing drink which she almost certainly was not going to pay for. Votes: 0

Nanny Ogg knew how to start spelling 'banana', but didn't know how you stopped. Votes: 0

Nanny Ogg never did any housework herself, but she was the cause of housework in other people. Votes: 0

Natural selection saw to it that professional heroes who at a crucial moment tended to ask themselves questions like 'What is my purpose in life?' very quickly lacked both. Votes: 0

Needless to say, they refused to submit to the Empire, conducting such a persistent guerrilla war that the Romans gave up hope of conquering Scotland, and the Wee Free Men remained both wee and free. Votes: 0

Never build a dungeon you wouldn't be happy to spend the night in yourself. The world would be a happier place if more people remembered that. Votes: 0

Never cross a woman with a star on a stick, young lady. They've got a mean streak. Votes: 0

Never f*!k with the ineffable. Votes: 0

Never trust a species that grins all the time. It's up to something. Votes: 0

Next comes the realist phase ("After all, from a purely geometrical point of view a cat is only a tube with a door at the top."). Votes: 0

Nigel gave the lamp a cautious buff and small smoking red letters appeared in the air. "Hi," Nigel read aloud, "Do not put down the lamp because your custom is important to us. Please leave a wish after the tone and, very shortly, it will be our command. In the meantime, have a nice eternity." Votes: 0

Night poured over the desert. It came suddenly, in purple. In the clear air, the stars drilled down out of the sky, reminding any thoughtful watcher that it is in the deserts and high places that religions are generated. When men see nothing but bottomless infinity over their heads they have always had a driving and desperate urge to find someone to put in the way. Votes: 0

Ninety percent of most magic merely consists of knowing one extra fact. Votes: 0

Ninety percent of true love is acute, ear-burning embarrassment. Votes: 0

No clowns were funny. That was the whole purpose of a clown. People laughed at clowns, but only out of nervousness. The point of clowns was that, after watching them, anything else that happened seemed enjoyable Votes: 0

No it's not!" said Constable Visit. "Atheism is a denial of a god." "Therefore It Is A Religious Position," said Dorfl. "Indeed, A True Atheist Thinks Of The Gods Constantly, Albeit In Terms of Denial. Therefore, Atheism Is A Form Of Belief. If The Atheist Truly Did Not Believe, He Or She Would Not Bother To Deny. Votes: 0

No matter what she did with her hair it took about three minutes for it to tangle itself up again, like a garden hosepipe in a shed [Which, no matter how carefully coiled, will always uncoil overnight and tie the lawnmower to the bicycles]. Votes: 0

No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away... Votes: 0

No one knew where you were before you were born, but when you were born, it wasn't long before you found you'd arrived with your return ticket already punched. Votes: 0

No one thinks that young adults read hooks for YOUNG ADULTS, books for young adults are read by kids. Votes: 0

No real sunrise could paint the sky Surgical Appliance Pink. Votes: 0

No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled. "Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon?" "What?" "Oh, you'd like something simpler? Votes: 0

No, I happen to be one of those people whose memory shuts down under pressure. The answers would come to me in the middle of the night in my sleep! Besides, I am a millionaire. Votes: 0

No, what he didn't like about heroes was that they were usually suicidally gloomy when sober and homicidally insane when drunk. Votes: 0

No. Men should die for lies. But the truth is too precious to die for. Votes: 0

Noble dragons don't have friends. The nearest they can get to the idea is an enemy who is still alive. Votes: 0

Not all questions are answered, but fortunately some answers are questioned. Votes: 0

Not for the first time in the history of the universe, someone for whom communication normally came as effortlessly as a dream was stuck for inspiration when faced with a few lines on the back of a card. Votes: 0

Nothing but dust and fundamentalists. Votes: 0

Nothing has to be true forever. Just for long enough, to tell you the truth. Votes: 0

Now he knew: They were real. Who'd make up a thing like this? Okay, one of them was a cheese that rolled around of its own accord, but nobody was perfect. Votes: 0

Now that their long war was over, they could get on with the proper concern of all civilised nations, which is to prepare for the next one. Votes: 0

Occasionally he would very nearly swear. Votes: 0

Of course I'm sane, when trees start talking to me, I don't talk back. Votes: 0

Of course, just because we've heard a spine-chilling, blood-curdling scream of the sort to make your very marrow freeze in your bones doesn't automatically mean there's anything wrong. Votes: 0

-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? -Certainly. I'd know me anywhere. Votes: 0

Oh, come on. Revelation was a mushroom dream that belonged in the Apocrypha. The New Testament is basically about what happened when God got religion. Votes: 0

Oh, he did his best to make their short lives miserable, because that was his job, but nothing he could think up was half as bad as the stuff they thought up themselves. Votes: 0

OH, THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING IN THE STOCKING THAT MAKES A NOISE, said Death. OTHERWISE, WHAT IS 4:30 A.M. FOR? Votes: 0

Oh, there's plenty of reasons. I just don't know which one. Votes: 0

Oh, well...up until now it had been a good day, in a horrible kind of way. Votes: 0

Oh, where are my manners? Do sit down. Pull up a small child. Votes: 0

Oh. I see. People don't want to see what can't possibly exist. Votes: 0

Om rubed his head. This wasn't god-like thinking. It seemed simpler when you were up here. It was all a game. You forgot that it wasn't a game down there. People died. Bits got chopped off. We're like eagles up here, he thought. Sometimes we show tortoise how to fly. Then we let go. Votes: 0

Omens are everywhere in this world you just have to find the one that fits. Votes: 0

On the Disc the gods dealt severely with atheists. Votes: 0

On the Disc, the Gods aren't so much worshipped, as they are blamed. Votes: 0

Once upon a time the plural of 'wizard' was 'war'. Votes: 0

Once you gave a thing a name, you gave it life. Votes: 0

Once you have your character sitting right there in your head, all you really need to do is wind them up, put them down, and simply write down what they do, say, or think. Votes: 0

One day all of us will die but - and this is the important thing - we are not dead yet. Votes: 0

One day I'll be dead and THEN you'll all be sorry. Votes: 0

One day I'll work out what it is you are saying, my lad, and then you'll be in trouble. Votes: 0

One of the hardest lessons in young Sam's life had been finding out that the people in charge weren't in charge. It had been finding out that governments were not, on the whole, staffed by people who had a grip, and that plans were what people made instead of thinking. Votes: 0

One of the important things about being a small-town reporter is knowing what not to put in the paper. Votes: 0

One of the things forgotten about the human spirit is that while it is, in the right conditions, noble and brave and wonderful, it is also, when you get right down to it, only human. Votes: 0

One person is nothing. Two people are a nation. Votes: 0

One thing that writers have in common is that they are readers first. They have read lots and lots of stuff, because they're just infested with lots of stuff. Votes: 0

Only Ron's dog was watching William. He considered that it had, for a dog, a very offensive and knowing look. A couple of months ago someaone had tried to hand William the old story about there being a dog in the city that could talk. (...) The dog in front of William didn't look as if it could talk, but it DID look as if it would swear. Votes: 0

Open your eyes and then open your eyes again. Votes: 0

Or -- and this she knew was a far more accurate way of looking at it -- the book was true and reality was lying. Votes: 0

Ordinary fortune-tellers tell you what you want to happen; witches tell you what's going to happen whether you want it to or not. Strangely enough, witches tend to be more accurate but less popular. Votes: 0

Other people salted away money for their old age, but Nanny preferred to accumulate memories. Votes: 0

Our garden was debated territory between five local cats, and we'd heard that the best way to keep other cats out of the garden was to have one yourself. A moment's rational thought here will spot the slight flaw in this reasoning. Votes: 0

People are bound to get excited when they see a ten-million-ton starship trying to fly down the street. Votes: 0

People are content to wait a long time for salvation, but prefer dinner to turn up inside an hour. Votes: 0

People are often so busy living that they never stop to wonder why. Votes: 0

People aren't just people, they are people surrounded by circumstances. Votes: 0

People don't alter history any more than birds alter the sky, they just make brief patterns in it. Votes: 0

People don't like change. But make the change fast enough and you go from one type of normal to another. Votes: 0

People don't like to say comic so they say Graphic Novel, despite the fact that I don't think the true Graphic Novel has been written anywhere. Votes: 0

People don't like to say Fantasy they say Magic Realism which means Fantasy written by somebody I went to university with. Votes: 0

People don't like to say Horror so they say Dark Fantasy because that's Horror wearing a collar and tie. Votes: 0

People like that don't need a reason apart from "because I can". They have a nightmare and try to make it happen. Votes: 0

People look down on stuff like geography and meteorology, and not only because they're standing on one and being soaked by the other. They don't look quite like real science. But geography is only physics slowed down and with a few trees stuck on it, and meteorology is full of excitingly fashionable chaos and complexity. And summer isn't a time. It's a place as well. Summer is a moving creature and likes to go south for the winter. Votes: 0

People needed to believe in gods, if only because it was so hard to believe in people. Votes: 0

People wanted the world to be a story, because stories had to sound right and they had to make sense. People wanted the world to make sense. Votes: 0

People were people, even if they had four legs and had called themselves names like Dangerous Beans, which is the kind of name you gave yourself if you learned to read before you understood what all the words actually meant. Votes: 0

People were stupid, sometimes. They thought the Library was a dangerous place because of all the magical books, which was true enough, but what made it really one of the most dangerous places there could ever be was the simple fact that it was a library. Votes: 0

People who are rather more than six feet tall and nearly as broad across the shoulders often have uneventful journeys. People jump out at them from behind rocks then say things like, "Oh. Sorry. I thought you were someone else. Votes: 0

People who used magic without knowing what they were doing usually came to a sticky end. All over the entire room, sometimes. Votes: 0

People's whole lives do pass in front of their eye before dying. The process is called "Living Votes: 0

Perhaps it would be simpler if you just did what you're told and didn't try to understand things. Votes: 0

Perhaps the magic would last, perhaps it wouldn't. But then again, what does? Votes: 0

Perhaps, if you knew you were going to die, your senses crammed in as much detail as they could while they still had the chance... Votes: 0

Personal's not the same as important. People just think it is. Votes: 0

Pets are always a great help in times of stress. And in times of starvation too, o'course. Votes: 0

Picture a tall, dark figure, surrounded by cornfields... NO, YOU CAN'T RIDE A CAT. WHO EVER HEARD OF THE DEATH OF RATS RIDING A CAT? THE DEATH OF RATS WOULD RIDE SOME KIND OF DOG. Picture more fields, a great horizon-spanning network of fields, rolling in gentle waves... DON'T ASK ME I DON'T KNOW. SOME KIND OF TERRIER, MAYBE. ...fields of corn, alive, whispering in the breeze... RIGHT, AND THE DEATH OF FLEAS CAN RIDE IT TOO. THAT WAY YOU KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE. ...awaiting the clockwork of the seasons. METAPHORICALLY. Votes: 0

Please give us a simple answer, so that we don't have to think, because if we think, we might find answers that don't fit the way we want the world to be Votes: 0

Poetic simile was strictly limited to statements like 'his mighty steed was as fleet as the wind on a fairly calm day, say about Force Three,' and any loose talk about a beloved having a face that launched a thousand ships would have to be backed by evidence that the object of desire did indeed look like a bottle of champagne. Votes: 0

Poets have tried to describe Ankh-Morpork. They have failed. Perhaps it's the sheer zestful vitality of the place, or maybe it's just that a city with a million inhabitants and no sewers is rather robust for poets, who prefer daffodils and no wonder. So let's just say that Ankh-Morpork is as full of life as an old cheese on a hot day, as loud as a curse in a cathedral, as bright as an oil slick, as colourful as a bruise and as full of activity, industry, bustle and sheer exuberant busyness as a dead dog on a termite mound. Votes: 0

Polly felt questing eyes boring into her. She was embarrassed, of course. But not for the obvious reason. It was for the other one, the little lesson that life sometimes rams home with a stick: you are not the only one watching the world. Other people are people; while you watch them they watch you, and they think about you while you think about them. The world isn't just about you. Votes: 0

Ponder just let it happen. It's because their minds are so often involved with deep and problematic matters, he told himself, that their mouths are allowed to wander around making a nuisance of themselves. Votes: 0

Preston, I don't think this creature could ever find its way into your head. Quite apart from anything else, it seems pretty crowded and complicated to me. Votes: 0

Pride is all very well, but a sausage is a sausage. Votes: 0

Priests were metal-reinforced overshoes. They saved your soles. This is an Assassin joke. Votes: 0

Privilege (to the privileged) means having private laws. Votes: 0

Probably the last man who knew how it worked had been tortured to death years before. Or as soon as it was installed. Killing the creator was a traditional method of patent protection. Votes: 0

Probably the last sound heard before the Universe folded up like a paper hat would be someone saying, 'What happens if I do this?' Votes: 0

Putting up a statue to someone who tried to stop a war is not very, um, statuesque. Of course, if you had butchered five hundred of your own men out of arrogant carelessness, we'd be melting the bronze already. Votes: 0

Questions don't have to make sense, Vincent," said Miss Susan. "But answers do. Votes: 0

Quick, someone's coming! Look real! Votes: 0

Quit while you're a head, that's what I say. Votes: 0

Raise the stakes! Always push your luck because no one else would push it for you. Votes: 0

Raising the flag and singing the anthem are, while somewhat suspicious, not in themselves acts of treason. Votes: 0

Real children do not go hoppity skip unless they are on drugs. Votes: 0

Real education happens when you pick up a fact here, and another fact there, and put them together and get an insight. Votes: 0

Reality is not digital, an on-off state, but analog. Something gradual. In other words, reality is a quality that things possess in the same way that they possess, say, weight. Some people are more real than others, for example. It has been estimated that there are only about five hundred real people on any given planet, which is why they keep unexpectedly running into one another all the time. Votes: 0

Remember - that which does not kill us can only make us stronger. And that which does kill us leaves us dead! Votes: 0

Right!" "Right!" "You can get there!" "I can get there!" "You're a natural at counting to two!" "I'm a nat'ral at counting to two!" "If you can count to two, you can count to anything!" "If I can count to two, I can count to anything!" "And then the world is your mollusc!" "My mollusc! What's a mollusc? Votes: 0

Rincewind shivered. He was not, of course, an atheist; on the Disc the gods dealt severely with atheists. On the few occasions when he had some spare change he had always made a point of dropping a few coppers into a temple coffer, somewhere, on the principle that a man needed all the friends he could get. But usually he didn't bother the Gods, and he hoped the Gods wouldn't bother him. Life was quite complicated enough. Votes: 0

Rings try to find their way back to their owner. Someone ought to write a book about it. Votes: 0

Ritual and ceremony in their due times kept the world under the sky and the stars in their courses. It was astonishing what ritual and ceremony could do. Votes: 0

Rumour is information distilled so finely that it can filter through anything. It does not need doors and windows -- sometimes it does not need people. It can exist free and wild, running from ear to ear without ever touching lips. Votes: 0

Sam Vimes could parallel process. Most husbands can. They learn to follow their own line of thought while at the same time listening to what their wives say. And the listening is important, because at any time they could be challenged and must be ready to quote the last sentence in full. A vital additional skill is being able to scan the dialogue for telltale phrases such as "and they can deliver it tomorrow" or "so I've invited them for dinner?" or "they can do it in blue, really quite cheaply. Votes: 0

Science fiction is fantasy with bolts painted on outside. Votes: 0

SCIENCE: a way of finding things out and then making them work. Science explains what is happening around us the whole time. So does RELIGION, but science is better because it comes up with more understandable excuses when it's wrong. Votes: 0

See a pin and pick it up, and, all day long, you'll have a pin. Votes: 0

Seeing things a human shouldn't have to see makes us human. Votes: 0

Seeing, contrary to popular wisdom, isn't believing. It's where belief stops, because it isn't needed any more. Votes: 0

Several sellers of hot meat pies and sausages in a bun had appeared from nowhere and were doing a brisk trade. [Footnote: They always do, everywhere. No-one sees them arrive. The logical explaination is that the franchise includes the stall, the paper hat and a small gas-powered time machine.] Votes: 0

Shadwell hated all southerners and, by inference, was standing at the North Pole. Votes: 0

She folded her arms and then shouted, "Right you thieving scunners! How dare you steal Miss Treason's funeral meats!" "Oh, waily, waily, it's the foldin' o' the arms, the foooldin' o' the aaaarmss!" cried Daft Wullie, dropping to the ground and trying to cover himself with leaves. Around him Feegles started to wail and cower and Big Yan began to bang his head on the rear wall of the dairy. Votes: 0

She had heard it said that, before you could understand anybody, you needed to walk a mile in their shoes, which did not make a whole lot of sense, because probably AFTER you had walked a mile in their shoes, you would understand that they were chasing you and accusing you of the theft of a pair of shoes--although, of course, you could probably outrun them, owing to their lack of footwear. Votes: 0

She heard him mutter, 'Can you take away this grief?' 'I'm sorry,' she replied. 'Everyone asks me. And I would not do so even if I knew how. It belongs to you. Only time and tears take away grief; that is what they are for. Votes: 0

She walked quickly through the darkness with the frank stride of someone who was at least certain that the forest, on this damp and windy night, contained strange and terrible things and she was it. Votes: 0

She was a beefy young woman and, whatever piece of music she was playing, it was definitely losing. Votes: 0

She was already learning that if you ignore the rules people will, half the time, quietly rewrite them so that they don't apply to you. Votes: 0

She was also, by the standards of other people, lost. She would not see it like that. She knew where she was, it was just that everywhere else didn't. Votes: 0

She was convinced that she was anorexic, because every time she looked in the mirror she did indeed see a fat person. Votes: 0

She was not, herself, hugely in favour of motherhood in general. Obviously it was necessary, but it wasn't exactly difficult. Even cats managed it. But women acted as if they'd been given a medal that entitled them to boss people around. It was as if, just because they'd got the label which said "mother," everyone else got a tiny part of the label that said "child"... Votes: 0

She was, in fact, quite a pleasant looking girl, even if her bosom had clearly been intended for a girl two feet taller; but she was not Her. The Egregious Professor of Grammar and Usage would have corrected this to "she was not she," which would have caused the Professor of Logic to spit out his drink. Votes: 0

She wore so much thick white makeup in order to conceal her naturally rosy complexion that if she turned around suddenly her face would probably end up on the back of her head. Votes: 0

She'd become a governess. It was one of the few jobs a known lady could do. And she'd taken to it well. She'd sworn that if she did indeed ever find herself dancing on rooftops with chimney sweeps she'd beat herself to death with her own umbrella. Votes: 0

Sheep are stupid, and have to be driven. But goats are intelligent, and need to be led. Votes: 0

Shoes, men, coffins; never accept the first one you see. Votes: 0

Shoot the dictator and prevent the war? But the dictator is merely the tip of the whole festering boil of social pus from which dictators emerge; shoot him and there'll be another one along in a minute. Shoot him too? Why not shoot everyone and invade Poland? Votes: 0

Smaller-than-Medium-Jock-but-bigger-than-Wee-Jock-Jock Votes: 0

So much universe, and so little time. Votes: 0

Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry. Votes: 0

Some of my best sources are ex-policemen, just to get a feeling of what it's like to be one. And it's quite different from being a civilian - except, of course, that I believe that policemen are just special sorts of civilians. Things like how hard it is to hold someone that doesn't want to be held. This is the kind of thing that is worth knowing. Votes: 0

Some of them wanted to sell me snake oil and I'm not necessarily going to dismiss all of these, as I have never found a rusty snake. Votes: 0

Some people are confident because they are fools. Leonard had the look of someone who was confident because, so far, he'd never found a reason not to be. Votes: 0

Some people are heroes. And some people jot down notes. Votes: 0

Some people believe that when you die, you cross the River of Death and have to pay the ferryman. People don't seem to worry about that these days. Perhaps there's a bridge now. Votes: 0

Some People think 'coven' is a word for a group of witches, and it's true that's what the dictionary says. But the real word for a group of witches is 'an argument'. Votes: 0

Some pirates achieved immortality by great deeds of cruelty or derring-do. Some achieved immortality by amassing great wealth. But the captain had long ago decided that he would, on the whole, prefer to achieve immortality by not dying. Votes: 0

Some police forces would believe anything. Not the Metropolitan police, though. The Met was the hardest, most cynically pragmatic, most stubbornly down-to-earth police force in Britain. It would take a lot to faze a copper from the Met. It would take, for example, a huge, battered car that was nothing more nor less than a fireball, a blazing, roaring, twisted metal lemon from Hell, driven by a grinning lunatic in sunglasses, sitting amid the flames, trailing thick black smoke, coming straight at them through the lashing rain and wind at eighty miles an hour.That would do it every time. Votes: 0

Some shadows are so long, they arrive before the light. Votes: 0

Someone got killed up here.... It was outside. A tall man. He had one leg longer'n the other. And a beard. He was probably a hunter." "How'd you know all that?" "I just trod on ‘im. Votes: 0

Sometimes glass glitters more than diamonds because it has more to prove. Votes: 0

Sometimes I feel that the world is made up of sensible people who know the plot and bloody idiots who don't. Votes: 0

Sometimes I really think people ought to have to pass a proper exam before they're allowed to be parents. Not just the practical, I mean. Votes: 0

Sometimes I think a man could wander across the disc all his life and not see everything there is to see,' said Twoflower. 'And now it seems there are lots of other worlds as well. When I think I might die without seeing a hundredth of all there is to see it makes me feel,' he paused, then added, 'well, humble, I suppose. And very angry, of course. Votes: 0

Sometimes the crime follows the punishment, which only serves to prove the foresight of the Great God." "That's what my grandmother used to say," said Brutha automatically. "Indeed? I would like to know more about this formidable lady." "She used to give me a thrashing every morning because I would certainly do something to deserve it during the day," said Brutha. "A most complete understanding of the nature of mankind, Votes: 0

Sometimes the only thing you could do for people was to be there. Votes: 0

Sometimes the truth is arrived at by adding all the little lies together and deducting them from the totality of what is known. Votes: 0

Sometimes words need music too. Sometimes the descriptions are not enough. Books should be written with soundtracks, like films. Votes: 0

Sometimes you can think that 'I've had enough of wizards!' And sometimes fantasy is not just about wizards. Votes: 0

Sometimes you had to take a look at yourself and then look away. Votes: 0

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question Votes: 0

Soon to come in licorice, orange, cinnamon, and banana, but not strawberry, because I hate strawberries. Votes: 0

SOONER OR LATER ALL MEN MUST DIE. EVERYTHING DIES IN THE END. I CAN BE ROBBED BUT NEVER DENIED, I TOLD MYSELF. WHY WORRY? "I too cannot be cheated," snapped Fate. Votes: 0

Sooner or later we're all someone's dog. Votes: 0

Stand before your god, bow before your king, kneel before your man. Votes: 0

Steal five dollars and you're a common thief. Steal thousands and you're either the government or a hero. Votes: 0

Stop stealing the funeral meats right now, you wee scuggers!" She shouted. The Feegles stopped and stared at her. Then Rob Anybody said: "Socks wi'oot feets? Votes: 0

Strength enough to build a home, Time enough to hold a child, Love enough to break a heart Votes: 0

Students, eh? Love 'em or hate 'em, you can't hit them with a shovel! Votes: 0

Studies have shown that an ant can carry one hundred times its own weight, but there is no known limit to the lifting power of the average tiny eighty-year-old Spanish peasant grandmother. Votes: 0

Susan says, don't get afraid, get angry. Votes: 0

Sybil's female forebears had valiantly backed up their husbands as distant embassies were besieged, had given birth on a camel or in the shade of a stricken elephant, had handed around the little gold chocolates while trolls were trying to break into the compound, or had merely stayed at home and nursed such bits of husbands and sons as made it back from endless little wars. The result was a species of woman who, when duty called, turned into solid steel. Votes: 0

Take the universe and grind it down to the finest powder and sieve it through the finest sieve and then show me one atom of justice, one molecule of mercy. and yet... and yet you act as if there is some ideal order in the world, as if there is some... some rightness in the universe by which it may be judged. Votes: 0

Tell someone you are going to rob them and all that will happen is that you'll get a reputation as a truthful man. Votes: 0

Tʜᴇʀᴇ's ɴᴏ ᴊᴜsᴛɪᴄᴇ, ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ's ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴍᴇ. —Death Votes: 0

That was the very centre of his genius - he invented things that anyone could have thought of, and men who can invent things that anyone could have thought of are very rare men. Votes: 0

That, lad," he said proudly, "was some of the worst poetry I have heard for a long time. It was offensive to the ear and a torrrture to the soul....We'll make a gonnagle out of ye yet! Votes: 0

THAT'S MORTALS FOR YOU, Death continued. THEY'VE ONLY GOT A FEW YEARS IN THIS WORLD AND THEY SPEND THEM ALL IN MAKING THINGS COMPLICATED FOR THEMSELVES. FASCINATING. Votes: 0

That's a nice song,' said young Sam, and Vimes remembered that he was hearing it for the first time. It's an old soldiers' song,' he said. Really, sarge? But it's about angels.' Yes, thought Vimes, and it's amazing what bits those angels cause to rise up as the song progresses. It's a real soldiers' song: sentimental, with dirty bits. As I recall, they used to sing it after battles,' he said. 'I've seen old men cry when they sing it,' he added. Why? It sounds cheerful.' They were remembering who they were not singing it with, thought Vimes. You'll learn. I know you will. Votes: 0

Thats how we survive infinity - we kill it by breaking it up into small bits. Votes: 0

That's one form of magic, of course." "What, just knowing things?" "Knowing things that other people don't know. Votes: 0

That's what I don't like about magic. It does everything by magic. Votes: 0

That's what's so stupid about the whole magic thing, you know. You spend twenty years learning the spell that makes nude virgins appear in your bedroom, and then you're so poisoned by quicksilver fumes and half-blind from reading old grimoires that you can't remember what happens next. Votes: 0

That's why it's always worth having a few philosophers around the place. One minute it's all is truth beauty and is beauty truth, and does a falling tree in the forest make a sound if there's no one there to hear it, and then just when you think they're going to start dribbling one of 'em says, incidentally, putting a thirty-foot parabolic reflector on a high place to shoot the rays of the sun at an enemy's ships would be a very interesting demonstration of optical principles. Votes: 0

The Assassin moved quietly from roof to roof until he was well away from the excitement around the Watch House. His movements could be called cat-like, except that he did not stop to spray urine up against things. Votes: 0

The author can always delve into his own personality and find aspects of himself with which he can dress his characters. Votes: 0

The Battle of Koom Valley is the only one known to history where both sides ambushed each other. Votes: 0

The best research is the research that you don't know that you are doing. Votes: 0

The best research you can do is to talk to people. Votes: 0

The best thing I ever did with my life was stand up and say I've got Alzheimer's. Votes: 0

The book is not completely written until someone else has read it. Votes: 0

The brain works fast when it thinks it's about to be cut in half. Votes: 0

The calendar of the Theocracy of Muntab counts down, not up. No-one knows why, but it might not be a good idea to hang around and find out. Votes: 0

The Captain of the Watch says if you're still in the City by sunrise he will personally have you buried alive. Votes: 0

The characters are the plot. What they do and say and the things that happen to them are, in a sense, what the plot is. You can't take character and plot apart from each other, really. Votes: 0

The city's full of people who you just see around. Votes: 0

The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the citadel. This is essentially the basis of all military thinking. Votes: 0

The conversation of human beings seldom interested him, but it crossed his mind that the males and females always got along best when neither actually listened fully to what the other one was saying. Votes: 0

The diplomatic thing for me to say is that if publishers are dressing up other authors as Terry Pratchett clones then they are doing a disservice to those authors. If they didn't dress them as clones but did something different, then those authors could be pioneering in a different sense. Votes: 0

The dwarfs can turn lead into gold... It reached the pointy ears of the dwarfs. -Can we? -Damned if I know. I can't. -Yeah, but if you could, you wouldn't say. I wouldn't say, if I could. -Can you? -No! -Ah-ha! Votes: 0

The enemy isn't men, or women, it's bloody stupid people and no-one has the right to be stupid. Votes: 0

The English were notoriously unenthusiastic about burning witches. I suppose ours were too soggy. Votes: 0

The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks. Votes: 0

The fastest way to travel is to be there already. Votes: 0

The figures looked more or less human. And they were engaged in religion. You could tell by the knives (it's not murder if you do it for a god). Votes: 0

The first draft is just you telling yourself the story. Votes: 0

The girls were expected to grow up to be somebody's wife. They were also expected to read and write, those being considered soft indoor jobs that were too fiddly for the boys. Votes: 0

The important thing about adventures, thought Mr. Bunnsy, was that they shouldn't be so long as to make you miss mealtimes. Votes: 0

The important thing about having lots of things to remember is that you've got to go somewhere afterwards where you can remember them, you see? You've got to stop. You haven't really been anywhere until you've got back home. Votes: 0

The IQ of a mob is the IQ of its dumbest member divided by the number of mobsters. Votes: 0

The jurisdiction of a good man extends to the end of the world. Votes: 0

The Kappamaki, a whaling research ship, was currently researching the question: How many whales can you catch in one week? Votes: 0

The key to winning, as always, was looking as if you had every right, nay, duty to be where you were. It helped if you could also suggest in every line of your body that no one else had any rights to be doing anything, anywhere, whatsoever. Votes: 0

The kind of accidents you prefer to call...accidents. Votes: 0

The Librarian considered matters for a while. So…a dwarf and a troll. He preferred both species to humans. For one thing, neither of them were great readers. The Librarian was, of course, very much in favor of reading in general, but readers in particular got on his nerves. There was something, well, sacrilegious about the way they kept taking books off the shelves and wearing out the words by reading them. He liked people who loved and respected books, and the best way to do that, in the Librarian's opinion, was to leave them on the shelves where Nature intended them to be. Votes: 0

The Library didn't only contain magical books, the ones which are chained to their shelves and are very dangerous. It also contained perfectly ordinary books, printed on commonplace paper in mundane ink. It would be a mistake to think that they weren't also dangerous, just because reading them didn't make fireworks go off in the sky. Reading them sometimes did the more dangeous trick of making fireworks go off in the privacy of the reader's brain. Votes: 0

The man gave a shrug which indicated that, although the world did indeed have many problems, this was one of them that was not his. Votes: 0

The merest accident of microgeography had meant that the first man to hear the voice of Om, and who gave Om his view of humans, was a shepherd and not a goatherd. They have quite different ways of looking at the world, and the whole of history might have been different. For sheep are stupid, and have to be driven. But goats are intelligent, and need to be led. Votes: 0

The more you think about it, the more amazing the everyday world of human beings becomes: most of it doesn't actually exist at all. Votes: 0

The most important thing was that time had passed, pouring thousands of soothing seconds across the island. People need time to deal with the now before it runs away and becomes the then. Votes: 0

The mountains of madness have many little plateau of sanity. Votes: 0

The nice thing about your police procedural as opposed to your classic murder mystery is that in a murder mystery you don't know who did it. Whereas in a police procedural you know, you know everything often and you're watching the police home in. Votes: 0

The oldest fan letter I've had is from someone aged eighty-five. Votes: 0

The only really sane person in there is Igor, and possibly the turnip. And I'm not sure about the turnip. Votes: 0

The only thing more dangerous then a vampire crazed with blood lust was a vampire crazed with anything else. All the meticulous single-mindedness that went into finding young women who slept with their bedroom window open got channeled into some other interest, with merciless and painstaking efficiency... Votes: 0

The people who guard the rainbow don't like those who get in the way of the sun. Votes: 0

The people who really run organizations are usually found several levels down, where it is still possible to get things done. Votes: 0

The point is that if a book that had been published three years ago started to sell twice as many all of a sudden it probably wouldn't even get noticed. People wouldn't be tracking it. The system has cleaned up its act an awful lot but the best-seller list system is not an entirely foolproof thing. Votes: 0

The point of page one is to make people turn to page two and if at the end of the book people think that the book was good value for money, you have achieved something, because if you haven't achieved those things you're not going to achieve the other thing. Votes: 0

The power of prayer and faith can heal and bring happiness. The real tragedy is that the people that are helped by this don't realize that this power is really coming from within. Votes: 0

The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to the presence of those who think they've found it. Votes: 0

The price of being the best is having to be the best. Votes: 0

The reason that clichés become clichés is that they are the hammers and screwdrivers in the toolbox of communication. Votes: 0

The short conversation that follows eventually led to a tree religion. Its tenet of faith was this: a tree that was a good tree and led a clean decent and upstanding life could be assured of a future life after death. If it was very good indeed it would eventually be reincarnated as five thousand rolls of lavatory paper. Votes: 0

The singers all loathe the sight of one another, the chorus despises the singers, they both hate the orchestra, and everyone fears the conductor; the staff on one prompt side won't talk to the staff on the opposite prompt side, the dancers are all crazed from hunger in any case... Votes: 0

The space between the young reader's eyeballs and the printed page is a holy place and officialdom should trample all over it at their peril.' Votes: 0

The stories never said why she was wicked. It was enough to be an old woman, enough to be all alone, enough to look strange because you have no teeth. It was enough to be called a witch. If it came to that, the book never gave you the evidence of anything. It talked about "a handsome prince"... was he really, or was it just because he was a prince that people called handsome? As for "a girl who was as beautiful as the day was long"... well, which day? In midwinter it hardly ever got light! The stories don't want you to think, they just wanted you to believe what you were told... Votes: 0

The storm was really giving it everything it had. This was its big chance. It had spent years hanging around the provinces, putting in some useful work as a squall, building up experience, making contacts, occasionally leaping out on unsuspecting shepherds or blasting quite small oak trees. Now an opening in the weather had given it an opportunity to strut its hour, and it was building up its role in the hope of being spotted by one of the big climates. Votes: 0

The students were staring at her in the manner of those who have heard of the species 'female' but have never expected to get this close to one. Votes: 0

The sun is simple. A sword is simple. A storm is simple. Behind everything simple is a huge tail of complicated. Votes: 0

The sun rose slowly, as if it wasn't sure it was worth all the effort. Votes: 0

The theater troubled her. It had a magic of its own, one that didn't belong to her, one that wasn't in her control. It changed the world, and said things were otherwise than they were. And it was worse than that. It was magic that didn't belong to magical people. It was commanded by ordinary people, who didn't know the rules. They altered the world because it sounded better. Votes: 0

The thief, as will become apparent, was a special type of thief. This thief was an artist of theft. Other thieves merely stole everything that was not nailed down, but this thief stole the nails as well. Votes: 0

The thing about secrets is that they are usually best kept by just one person. That was the special thing about secrets. Some people seemed to think that the best way to keep a secret was to tell as many people as possible; what could possibly go wrong for a secret when there were so many people defending it? Votes: 0

The thing about stories is you have to pick the ones that last. Votes: 0

The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning. Votes: 0

The thing is, I mean, there's times when you look at the universe and you think, "What about me?" and you can just hear the universe replying, "Well, what about you?" Votes: 0

The thing with crowns is, it isn't the putting them on that's the problem, it's the taking them off. Votes: 0

The trouble is you can shut your eyes but you can't shut your mind. Votes: 0

The trouble was that he was talking in philosophy but they were listening in gibberish. Votes: 0

The trouble with being a god is that you've got no one to pray to. Votes: 0

The trouble with life was that you didn't get a chance to practice before doing it for real. Votes: 0

The trouble with thinking was that, once you started, you went on doing it. Votes: 0

The truth is a fog, in which one man sees the heavenly host and the other one sees a flying elephant. Votes: 0

The truth is that even big collections of ordinary books distort space, as can readily be proved by anyone who has been around a really old-fashioned secondhand bookshop, one that looks as though they were designed by M. Escher on a bad day and has more stairways than storeys and those rows of shelves which end in little doors that are surely too small for a full-sized human to enter. The relevant equation is: Knowledge = power = energy = matter = mass; a good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read. Votes: 0

The truth isn't easily pinned to a page. In the bathtub of history the truth is harder to hold than the soap and much more difficult to find. Votes: 0

The Truth Shall Make Ye Fret. [Fred. Free.] Votes: 0

The universe clearly operates for the benefit of humanity. This can be readily seen from the convenient way the sun comes up in the morning, when people are ready to start the day. Votes: 0

The universe contains any amount of horrible ways to be woken up, such as the noise of the mob breaking down the front door, the scream of fire engines, or the realization that today is the Monday which on Friday night was a comfortably long way off. A dog's wet nose is not strictly speaking the worst of the bunch, but it has it's own peculiar dreadfulness which connoisseurs of the ghastly and dog owners everywhere have come to know and dread. It's like having a small piece of defrosting liver pressed lovingly against you. Votes: 0

The universe danced towards life. Life was a remarkably common commodity. Anything sufficiently complicated seemed to get cut in for some, in the same way that anything massive enough got a generous helping of gravity. The universe had a definite tendency towards awareness. This suggested a certain subtle cruelty woven into the very fabric of space-time. Votes: 0

The universe is, instant by instant, recreated anew. There is in truth no past, only a memory of the past. Blink your eyes, and the world you see next did not exist when you closed them. Therefore, the only appropriate state of the mind is surprise. The only appropriate state of the heart is joy. The sky you see now, you have never seen before. The perfect moment is now. Be glad of it. Votes: 0

The universe was bad enough without people poking it. Votes: 0

The universe, they said, depended for its operation on the balance of four forces which they identified as charm, persuasion, uncertainty and bloody-mindedne ss. Votes: 0

The wages of sin is death but so is the salary of virtue, and at least the evil get to go home early on Fridays. Votes: 0

The words are easy - most of them have already been invented. Votes: 0

The world is a globe — the farther you sail, the closer to home you are. Votes: 0

The Yen Buddhists are the richest religious sect in the universe. They hold that the accumulation of money is a great evil and a burden to the soul. They therefore, regardless of personal hazard, see it as their unpleasant duty to acquire as much as possible in order to reduce the risk to innocent people. Votes: 0

Their families cordially detested one another. Votes: 0

Them as can do has to do for them as can't. And someone has to speak up for them as has no voices. Votes: 0

There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do. Votes: 0

There are no medium-sized trees in the deep forest. There are only the towering ones, whose canopy spreads across the sky. Below, in the gloom, there's light for nothing but mosses and ferns. But when a giant falls, leaving a little space ... then there's a race - between the trees on either side, who want to spread out, and the seedlings below, who race to grow up. Sometimes, you can make your own space. Votes: 0

There are plenty of people who believe that Elvis is alive, or that aliens occasionally land here to do highly personal things to people, or that the whole idea of evolution is a conspiracy of godless scientists. Almost all of these people can vote and some of them have got guns. Votes: 0

There are some things that are more appropriate to a children's than an adult book but there's a huge overlapping area and most kids read an age group up anyway. Votes: 0

There are thousands of good reasons why magic doesn't rule the world. They're called Witches and Wizards. Votes: 0

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this. Votes: 0

There are times when phrases such as 'totally astonished' just don't do the job. I am, of course, delighted and honoured and, needless to say, flabbergasted. Votes: 0

There are, almost by definition, an unlimited number of Hells - potentially at least a personal one for every living sapient being. Votes: 0

There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides. Votes: 0

There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass! Who's been pinching my beer? Votes: 0

There has been a lot of bad fantasy in the past - I'm by no means saying that all classic fantasy out there is bad - but there has been a lot of bad fantasy written by people who read a lot of fantasy and so all they keep doing is recycling it. Votes: 0

There have been better attempts at marching, and they have been made by penguins. Votes: 0

There have been times, lately, when I dearly wished that I could change the past. Well, I can't, but I can change the present, so that when it becomes the past it will turn out to be a past worth having. Votes: 0

There is always time for another last minute Votes: 0

There is no doubt that being human is incredibly difficult and cannot be mastered in one lifetime. Votes: 0

There isn't a way things should be. There's just what happens, and what we do. Votes: 0

There should be a word for that brief period just after waking when the mind is full of warm pink nothing. You lie there entirely empty of thought, except for a growing suspicion that heading towards you, like a sockful of damp sand in a nocturnal alleyway, are all the recollections you'd really rather do without, and which amount to the fact that the only mitigating factor in your horrible future is the certainty that it will be quite short. Votes: 0

There was a man and he had eight sons. Apart from that, he was nothing more than a comma on the page of History. It's sad, but that's all you can say about some people. Votes: 0

There was no himself in himself. Votes: 0

There was no safety. There was no pride. All there was, was money. Everything became money, and money became everything. Money treated us as if we were things, and we died. Votes: 0

There was this about vampires : they could never look scruffy. Instead, they were... what was the word... deshabille. It meant untidy, but with bags and bags of style. Votes: 0

There were no lies here. All fancies fled away. That's what happened in all deserts. It was just you, and what you believed. Votes: 0

There were two ways of looking at the world, but only one when you are starving. Votes: 0

There will be justice," said Brutha. "If there is no justice, there is nothing. Votes: 0

There would be a price... But if you were worried about the price, then why were you in the shop? Votes: 0

There's no point in believing in things that exist. Votes: 0

There's a door." "Where does it go?" "It stays where it is, I think. Votes: 0

THERE'S NO JUSTICE, said Mort. JUST US. Votes: 0

There's no point in killing an opponent... There's no triumph over a corpse, but a beaten opponent, who will remain beaten every day of the remainder of their sad and wretched life, is something to treasure. Votes: 0

Theres no stink more sorrorful than the stink of wet, burnt paper. It means: the end. Votes: 0

There's one thing you can say for air pollution, you get utterly amazing sunrises. Votes: 0

There's some things that you wouldn't tackle in a children's book because it would be beyond, not the mental capabilities, but the experience of someone under the age of say ten or eleven to encompass. But that field is smaller than you might think. They can easily cope with death and things like that; they know about it and it's a subject that often preoccupies them. Votes: 0

There's that lovely thing for the first month or two of writing a new book: OK, I don't know what that character's going to do, but we'll find out later. After about three or four months you come to that bit where you've got to put some plot in before it's too late, and you have to go back and start inserting plot, and, ooh, I've left out the literature, OK, lets put some in. Votes: 0

These people were not only cheering, they were throwing flowers and hats. The hats were made of stone, but the thought was there. Votes: 0

These weren't cheap modern books; these were books bound in leather, and not just leather, but leather from clever cows who had given their lives for literature after a happy existence in the very best pastures. Votes: 0

These weren't encouraged in the city, since the heft and throw of a longbow's arrow could send it through an innocent bystander a hundred yards away instead of the innocent bystander at whom it was aimed. Votes: 0

They called themselves the Munrungs. It meant The People, or The True Human Beings. It's what most people call themselves, to begin with. And then one day the tribe meets some other People or, if it's not been a good day, The Enemy. If only they'd think up a name like Some More True Human Beings, it'd save a lot of trouble later on Votes: 0

They know that people need witches; they need the unofficial people who understand the difference between right and wrong, and when right is wrong and when wrong is right. The world needs the people who work around the edges. They need the people who can deal with the little bumps and inconveniences. And little problems. After all, we are almost all human. Almost all of the time. Votes: 0

They may be called the Palace Guard, the City Guard, or the Patrol. Whatever the name, their purpose in any work of heroic fantasy is identical: it is, round about Chapter Three (or ten minutes into the film) to rush into the room, attack the hero one at a time, and be slaughtered. No one ever asks them if they want to. This book is dedicated to those fine men. Votes: 0

They may have been ugly. They may have been evil. But when it came to poetry in motion, the Things had all the grace and coordination of a deck-chair. Votes: 0

They obeyed, as wise men do when a woman puts her foot down . . . Votes: 0

They say that the prospect of being hanged in the morning concentrates a man's mind wonderfully; unfortunately, what the mind inevitably concentrates on is that, in the morning, it will be in a body that is going to be hanged. Votes: 0

They say that there can never be two snowflakes that are exactly alike, but has anyone checked lately? Votes: 0

They suffered from the terrible delusion that something could be done. They seemed prepared to make the world the way they wanted it or die in the attempt, and the trouble with dying in the attempt was that you died in the attempt. Votes: 0

They think written words are even more powerful,' whispered the toad. ‘They think all writing is magic. Words worry them. See their swords? They glow blue in the presence of lawyers. Votes: 0

They were also slightly less intelligent than he was. This is a quality you should always pray for in your would-be murderer. Votes: 0

They were indeed what was known as 'old money', which meant that it had been made so long ago that the black deeds which had originally filled the coffers were now historically irrelevant. Funny, that: a brigand for a father was something you kept quiet about, but a slave-taking pirate for a great-great-great-grandfather was something to boast of over the port. Time turned the evil bastards into rogues, and rogue was a word with a twinkle in its eye and nothing to be ashamed of. Votes: 0

They were small, brightly coloured, happy little creatures who secreted some of the nastiest toxins in the world, which is why the job of looking after the large vivarium where they happily passed their days was given to first-year students, on the basis that if they got things wrong there wouldn't be too much education wasted. Votes: 0

They'd smash up the world if they thought it would make a pretty noise. Votes: 0

They've got something they do it with, I think it's called a mocracy, and it means everyone in the whole country can say who the new Tyrant is. One man ... one vet. ... Everyone has ... the vet. Except for women, of course. And children. And criminals. And slaves. And stupid people. And people of foreign extraction. And people disapproved of for, er, various reasons. And lots of other people. But everyone apart from them. It's a very enlightened civilization. Votes: 0

Things have no power that humans don't put there. Votes: 0

Things just happen. What the hell. Votes: 0

Things like crowns had a troublesome effect on clever folk; it was best to leave all the reigning to the kind of people whose eyebrows met in the middle when they tried to think. In a funny sort of way, they were much better at it. Votes: 0

Things that try to look like things often do look more like things than things. Votes: 0

Thinking. This book contains some. Whether you try it at home is up to you. Votes: 0

This book had two authors, and they were both the same person. Votes: 0

This book was written using 100% recycled words. Votes: 0

This I choose to do. If there is a price, this I choose to pay. If it is my death, then I choose to die. Where this takes me, there I choose to go. I choose. This I choose to do. Votes: 0

This is a lovely party," said the Bursar to a chair, "I wish I was here. Votes: 0

This is Art holding a Mirror up to Life. That's why everything is exactly the wrong way around. Votes: 0

This is Morbidia," said Vlad. "Although she's been calling herself Tracy lately, to be cool. Votes: 0

This is space. It's sometimes called the final frontier. (Except that of course you can't have a final frontier, because there'd be nothing for it to be a frontier to, but as frontiers go, it's pretty penultimate . . .) Votes: 0

This is where the gods play games with the lives of men, on a board which is at one and the same time a simple playing area and the whole world. And Fate always wins. Votes: 0

This looks like a job for inadvisably applied magic if ever I saw one. Votes: 0

This man was so absent-mindedly clever that he could paint pictures that didn't just follow you around the room but went home with you and did the washing-up. Votes: 0

This time it had been magic. And it didn't stop being magic just because you found out how it was done. Votes: 0

This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs. Votes: 0

This was the definition of eternity; it was the space of time devised by the Great God Om to ensure that everyone got the punishment that was due to them. Votes: 0

This wasn't food - it was what food became if it had been good and gone to food heaven. Votes: 0

This, milord, is my family's axe. We have owned it for almost nine hundred years, see. Of course, sometimes it needed a new blade. And sometimes it has required a new handle, new designs on the metalwork, a little refreshing of the ornamentation . . . but is this not the nine hundred-year-old axe of my family? And because it has changed gently over time, it is still a pretty good axe, y'know. Pretty good. Votes: 0

Thou shalt not submit thy god to market forces. Votes: 0

Tiffany knew what the problem was immediately. She'd seen it before, at birthday parties. Her brother was suffering from tragic sweet deprivation. Yes, he was surrounded by sweets. But the moment he took any sweet at all, said his sugar-addled brain, that meant he was not taking all the rest. And there were so many sweets he'd never be able to eat them all. It was too much to cope with. The only solution was to burst into tears. Votes: 0

Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you. Votes: 0

Time was something that largely happened to other people; he viewed it in the same way that people on the shore viewed the sea. It was big and it was out there, and sometimes it was an invigorating thing to dip a toe into, but you couldn't live in it all the time. Besides, it always made his skin wrinkle. Votes: 0

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of our lives. Votes: 0

Too much magic could wrap time and space around itself, and that wasn't good news for the kind of person who had grown used to things like effects following things like causes. Votes: 0

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot. Votes: 0

Truly, he thought, the way of enlightenment is like unto half a mile of broken glass. Votes: 0

TV people in the UK... I'm getting on a lot better with them. Votes: 0

Two types of people laugh at the law: those that break it and those that make it. Votes: 0

Ultimately, there is the freedom to take the consequences. Votes: 0

Unlike wizards, who like nothing better than a complicated hierarchy, witches don't go in much for the structured approach to career progression. It's up to each individual witch to take on a girl to hand the area over to when she dies. Witches are not by nature gregarious, at least with other witches, and they certainly don't have leaders. Granny Weatherwax was the most highly-regarded of the leaders they didn't have. Votes: 0

Unseen University had never admitted women, muttering something about problems with the plumbing, but the real reason was an unspoken dread that if women were allowed to mess around with magic they would probably be embarrassingly good at it… Votes: 0

Unseen University was much bigger on the inside. Thousands of years as the leading establishment of practical magic in a world where dimensions were largely a matter of chance in any case had left it bulging in places where it shouldn't have places. There were rooms containing rooms which, if you entered them, turned out to contain the room you'd started with, which can be a problem if you are in a conga line. Votes: 0

Up until now I'd always though RSI meant 'I hate my damn job'. Votes: 0

Vampires have risen from the dead, the grave, and the crypt, but have never managed it from the cat. Votes: 0

Veil, you see, if I vas to say something portentous like "zer dark eyes of zer mind" back home in Uberwald, zer would be a sudden crash of thunder,' said Otto. 'And if I vas to point at a castle on a towering crag and say "Yonder is . . . zer castle" a volf would be bound to howl mournfully.' He sighed. 'In zer old country, zer scenery is psychotropic and knows vot is expected of it. Here, alas, people just look at you in a funny vay. Votes: 0

Verence would rather cut his own leg off than put a witch in prison, since it'd save trouble in the long run and probably be less painful. Votes: 0

Vimes had got around to a Clean Desk policy. It was a Clean Floor strategy that eluded him at the moment. Votes: 0

Vimes stalked gloomily through the crowded streets, feeling like the only pickled onion in a fruit salad. Votes: 0

Vimes struggled to his feet, shook his head and set off after it. No thought was involved. It is the ancient instinct of terriers and policemen to chase anything that runs away. Votes: 0

Vimes's lack of interest in other people's children was limitless. Votes: 0

Walter Plinge said: "You know she asked me a very silly question Mrs Ogg! It was a silly question any fool knows the answer!" "Oh, yes," said Nanny. "About houses on fire, I expect..." "Yes! What would I take out of our house if it was on fire!" "I expect you were a good boy and said you'd take your mum," said Nanny. "No! My mum would take herself!" "What would you take out then, Walter?" Nanny said. "The fire! Votes: 0

We are here and it is now. The way I see it is, after that, everything tends towards guesswork. Votes: 0

We are monkeys. We like to chatter. Chattering doesn't cost us anything. Votes: 0

We live in a science fiction universe. We have done for a long time. Votes: 0

We sleepwalk through our lives, because how could we live if we were always this awake? Votes: 0

Welcome to fear, said Moist to himself. It's hope, turned inside out. You know it can't go wrong, you're sure it can't go wrong... But it might. Votes: 0

Well, basically there are two sorts of opera," said Nanny, who also had the true witch's ability to be confidently expert on the basis of no experience whatsoever. "There's your heavy opera, where basically people sing foreign and it goes like "Oh oh oh, I am dyin', oh I am dyin', oh oh oh, that's what I'm doin'", and there's your light opera, where they sing in foreign and it basically goes "Beer! Beer! Beer! Beer! I like to drink lots of beer!", although sometimes they drink champagne instead. That's basically all of opera, reely. Votes: 0

Well, it would have to be "The Man Who Was Thursday." It's a damn good read that I believe should be read by everyone in politics. Votes: 0

Well, the traveling teachers do come through every few months," said the Baron. "Yes, sir, I know, sir, and they're useless, sir. They teach facts, not understanding. It's like teaching people about forests by showing them a saw. I want a proper school, sir, to teach reading and writing, and most of all thinking, sir, so people can find what they're good at, because someone doing what they really like is always an asset to any country, and too often people never find out until it's too late. Votes: 0

Well, yes, but it's not about the football." "You're saying that football is not about football?" "It's the sharing," she said. "It's being part of the crowd. It's chanting together. It's all of it. the whole thing. Votes: 0

We're dealing here," said Vimes, "With a twisted mind." "Oh, no! You think so?" "Yes." "But... no... you can't be right. Because Nobby was with us all the time." "Not Nobby," said Vimes testily. "Whatever he might do to a dragon, I doubt if he'd make it explode. There's stranger people in this world than Corporal Nobbs, my lad." Carrot's expression slid into a rictus of intrigued horror. "Gosh," he said. Votes: 0

We're on a mission from Glod. Votes: 0

We're philosophers. We think, therefore we am. Votes: 0

We've got a lot of experience of not having any experience Votes: 0

We've strayed into a zone with a high magical index,' he said. 'Don't ask me how. Once upon a time a really powerful magic field must have been generated here, and we're feeling the after-effects.' Precisely,' said a passing bush. Votes: 0

What can the harvest hope for... Votes: 0

What did they feed the lions and tigers with in the ark, sir? Votes: 0

What do you call those things at the bottom of rivers? Frogs? Stones? Unsuccessful gangsters? Votes: 0

What I've always said was, hang in there, let me write what I want to write, and you'll probably like it. Votes: 0

What was the point of education, he thought, if people went out afterward and used it? Votes: 0

WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU HADN'T SAVED HIM? "Yes! The sun would have risen just the same, yes?" NO "Oh, come on. You can't expect me to believe that. It's an astronomical fact." THE SUN WOULD NOT HAVE RISEN. ... "Really? Then what would have happened, pray?" A MERE BALL OF FLAMING GAS WOULD HAVE ILLUMINATED THE WORLD. Votes: 0

What your soldier wants - really, really wants - is no-one shooting back at him. Votes: 0

What's this here," he said suspiciously, "about us got to give you faggots?" Oh, we have to have them," said Newt, "We burn them." Say what?" We burn them." The guard's face broadened into a grin. And they'd told him England was soft. "Right on!" he said Votes: 0

Whatever happens, they say afterwards, it must have been fate. People are always a little confused about this, as they are in the case of miracles. When someone is saved from certain death by a strange concatenation of circumstances, they say that's a miracle. But of course if someone is killed by a freak chain of events -- the oil spilled just there, the safety fence broken just there -- that must also be a miracle. Just because it's not nice doesn't mean it's not miraculous. Votes: 0

Whatever you choose, your choice will mean there are two new worlds. And perhaps sometimes, on the edge of sleep, we will see the shadow of the other world. There will be no unhappy memories. Votes: 0

What're quantum mechanics?" "I don't know. People who repair quantums, I suppose. Votes: 0

What's money interested in? More money. Votes: 0

What's the good of having mastery over cosmic balance and knowing the secrets of fate if you can't blow something up? Votes: 0

What's the orbital velocity of the moon? Votes: 0

When all else failed, she tried being reasonable. Votes: 0

When I am old I shall wear midnight. Votes: 0

When it's time to stop living, I will certainly make Death my number one choice! Votes: 0

When millions of tons of angry elephant come spinning through the sky, and there was no one there to hear it, does it - philosopically speaking - make a noise Votes: 0

When much is taken, something is returned. Votes: 0

When people say "clearly" something that means there's a huge crack in their argument and they know things aren't clear at all. Votes: 0

When people say "How do you write a book, how does it all happen?" I say, you line things up, and you line them up as actually as you possibly can, but sooner or later the book has got momentum and it's moving along under that momentum. It's like a sculpture, if you're working with the grain of the wood, the wood will start defining what shape it's going to become. Votes: 0

When she spoke again it was in the thin, careful and above all brave voice of someone who has pulled themselves together despite overwhelming odds but might let go again at any moment. Votes: 0

When you break rules, break 'em good and hard Votes: 0

When you look into the abyss, it's not supposed to wave back. Votes: 0

When you stand between two mirrors you're spread out among the images, your whole soul is pulled out thin, and somewhere in the distant images a dark part of you might get out and come looking for you, if you aren't careful. Votes: 0

WHERE'S MY COW? ARE YOU MY COW? Votes: 0

Where's the pleasure in bein' the winner if the loser ain't alive to know they've lost? Votes: 0

While a book has got to be worthwhile from the point of view of the reader it's got to be worthwhile from the point of view of the writer as well. Votes: 0

Who knew what evil lurked in the hearts of men? A copper, that's who. (...)You saw how close men lived to the beast. You realized that people like Carcer were not mad. They were incredibily sane. They were simply men without a shield. They'd looked at the world and realized that all the rules didn't have to apply to them, not if they didn't want them to. They weren't fooled by all the little stories. They shook hands with the beast. Votes: 0

Who knows what the future holds. Votes: 0

Who shall I shoot? You choose. Now, listen very carefully: where's your coffee? You've got coffee, haven't you? C'mon, everyone's got coffee! Spill the beans! Votes: 0

Who'd want a pony when you could have the whole universe? It was far more interesting and you didn't have to muck it out once a week. Votes: 0

Whole new theories of money were growing here like mushrooms: in the dark and based on bullshit. Votes: 0

Why bother with a cunning plan when a simple one will do? Votes: 0

Why not? If enough people believe, you can be god of anything… Votes: 0

Wikipedia, eh? Must be accurate then! Votes: 0

Winners never talk about glorious victories. Thats because they're the ones who see what the battle field looks like afterwards. Its only the losers who have glorious victories. Votes: 0

Winston Churchill said 'In war time, truth is so precious that she should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies'. Any book called The Truth should therefore have one. Votes: 0

Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom. Votes: 0

Witches aren't like that. We live in harmony with the great cycles of Nature, and do no harm to anyone, and it's wicked of them to say we don't. We ought to fill their bones with hot lead. Votes: 0

Witches were a bit like cats. They didn't much like one another's company, but they did like to know where all the other witches were, just in case they needed them. Votes: 0

Wizards don't believe in gods in the same way that most people don't find it necessary to believe in, say, tables. They know they're there, they know they're there for a purpose, they'd probably agree that they have a place in a well-organised universe, but they wouldn't see the point of believing, of going around saying "O great table, without whom we are as naught." Anyway, either the gods are there whether you believe in them or not, or exist only as a function of the belief, so either way you might as well ignore the whole business and, as it were, eat off your knees. Votes: 0

Words are the litmus paper of the mind. Votes: 0

Words are the litmus paper of the minds. If you find yourself in the power of someone who will use the word "commence" in cold blood, go somewhere else very quickly. But if they say "Enter", don't stop to pack. Votes: 0

Would a minute have mattered? No, probably not, although his young son appeared to have a very accurate internal clock. Possibly even 2 minutes would be okay. Three minutes, even. You could go to five minutes, perhaps. But that was just it. If you could go for five minutes, then you'd go to ten, then half an hour, a couple of hours...and not see your son all evening. So that was that. Six o'clock, prompt. Every day. Read to young Sam. No excuses. He'd promised himself that. No excuses. No excuses at all. Once you had a good excuse, you opened the door to bad excuses. Votes: 0

Writing is the most fun you can have by yourself. Votes: 0

Writing, for me, is a little like wood carving. You find the lump of tree (the big central theme that gets you started), and you start cutting the shape that you think you want it to be. But you find, if you do it right, that the wood has a grain of its own (characters develop and present new insights, concentrated thinking about the story opens new avenues). If you're sensible, you work with the grain and, if you come across a knot hole, you incorporate that into the design. This is not the same as 'making it up as you go along'; it's a very careful process of control. Votes: 0

Ye ken, we've been robbin' and running aroound on all kinds o' worlds for a lang time, and I'll tell ye this: The universe is a lot more comp-li-cated than it looks from the ooutside. Votes: 0

Ye know full well that the meaning of life is to find your gift. To find your gift is happiness. Never tae find it is misery. Votes: 0

Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what's the point MY POINT EXACTLY. Votes: 0

Yes, sir, thank you, sir, and I wouldn't trust me one little inch, sir. I knows a bad one when I sees them. I have a mirror. Votes: 0

You are in favour of the common people?" said Dragon mildly. The common people?" said Vimes. "They're nothing special. They're no different from the rich and powerful except they've got no money or power. But the law should be there to balance things up a bit. So I suppose I've got to be on their side. Votes: 0

You are very clever,' said the old man shyly. 'I would like to eat your brains, one day,' For some reason the books of etiquette that Daphne's grandmother had forced on her didn't quite deal with this. Of course, silly people would say to babies, 'You're so sweet I could gobble you all up!', but that sort of nonsense seemed less funny when it was said by a man in war paint who owned more than one skull. Daphne, cursed with good manners, settled for, 'It's very kind of you to say so. Votes: 0

You are very clever," said the old man shyly. "I would like to eat your brains, one day. Votes: 0

You call yourself some kind of goddess and you know nothing, madam, nothing. What don't die can't live. What don't live can't change. What don't change can't learn. The smallest creature that dies in the grass knows more than you. Votes: 0

You can think and you can fight, but the world's always movin', and if you wanna stay ahead you gotta dance. Votes: 0

You can't say ‘if this didn't happen then that would have happened' because you don't know everything that might have happened. You might think something'd be good, but for all you know it could have turned out horrible. You can't say ‘If only I'd…' because you could be wishing for anything. The point is, you'll never know. You've gone past. So there's no use thinking about it. Votes: 0

You can't find a hermit to teach you herming, because of course that rather spoils the whole thing. Votes: 0

You can't go around building a better world for people. Only people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it's just a cage. Besides you don't build a better world by choppin' heads off and giving decent girls away to frogs. Votes: 0

You can't inspire people with facts. They need a cause. They need a symbol. Votes: 0

You can't kill me, I've got a magic... AAAARGH ! Votes: 0

You can't make people happy by law. If you said to a bunch of average people two hundred years ago "Would you be happy in a world where medical care is widely available, houses are clean, the world's music and sights and foods can be brought into your home at small cost, travelling even 100 miles is easy, childbirth is generally not fatal to mother or child, you don't have to die of dental abcesses and you don't have to do what the squire tells you" they'd think you were talking about the New Jerusalem and say 'yes'. Votes: 0

You can't second-guess ineffability, I always say. Votes: 0

You can't trust folk songs. They always sneak up on you. Votes: 0

You couldn't say 'I had orders.' You couldn't say 'It's not fair.' No one was listening. There were no Words. You owned yourself. [...] Not 'Thou Shalt Not'. Say 'I Will Not'. Votes: 0

You did something because it had always been done, and the explanation was, ‘But we've always done it this way.' A million dead people can't have been wrong, can they? Votes: 0

You did what you were told or you didn't get paid, and if things went wrong it wasn't your problem. It was the fault of whatever idiot has accepted this message for sending in the first place. No one cared about you, and everyone at headquarters was an idiot. It wasn't your fault, no one listened to you. Headquarters had even started an Employee of the Month scheme to show how much they cared. That was how much they didn't care. Votes: 0

You do know you could find yourself charged with being a dominant species while under the influence of impulse-driven consumerism, don't you? Votes: 0

YOU FEAR TO DIE? "It's not that I don't want... I mean, I've always...it's just that life is a habit that's hard to break... Votes: 0

You get a wonderful view from the point of no return. Votes: 0

You get all sorts of people in the library, and the librarian gets it all... Votes: 0

You had to deal every day with people who were foolish and lazy and untruthful and downright unpleasant, and you could certainly end up thinking that the world would be considerably improved if you gave them a slap. Votes: 0

You had to hand it to the Patrician, he admitted grudgingly. If you didn't, he sent men to come and take it away. Votes: 0

You have reached the end of cake Votes: 0

You have so many sources to draw on when you're a fantasy writer. Votes: 0

You have the effrontery to be squeamish, it thought at him. But we were dragons. We were supposed to be cruel, cunning, heartless and terrible. But this much I can tell you, you ape – the great face pressed even closer, so that Wonse was staring into the pitiless depths of his eyes – we never burned and tortured and ripped one another apart and called it morality. Votes: 0

You haven't really been anywhere until you've got back home. Votes: 0

You just put that sword away, sir, please," said the voice of Lance-Constable Vimes. "You will not shoot me, you young idiot. That would be murder," said the captain calmly. "Not where I'm aiming, sir. Votes: 0

You know how to pray, don't you? Just put your hands together and hope. Votes: 0

You know I've never agreed with baths. Sittin' around in your own dirt like that. Votes: 0

You know what I'd really, really like? What I'd pay MONEY for? A ZX81 with a disc drive. I understood the ZX81. It was so easy to interface stuff to it. Votes: 0

You know, you're rather amusingly wrong. Votes: 0

YOU MUST LEARN THE COMPASSION PROPER TO YOUR TRADE" "And what's that?" "A SHARP EDGE. Votes: 0

You need to believe in things that aren't true. How else can they become? Votes: 0

You say that you people don't burn folk and sacrifice people anymore, but that's what true faith would mean, y'see? Sacrificin' your own life, one day at a time, to the flame, declarin' the truth of it, workin' for it, breathin' the soul of it. That's religion. Anything else is just . . . is just bein' nice. And a way of keepin' in touch with the neighbors. Votes: 0

You see the lighted windows and what you want to think is that there may be many interesting stories behind them, but what you know is that really there are just dull, dull souls, mere consumers of food, who think their instincts are emotions and their tiny lives of more account than a whisper of wind. Votes: 0

You take a bunch of people who don't seem any different from you and me, but when you add them all together you get this sort of huge raving maniac with national borders and an anthem. Votes: 0

You were safe on a troll. Anyone wanting to mug a troll would have to use a building on a stick. Votes: 0

You will have to look a long way before you find a bunch of scum-suckers more greedy, humourless and deserving of death than the suits in the music business. Votes: 0

You'd better tell me what you know, toad," said Tiffany. "Miss Tick isn't here. I am." "Another world is colliding with this one," said the toad. "There. Happy now? That's what Miss Tick thinks. But it's happening faster than she expected. All the monsters are coming back." "Why?" "There's no one to stop them." There was silence for a moment. "There's me," said Tiffany. Votes: 0

You'll see! We're going to the palace. Fetch Angua. We might need her. And bring the search warrant. You mean the sledgehammer, sir? Yes. Votes: 0

Young adults that actually read are reading bodice rippers and best-sellers and me. And Horror. Votes: 0

Young man, the games we play are lessons we learn. The assumptions we make, things we ignore, and things we change make us what we become. Votes: 0

Your own brain ought to have the decency to be on your side! Votes: 0

Your whole life passes in front of your eyes before you die. This is called living. Votes: 0

You're allowed to grant people into the darkness, but you must allow them to come out again. Votes: 0

You're not going to tell me they built fifty-foot-high killer golems, are you?" "Only a man would think of that. It's our job," said Moist. "If you don't think of fifty-foot-high killer golems first, someone else will. Votes: 0